Tag Archives: eric holder

  Follow The...Zzzzzzzz

Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)

Be afraid! No, *more* afraid!
Now that Republicans control Congress, they’re ready to roll up their sleeves and get to work and try to make up a scandal about the Obama administration trying to give bejillions of dollars to undeserving minorities. We’re not sure this one is going to get any traction with the Fox News crowd, since the details are actually a bit too esoteric to fit on a bumper sticker, but that may not matter. Since it involves mortgages, big banks, the Department of Justice, and nonprofit community groups, maybe all they’ll need to do is yell “ACORN!” and “La Raza” a whole lot. Read more on Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet The Techie Bears Who’ve Been Trolling Jeb Bush With Equality

Rachel bursts into song
Rachel Maddow brought us some updates Monday to her story last week about the serious outbreak of weird in Oregon. First, as she’d hoped, Rachel scored an interview with C.J. Phillips and Charlie Rainwater, a Portland couple who describe themselves as “high-tech bears,” and they tell her all about their plans for the website JebBushForPresident.com, which is not actually promoting the former Florida governor’s candidacy, but rather, invites gay and straight Americans to “have a chat, share viewpoints, maybe realize that the person you felt you could never have anything in common with is actually dealing with exactly the same issues.” They’re ridiculously sweet guys. And while the domain name isn’t for sale, they do have a backup, just in case: CJandCharlieForPresident.com. Read more on Morning Maddow: Meet The Techie Bears Who’ve Been Trolling Jeb Bush With Equality…
  The Wonkette Media Empire

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we’re always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind of a video slide show of funny pictures that we are definitely allowed to use, and a voice-over that says funny things about the politics, and boy aren’t you a lucky duckie, huh? Read more on Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette…
  No Requests For 'Coal Miner's Daughter'So Far

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Claims not to be Eric Holder, but has anyone asked if she's the Batman?
Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch’s confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too “nominated by Barack Obama” to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic bit of identity clarification, Ms. Lynch claimed, in response to a question from Texas Sen. John Cornyn, that she is in fact a wholly different human being than the current attorney general: Read more on Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General…
  strange fruit

Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow

Huh, he looks all right to us
Yes, Ferguson cop Darren Wilson killed an unarmed black teenager, to death, but in addition to getting a “Nah, man, it’s cool, we get it” from the local grand jury, he likely won’t have charges filed against him by the Department of Justice, either. Ergo, as Fox News has been spewing at us since the non-charges news was first leaked, it is an obvious simple fact that the DOJ never had any legitimate reason to investigate the Ferguson Police Department or Darren Wilson in the first place. It was all a scheme, man, nefariously plotted by Attorney General Eric Holder and Co-Attorney General Al Sharpton and Thinks He’s So President Obama, to start some riots an do some reverse racism. Read more on Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow…
  Revised Revisionist History

Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Fox News wasted no time in repackaging the news that the Justice Department is not expected to file civil rights charges against Darren Wilson in the killing of Michael Brown, according to a report in the New York Times, into an astonishingly distorted pack of lies about Ferguson. Yes, we know you’re shocked. Read more on Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)…
  And Put Back That Sandwich They 'Borrowed'

AG Eric Holder Tells Cops They Can’t Steal Your Stuff Anymore

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Attorney General Eric Holder is putting the kibosh on the get-rich-quick scheme used by local and state police to take your stuff for fun and profit just because they wanna. (Also, they get rich! Quick!) Read more on AG Eric Holder Tells Cops They Can’t Steal Your Stuff Anymore…
  But Clinton Lied About A Blowjob

You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!

Totally worth it
Wingnutty Expert on Everything Andrew Napolitano was all over Fox News Monday and Tuesday to float his expert opinion on why former CIA director David Petraeus is maybe going to face criminal charges for being a Gangster of Love. It’s all just because Barack Obama is out to get David Petraeus, who never did nothin’ wrong, because 1) Obama wanted to short-circuit Petraeus’s bright political career, and/or 2) Petraeus was about to spill the beans on what REALLY happened at Benghazi, so somebody in the White House revealed that the former general was boning his biographer, which somehow made it impossible for him to ever speak the REAL truth. Read more on You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!…
  Why does he hate America ALLEGEDLY?

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Totally worth it
Don’t you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America’s classified secrets to her? Oh, you don’t do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who used to be America’s greatest patriot for winning ALL THE WARS and then being the boss of the CIA until resigning in disgrace for, oops, being a total disgrace to his country and himself, OOPS! Read more on Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!…
  crying over you

Who Will Be New House Speaker When GOP Murders John Boehner With Fire?

Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.
Every two years, all the wild-and-crazy Tea Party guys in the House GOP put on their togas and have a big awesome food fight and promise this time they’re really, really gonna get Dean Wormer, or at least INPEACH John Boehner for being a big dumb drunk RINO who only lets them shut down the government a little bit. BOO NO FUN, BOYCOTT JOHN BOEHNER, UNFAIR TO CRAZY PEOPLE! Read more on Who Will Be New House Speaker When GOP Murders John Boehner With Fire?…
  Why are we hating Obama today?

Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson

They're just asking what no one's thinking
The brain trust that is Fox & Friends has a very important question for America: “Is Obama administration inciting violence in Ferguson?” The answer is yes, duh, that’s a rhetorical question, but let’s turn to YOOOOGE brain guy Donald Trump to further explain. With all hell breaking loose in Ferguson, Missouri, how can we blame this on President Obama? Trump knows just how! Read more on Donald Trump Demands To Know Why Obama’s Doing All That Thuggy Violence In Ferguson…
  Hey Loretta

Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?

HBIC
Eric Holder told us a while ago that he’s resigning as Attorney General to spend more time with all his Black Panther buddies. Who would replace him as the nation’s top cop? No one knew — the thinking was that if Obama named a potential successor, every Democrat would have to have an opinion on the successor, and that might be the kind of thing that could really hurt the party’s chances in the midterms Read more on Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?…
  Das Vote

Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again

You can tell they hate America since they don't have guns
The Department of Justice is sending federal monitors to observe elections in 18 states, and the Wingnuttosphere is pretty darned cheesed about it, because this can only lead to tyranny and the UN taking over and — worst of all — black people voting, many of them as often as once!!! According to The Hill: Read more on Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again…
  sext machine

National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife

Portrait of a man looking forward to a nice university president job
Eric Holder, who is kind of a jerk sometimes and is pretty great other times, is in some sort of lawsuit or something because Fast & Furious Ebolagate Solyndraghazi. But did you know he has claimed he shouldn’t have to turn over in discovery some emails he sent to his wife? National Review Online knows, and they are all like “we will parse this legal mumbo jumbo and wonder what kind of exemption from discovery he could possibly be claiming, blah blah blah lawyer thing, we’re boring.” Read more on National Review Online Really Wants To Read Eric Holder Word-Sexing His Wife…
  smashing pumpkins

Jerk Cable Access Reporter Besmirches Honor Of Great Pumpkin Fest White Riot

insert something
Journalists! They are always trying to smear their journa-poo on every last good thing, like Keene, New Hampshire’s, Pumpkin Fest, or Sarah Palin! Here we have one “Jared” “Goodell,” who’d broadcast live from the Pumpkin Fest for eight hours, because we guess there is not a lot else going on in Keene, New Hampshire. But for 20 minutes of those eight hours, he “reported” (AS IF) on the WHITE RIOT that was taking place just outside the Pumpkin Fest’s gates. This is why we can’t have nice things! Because when perfectly nice young white people smash stuff everywhere and overturn dumpsters and cars and rip street signs out of the ground, and there are injuries and dozens of arrests, ALL DAY, some “journalist” has to go “self-promote” himself, by mentioning it! Read more on Jerk Cable Access Reporter Besmirches Honor Of Great Pumpkin Fest White Riot…
  A Fistful Of Dullards

Cliven Bundy And His One Black Friend Star In Weirdest Political Ad Of 2014 (Video)

Oh, sure, we’ve called several ads weird, or even the weirdest. We thought maybe we’d seen all the weird that could be seen when Minneapolis mayoral candidate Jeff Wagner walked out of a lake holding a coffee cup last year, but this thing we are about to unleash on you poor Wonkers… well, it just blows Jeff Wagner out of the water. Read more on Cliven Bundy And His One Black Friend Star In Weirdest Political Ad Of 2014 (Video)…
  SCAIR tactics

Will D.O.J. Investigate Gun Range Lady Just For Refusing To Let Muslims Behead Us?

Yes, yes, you'd hit that. Sexist.
In a move that could only have been predicted by someone with detectable brainwave activity, a Muslim civli rights group has asked the Justice Department to investigate that nice lady who proudly announced that she was banning Muslims from her gun range. The Council on American-Islamic Relations sent a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder asking DOJ to investigate whether Jan Morgan, owner of the Gun Cave Indoor Firing Range in Hot Springs, Arkansas, has violated civil rights laws and the terms of her license to sell firearms. Read more on Will D.O.J. Investigate Gun Range Lady Just For Refusing To Let Muslims Behead Us?…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Gleefully Giddy About Gay America, Sad Scalia (Video)

There are days when we love our job this much, too
The Supreme Court refused on Monday to hear any cases on marriage equality, effectively affirming lower courts’ decisions to throw out bans on same-sex marriage in five states, and therefore another six states in the same circuits. That means that as of a week or so from now, Our Great Nation will have equal marriage rights in 30 states. Read more on Rachel Maddow Gleefully Giddy About Gay America, Sad Scalia (Video)…
  Leaving Fast. Possibly Furious.

Eric Holder Peaces Out

Eric Holder has had enough of your shit, Congress. Like most of America, he is probably tired of grandstanding and bullshit partisan nonsense, so he is taking his indictments and going home. Read more on Eric Holder Peaces Out…
  Anything To Distract From Benghazi

DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive

Mailbox to testify in DOJ investigation
In news that proves once and for all that the Obama administration hates white people, the Department of Justice is launching a civil rights investigation of the Ferguson, Missouri, Police Department. This new investigation will go beyond the existing investigation into whether Officer Darren Wilson violated Michael Brown’s civil rights, what with all the killing of him to death. The DOJ’s civil rights division will look at the broader history of Ferguson’s Keystone Stormtroopers to determine whether there’s been a pattern of abuses, which of course there has been, but they’re going to do it all legal-like, instead of just reading the interwebs like a bunch of filthy bloggers. Wonder if they’ll find anything? We’re thinking that is just possible. For instance, there’s this, from the Washington Post: Read more on DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive…
  Intellectual Powerhouse Of The Right

Ben Stein: But Didn’t You See Michael Brown Was BLACK?

Michael Brown was Bruce Lee, too
In a very important Newsmax interview that we won’t see a red cent out of your clicking on, former game show host and one-memorable-role actor Ben Stein courageously took on the myth that Michael Brown was an “unarmed teen,” because, as he told interviewer Steve Malzberg, Michael Brown had a weapon as deadly as any shiv or zip gun: Read more on Ben Stein: But Didn’t You See Michael Brown Was BLACK?…
  And The Kids Just Don't Understand

Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus

We liked the Dodge Challenger in that show
9:00 PM, Channel 433 (HD): THE MOD SQUAD (1971): A brash younger member of the force (Megyn Kelly) explains the frustrations of the black underclass to a skeptical police Captain (Bill O’Reilly) whose traditionalist views blind him to the situation on the ground. Guest appearances by Huey Newton, Charles Nelson Reilly. Read more on Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus…