Tag Archives: essays

  oh girl please

A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)

Stacie Marie Laughton, recently elected to the New Hampshire statehouse after years of grifting (not “allegedly”) and campaigning for every office in the Live Free or Die state, got found out about her felonry and said she would resign her office. But now she has exercised her woman’s prerogative and changed her mind again, and will be taking her seat in the legislature after all. (This will probably change in the next half hour, or maybe even already did.) But we have a question, and we are trying to be as sensitive about this as is possible for your Wonkette, because we do not feel like wading through a bunch of waiting-to-be-moderated Jezebel-style comments about looksism, heteronormativity, and cisgender bias: Do male-to-female transgendered people have to try to look like women? Or could any bald dude with a beard put on a shmatte (like, not even bothering to put on some pearls, Klinger-style) and yell, gutturally, “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW”? Is “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW” yet another of Stacie Marie Laughton’s grifts? Let us consider (and remember our manners). Read more on A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)…
  sellouts

INTERN RILEY GOES LEGIT: Look, he’s writing for the esteemed Internet publication Matt Taibbi’s Still So Mad At Goldman Sachs. His beat: college and whoring, two topics upon which he is a National Authority. Check it out! [True/Slant: The Diploma Mill] Read more on …
  the greatest american since jesus

Everyone Participate In Mitt Romney’s Baseball Essay Contest!

First: HOW HOT is Mittens in high definition? Mmm, 1080p of crisp, orange-pored lies. But what does he want? It’s a contest! Mittens knows that there are radical terrorists literally everywhere trying to end America and specifically you. What we need now, Mittens suggests, are more Essays. An Essay Contest. Winner gets to sit on his lap at the baseball field. Read more on Everyone Participate In Mitt Romney’s Baseball Essay Contest!…
  exciting giveaways

Hey Rascals, Time Is Running Out On Your Chance To Win An ‘American Wife’

In a mere twelve-ish hours or so, Wonkette’s one-time-only “name your favorite First Lady” contest will close. So check out the Official Rules here and send in your wonderful 25-word Idears (that is what famous First Lady Howard Dean calls them) to tips@wonkette.com by noon tomorrow with the subject line MY FAVORITE FIRST LADY IS NOT THAT STRUMPET ABIGAIL FILLMORE. You might just win yourself a copy of that book, American Wife! Meanwhile, if you do not participate in this contest, you will be forced to chant “Nancy Reagan” into a mirror five times until the ghost of Jane Wyman shows up and murders you with a rusty eyelash curler. Read more on Hey Rascals, Time Is Running Out On Your Chance To Win An ‘American Wife’…
 

Have You Considered Trying to Write Essays That Don’t Make Us Want to Claw Our Eyes Out?

Dear Ann Hornaday: We read with great interest your essay today about how you both greatly admire and are intensely jealous of Susan Orlean. Our favorite part was that you made up a kooky new word: “idolspize”! It’s “idolize” plus “despise,” right? That’s clever. Good one! Though we might have called it “jealovesy” or “admenvy.” We suspect you’ve already optioned the rights to that word for millions of dollars, but in case you haven’t, we’ve found a perfect way for you to leverage your ability to combine old, boring words into super-catchy new ones that describe feelings that previously would have taken four — or even five! — words to properly describe: Read more on Have You Considered Trying to Write Essays That Don’t Make Us Want to Claw Our Eyes Out?…