Wonkette

• THEY ACTUALLY DID IT: *clap* *clap* to the Stay Red Kansas blog. Since it seems certain that Evan Bayh won’t get the nod, although who ever knows anything, they actually have made good on their pledge to SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. That’s just too awesome for words. What a freaking day. The Obama campaign has produced a devastating and total mockery of the entire political media apparatus on this historic Friday. Hot damn, did the Internet wake up with its A-game or what? If it got any funnier we’d just have to bomb it. We’re going to have to bomb it, man. Gotta do it in right now. And in a few years this will be one of those Internet days we remember and just laugh.

BUH-BAYH: It’s not Bayh or Kaine, according to MSNBC. This Jack Reed thing is looking more and more likely. [MSNBC]

Oh man, thank you so much Wonkette operative “Dennis” for taking this screen shot of some blog called “Stay Red Kansas” that said it would SHUT THE MOTHERFUCKER DOWN if they were wrong about Evan Bayh being Obama’s choice. Ballsy! But if you go to this blog now, you’ll find that clause of confidence mysteriously removed! Uh oh, did… did it turn out you had an untrustworthy source or two? Well tough luck, Stay Red Kansas, it is too late — you will PUT THAT SHIT DOWN if Evan Bayh is not VP. We are watching. [Stay Red Kansas]

Today has been so fun! In the last however many hours, Tim Kaine, Chet Edwards and Bill Nelson have all been named Barack Obama’s vice president! And now Evan Bayh will DEFINITELY UNDOUBTEDLY get his turn as vice president, because of a PRESCIENT BUMPER STICKER: “KMBC’s Micheal Mahoney reported that the company, which specializes in political literature, has been printing Obama-Bayh material. That’s Bayh as in U.S. Sen. Evan Bayh of Indiana. Word leaked out about the material as it was being printed up by Gill Studios of Lenexa. The Obama campaign had said it would make the announcement by text message on Friday.” And Gill Studios wouldn’t deny it, so, well, you know! But this sticker doesn’t look very Barry-ish. For one, his name is in a RED background, and more importantly, stylish Barry would never stoop to the uncouth level of a serif font. Look at those ugly serifs! Evan Bayh is nothing. UPDATE: Oh no nevermind, he does use that serif font. Evan Bayh is the second black vice president of the United States. [KMBC]

Someone supposedly got a “screen shot” of some CNN article that was “taken down” before anyone could read it. The article relates in terrible, misspelled prose the curious tale of how an aide accidentally pressed the send button rather than the save button on an email announcing Barack Obama’s vice presidential pick. And then that aide put the turkey to bed and put the baby in the oven, and when she woke up a bloody hook was hanging right outside the window. The aide was then murdered for spamming 2 million Obama supporters with her crap. [Free Republic]

• OH DON’T MIND US, LADIES: Hey Matt Jaffe and Rick Klein of ABC “News,” did we st-st-stutter when we wrote this story like a million years ago with “Must Credit Wonkette And Its Tipster, ‘John’” in the headline? No, and now “John” is sobbing, probably. JAKE TAPPER would’ve credited us because HE’S THE MAN and ADORABLE. [ABC "Lose"]

Some guy wrote in to let us know that ObamaBayh08.com redirects to BARACK OBAMA’S VERY OWN WEB SITE so obviously Evan Bayh, the senator from Indiana, has gotten the nod. We thought that Barack Obama, a rumored smart guy or whatever, probably planned ahead and bought up all the domains of Obama(Potential Vice Presidential Stooge The Press Is Speculating About This Week)08.com, but we thought wrong. ObamaClinton08.com turns up nothing, ditto ObamaEdwards08.com, ObamaWebb08.com actually belongs to somebody, and ObamaNapolitano08.com took too long to type, so we gave up. Meet your new vice president, America! He is the most boring man alive.

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: Guilt vs. Lust. Like that’s even a contest.

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Those interested in the commuting, eating, and theater habits of John Bolton , Evan Bayh, Grover Norquist, and Sam Donaldson will find this week’s Wonk’d to their taste. Those more interested in the handjob “Tucker Carlson” got in a KFC bathroom from one of DC’s famous tranny hookers will also be well served by reading on.

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Oh, John Kerry. We’re just going to reprint your entire blast email, because a summary could not do justice to its obnoxious inanity. MORE »