Wonkette

When the Republicans lose virtually every election they run in this November, they will take about two minutes to do some “somber soul-searching” before they elect a whole new generation of corrupt swine to replace the shameful failed old guard. But wait for the shocking twist: the new Republican leadership will have a least a few members who aren’t ancient or gay. Meet your new Republican overlords, after the jump! MORE »

Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) has punished his poor interns by forcing them to put together a terrible flash video game in which you choose your own “CARRIED INTEREST ADVENTURE.” Private Equity is at risk and only you can save it! There’s a “deep throat” in a parking garage warning about how Nancy Pelosi is attacking our pension funds from her invisible Wonder Woman plane and the villain is Charlie Rangel or something and really it’s too utterly insane to even mock. Go play it!

Carried Interest Adventure [Eric Cantor]

Hey kids, are you all enjoying the new virtual computer adventure game on the computer, “Carried Interest Adventure”? Republican Rep. Eric Cantor has wasted billions in taxpayer money to create this shitty multimedia experience, which teaches a valuable lesson about not wasting government money or something! We didn’t “complete the adventure,” as they say, but we’re pretty sure it ends with a couple of furries in the Longworth building men’s room going YIFF YIFF.

Carried Interest Adventure [cantor.house.gov]

* Reliable Source: Amy Holmes was on The View and didn’t even get in any fights with the shouty liberals… More Bush Twins fun in South America. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Onion runs one of their trademark fake columns, bylined with the name of real-life Rep. Dennis Moore. Moore, sadly, is a good sport about it… Rep. Adam Putnam (age calls Rep. Eric Cantor “a great wingman.” Cure the Post Style section … Buy the campaign crap of losers on eBay. [Examiner]

* Reliable Source: Bush holds public reenactment of Alito’s private swearing in. . . Rep. Jim Moran’s (D-Va.) cell phone rang during the State of the Union. . . Hastert, Specter, Harman had dinner at the Charlie Palmer Steakhouse before the SOTU. . . Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine appears with Sam Donaldson. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. McCain (R-Ariz.) has a cameo in “24″ on Monday night. . . Sens. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) and Reps. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) and George Miller (D-Calif.) viewed the State of the Union from “undisclosed locations” for security reasons. . . Home of Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-Ga.) was vandalized with video tape while she was away at Sundance celebrating the release of a film about her life. . . Linda Douglass of ABC News is joining NYU as a senior fellow. . . Rep. John Kline (R-Minn.) has had enough with Democratic opponent Colleen Rowley. [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: Joint Chiefs of Staff complains to the Washington Post about cartoonist Tom Toles‘ depiction of wounded troops. [WT]
* Liz Smith: Bush jokes about seeing “Brokeback Mountain” with Cheney. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Web of Jack Abramoff’s influence may only reach the wives and grown children of implicated lawmakers. . . George Pataki makes his fifth trip to Iowa next month. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep are losing faith in Democrats. [NYDN]

• Reliable Source: Conservative group charges P. Diddy with pushing liberal activism with “Vote or Die” campaign. . . Robert Downey Jr. got a massage from a local Aveda salon. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.), Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.), Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.), Ken Mehlman, and Jon Stewart named as most influential American Jews by The Forward. . . Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) really likes to use metaphors. [The Hill]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Handwriting analyst says Lewis Libby is “a person with big ideas who does not always bring his imaginings into reality.” [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: Harold Ickes fell off his motorcycle. [NYP]