It does not sound like John McCain is terribly bummed about losing the election. Who can blame him? Just 72 hours ago he was staring down the barrel of four terrible years of Congressional gridlock, war, an economic depression, and co-governing with an aggressively stupid wingnut who could not manage a clothing budget, let alone an actual budget. But now John McCain can reclaim his old mantle of Noble, Doomed Loser and spend weekends at his swank Sedona ranch, quietly throwing back some of Cindy’s sedatives and plotting how he will romance his way back into journalists’ (and America’s!) hearts. MORE »

Everybody knows that Republican Presidential candidate John McCain fought in the Vietnam War and was held in a POW camp until he gained a proper appreciation for the works of Ernest Hemingway. However, shocking new revelations suggest that McCain may have been an arrogant prick to the guy who rescued him after his jet was shot down and delivered him to captors for five years of torture. MORE »

Do you have special heroes who help you decide what to do in your life or whatever? John McCain sure does! And they tend to be fictional characters from ridiculous juvenile books and movies, generally about how romantic it is to get shot down or blown up for some pointless bullshit cause that was always a losing proposition that wasn’t even wanted by the people it would ostensibly benefit. In other words, McCain is a 70-year-old man who still reads Hemingway books. But does he have a brave-Mexican-revolutionary costume for Halloween? MORE »