• May 27, 2012

eric cantor

How’s jolly warrior Eric Cantor going to bat for his House GOP colleagues today? Oh, just by acknowledging that there’s an anti-Semitism problem among House GOP members. Hmm. Perhaps there have been moments of discomfort for our beloved Majority Leader, the only Jewish Republican in the House?

It’s a fine line between clever and stupid, and the poor dears of the GOP establishment are all in a tizzy trying to find it. Having somehow decided that their previous forays into women’s uteruses lacked a proper goose-stepping panache, and having also settled on calling 150 million Americans diseased whoring strumpets as their big [...]

Oh look, here is an unusual sequence of words that is popping up on the newswires: “Republican leaders in the House of Representatives on Monday dropped their demand for spending reductions to pay for extending a tax cut for 160 million American workers, setting up a likely breakthrough for agreement with Democrats.” Interesting. Is this [...]

Woah! Ha ha, so in the last 48 hours the political narrative in Washington has followed a life cycle from “House Republicans won’t agree to the Senate’s two-month extension of a payroll tax cut for the freebie-loving middle class” to, now, “House Republicans are LITERALLY SETTING FIRE TO THE PARTY ITSELF,” and the Republican party [...]

Well, this makes sense: John Boehner announced that House Republicans expect to vote down tonight a two-month payroll tax cut extension that passed 89-10 in the Senate, presumably to round out the year in teabagger obstructionism with a full-circle reversal of the defining GOP platform for the last million years, “not raising taxes.” Nobody even [...]

Terminally panicky villain-child Eric Cantor was all set to deliver a speech on “income inequality” and its many virtues to what he thought would be a carefully selected audience of approvingly docile business students at the Wharton School, but at the last minute university officials reminded Cantor’s office that the event would be open to [...]

BREAKING FREAKING NEWZ, EVERYBODY: one, or possibly two, or possibly a hundred idiots, no one has any idea, briefly stole a parked truck in Virginia containing Barack Obama’s teleprompter and speaking podium for a few hours for mysterious reasons/ for the obvious reason that there was also $200,000 worth of audio equipment in the truck. [...]

Mincing little twit Eric Cantor was all for a bunch of heavily-armed old white sociopaths showing up at Obama speeches and Town Hall meetings about, uh, denying health care to children and working people. But if a crowd of polite unemployed people camps out in a park to politely blog about income inequality, then watch [...]

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke with his unenviable job of trying to save the crumbling American economy with interest rate tweaks is sort of like a firefighter standing before a Texas wildfire who gets to shoot at it with a water pistol while everyone yells at him about the size and type of his water pistol. [...]

Welcome to Hurricane Irene’s “Rapture Part 2!” Haha, does anyone ever get the feeling that the news media is praying for the apocalyptic demise of America’s populous cities harder than Pat Buchanan? We read the news this morning (especially this one, with a message of doom from space) and concluded that we are all going [...]

Major mental acid bath Eric Cantor is known these days for two things: one) as an incompetent whiner who was removed from any leadership responsibility in the debt ceiling negotiations after he threw a childish fit and tried to derail the deal, and two) as the guy who said to Missouri after it was butt-hammered with [...]

Our latest sources say terrible whiny loser Eric Cantor was apparently the actual target of the  5.9 5.8-magnitude earthquake the reptile gods of space launched at the East Coast today, because the epicenter of the quake was smack in the middle of Eric Cantor’s seventh congressional district in Virginia. Sorry, angry cosmic overlords, huge whiff: Eric [...]

OOOH guys, there is a gross brawl going on in the lunchroom! “I heard Obama pushed Cantor!” “I heard Cantor tried to kick him!” “He started it!” “He interrupted me!” And that is your main political headline this morning, that both parties are flinging rumors about what happened inside a closed-door meeting between Obama and [...]

This should play well in Missouri next year: House majority leader Eric Cantor (R-Meanie) has blocked federal disaster-relief help for Joplin, where an incredible storm and tornado killed at least 122 people and leveled much of the town. Police and firefighters and ambulance workers are still pulling victims from the rubble, and the Republican House [...]

Hooray for CNN.com! The world’s favorite “comedy news” site informed us that Barack Obama apparently made no effort to surrender before he was shot dead by American spy-assassins. Way to keep it real, Obama!