Tag Archives: eric cantor

  Bleat On The Brat

How Is Obamacare Turning Us Into Nazi North Korea Today?

American Pony is Superior Pony! And Smarter than David Brat.
Gosh, remember when former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost his primary to some Tea Party loon named David Brat, and we laughed and laughed and looked forward to all the crazy stupid stuff Brat would do in Congress? Except how Brat was just kind of garden variety dumb, and not generally all that funny? Oh, sure, there was the time he said we don’t need to worry about education funding none, because Socrates just taught on a rock with a stick, and that was funny, but only rated about 450 MilliGohmerts. Read more on How Is Obamacare Turning Us Into Nazi North Korea Today?…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  Poor Little Prick Boy

Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican

Scootaloo is too young to understand 'misplaced empathy'
It’s a sad week for Democrats, and a really happy week for Republicans, at least most of them, except maybe for Scott Brown, who’s busy crying bitter tears and checking the real estate listings in Vermont and Maine. Read more on Eric Cantor Is America’s Saddest Republican…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community

Damn you Obama! as usual
On Monday’s Colbert Report, Stephen brought us up to speed on all the complicated ins and out of immigration reform: Tonight, the latest news on immigration reform. There, you’re all caught up. He then gave President Obama the comedic tongue-lashing he so richly deserves for stealing the Republican plan to delay immigration forever by perpetually promising to deal with it “next year.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Outraged At Obama On Behalf Of Hispanish Community…
  Greed Is Good

Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor

Like the bastard child of gordon gekko and scrooge mcduck.
Hey, what’s former Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Hahaha) doing with all his free time now that he is no longer an esteemed member of Congress? If we had to guess, it would be gently sobbing while beating off to a montage of Ronald Reagan YouTube videos, barely visible through the shame-tears. Are we right, Wall Street Journal? Read more on Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor…
  na na na na goodbye

Eric Cantor To Congress: Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home

Yesterday was a big day for the GOP, what with the completely refusing to do anything at all about the immigrant children at the border that they pretend to be very very concerned about. They probably couldn’t quite get around to it, being busy high-fiving themselves over how they’re gonna sue Bamz so good and also too taking a whopping ten minutes out of their day to listen to Eric Cantor say his sad panda goodbyes as House Majority Leader because he lost to that Tea Party dude and does not get to Majority Lead any longer. And then everybody went away for their August break, secure in the knowledge that they had accomplished exactly zero things and were the very definition of sound and fury signifying nothing. Oh, and then Eric Cantor went home and talked to the Richmond Times Dispatch and said “oh hey, btw, I’m not coming back at all. Forgot to mention that earlier.” Read more on Eric Cantor To Congress: Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home…
  wild and crazy guy

Brian Schweitzer Is Living Proof That Being A Democrat Is Not A Shield Against Being Dumb

We hadn’t really thought much about Brian Schweitzer, the Democratic ex-governor of Montana, since 2012, when he was saying dumb things about Mitt Romney and Mormons. But now Schweitzer is somehow being talked about as a legitimate possibility for a 2016 Democratic ticket run, so now everyone has to ooh and ahh over how edgy and unfettered he is. The National Journal stuck some poor lady with having to spend quality time with Schweitzer up in Big Sky Country (guns! chainsaws! snowmobiles!) so that he could just be an unending gaffe machine. But not a cool funny gaffe machine like Joe Biden. More like your relative from hell that think’s he’s hilarious, especially after a few drinks, but is just plain stupid. Read more on Brian Schweitzer Is Living Proof That Being A Democrat Is Not A Shield Against Being Dumb…
  he started it!

Idaho GOP Convention Pretty Much A Glorified Slap Fight, Really

So we guess the Idaho state GOP convention was held last weekend, and we are SO PISSED that Dok Zoom didn’t go there on a fact-finding mission, because the entire thing sounds like an amazeballs shitshow. Near as we can figure, nothing got done, and no one got elected, there may or may not actually be any delegates left, and regular old Republicans and Tea Party Republicans are perhaps going to light each other on fire. Congrats at being the very best at sucking at participatory democracy, Idaho GOP! Read more on Idaho GOP Convention Pretty Much A Glorified Slap Fight, Really…
  links are fun

We’re Getting Eric Cantor On Dancing With The Stars In Today’s Happy Links!

Ain’t no party like a Happy Nice Time People party ’cause a Happy Nice Time People party don’t stop! It’s true, we are always on the Internet. Anyway, today we’ve got Stephen Hawking AND Miley Cyrus AND John Oliver AND Eric Cantor AND so very much more. It’s your evening Happy Links! Read more on We’re Getting Eric Cantor On Dancing With The Stars In Today’s Happy Links!…
  He's A Dancing Machine

Kickstarter … Wait, No, Change.org Petition To Get Eric Cantor On Dancing With The Stars

Look, I don’t know why I’ve got a crush on Eric Cantor. I just do. He’s handsome, and Jewish, and Southern, and I’m so on board for all of this. He’s got a wife and kids, and I’m not trying to mess with that or anything. I just fantasize about seeing him wearing a spangly sparkly outfit, waltzing around a dance floor in high-heeled shoes with a woman 25 years his junior. Is that so wrong? READ MORE ON HNTP… Read more on Kickstarter … Wait, No, Change.org Petition To Get Eric Cantor On Dancing With The Stars…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  i say -- i say what in tarnation son!

Old Clueless ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Is Old, Clueless, Sad

Here is sad old Mississippi Sen. ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran, two full days after the Stunning Virginia Primary Upset That Changed The American Political Landscape Forever, politely admitting that he has no idea whatsoever about the result, since “I haven’t really followed that campaign very closely.” After all, it’s just another House campaign, why would anyone want to talk about THAT? Read more on Old Clueless ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Is Old, Clueless, Sad…
  denial ain't just a boutique on 5th Ave.

Peggy Noonan Tries To Pretend GOP Base Is Not Made Up Of Raging, Irrational Lunatics

Summer in New York, and the stench of the garbage piled in the streets could not reach the sealed crypt, high above the bustling streets, where Sister Peggy Noonan of Our Lady of the Stinger With a Whiskey Back bided her time. Let other New Yorkers escape to the Hamptons, or their country homes, or their tenement rooftops! No, Peggy would stay right here, fortified by her estrogen pills and crates of Old Raj, monitoring the primary elections for signs and portents, promises and perils, fading stars gracefully winking out from the firmament. In fact, here was one now. Eric Cantor, the first Southern Jew she had approved of since Judah Benjamin. Such a shame about his primary loss! The Republicans in the House had lost a fantastic token … um, leader to stand at the head of their ranks, urging them once more unto the breach in service of some lost cause or other. Now that she thought about it, the parallels with Judah Benjamin were truly uncanny. Read more on Peggy Noonan Tries To Pretend GOP Base Is Not Made Up Of Raging, Irrational Lunatics…