War-loving Bill Kristol — in his terrifying “Quick take from The Post’s opinion writers” — thinks that it is so hilarious for Barack Obama to receive and accept the Nobel Peace Prize that he need not even write about how hilarious it is, it is just that hilarious. He has a better suggestion for a recipient, though, and that would be the person who loves war most of all: “We could note that, if the Swedes Norwegians wanted to give the Nobel Peace Prize to an American, it would have been been better to give it to Sen. John McCain for having the guts to push through the surge in Iraq, which has brought relative peace to that country. But that would be overkill. The choice is so self-evidently Not a Parody that no explanation is required or possible.” Oh, pardon moi — “ha and/or ha.” Now he will have his afternoon tea. MORE »

South Carolina, what a poop pile, right? It is no wonder the governor, Mark Sanford, never wants to spend any time in that goddamned place. Have you ever been down there? It is this awful fetid swamp, most of it consisting of nuclear waste dumps (in the rivers!), and one-in-five adults are jobless, forever, when things are “good.” Really, who can blame Sanford for wanting to jet all over the world all the time, banging rich latinas? He’ll even go on European Holiday with his hated wife and children, anything to get the hell out of South Carolina. MORE »

Italy was a pretty important country or whatever about 2,000 years ago, but since then it’s gradually deflated to its current status as a wacky do-nothing ice-cream colony of back hair and male capri pants and trash and rats. Pompey was lucky to die when he did! Now the person running this ancient land-phallus is a naked orange clown who spends all of his time ringleading orgies with young non-wife girls or fiddling around with the roster of the soccer team he randomly owns. Which is great for him! But unfortunately for this Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, he signed Italy up as the host of tomorrow’s latest G8 conference a while back without realizing that he and his minions would have to “do preparation stuff” in advance, so they just did nothing, and now “Washington” is trying to kick this embarrassing pizza-bagel of a country out of its Rich Nations Club once and for all. MORE »

One of the worst things about America is how much of it you have to deal with, just to get from Worthwhile Point A to Worthwhile Point B. What if you were, for example, having a nice breakfast in New York at Balthazar or whatever, and you needed to go to Los Angeles for a meeting at the Hotel Figueroa, and then after that you wanted to spend a few days at the Ahwahnee in Yosemite Valley, and then maybe head to New Orleans for the Jazz Festival. Well dear god you would have to deal with so many cretins, rednecks, guidos, crackers, lamers and other teabaggers along the way, it’s just barely worth going at all. MORE »

Here’s Barack Obama and his “commie posse” in Europe, testing incredible new Marxist technology which will allow the reading of prepared remarks from the inside of these health-care umbrellas. [White House]

The Czech government collapsed, which means current prime minister — and current president of the European Union, whoops! — Mirek Topolanek is now powerless and will soon be jobless, but that doesn’t mean he can’t deliver an apocalyptically Slavic-ly gloomy sermon against the United States and its terrible bailout plan, which is just like the American response to the previous Great Depression, which sort of led to … Hitler? Yes, Hitler. Depression + Czech troubles = Hitler. Works every time. MORE »

For the past seven million hours, conservative aggregateur Matt Drudge has been blaring the main headline, “OBAMA MOVES TOWARD ‘SWEDISH MODEL’ FOR BANKS,” replete with a sacrilege photo of the profane Swedish flag. The “Swedish Model” is “code” for the evil thing the Swedish government did in the early 1990s after a major real estate and financial bubble: nationalized the biggest insolvent banks, fixed them, and put them back on the market, the end. In other words, it is basically Red Marxism and Islam combined. And now, free-market fappers Lindsey Graham, his “live-in” John McCain, and even Alan Greenspan — who caused the entire crisis, for fun — are voicing their support for Swedish Communist Revolution! MORE »

• AWESOMEST SCULPTURE EVER: It’s a map of Europe! “Here is Bulgaria, represented as a series of crude, hole-in-the-floor toilets. Here is the Netherlands, subsumed by floods, with only a few minarets peeping out from the water. Luxembourg is depicted as a tiny lump of gold marked by a ‘for sale’ sign, while five Lithuanian soldiers are apparently urinating on Russia.” [New York Times]

• WE’RE RICH AGAIN!: Ha ha, gay Europe is now bailing out all of its banks too, meaning the dollar is somehow rising like a biotch against their fancypants “pound” and “euro.” AMERICA FUCK YEAH, now let’s go buy all of their stuff and burn it because fuck fucking Europe, losers. [Bloomberg]

We have listened to this recording of John McCain’s interview with Radio Caracol Miami where he appears not to know who the prime minister of Spain is, or whether or not he’d be willing to meet with him. It is just … weird. MORE »

We know that various lipstick metaphors are the most important issues in the 2008 presidential election following eight years of George W. Bush, but we feel we should mention something about this new HIT PIECE from the liberal Nation magazine. In the above picture, John McCain and his campaign manager Rick Davis are boarding a fancy boat to celebrate McCain’s 70th birthday, 423 years ago. Ha ha, look at freakin’ Walnuts trying to shimmy up that ramp. Anyway, who is that greasy Montenegrin convicted con artist playboy, the one who owned the boat? MORE »