Tag Archives: eric bolling

  all of them katie

How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?

S-M-R-T.
The answer is A LOT. Which makes sense, because Donald Trump’s butthole isn’t weak like the other candidates’ buttholes, and it’s definitely not a captured POW loser like John McCain’s butthole. Trump had a big weekend, and he probably put the nail in his own coffin by saying mean things about McCain — some of which are KINDA true, except for how Donald Trump is an asshole who doesn’t know how to string words together without coming off like a ginormous cowering pussy, and who also doesn’t really have a place to talk about others’ Vietnam War records, since the only bravery Trump exhibited during that time was in the number of bullshit deferments he managed to get. Oh wait, that wasn’t “brave,” that was “brazen,” and also “cowardly.” Read more on How Many Fox News Anchors Does It Take To Give Donald Trump A Rimjob?…
  Isolated Insolents

Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help

All terrorists are leftwing. That's just a given!
Fox News’s The Five had a little memory problem Monday, accusing the Department of Homeland Security of completely imagining that rightwing extremists pose any threat to U.S. Americans, because as we all know, the only real terrorists are the Islamic ones. Most of the panel dismissed the DHS’s recent report on the threat from “Sovereign Citizens” and other far-right groups as a pathetic attempt to avoid offending Muslims by pretending that anyone else does terrorism in U.S. America. Read more on Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help…
  Derp Overload

How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)

And Billo was one of the more restrained ones
While Parisians took to the streets with their “Je Suis Charlie” signs yesterday to quietly express solidarity with the murdered satirists and bystanders at the offices of Charlie Hebdo, the American Wingnut-Industrial Complex was in Full Panic Mode, explaining exactly why we all need to pay attention to this horrific terrorist act by three people that all Muslims bear responsibility for. Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly actually offered one of the tamer bits of stupid on the attack, complaining that when he condemned the murders, Barack Obama was actually downplaying the Muslim threat. The president had expressed confidence that France’s commitment to freedom of speech “is something that can’t be silenced by the senseless violence of the few.” Ah, but Mr. Obama has it all wrong, said O’Reilly: Read more on How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)…
  Show Yer Warheads

Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke

On the sand, at least. Sand is ground, right?
Remember way back at the beginning of the Brand New War, last week, when Greg Gutfield and Eric Bolling had a great big larff over the fact that a lady flew a fighter jet for the United Arab Emirates? Gutfield said that after the lady fighter pilot dropped her bombs, she couldn’t park her plane (Women!), and Bolling asked, “Would that be considered boobs on the ground?” Read more on Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart On Latte Salute Poutrage: ‘F-ck You And All Your False Patriotism’ (Video)

It's right there in Federalist #51
It is a time of war, and the executive and legislative branches aren’t playing well together. Congress itself is divided — can the president act militarily without specific congressional authorization, or must he be hamstrung by partisan squabbles? Jon Stewart addressed our current constitutional puzzle on Thursday’s Daily Show: Read more on Jon Stewart On Latte Salute Poutrage: ‘F-ck You And All Your False Patriotism’ (Video)…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror

The Wonkette Overnight Desk has been hard at work aggregating content for your pleasure.
Yesterday on Fox’s The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle gave a shout-out to Major Mariam Al Mansouri, the first female fighter pilot in the United Arab Emirates. Mansouri led her country’s contingent of military pilots that participated in bombing ISIS in Syria earlier this week. Yr Wonkette is not going to cheer on anyone for dropping yet more bombs on more brown people, even if they are fanatical nutbars. Still, we suppose in the context of Middle Eastern countries, where women are sometimes not allowed to so much as drive or even leave the house unless accompanied by a male, this represents a twisted step in the direction of equality. So sure, Kimberly Guilfoyle, go ahead and girl-power away, and let’s hope that none of your troglodytic male co-hosts step on the moment by saying something sexist. Read more on Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror…
  this is good news for john mccain

Fox News Has Exciting New Vanity Fair/Hillary Clinton/Monica Lewinsky Conspiracy Theory!

It was a sad day across the Fox News Channel yesterday as the re-emergence of Monica Lewinsky and her coming essay about her long-ago affair with Bill Clinton knocked the BENGHAAAZI!!!11!! “scandal” out of the headlines, forcing the leprous sacks of skin that anchor Fox’s shows to talk about something else for five minutes. And because it is Fox, there had to be a conspiracy theory angle in there somewhere. For example, the hosts of The Five decided to flex their superior intellectual muscles on the question of why now, after all these years, has Monica decided to break her silence. Andrea Tantaros noted that there were lots of conspiracy theories out there (by “out there” she presumably meant in the Fox newsroom) and then asked Eric Bolling for his opinion. Read more on Fox News Has Exciting New Vanity Fair/Hillary Clinton/Monica Lewinsky Conspiracy Theory!…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Eviscerates Fox News For Its Food Stamp Fixation. Just Metaphorically, Sadly

Don’t make Jon Stewart angry. Fox News accused him of mocking the network for “exposing fraud” in food stamps, so Stewart bites back with this look at how Fox presents poor people as cheats and freeloaders, caricaturing SNAP users based on a few ridiculous examples, like the surfer dude featured on six different Fox shows. The suggestion is that “if they weren’t such shitty people, they wouldn’t be poor. And those food stamps are just making them shittier. Of course, [Fox] didn’t say it so elegantly…” Read more on Jon Stewart Eviscerates Fox News For Its Food Stamp Fixation. Just Metaphorically, Sadly…
  Let God Sort 'em Out

Fox’s Eric Bolling Has Innovative Idea: Save Money By Encouraging Prison Suicides

We weren’t planning to do anything on Ariel Castro’s suicide, because really, “horrible person kills self” is just not brimming with comedic possibilities. And then along comes Eric Bolling on Fox’s The Five with this brilliant observation: hey, by committing suicide, Castro saved the Ohio prison system a whole bunch of money, so let’s look at how much money we could save if everyone in Gitmo killed themselves! He’s got a whiteboard and consulted actuarial tables and everything, so you know it’s a serious idea. Read more on Fox’s Eric Bolling Has Innovative Idea: Save Money By Encouraging Prison Suicides…
  moment of eek

Rand Paul Likes The Filibuster Because It’s Kept Rachel Maddow Off The Supreme Court…So Far

Senator Rand Paul is finished with all this nice-time nonsense and is back to his usual workaday douchiness, going on Fox News to Randsplain the virtues of the filibuster to insufferable teevee pillock Eric Bolling. As far as it goes, Paul’s explanation of why the filibuster is loved by whatever party is in the minority is accurate enough — it allows them to dig their heels in and stop a majority from passing stuff they don’t like — but the conversation drives straight into nutsoland when the two get to examples. For instance, Bolling says, were it not for the filibuster, Senate Republicans would have no way of preventing a wholesale takeover of the government by the staff of MSNBC: …frankly, if you didn’t have a filibuster, what would stop President Obama from appointing say Al Sharpton as attorney general or Rachel Maddow on the Supreme Court? To which Paul agreed that “an extremist like that” could easily be confirmed without the filibuster, because somehow there are no hearings or other mechanisms to keep teevee people off the Supreme Court. This entire conversation is stupid anyway. Any fool knows that Rachel Maddow would head the Department of Education or something nerdy like Energy. The Supreme Court is more of a Chris Hayes place. Read more on Rand Paul Likes The Filibuster Because It’s Kept Rachel Maddow Off The Supreme Court…So Far…
  Won't Fox Stop Thinking Of These Children?

Eric Bolling Tastefully Imagines Obama Daughters’ Violent Deaths In Benghazi

Well, here’s a perfectly legitimate rhetorical question from Fox’s irritable bowel, Eric Bolling. Just suppose that instead of being full of career diplomats and CIA agents, the U.S. diplomatic mission in Benghazi had been defended by Sasha and Malia Obama, or maybe Chelsea Clinton, or perhaps an assortment of baby harp seals and adorable kittens? “Don’t you think we’d be asking different questions” about Benghazi if the Obama daughters had been “pinned down with mortars coming in” and then these “precious children” had died? Yes, Eric. We think you would be asking questions like these: Read more on Eric Bolling Tastefully Imagines Obama Daughters’ Violent Deaths In Benghazi…
  al gebra al jazeera same diff

Fox’s ‘The Five’: Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism

We don’t know how Eric Bolling, of Fox braintrust “The Five,” managed to talk about liberal indoctrination with math without even bothering to note that algebra was invented by A-RABS and is a Mooslem plot. But at least he is on the case of the Marxists at Scholastic teaching the distributive property with a worksheet about distributing the wealth. GO SCHOLASTIC! Read more on Fox’s ‘The Five’: Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism…
  Spotlight on Civility

A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor

Say, did you notice that Joe Biden was just a little interrupty in the VP Debate? We are given to understand that Old Handsome Joe’s performance made a bit of a stir among some of the more sensitive souls on the right side of the political spectrum. (You see, when a Republican puts on an angry threat display, it proves his “alpha male” status. When a Dem does something similar, it is the end of civility as we know it, and poo must be flung.) The Wingosphere is experiencing such a tsunami of tsuris over Mean Joe that we can only skim the surface in this post; no doubt we will miss some of your personal favorites. So it goes. Let’s see whose delicate sensibilities have been ruffled by the Veep-Hulk: Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor…
  the plan reveals itself

Sarah Palin Is Plotting Her Greatest Grift Of All

Oh, oh ho ho ho, oh man, do we feel like idiots! Why was Sarah Palin giving all of those weird semi- or quarter-endorsements to Newt Gingrich a few weeks ago and then trash talking Romney on Fox News Sunday this past weekend? Why is she so intent on seeing the primary process dragged out like this? We’d figured it was just to annoy people for the hell of it, à la her Christine O’Donnell endorsement. But no. (Sigh). So dumb of us! The long-grift at work is right there, in the open, for all to see: She wants to bring the nomination fight to a brokered convention in which party officials eventually ask her to jump in the race. Lazy ol’ Sarah Palin would get to be the nominee, and she wouldn’t have to do more than a day or two’s worth of campaigning to snag it. Of course this is her plan. Ha ha ha ha! It would be the Snowbilly Grift of the Century. Read more on Sarah Palin Is Plotting Her Greatest Grift Of All…
  the scum also rises

Fox News Dingbats Using Up Oxygen To Intensify War Against Puppets

Oh look, a new children’s film starring Muppets with the controversial theme “greed is bad” is the scandal-du-jour over at used dildo recycling plant Fox News? Sure. Last Friday the Fox News business channel presumably had some airtime to fill to avoid any lengthy discussion of the Labor Department’s positive jobs report, so actual tumor Eric Bolling randomly freaked out about the name of the fictional villain of the new Muppets movie, “Tex Richman.” It’s an anti-capitalist message for the childruns, see! Bolling is back again with another panel of venal idiots to belabor his confused non-point, as underscored by the fact that for most of the segment they appear to be discussing the mind terrorism of Sesame Street interchangeably with that of the Muppets. A five-year-old knows the difference, but these Fox News rejects are condemned to struggle with such lofty perceptions. Read more on Fox News Dingbats Using Up Oxygen To Intensify War Against Puppets…
  never never ever forget

Fox News Host Forgets 9/11, Gets Very Angry About It

The eight-year period of 2000-2008 was the best, wasn’t it? First everyone freaked out about Y2K which ended up not really being very exciting, then the movie Chicken Run came out, but then wasn’t there something kind of bad that happened in 2001? Like maybe some bad El Niño weather or the end of a popular television series, or a giant terrorist attack that killed nearly 3,000 people? Not according to Glenn Beck-substitute lecturer Eric Bolling! Maybe he was cruising for chicks with Carson Daly that year, because 9/11 somehow slipped his mind. Read more on Fox News Host Forgets 9/11, Gets Very Angry About It…