Tag Archives: ex-gay

  Drink their tears

Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!

Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you.
Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you. Oh no, Josh Duggar has strayed from his Christian marriage by getting on the internet to find strange hoo-ha to dip his Duggar Stick into, and the Family Research Council, AKA the Southern Poverty Law Center-designated “family values” hate group where Duggar used to work before the world found out about how he did Bible Diddles to his sisters, is SO VERY DISAPPOINTED. Because culture warriors, you see, are sinless (mostly) men, who have never been caught doing the very same things they preach against and demonize, no not ever, no way, that’s just your imagination. These are Jesus’s personal BFFs! Read more on Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!…
  Look it's another asshole demanding special rights

Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job

My name is Kim and I'm a total dick, how may be of no help to you today?
My name is Kim and I’m a total dick, how may I be of no help to you today? Over the last month or so, most holdout county clerks have at least begun to acquiesce to the idea that yes, there gays in America and yes, those gays can get married now (to each other!), and if you want to have a job as a county clerk who issues marriage licenses, you have to give them to gays, even if you worship a real stupid version of Jesus who says that’s bad. If you don’t like that, you are free to get another job you’re better qualified for, whatever that might be. Read more on Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job…
  Hoes 'n Tricks

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

Greetings to all you salacious sodomite sinners! Once again we are proud to present your weekly compilation of the latest and greatest in news of the supernatural, the supernormal, and the superdumb. It’s the Snake Oil Bulletin! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow…
  No not his Catholic church his other church

Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp

Marco Rubio may very well believe this is happening right now, in the sky.
Marco Rubio has two churches in Miami. One, as you might imagine, is the Catholic kind, because the Cuban-American Rubio is Catholic. The other one is a ginormous Baptist affair, featuring demon-wrasslin’, homo-hatin,’ and a sincerely held religious belief that Jesus rode a dinosaur. But how can a person be both Catholic and Baptist at the same time? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp…
  Or does he just have very poor judgment in choosing friends?

Is Indiana Gov. Mike Pence The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays?

He had met the circled hatemongers before, you know.
Hypothesis: Mike Pence Is The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays Indiana Gov. Mike Pence did himself a right nice presser Tuesday morning, wherein he explained that he is Not Sorry for signing the Fuck The Gays bill, which he does not understand, but that he wants to clarify that he in no way, shape, or form wants the law to be used to actually fuck the gays. And never, in his whole life, has he supported discrimination, no sir. Read more on Is Indiana Gov. Mike Pence The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays?…
  Sealing Closets Shut

The Pat Robertson-Approved 12 Steps To Not Being Gay

Celebrity demon hunter and professional old nag Pat Robertson has some ideas about what to do about the gay. Surprise: it’s ex-gay rehab! On a recent edition of his teevee show “Christian Persecution Daily,” Pat answered a letter from a distraught mother whose family has been afflicted with demons. Poor “Ann” has suffered one blow after another: first her son came out to her as a gay, and not long after, as an atheist! She’s come to Pat beseeching his sage advice for how she can get him back on the straight and narrow, down on his knees servicing a shirtless Middle Eastern man. Read more on The Pat Robertson-Approved 12 Steps To Not Being Gay…
  do it in the butt

If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)

Over the past few weeks, there has been a bit of a hubbub over a teevee program on the educational network TLC by the name of “My Husband’s Not Gay.” Due to its depiction of Mormon men who freely admit that they are really into the nude male body, but yet are married to womenfolk, activists claimed that the show sent harmful messages to LGBT youth about a false choice between spirituality and sexuality, and a petition asking TLC to cancel the program garnered over a hundred thousand signatures. TLC did not cancel the program, because they are America’s preeminent educational teevee network, desiring nothing more than to teach Americans about these Mormon gay dudes, who are not gay. Read more on If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)…
  his time to shine

Marcus Bachmann Rears Head To Remind Us He Exists, Still Wants To Shame Gays

We know, we know. You’re chock full of Michele Bachmann derp. Couldn’t eat another bite, really. But have you noshed on any nonsense from Marcus Bachmann lately? Yes, the gentler more feminine half of the Bachmann marriage gets overshadowed by his crazy-eyed wife so often, but sometimes he needs to step forth into the spotlight and burst into flame, or song, or both. Read more on Marcus Bachmann Rears Head To Remind Us He Exists, Still Wants To Shame Gays…
  jesus loves you (to murder everyone)

Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader

Tyler Deaton is a handsome young man. He met his wife, Bethany, in prayer group at college. He was so charismatic that by his senior year, he’d convinced a bunch of hot dudes to leave the school-sanctioned Christian fellowship at Southwestern in Texas, and join him in Kansas City instead, so they could be close to the International House of Prayer, which had a kickin’ youth fellowship, mega-awesome Christian jamz, and the kind of “gays-are-demons” stances that appeal to young “ex”-gays. Once in Kansas City, they started meeting for Wednesday night prayer meetings and (ALLEGED) hot gay “spiritual” sex parties and (ALLEGED) Bethany-drugging, -raping, and -beating. “He believed God could fix things,” a student said. That included, Deaton told people, fixing himself. One of his group’s stark positions on Scripture was that homosexuality was wrong. Deaton’s stance against it weighed heavily because members said he had “struggled with being gay.” “He struggled with it, but he overcame it,” a member of his group at Southwestern said. “It was a victory.” Her husband having overcome his homosexuality (except for the part where being ex-gay means you can’t bone dudes), in October, Bethany unaccountably killed herself. Or did she? (Hint: She probably did not?) Read more on Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader…
  on your knees boy

‘Ex-Gay’ Group Cancels Party Because Nobody Wants To Come

There is a party in the pants of “Exodus International,” and nobody wants to come! And that is why the group has canceled its upcoming “Love Won Out” convention, in which ex-gay ladies show off their human male husbands, and ex-gay men show off Michele Bachmann. Why can’t the gays just keep with the program? Let us ask the president of Exodus International, Alan Chambers! “The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9 percent of them, have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction,” Chambers said at a conference sponsored by the Gay Christian Network in Orlando. 99.9 percent! That is so many percent! Read more on ‘Ex-Gay’ Group Cancels Party Because Nobody Wants To Come…
  the homosexuals!

Jewish ‘Ex-Gay’ Group JONAH Pioneers ‘Take Off Your Pants, Touch Yourself’ Method of De-Gayification

Do you find yourself to be “gay and Jewish,” but wish you could shake the “gay” part? Well, then just remove your pants, stand in front of this mirror and stroke yourself for me, and you’ll be the lady-romancing “Eric Cantor” of your local shul before you know it! The senior counselor for JONAH, (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality … no, really!), the nation’s largest Jewish “pray away the gay” group, which actually exists, has been caught using extremely creative and sexually abusive methods to de-gay his clients. Read more on Jewish ‘Ex-Gay’ Group JONAH Pioneers ‘Take Off Your Pants, Touch Yourself’ Method of De-Gayification…
 

Breathe a Sigh of Relief for Not-Gay Superman

I know a lot of you have been totally worried about this, but the good news is here from Christian movie reviewer Ted Baehr of MovieGuide.org: the new Superman is truly, madly, deeply not gay, and, no sir, he doesn’t like the allegations one bit: Read more on Breathe a Sigh of Relief for Not-Gay Superman…