Tag Archives: evolution

  Science: Don't Let It Happen To Your Kids!

Utah Puts Science Standards On Hold, Demands More Local Control Of Reality

Republican science standards adopted
Congratulations go out to the great state of Utah, which is in the process of revising its state science education standards for the first time in nearly 20 years. The new proposed standards will be phased in, starting with grades six, seven, and eight, and will emphasize more direct, hands-on experimentation along with classroom lectures and labs, to encourage scientific thinking. But this being a Wonkette story that doesn’t have “Nice Time” in the headline, you already know, Dear Reader, what’s coming next: there’s just one or two teensy-tiny problems that some people are having with bringing Utah’s science education into the 21st century, and they have to do with the fact that the proposed science standards include too much darned science for some people’s tastes. Because of complaints from parents, the Utah Board of Education has put on hold plans to move the new standards to their next stage, a public-comment period. Read more on Utah Puts Science Standards On Hold, Demands More Local Control Of Reality…
  that is not what the B-I-B-U-L says

Creationists Mad At JFK, The Ocean, Carnival Cruise Lines, The Super Bowl, Reality

It’s that special time of the year. The Super Bowl is over, we are still reeling (or happy, if you’re into that sort of thing) over the Worst Play Call In History, and wingnuts have now had a couple days to decide which of the commercials were the evilest and demonic-est of them all. Ken Ham, that creationist nutbag who debated Bill Nye The Science Guy last year, and who is pretty sure that all nonexistent aliens burn in hell, has made his decision, and the winner of this year’s post-Super Bowl Two Minutes Hate will be Carnival Cruise Lines, who had the utter gall to make a commercial that featured a nice quote from John F. Kennedy, about how we all love the ocean because we used to live there before we lost our gills during Evil-lution. Here is that Kennedy quote, for your handy reference: Read more on Creationists Mad At JFK, The Ocean, Carnival Cruise Lines, The Super Bowl, Reality…
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the conversation at our happy hour/cocktail party/coke-fueled orgy turned to the subject of whether Tom Brady had deflated his footballs to give his football team some sort of advantage or another over the opposing football team, our response was always the same: Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls…
  They're Doing Science And We're Still Alive

Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate

We'd watch this, actually
It’s a great day to not believe in science, America! Sen. John Thune, chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, has picked the perfect heads for two science subcommittees: Ted Cruz, who doesn’t like NASA doing science related to global warming, will head the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. And Marco Rubio, another climate denier and one of the first adopters of the “I’m not a scientist” meme, will chair the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and Coast Guard, which of course has oversight of NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Gentlemen, start your fox and henhouse clichés! Read more on Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate…
  What The (Bleep!) Does Anyone Know?

2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’

Science: now officially optional!
We know that politicians actually started saying “I’m not a scientist” well before 2014 — Marco Rubio adopted it in 2012 when asked how old the earth was — but this was definitely the year it became Republicans’ go-to strategy for avoiding journalists’ questions about global warming and/or evolution. On matters of climate, it’s a fine supplement to the previous favorite dodge, “I believe the climate is always changing.” And what a fine year of not-science the Right has given us! Read more on 2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’…
  Bill Nye Vs. Stupid Part XLVIII

Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children

Bill Nye (right) talks to A Idiot (left)
We sure like us some Bill Nye. Following up on his February “debate” at the Creation museum, in which he handily took apart the bad science behind that institution, Nye has a book out, Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation. Which is why he braved the dungeon of derp that is Newsmax TV to explain why creationism is simply not good for kids. What it mostly comes down to, of course, is that creationism is bad science — or not science at all, which is the worst science — and that pushing it on kids for the sake of keeping fundamentalist parents happy will have long-term consequences for kids’ ability to function in a world where reality is valued. Read more on Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children…
  The Elephants Are Kindly But They're Dumb

Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’

Megan Fox and reptilian overlord
Fresh off her brilliant destruction of evolution at Chicago’s Field Museum — accomplished by calling science “stupid” and noting that nobody saw what happened 450 million years ago, so shut up — homeschooling mom and amateur conservative skeptic Megan Fox has trained her keen analytical eye on the Brookfield Zoo. She conducts an “audit” — it sounds so professional! — of the exhibits to expose “the Left’s propaganda, lies, and evidence of the cult of Scientism at work.” We hate to disappoint you, kids, but her very limited success as a YouTube phenomenon has already spoiled Megan Fox. After the brilliant science-bashing idiocy of her visit to the Field Museum, her exposé of the zoo is a classic case of sophomore slump. The crazy eyes and manic stupidity are still there, but the magic? The magic is gone. Read more on Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’…
  When Dunning Met Kruger

Homeschool Mom Disproves Evolution Because Science Museum Is Stupid

We know what we're talking about, right?
Meet Megan Fox, who is not the dopey actress from the Transformers movies, but is instead a dopey homeschooling mom who doesn’t believe that  organisms transform over time. She has her very own YouTube channel where she reviews children’s books and pursues a single-minded crusade against corruption on the public library board of Orland Park, Illinois. Read more on Homeschool Mom Disproves Evolution Because Science Museum Is Stupid…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Evolution Is For Communists And Other Classics

With so much controversy around science these days, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Whittaker Chambers is who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong, that’s who. Yes, it’s November 2014, and Sarah Palin is taking time to explain that Whittaker Chambers was a really cool guy who also understood so little about science that he eventually realized he understand everything about science. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Evolution Is For Communists And Other Classics…
  The Origin Of Specious

Sundays With The Christianists: Charles Darwin Was A Very Bad Man, A Very Bad Man Indeed

We have no context for this image. But Charles Darwin WILL learn you on this.
If it’s Sunday, it must be time for another foray into the mind of Colorado radio man o’ God and homeschooling big wheel Kevin Swanson, the genius who warns that the Girl Scouts are communist lesbians whose cookies fund abortions and lesbianism, although we aren’t sure why lesbians are having all those abortions anyway. We’ve been delving into Swanson’s 2013 freshman term paper book Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, a sloppy little history of the ideas and thinkers who have been ruining Western Culture by making it what we think of as “Western Culture.” Last week, we learned that Karl Marx was a monster who starved his children (no he wasn’t) and who was driven by actual contact with demons. This week, it’s Charles Darwin’s turn to get Swansoned, although we suppose it’s possible that even after Apostate has completely dismantled him, Darwin may still be considered important, because people are just that stubborn and prone to evil. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Charles Darwin Was A Very Bad Man, A Very Bad Man Indeed…
  You Got Your Science In My Religion: A Study In Contrasts

Pope Trolls Creationists, Says Evolution Is A Thing

Sure, they both believe in Invisible Sky Daddy. But one guy at least seems to live on this planet.
Pope Francis gave a lot of fundagelicals a sad Monday when he restated a fairly simple tenet of Catholic belief: There’s no contradiction between faith and science, particularly the theory of evolution and the Big Bang. Read more on Pope Trolls Creationists, Says Evolution Is A Thing…
  E. Coli Now Smarter Than Creationists!

Michigan State University Gets To Learn Why Darwin Did The Holocaust

Actually, we might go to this conference...
Thanks to some help from a campus student group, Michigan State University’s campus in East Lansing gets to host a great big Creationism conference, not that the university itself is particularly excited about the prospect of bringing in a bunch of goofballs to argue that Darwin = Hitler. Read more on Michigan State University Gets To Learn Why Darwin Did The Holocaust…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: An Armed Society Will Teach Black Teens Some Manners

Scootaloo is neither a gun owner nor Jewish, as far as we know. She worships Rainbow Dash
It’s time for our weekly mucking-out of the ol’ comments queue — a chore that we manage to be more diligent about than we are when it comes to changing the water in our betta fish’s tank. Sorry about that, Flushy, but the slime is just a lot thicker in the comments queue. This week, we have some fresh steaming nonsense from a couple of Internet warriors who are quite unhappy at the life sentence handed to Florida sociopath Michael Dunn in the first-degree murder of Jordan Davis. According to one “Jim Smithill,” Jordan Davis got exactly what he deserved for being a black teenager in a vehicle that was rudely playing loud music — as we all know, it’s the thuggish rear-seat passengers who cause the most trouble: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: An Armed Society Will Teach Black Teens Some Manners…
  clipbait

This Neato Video On Evolution Won’t Convince Creationists Of Anything

Those Neanderthal ponies are scary. The world of 1983 was primitive and brutal.
Here’s a pretty nifty science video from Interwebs science project Stated Clearly, a project aimed at making science stuff more easily accessible. We ran across it over at RawStory, where Arturo Garcia, ever the optimist, says that this brief look at the evidence for evolution “should come in handy for anyone debating the issue with creationists.” Haha, that is a nice dream you have, and we were young and hopeful once, too! Garcia is right about one thing — you may indeed be glad to be armed with facts, which is always a good thing; just don’t have any illusion that mere scientific reality will convince a creationist of anything. Read more on This Neato Video On Evolution Won’t Convince Creationists Of Anything…
  Here have some news n stuff

Susan G. Komen Doesn’t Have A Problem With Cancer, As Long As It’s Pink

FAIL
Susan G. Komen for the Cure disgraced itself in 2012 under the policy leadership of “pro-life” Republican wingnut (and Sarah Palin favorite!) Karen Handel, when it decided to go to war with Planned Parenthood and be on the wrong side of the war on women. It was a disaster for the supposed breast cancer cure advocate, and the organization has never recovered. And this certainly won’t help: Read more on Susan G. Komen Doesn’t Have A Problem With Cancer, As Long As It’s Pink…
  His Transformation Into Lonesome Rhodes Is Nearly Complete

Glenn Beck Will Save World From Ebola With Song Reminding You Not To Lick Up Vomit

Who sent this? We lost your name! Let us credit/blame you!
Glenn Beck has the solution to the Ebola panic: Make fun of stupid Africans who don’t have the sense not to play around with infected bodily fluids! Which is why he made him a song about it, complete with music video: Read more on Glenn Beck Will Save World From Ebola With Song Reminding You Not To Lick Up Vomit…
  Uterine Clown Car Survivor Speaks Out

Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right

Just as Darwin Demanded
Reality Teevee show person Jessa Duggar went to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC, and came away believing that Charles Darwin led directly to the Nazis’ attempted extermination of European Jewry, which suggests that the museum’s docents really need to up their game. Ms. Duggar, 21, explained on Instagram the profound anti-science message that she derived from the historical exhibits: Read more on Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Ted Cruz Will Defend Your TV-Watching Rights And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He went to law school so he knows law stuff
Today’s news is filled with Dudes Who Will Never Be President. Also science. And a special Yr Editrix treat for morning dessert! Did you know your God-given uninalienableable rights to watch teevee are under attack? Be grateful Sen. Ted Cruz, who will never be president, is here to make sure Actual President Obama can never pry your teevee from your cold dead hands: Read more on Ted Cruz Will Defend Your TV-Watching Rights And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Also God Makes Icebergs Shaped Like Dicks

Photoshopped Cow With Map Of The World Proves Creationism Is Real

Do you ever wish Dok weren’t on vacation? US TOO! Because here is a “Special Offer for WND Readers,” and it is a picture of a cow with a map on it that proves … God gave people Photoshop? Unclear. But oh, haha, “CreationMoments” is not stupid. They know there might possibly maybe be some Photoshop trickery, in this random cow picture they found on the internet. BUT WHO MADE THE COW? Huh Mr. Smartypants Atheist Hellbound Snootmeister What Is Probly a Jew? WHO DID THAT? Read more on Photoshopped Cow With Map Of The World Proves Creationism Is Real…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Tiger Selfies, Responsible Howitzer Owners, And Open Carry Guitars

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we turn a pressure-washer on our browser tabs and skim off the weird, just for you. Please read responsibly and do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of Derp. Our Lead Derp is one of those things that we didn’t know was a thing until it was banned: the New York legislature voted last week to prohibit people from getting close enough to big cats to take pictures with them, which has the effect of banning “tiger selfies.” Which is a thing that exists, or existed: Dudebros attempting to attract a mate (and perhaps boost their mana stats) by taking a picture with big captive jungle kitties. Stephen Colbert mentioned it last week, and at first we thought it had to be a hoax, but no, this is real. There’s a collection of Tinder dating photos of Bromeos showing their manliness by cuddling with creatures that might decide to make them a snack. So far, the dudebros have only been potential candidates for the Darwin Award, and New York’s interference has now prevented this experiment from proceeding. Ah well — they can still be the control group. Read more on Derp Roundup: Tiger Selfies, Responsible Howitzer Owners, And Open Carry Guitars…
  the facepalmetto state

Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly

Sally Atwater, widow of the late Master of Electoral RatLovemaking Lee Atwater, is heading into a runoff primary for the Republican nomination for South Carolina’s State Superintendent of Education. Last week, she called in to this radio show hosted by Russ Cassell, who asked her some questions about teaching sex ed and creationism. While he’s a badgering dopey rightwing doofus, she actually manages to seem even worse, simply not answering fairly straightforward questions about whether and how sex ed should be taught, and punting altogether on evolution as well, neither saying she’s for it or agin’ it. It’s really a fairly impressive of volunteering nothing, which is remarkable in that she called the program to share her views. Which she apparently doesn’t have any of. But she did manage something pretty amazing — she made us share in a rightwing radio host’s annoyance at her non-answers, and we can pretty much agree with Cassell’s conclusion that Atwater is “an example of a person running for public office on name recognition only who is clueless.” Read more on Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly…
  if evolution is science then why are there still creationists?

Creationist Guy Discovers Ugly Truth About Evolution: It’s Just An Excuse For Rape

So here’s a new take on why evolution — or as the producers of this video from Creation Today put it, “evolution,” with scare quotes ’cause there’s no such thing — cannot possibly be true. Nice man Darek Isaacs has been reading up on “evolution,” and he realized that “evolution” inevitably leads to a “very, very dark place.” You see, if “evolution” were true, then rape would obviously be OK, because with no God to send us to Hell, we’d all just sin alla time, and also, there’d be no constraining the wild seed-sowing of ravenous males! Read more on Creationist Guy Discovers Ugly Truth About Evolution: It’s Just An Excuse For Rape…