Tag Archives: erick erickson

  you sir are no jimmy stewart

Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster

Oh no, you guys, conservatives are having a sad! Sound the Drudge sirens and grab your teeniest tiniest little itty-bittiest violin. You see, while you were sleeping, or maybe watching paint dry because that would still be more exciting, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) was having himself a staged, pre-arranged, utterly meaningless “filibuster” against Obamacare — not an actual bill, mind you, just Obamacare in general — filled with Nazi comparisons, completely-opposite-of-true “facts” and a stunning misinterpretation of Green Eggs and Ham. Naturally, wingnuts are outraged — outraged, we tell ya! — that the lamestream media did not show Cruz all the respect and deference it showed Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis when she held an actual filibuster against an actual bill by completely ignoring her and instead showing riveting stories about muffins. Let us now have a squiggly-lines flashback to Ladybadass Wendy Davis’s actual filibuster. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz’s Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis’s Actual Filibuster…
  I know you are but what am I?

Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare

Erick son of Erick, with extra Erick on the side, we are just so mad at you. Once again you have failed us all, and not just for being the wrongest Erick ever to Erick. We are mad because in your latest great attempt to be a big old “yeah I said it” sayer of terrible things, you were completely unable to man up and straight out call out the female-body-part-that must not be named, and instead came up with the stupidest euphemism ever employed. In a September 17 blog post, Erickson said that Obamacare must go because A full quarter of the American public wants Congress to actually blow up Obamacare. When is the last time a full quarter of the whole population wanted Congress to do any one thing? Erick has a funny idea of what a “majority” is! And then he wrote: “the GOP, its allies in the press and pundit core, and its very leadership are such [insert euphemism of choice related to the female reproductive system] that they’d rather plan their surrender before making their retreat.” Say what? The GOP Congress is nothing but a bunch of fallopian tubes and ovaries? Read more on Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare…
  stuck in the middle with you

Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up

Erick Erickson, the very picture of a modern man of the 21st century, has done opened his fat gaping maw again, and said words with it. It went so well last time he had “thoughts” on the “ladies,” that noted liberal Megyn Kelly ended up tying him to a Fox News studio chair and stuffing used tampons into his piggy little face before cutting off his ear, Reservoir-styley. So how is Erickson helping with GOP outreach lately? By creating (we assume he created it? Well, it is not like we are going to check) the hilarious Tweeter number-sign “hashtag” “#sitdownwendy” to tell Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis to hush her mouth when the menfolk are talking. HAW HAW HAW, good one! Telling women to SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KNOW YOUR ROLE! always works out so well for them. Read more on Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up…
  a children's treasury of butthurt

Conservatives Take Gay Marriage Rulings In Stride, Just Kidding

Poor Bryan Fischer! The spokesman for the American Patriarchy Association has a MAJOR sad today, and he has lots of company following the Supreme Court’s decision overturning DOMA. It would appear that actually treating all marriages as equal in the eyes of the law means the end of America, which would make today roughly the 743rd time America has ended since 2008. We also see that Justice Anthony Kennedy has usurped Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s appointed role as tyrant king, which has got to be pretty disappointing for the Kenyan Impostor. And we really like that phrase “sodomy-based marriage,” which we’ll start using just as soon as Bryan Fischer starts referring to himself as a proponent of “penis-in-vagina marriage.” Read more on Conservatives Take Gay Marriage Rulings In Stride, Just Kidding…
  sorry about your balls erick erickson

Megyn Kelly, U Mad? Oh Yeah, She Maaaaaaaad

We’ve been wondering what Megyn Kelly would have to say about Erick Erickson unaccountably getting the whole shaft for an entire panel’s worth of dickmouth about female breadwinners yesterday. Megyn Kelly is not stupid, nor is she a shrinking violet. While all the Fox “Democrat” ladies weighed in by last night, we were looking forward to Ol’ Megs. Does she disappoint? Nope. Feminazi nutbuster MEAN LADY. Read more on Megyn Kelly, U Mad? Oh Yeah, She Maaaaaaaad…
  but with that meatloaf in the oven there's no room for your head

All-Male Fox Panel On Female Breadwinners About What You Would Expect

Ladies, did you know that Fox News has finally admitted that there is a War on Women, and that War on Women is you having a job? Have you studied your science lately, which shows that Men must Dominate you? Most importantly, have you done your part in “dissolving society” today, by raising your children and also feeding them? Also, please stop having millions of bortions, because something something, we didn’t quite follow. We just have one of those easily dominated Girl Brains, after all. Read more on All-Male Fox Panel On Female Breadwinners About What You Would Expect…
  nice job gays you made a bigot sad

Erick Erickson Pretty Certain Gay Marriage Is Step One Of Leftist Holocaust Against Christians

Yesterday, as even your grandmother’s Myface picture turned into that equal sign, you might have been under the false impression that the possible end to the embarrassing prohibition on equal marriage rights was a “good” thing. You might believe that the sputteringly awful arguments of the lawyer supporting Prop 8 indicate that even the bigots see the end to this last vestige of de jure segregation as inevitable, but that belief itself is bigoted. Luckily for us there’s still one sane man left in this country, and whatdoyaknow he has himself a blog! You see, everyone down in America has decided that they liked gay marriage a lot, but Erick Erickson, who lives just north of “Swinging Richards,” DOES NOT. Read more on Erick Erickson Pretty Certain Gay Marriage Is Step One Of Leftist Holocaust Against Christians…
  you can leave your hat on and everything else please

Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year

Remember how last year’s CPAC was teh hotttnesss? You had boys getting drunk and hooking up and passing out. You had ladies showing cleavage. CLEAVAGE! Does all this seem a bit deja vu to you, longtime Wonkians? Probably because Jim Newell mercilessly bashed ErickErickEricksonnnn and Melissa “Imma put Dr. in front of my name because I have a 2-year chiro degree” Clouthier about this last year! To be fair to CPAC (urgh), at least last year sounded semi-fun for attendees in a sad salaryman business conference sort of way. You’re away from home with a bit of free time and maybe you have a little bit of the old zipless fuck, a little stranger sex, and then head home to the rambler and the spouse and the child. It was no Roman orgy, but it was likely tolerable. NOT THIS YEAR, SLUTS. Read more on Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year…
  that's a whippin'

Erick Erickson: Let’s All Hit Other People’s Children With Belts!

We’ve all been there. Some baby is hopped up on goofballs and sucking Mountain Dew from a bottle. And he is running around the grocery store like a Hell’s Angel at Altamont while his pilled-out mom manages to whisper a couple times, “Jaaaden … um … honey? Where am I?” And we have wanted to it-takes-a-village that child by being stern and setting boundaries and speaking in a kind but clear and no-nonsense voice that will get the child to stop and listen and stop its mayhemming all over the place. Perhaps you have even done this! (We have. We are the strange-child-in-a-grocery-story-or-airplane-whisperer.) Or maybe you just grabbed the kid, took your belt off, and hit him “dozens of times” with it. It’s all good, right? Well, yes, according to Erick Erickson, the peach of a guy who founded “RedState” and whose greatest achievement will probably remain getting douches to take pictures of themselves holding signs explaining how they are awesome makers, not drooling takers, even though most of them are totally on federal student loans and flat-out welfare. Right! So some kid was being an asshole, running around a grocery store like a crack baby, and he threw a cookie at Amelia Graciela Bell, a store employee, who quickly sussed things out, grabbed the kid, and calmed the situation by beating him over 25 times with her belt. Why, you or I might have grabbed his arm, and even given him a swat on the bottom to get his attention! (No, we would not have given him a swat on the bottom; he is someone else’s kid. But it could happen without too much outrage unless we were in the People’s Republics of San Francisco or Santa Monica.) Cue the mighty mouth of Erick Erickson: Read more on Erick Erickson: Let’s All Hit Other People’s Children With Belts!…
  Hide Your Goats Hide Your Kids

Erick Erickson Asks Voices In His Head Whether He Should Run For Senate

One of the easily digestible Nuggets O’ Conventional Wisdom to come out of the 2012 elections is that while Tea Party purists whose conservative purity glowed with white-hot rage often managed to win GOP primaries, that very ideological intensity was just as likely to turn off voters in the general election. Needless to say, since teabaggers know that “conventional wisdom” is composed of the Lamestream Media’s treasonous lies and poop, the smart money in Teabag Nation is that, in order to really win over the American people, future GOP candidates need to be even more screamingly conservative, or maybe secede and start a new country without so many lazypants voters who just want free stuff. All of which is is to say that no one should be terribly surprised that intrepid pile of moist journalism Erick Erickson is “prayerfully considering” a primary challenge against Georgia Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-Old Man Smell) in 2014. We think that’s a really swell idea, if only because of the mileage we can get out of reminding people that the Son Of Erick likes to do things like attempt credit card fraud to “test the integrity” of campaign finance, or to call a retiring Supreme Court Justice a “goat-fucking child molester.” (But it’s OK, because he apologized, and he loves America really a lot.) Read more on Erick Erickson Asks Voices In His Head Whether He Should Run For Senate…
  running for the moral high ground

Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes

Guys, you will not believed this, but Joel Pollak, the genius non-email-reading editor in chief at Breitbart.com is very unhappy about the hypocrisy of the left! You see, Mr. Pollak has noticed that even though there were a number of jokes about Hurricane Isaac and the GOP Convention blowing into Tampa, Florida, at the same time, very few people are making political jokes about Hurricane Sandy. In a veritable storm surge of butthurt, he calls attention to this very revealing lack of dumb jokes: In August, the left found it amusing to speculate about Divine judgment when Hurricane Isaac seemed to be approaching Tampa, FL as the Republican National Convention began… As Hurricane Sandy bears down on heavily Democratic mid-Atlantic and northeast states, no one, left or right, is joking. Read more on Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes…
  the vetting

BREAKING: Obama’s Campaign Site Rejects Fraudulent Donation

Today’s right-wing Obama-is-a-foreigner thing is the startling revelation that, theoretically, Barack Obama could be accepting campaign donations from foreign nationals. Short version: Barack Obama does not own the Obama.com domain name. Some (American) dude in China does. It autoforwards to a donation page on BarackObama.com, which Barack Obama owns. Foreigners can access Obama.com through nefarious means such as web browsers, which probably means that all of Obama’s money is raised from his half-siblings in Kenya and Indonesia. But how to prove this is happening? The campaign denies it, of course, as liars would. So leave it to intrepid pile of moist journalism Erick Erickson to investigate. And by investigate, we mean attempt credit card fraud. Read more on BREAKING: Obama’s Campaign Site Rejects Fraudulent Donation…
  your rage is like the finest wine to me

A Children’s Treasury Of Wingnut Obamacare Freakouts

This is the greatest destruction of individual liberty since Dred Scott. This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration. — benshapiro (@benshapiro) June 28, 2012 It’s really kind of sad that Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro put up this tweet mere minutes after the ultra-conservative Supreme Court approved socialist healthcare in America forever, because it’s like he didn’t even try to let other people post their own insanely hyperbolic screed before writing the Platonic ideal of one. You know how it’s kind of annoying that sportscasters and such use “literally” to mean not “literally” but “I am using figurative language but very, very strongly”? Well, Ben Shapiro has established new heights that make misuse of “literally” literally look like prose that Strunk & White’s ghosts would masturbate to. From now on, every paragraph about anything you don’t like ends in “This is the end of America as we know it. No exaggeration.” But other people were ludicrous too, so let’s look at what they had to say. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Wingnut Obamacare Freakouts…
  kill kill kill

House Republicans Aching To Destroy Another Useful Thing, The ACS

The House passed an amendment Wednesday night to get rid of the American Community Survey entirely, on Privacy Grounds. Oh, god, you can hear them through your windows probably, fapping about their privacy. The ACS is a mandatory survey with 48 questions that a few hundred thousand people are chosen to fill out each month. The numbers are used to determine federal spending allocations based on changing demographics and consumption trends and whatnot. It is Helpful. There’s a fine if you don’t fill it out, although the enforcement there is lenient. But since some of the questions ask you about what kind of toilet you have and stuff, this gives Republicans an excuse to say Democrats are watching you poop and so we need to destroy another program. They say it’s “Orwellian.” (Ha ha, that’s from the Weekly Standard, which exists mostly to push through privacy-crushing surveillance bills and make sure as many people as possible are killed and tortured for no reason.) Read more on House Republicans Aching To Destroy Another Useful Thing, The ACS…
  sex monsters

Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC

It is a true fact that there were a full dozen or two ladies at CPAC this year wearing sparkly cocktail dresses approximately ten million inches above the knee from nine in the morning ’til eleven at night, each being pursued by 10,000 sex-starved young conservative males. Why else would they all go to CPAC? To respectfully take notes on Richard Viguerie’s conservative movement stories from the mid-60s while sipping on a club soda? That may be why your Wonkette went, but most of the students simply came to revel in the awkward late-adolescent/30-something sexual tension fest. And that has got to stop, according to Internet conservatives Erick Erickson and Melissa Clouthier. Next year, genitals will be banned. Read more on Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC…
  different strokes for awful folks

Tasing Violence At Occupy DC Gets CNN’s Erick Erickson Hot And Bothered

Pepper spray is OVER, folks. Hope you enjoyed all the funny stuff the unemployed section of Internet users put together about the cop from Angry Birds spraying everything, ’cause in 2012, vicious crack downs on Occupy protesters are going to be all about tasering: hard, cold, fast, and indiscriminate. Which means….exciting new opportunities are opening up for third-rate human impersonators like Erick Erickson to interrupt the erectile dysfunction ads on their AM radio shows so as to fatly chortle that “watching a hippie protester get tased [at Occupy DC] just makes my day.” Read more on Tasing Violence At Occupy DC Gets CNN’s Erick Erickson Hot And Bothered…
  love letters

Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off

Now that the puddle of human goo that used to be Rick Perry has finally been covered over with cedar shavings and left to dry overnight, perhaps we should refocus on polishing the rest of the turds who for some reason are still interested in getting Iowans to hate them slightly less than the other ghouls scrumming to become GOP CEO. (Because the rusty Democrat machine hates bizness, only the GOP gets to have a CEO. Enjoy those General Assemblies, hippies!) Erick Erickson, current jefe of #1 internet stratagem database/thinktank RedState, has some ideas for one particularly handsy GOP candidate which he shared in a open letter like some kind of peeved-off Democrat senator from a Nor’easter state. Read more on Erick Erickson Asks Herman Cain If He Tried Turning It On and Off…
  closet liberals

Wingnuts’ ‘We Are The 53 Percent’ Just Proves Point of ’99 Percent’ Movement

Right-wing hobo prince Erick Erickson started a cheeky conservative response to the popular “We are the 99 percent” tumblr with his very own “We are the 53 percent” site using the Republicans’ parrot-poop false “point” that only 53% of Americans pay taxes. The site is remarkable only for the fact that the user-submitted stories are just as depressing and virtually identical to the “99 percent” stories, except that these struggling Americans are militantly defensive of their poverty and anusburgers. They are mysteriously very excited to spend the sum of their waking existence working bone-dissolving hours on the brink of a health problem-induced catastrophe! SO THERE, LIBTARD WHINERS. Let us read a few at random, for tears and misery and patriotism. Read more on Wingnuts’ ‘We Are The 53 Percent’ Just Proves Point of ’99 Percent’ Movement…
  massively important political news

Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid

Oh boohoo, Meghan McCain is furious because mean old troll Erick Erickson’s right-wing website RedState.com posted some kind of half-wit parody of Meghan McCain’s vapid Daily Beast columns that her lawyers say too closely resembles her actual half-wit columns to count as satire. The original post has been taken down, but the full version of it can be found here and includes such showstoppers as, “Some ignorant jerk, clearly who doesn’t know about the young people, pointed out that George W. Bush 1.0 won, two elections, which is two more than my dad did.” Why Meghan McCain chose to pick on RedState.com out of all the Internet media outlets that have mocked her over time for her mule-like insistence that she is relevant to Republican politics is anyone’s guess (or not, because no one cares), but we will go ahead and assume princess is jealous of Erick Erickson’s recurring gig shilling right-wing talking points on CNN. HOW IS THAT FAIR? Because Erick Erickson’s dad is not John McCain, so why should he get a better media job? Read more on Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid…
  our flourishing justice system

Troy Davis Execution Is Wingnut Chance To Talk Abortion, Obamacare

The Napoleonic legal theory of “guilty until proven innocent, suckers” won a major victory for racism in the United States legal system last night with the execution of Troy Davis, a black man from Georgia convicted of the murder of a white police officer 22 years ago and sentenced to death under deeply dubious circumstances that has made everyone from the former director of the FBI to even the crazy Nazi Pope go, “R U F*#KING SERIOUS, AMERICA.” Yes, America is very serious about executing people, any people it can find! It is actually the only form of “American exceptionalism” left, since the U.S. is the last first world country to cling to the death penalty. While most sane people can recognize this as a pathetic failure of justice, the reliable crowd of violent sociopath wingnuts who crowd Twitter with incessant piles of garbage would like to weigh in and say, eh, “Since when is the death penalty a justice issue? It’s Obamacare and abortion discussion time, for no reason except racism.” Naturally. Read more on Troy Davis Execution Is Wingnut Chance To Talk Abortion, Obamacare…
  you're doing it wrong

Sarah Palin Spokesperson Savagely Attacks Bristol Palin

Reality-television curiosity Sarah Palin has a crazy spokesperson who can’t seem to shut up on Twitter. That’s fine when you’re attacking the liberal elite, but it’s not so fine when the person paid to promote the Palin basic-cable brand is instead verbally attacking one of the actual Palins who makes basic-cable programs. This is what Sarah’s spokesperson Rebecca Mansour has been caught doing: criticizing and insulting abstinence icon Bristol Palin. This is what Mansour wrote about poor Bristol, just because Bristol committed the apparent sin of wanting to get back together with the father of her baby: “Two words: Patti Davis. Okay three more: Ron Reagan Junior. Two more: Billy Carter. Doesn’t your family have one?” By “one” here, Mansour means “embarrassment to a political family.” And she gets paid for this? We would like to apply for the job of insulting the Palin family while being paid by the Palin family. Sarah, call us! Read more on Sarah Palin Spokesperson Savagely Attacks Bristol Palin…
  it's morning in america

U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden

Here’s some good news for ally relations: If Pakistan had noticed the U.S. troops entering Pakistan airspace to take out bin Laden in time and opened fire on them, as they likely would have, the U.S. was prepared to shoot back and send in reinforcements to fight the Pakistanis until bin Laden’s body was back in Afghanistan. “Some people may have assumed we could talk our way out of a jam, but given our difficult relationship with Pakistan right now, the president did not want to leave anything to chance,” somebody told the New York Times. But Pakistan is now letting the U.S. talk to the terrorism guy’s widows, hooray! BFFs! Blood brothers! Haha, remember when we almost tried to kill each other and go to war?! That was a crazy week ago! (Would that have been a war or a squirmish?) [NYT] Read more on U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden… Read more on U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden…