Spend A Saturday Battling Random Strangers With Cardboard Tubes!
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
Have you heard of this secret society called the Cardboard Tube Fighting League? They plan on infiltrating the National Mall on July 26 for some good old-fashioned papergoods warfare, and they will take all comers. How much would you pay to engage in this exciting activity? Several hundred dollars, you say? Joke’s on you, suckers, it is FREE. MORE »
Have you heard of this secret society called the Cardboard Tube Fighting League? They plan on infiltrating the National Mall on July 26 for some good old-fashioned papergoods warfare, and they will take all comers. How much would you pay to engage in this exciting activity? Several hundred dollars, you say? Joke’s on you, suckers, it is FREE. MORE »
It’s now well after 1 p.m. and we haven’t heard anything from editor Jim Newell, so we have to assume he’s either in jail or rigorously pursuing his vow to “fuck 50 paultards” in the woods somewhere, or maybe in the reflecting pool. All we have are some drunken comments from the Wonkette operatives who bravely showed up at 9:30 a.m. to 
At an elegant Scranton fundraiser last night, former President Bill Clinton told his wife’s supporters that right at that very moment Hillary was crying tears of joy at the massive piles of greenbacks she’d finally be able to sleep on tonight. “I just went upstairs and called Hillary, and she was in tears when I told her what was going on at Mayor Doherty’s house and how much money Virginia, the mayor and Mrs. (Donna) Doherty have raised here,” he said. 
Thousands of sad Texans will be sleeping in the streets of Waco in mid-May while fat cats carouse at the wedding of Jenna Bush and her first husband, wealthy former Rove staffer Henry Hager. Even though the wedding date hasn’t been officially confirmed (it’s May 10!), all the hotels are already full with reservations from media, paparazzi, and deposed Latin American dictators. Beleaguered attendees of the Texas Technology Students Association conference, unfortunately scheduled for the same weekend, will be left out in the cold. And that is just the start of the madness. 
Last Sunday was the Adams Morgan Day Festival! Did you go? Because we’re pretty sure you did, it was a total fucking madhouse trying to even cross 18th street that afternoon. Also there was some old-tymey folk bank playing and we were like, really? Banjos and mandolins? That is Adams Morgan’s cultural heritage? Are all the Ethiopians and Latinos secretly poor southern Dust Bowl farmers or something? Anyway — 
HuffPo’s Glynnis MacNicol has had some bad luck with Senator Barry Hussein. She had a big crush on him, but then she went to a party he threw and 
It’s almost time once again for the Evans-Novak Political Forum! Twice each year, 70 lucky rich idiots get to pay for the privilege of being personally pandered to by famous politicians, live and in the flesh. The off-the-record get together has featured such notables as Dick Cheney, Al Gore, and even some non-vice presidents. Novak keeps the speaker list quiet but we can hazard a guess or two as to who won’t be speaking: