Tag Archives: erick erickson

  a million ways to derp in the west

Maybe We Shouldn’t Brandish Guns At BLM Workers And Tell Them They Should Die

Back when the news was covering the militia yahoos flocking to Cliven Bundy’s ranch from all over America to defend the old coot’s right to mooch off the federal government like a common welfare queen, a few pundits were calling out Bundy’s enablers in the wingnut media for feeding the fire. With all those shootin’ irons brandished by people with barely the intelligence to know which end to point away from themselves when they pull the trigger, some felt it was irresponsible to lionize Bundy while getting the rubes riled up about the jackbooted federal thugs from the Bureau of Land Management trying to stomp out freedom. Now, the dispute between Western ranchers and federal land managers has been around for decades, even before the Sagebrush Rebellion, so it’s not as if this kind of crap is an unheard-of phenomenon. Still, one hopes the madness is not spreading. Read more on Maybe We Shouldn’t Brandish Guns At BLM Workers And Tell Them They Should Die…
  he's tense and nervous and he can't relax

Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More

We started to write about Erick Erickson, Anger Bear Ken Doll, yesterday, because he’d recently written an incoherent yet completely rage-fueled thing about how you can TOO discriminate against the gays because it is in both Leviticus AND the New Testament unlike the prohibitions on shrimp and clothing with mixed fibers, nyah nyah nyah. It’s an argument we’ve seen before, though usually in a way that doesn’t devolve into telling everyone that if they talk about the Old Testament prohibitions in a way that Erick Erickson thinks is wrong, they are probably going to hell. In fact, often times the person who throws out the shellfish and mixed fabric line claims to be a Christian — one of those Christians with a mind so open to everything it is full of nothing. Dear well meaning poseur, atheist, and other people hostile to Christianity — these are shibboleths of the damned. If you throw these out, it is an immediate signal you are more likely than not destined for hell fire. We are not really sure what he is on about there, but we assume that “shibboleths” was on his word of the day calendar and he got so excited he had to get in in somewhere. We should have known better than to sleep on Erick Erickson for a full day, though, because he upped his game like a fucking bawse and made the shibboleths thing look positively sane by comparison by writing a yellpost about how we should impeach the president or the media should want to impeach the president but are too busy gobbling president cock to report on Obamacare’s failures to do it or something something something “cocktails.” Read more on Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More…
  he vants to be alone

Erick Erickson Now Sharing Ayahuasca Visions About Uncle Sam’s ‘Man-Boobs,’ ‘Unicorn Farts’

Oh, golly, Erick, son of Erick, is not pleased with the state of our union. For that matter, he isn’t too happy with that word, either. Here’s his astute assessment of where we stand today: Tonight, Barack Obama will stand before the Parliament of Whores in Washington, D.C. with Chuckles and the Orange Man behind him and, in more ways than one, say, “Ask now what you can do for your government, but rather ask what your government can do for you.” You know what the government can do for me? Leave me the hell alone. They can’t get us through airports without groping us, they can’t deliver our mail without a bailout, they can’t fight a war without turning the military in a sociological experiment, and they can’t manage healthcare without 404 errors, death panels, and rigged numbers to hide massive debt. Leave us alone. Poor Erick. The mean old government has just ruined his life because he has to live in a world with other people, and damned if all those other people will do him the courtesy of not living the way Erick Erickson wants. Worse, they refuse to get any of the plentiful jobs that are everywhere so they can escape poverty! And don’t even get him started on how oppressed by things that don’t even exist, like death panels. His cri de butthurt continues with what may be the squickiest metaphor we’ve seen in some time: Read more on Erick Erickson Now Sharing Ayahuasca Visions About Uncle Sam’s ‘Man-Boobs,’ ‘Unicorn Farts’…
  schism in the wingnutoverse

Ted Cruz Birther Too Stupid Even For Erick Erickson’s RedState

Ted Cruz birther David Farrar has a sad, guys. He’s been kicked off wingnut website Redstate.com, presumably because Erick Erickson is a fascist who can’t stand to have the ugly truth about Ted Cruz exposed: Ted Cruz was born at center ice of a hockey rink in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, while his mother ate poutine and his father sang “Babalu.” But will Erick the Red Sympathizer allow the Constitutional ramifications of these indisputable facts to be discussed? No, he will not. This is tyranny, ladies and gentlemen, nothing short of tyranny. Or it’s editorial judgment. We’re always mixing those up. Read more on Ted Cruz Birther Too Stupid Even For Erick Erickson’s RedState…
  come on baby finish what ya started

Ted Cruz Not Wrong About Shutdown Strategy, Says Ted Cruz

One of the most hilarious sideshows of the great SHUTDOWNGHAZI!!!11!! has been the sight of Republicans tripping over their own dicks to spin some very unfavorable poll numbers in favorable ways. Yesterday it was pre-ferment sourdough starter Erick Erickson dropping some phat derp about how poll numbers showing the GOP was not getting stomped like an ant hill in the path of a four-year-old geeking out on Adderall meant the party was actually “winning” the public opinion war over the shutdown. It is unknown if Erick had yet seen the Gallup poll that gave the Republicans the lowest approval rating that either party had ever received since Gallup started polling party favorability in 1992. No doubt he would find a way to spin that positively: “Hey, we’re still more popular than Roger Goodell and scabies put together!” Also giving poll spinning the old college try on Wednesday was Ted Cruz. Last week Ted had walked into the weekly Senate Republican lunch unaware that the menu consisted of his own ass, skinned, filleted and laid out on a platter for the rest of the caucus. Read more on Ted Cruz Not Wrong About Shutdown Strategy, Says Ted Cruz…
  though this be madness yet there is method in't

Erick Erickson: People Only Hate Us A Little More Than They Hate Democrats, So We Win The Shutdown!

Erick Erickson is obviously tired of Barack Obama getting all the credit for playing 11th-dimensional chess, so he’s going to give it a try. Of course, chess is hard, so he’ll start with eleventh-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos: Polling shows more Americans blame the GOP than Barack Obama. I think this means the GOP is winning. You’ll need to let me explain. Oh, please do, Erick, Son of Erick! We can hardly wait! Read more on Erick Erickson: People Only Hate Us A Little More Than They Hate Democrats, So We Win The Shutdown!…
  you sir are no jimmy stewart

Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster

Oh no, you guys, conservatives are having a sad! Sound the Drudge sirens and grab your teeniest tiniest little itty-bittiest violin. You see, while you were sleeping, or maybe watching paint dry because that would still be more exciting, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) was having himself a staged, pre-arranged, utterly meaningless “filibuster” against Obamacare — not an actual bill, mind you, just Obamacare in general — filled with Nazi comparisons, completely-opposite-of-true “facts” and a stunning misinterpretation of Green Eggs and Ham. Naturally, wingnuts are outraged — outraged, we tell ya! — that the lamestream media did not show Cruz all the respect and deference it showed Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis when she held an actual filibuster against an actual bill by completely ignoring her and instead showing riveting stories about muffins. Let us now have a squiggly-lines flashback to Ladybadass Wendy Davis’s actual filibuster. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster…
  I know you are but what am I?

Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare

Erick son of Erick, with extra Erick on the side, we are just so mad at you. Once again you have failed us all, and not just for being the wrongest Erick ever to Erick. We are mad because in your latest great attempt to be a big old “yeah I said it” sayer of terrible things, you were completely unable to man up and straight out call out the female-body-part-that must not be named, and instead came up with the stupidest euphemism ever employed. In a September 17 blog post, Erickson said that Obamacare must go because A full quarter of the American public wants Congress to actually blow up Obamacare. When is the last time a full quarter of the whole population wanted Congress to do any one thing? Erick has a funny idea of what a “majority” is! And then he wrote: “the GOP, its allies in the press and pundit core, and its very leadership are such [insert euphemism of choice related to the female reproductive system] that they’d rather plan their surrender before making their retreat.” Say what? The GOP Congress is nothing but a bunch of fallopian tubes and ovaries? Read more on Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare…
  stuck in the middle with you

Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up

Erick Erickson, the very picture of a modern man of the 21st century, has done opened his fat gaping maw again, and said words with it. It went so well last time he had “thoughts” on the “ladies,” that noted liberal Megyn Kelly ended up tying him to a Fox News studio chair and stuffing used tampons into his piggy little face before cutting off his ear, Reservoir-styley. So how is Erickson helping with GOP outreach lately? By creating (we assume he created it? Well, it is not like we are going to check) the hilarious Tweeter number-sign “hashtag” “#sitdownwendy” to tell Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis to hush her mouth when the menfolk are talking. HAW HAW HAW, good one! Telling women to SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KNOW YOUR ROLE! always works out so well for them. Read more on Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up…
  a children's treasury of butthurt

Conservatives Take Gay Marriage Rulings In Stride, Just Kidding

Poor Bryan Fischer! The spokesman for the American Patriarchy Association has a MAJOR sad today, and he has lots of company following the Supreme Court’s decision overturning DOMA. It would appear that actually treating all marriages as equal in the eyes of the law means the end of America, which would make today roughly the 743rd time America has ended since 2008. We also see that Justice Anthony Kennedy has usurped Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s appointed role as tyrant king, which has got to be pretty disappointing for the Kenyan Impostor. And we really like that phrase “sodomy-based marriage,” which we’ll start using just as soon as Bryan Fischer starts referring to himself as a proponent of “penis-in-vagina marriage.” Read more on Conservatives Take Gay Marriage Rulings In Stride, Just Kidding…
  sorry about your balls erick erickson

Megyn Kelly, U Mad? Oh Yeah, She Maaaaaaaad

We’ve been wondering what Megyn Kelly would have to say about Erick Erickson unaccountably getting the whole shaft for an entire panel’s worth of dickmouth about female breadwinners yesterday. Megyn Kelly is not stupid, nor is she a shrinking violet. While all the Fox “Democrat” ladies weighed in by last night, we were looking forward to Ol’ Megs. Does she disappoint? Nope. Feminazi nutbuster MEAN LADY. Read more on Megyn Kelly, U Mad? Oh Yeah, She Maaaaaaaad…
  but with that meatloaf in the oven there's no room for your head

All-Male Fox Panel On Female Breadwinners About What You Would Expect

Ladies, did you know that Fox News has finally admitted that there is a War on Women, and that War on Women is you having a job? Have you studied your science lately, which shows that Men must Dominate you? Most importantly, have you done your part in “dissolving society” today, by raising your children and also feeding them? Also, please stop having millions of bortions, because something something, we didn’t quite follow. We just have one of those easily dominated Girl Brains, after all. Read more on All-Male Fox Panel On Female Breadwinners About What You Would Expect…
  nice job gays you made a bigot sad

Erick Erickson Pretty Certain Gay Marriage Is Step One Of Leftist Holocaust Against Christians

Yesterday, as even your grandmother’s Myface picture turned into that equal sign, you might have been under the false impression that the possible end to the embarrassing prohibition on equal marriage rights was a “good” thing. You might believe that the sputteringly awful arguments of the lawyer supporting Prop 8 indicate that even the bigots see the end to this last vestige of de jure segregation as inevitable, but that belief itself is bigoted. Luckily for us there’s still one sane man left in this country, and whatdoyaknow he has himself a blog! You see, everyone down in America has decided that they liked gay marriage a lot, but Erick Erickson, who lives just north of “Swinging Richards,” DOES NOT. Read more on Erick Erickson Pretty Certain Gay Marriage Is Step One Of Leftist Holocaust Against Christians…
  you can leave your hat on and everything else please

Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year

Remember how last year’s CPAC was teh hotttnesss? You had boys getting drunk and hooking up and passing out. You had ladies showing cleavage. CLEAVAGE! Does all this seem a bit deja vu to you, longtime Wonkians? Probably because Jim Newell mercilessly bashed ErickErickEricksonnnn and Melissa “Imma put Dr. in front of my name because I have a 2-year chiro degree” Clouthier about this last year! To be fair to CPAC (urgh), at least last year sounded semi-fun for attendees in a sad salaryman business conference sort of way. You’re away from home with a bit of free time and maybe you have a little bit of the old zipless fuck, a little stranger sex, and then head home to the rambler and the spouse and the child. It was no Roman orgy, but it was likely tolerable. NOT THIS YEAR, SLUTS. Read more on Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year…
  that's a whippin'

Erick Erickson: Let’s All Hit Other People’s Children With Belts!

We’ve all been there. Some baby is hopped up on goofballs and sucking Mountain Dew from a bottle. And he is running around the grocery store like a Hell’s Angel at Altamont while his pilled-out mom manages to whisper a couple times, “Jaaaden … um … honey? Where am I?” And we have wanted to it-takes-a-village that child by being stern and setting boundaries and speaking in a kind but clear and no-nonsense voice that will get the child to stop and listen and stop its mayhemming all over the place. Perhaps you have even done this! (We have. We are the strange-child-in-a-grocery-story-or-airplane-whisperer.) Or maybe you just grabbed the kid, took your belt off, and hit him “dozens of times” with it. It’s all good, right? Well, yes, according to Erick Erickson, the peach of a guy who founded “RedState” and whose greatest achievement will probably remain getting douches to take pictures of themselves holding signs explaining how they are awesome makers, not drooling takers, even though most of them are totally on federal student loans and flat-out welfare. Right! So some kid was being an asshole, running around a grocery store like a crack baby, and he threw a cookie at Amelia Graciela Bell, a store employee, who quickly sussed things out, grabbed the kid, and calmed the situation by beating him over 25 times with her belt. Why, you or I might have grabbed his arm, and even given him a swat on the bottom to get his attention! (No, we would not have given him a swat on the bottom; he is someone else’s kid. But it could happen without too much outrage unless we were in the People’s Republics of San Francisco or Santa Monica.) Cue the mighty mouth of Erick Erickson: Read more on Erick Erickson: Let’s All Hit Other People’s Children With Belts!…