eric cantor

We hadn’t really thought much about Brian Schweitzer, the Democratic ex-governor of Montana, since 2012, when he was saying dumb things about Mitt Romney and Mormons. But now Schweitzer is somehow being talked about as a legitimate possibility for a 2016 Democratic ticket run, so now everyone has to ooh and ahh over how edgy […]

So we guess the Idaho state GOP convention was held last weekend, and we are SO PISSED that Dok Zoom didn’t go there on a fact-finding mission, because the entire thing sounds like an amazeballs shitshow. Near as we can figure, nothing got done, and no one got elected, there may or may not actually […]

Ain’t no party like a Happy Nice Time People party ’cause a Happy Nice Time People party don’t stop! It’s true, we are always on the Internet. Anyway, today we’ve got Stephen Hawking AND Miley Cyrus AND John Oliver AND Eric Cantor AND so very much more. It’s your evening Happy Links! We shared some […]

Look, I don’t know why I’ve got a crush on Eric Cantor. I just do. He’s handsome, and Jewish, and Southern, and I’m so on board for all of this. He’s got a wife and kids, and I’m not trying to mess with that or anything. I just fantasize about seeing him wearing a spangly […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious […]

Here is sad old Mississippi Sen. ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran, two full days after the Stunning Virginia Primary Upset That Changed The American Political Landscape Forever, politely admitting that he has no idea whatsoever about the result, since “I haven’t really followed that campaign very closely.” After all, it’s just another House campaign, why would anyone […]

Summer in New York, and the stench of the garbage piled in the streets could not reach the sealed crypt, high above the bustling streets, where Sister Peggy Noonan of Our Lady of the Stinger With a Whiskey Back bided her time. Let other New Yorkers escape to the Hamptons, or their country homes, or […]

What a glorious day it’s been over at Happy Nice Time People! Here’s a simple rundown of the magic we’ve enacted. We took Pretty Ricky Perry to school for his comments comparing homosexuality to alcoholism. We fell in love with hockeysports. We recalled a hilariously dirty Eric Cantor non-scandal from a few years back. We […]

Eric Cantor has always been my secret dreamboat hate-boyfriend. (C’mon! He is mean AND handsome, rawwwr!) Now that he has been promoted to well-paid lobbyist and doesn’t have to waste time legislating anymore, we thought it’d be nice to take a trip in the way-back machine to 2009, when Cantor’s press aide had to apologize […]

We knew that David Brat, the literal David to Eric Cantor’s figurative Goliath, would be a source of endless joy and terror for us, but even we didn’t think it would happen so soon. But the very morning after the amazing, stunning upset, one Zachary Werrell, Mr. Brat’s 23-year-old campaign manager and angry toddler, had […]

For once, Jon Stewart said Wednesday, a news story lives up to the hype on cable news: Eric Cantor’s surprise loss to an unknown tea party Brat really was pretty spectacular. After all, Cantor was the 4th most powerful Republican in Washington, right after “Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, and an AR-15- that fires baby eagles […]

We couldn’t possibly hope to fit all of our Precious Memories of Eric Cantor into a single column, so let’s just hit some highlights of a departing weaselface. (You might be surprised at the number of hits you get on a search for “Eric Cantor weasel.” Then again, you might not.) The only problem with […]

We’ve been putting off writing about this all night, not because we don’t know what to say, but because we wanted to let the anticipation build, to feel a thrill up our leg, to see starbursts, and savor that first perfect moment when we type these words: HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER ERIC CANTOR LOST HIS FUCKING […]

Remember Eric Cantor? Republican from Virginia, Majority Leader for his caucus in the House, perpetually looks like a guy entering his ninth day of trying to poop out a dildo that some overly enthusiastic District hooker shoved so far up his rectum that it lodged against his liver? Yeah, that guy. Cantor has been angling […]

Gather round, ye children of this fair land. It has cometh to our attention that scoundrels, muckrakers, and charlatans hath sought and attained positions within our genteel federal government. These miscreants have the audacity to make partisan public speeches – IN PUBLIC, no less. These divisive, partisan activities and vile words are not acceptable to […]