By the Comics Curmudgeon
America might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must be, being one of those people. Wait, what, you don’t think Europeans are terrible mutant monsters? Oh, ho ho, do I have news for you, after the jump. MORE »

The Czech government collapsed, which means current prime minister — and current president of the European Union, whoops! — Mirek Topolanek is now powerless and will soon be jobless, but that doesn’t mean he can’t deliver an apocalyptically Slavic-ly gloomy sermon against the United States and its terrible bailout plan, which is just like the American response to the previous Great Depression, which sort of led to … Hitler? Yes, Hitler. Depression + Czech troubles = Hitler. Works every time. MORE »

Have you heard of Belgium? It’s apparently a little country somewhere in Europe. Belgium used to own Africa and invented chocolate and/or french fries and has problems with UFOs and pedophiles. You may have even unwittingly visited Belgium, if you’re a member of the European Union government or maybe traveled from England to “the continent” by boat in the days before the Chunnel train. To this day, some French people travel through Belgium by train on their way to get their heroin in Amsterdam. MORE »

In the Watergate era, “Deep Throat” was supposedly a government insider who met Bob Woodward in a parking garage and moodily smoked cigarettes while wearing a trench coat. The fact that Woodward himself was a government spook recently transferred from Naval Intelligence to the Washington Post newsroom led many to assume “Deep Throat” was a group of CIA bigshots nervous about the Nixon Administration turning the nation into a dictatorship, or something. Anyway, Nixon finally gave up for the sake of the country and everybody won Academy Awards for “All the President’s Men” and Henry Kissinger is still at large. MORE »

While American politicians are usually Satanists or Vampires, EU politicians are animated corpses and/or mummies. MORE »