Tag Archives: epa

  Stay Cool Boy

Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!

Yeah, but that's just, like, your opinion, man
Looks like the socialist science fiends at Global Warming Hoax Headquarters have decided to fight dirty: Now they’re saying that preventing catastrophic climate change would actually cost a lot less money than just letting things go all to hell. That’s pretty underhanded, using science facts to appeal to people’s self-interest! A new EPA report, Climate Change in the United States: Benefits of Global Action, projects how the USA would benefit from international action to limit global temperature increases to 2 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels, versus the costs of allowing temperature increases to continue at current rates. It’s pretty impressive, until you remind yourself that scientists paid by the oil industry reassure us global warming is all just a myth. Read more on Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  Et tu Nancy?

Democrats Betray Obama On Trade Deal, Guess He’s Done Being President Now

Hmm, yeah, still not funny
Looks like President Barry H. Bamz is officially in lame duck season, because on Friday, House Democrats stabbed him right in the back — they also betrayed, rejected, revolted, and rebelled! — blocking a bill to allow him to make super top secret trade deals with other countries. (That’s how trade deals are made, apparently. In secret. Because of sensitive things we humble folk couldn’t possibly understand and don’t need to know, yay for  transparency.) Read more on Democrats Betray Obama On Trade Deal, Guess He’s Done Being President Now…
  Long Hot Bummer

Superhero Barack Obama Spending Summer Vacation Saving The World

As Neil deGrasse Tyson said, maybe if we could see CO2, we'd be doing something about it
Some kids have a reading list or a paper route or maybe an aggressive agenda of sleeping late and playing Assassin’s Creed Black Flag all freaking day, but Barack Obama’s summer project is just plain old saving the world. The Wall Street Journal, which still does actual reporting now and then, reports that Obama plans to devote a lot of energy this summer to “an ambitious climate agenda that the president sees as key to his legacy.” Read more on Superhero Barack Obama Spending Summer Vacation Saving The World…
  Dirty Mortar Frackers

Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge

New Combustible Water: It's Antibacterial!
This story sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Fund for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and eew don’t drink that fracking fluid you don’t know what’s in it! Terrific news, corporate America! As the Wall Street Journal giddily announces, a new draft EPA study finds that hydraulic fracturing has had no “widespread, systemic impact on drinking water.” Time to drill, baby drill! Except that the actual report is a lot more cautious and sciencey than that, noting that while the agency’s review of scientific literature does find that there’s no widespread contamination of drinking water, there are indeed instances where drinking water has been contaminated, although the “number of identified cases … was small compared to the number of hydraulically fractured wells.” The study, like any good science paper, also identified several potential problems with its own methods that suggest caution before we all announce, “Whoopee, even the EPA says fracking’s harmless!” — a phrase you should expect to hear on Fox News and in internet comments from now until forever. Read more on Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge…
  It's Getting Hot In Herre

Republican Senators: Can You Explain Climate Change To Us, EPA, So We Can Not Believe You Some More?

Gina McCarthy: Suspiciously cozy with Big Science
Gosh, this ought to go well: Some of the biggest climate deniers in the Senate want the EPA to school them on how climate modeling works. No doubt this is so they can gain a greater appreciation of just how complex science is, so they can marvel at how great our understanding of the natural world is. That, or they’re looking for stuff they can cherry-pick out of context to claim that global warming is a hoax, and we should start burning all the coal we can dig up before Jesus comes back. Read more on Republican Senators: Can You Explain Climate Change To Us, EPA, So We Can Not Believe You Some More?…
  patriotism

Republicans Tire Of Telling Americans Obama Isn’t Really President, Decide To Inform The U.N. Instead

President In Name Only
So this is how the Republican Party is going to proceed until they finally repeal President Obama from the White House: The Obama administration’s plan for U.N. climate change talks encountered swift opposition after its release Tuesday, with Republican leaders warning other countries to “proceed with caution” in negotiations with Washington because any deal could be later undone. Tuesday’s announcement by the White House that it had submitted a plan to the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) to reduce carbon emissions, per an agreement made in November between President Obama and Chinese President Xi Jinping, is the sort of thing that shouldn’t be controversial because reducing greenhouse gases benefits everyone — even Republicans! Read more on Republicans Tire Of Telling Americans Obama Isn’t Really President, Decide To Inform The U.N. Instead…
  lawsplaining

Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama

Good job, asshole
We all know what a success it was for Senate Republicans to sign Tom Cotton’s love letter to Iran’s leadership explaining how, according to the U.S. Constitution, the president does not have any real authority. Everyone took them seriously, especially Iran, and no one called them traitors or suggested that openly declaring the president has no power is maybe not very America Fuck Yeah! of them. Read more on Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama…
  luntzing it up

Republicans Will Save Hero Polluters From EPA’s Mad Scientists

REAL science helps the jerb creators
You’ve got to at least respect the cunning of the oil industry buddies in Congress who are pushing a pair of bills aimed at restricting the EPA: They’ve given their bills names that Frank Luntz would just love — the “Secret Science Reform Act” and the “Science Advisory Board Reform Act.” Those sound nice! After all, science shouldn’t be secret, it should be open and transparent! And we definitely want to make sure that Congress gets good advice on using science, don’t we? Oklahoma Rep. Frank Lucas and Texas Rep. Lamar Smith just care about the people having input on government, as long as the people you’re talking about have names like Exxon/Mobil and Shell. Read more on Republicans Will Save Hero Polluters From EPA’s Mad Scientists…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You!

Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine

Here, try some iced fracking fluid.
This story supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil and Chemical Spills, Fracking, and Groundwater Enhancement You probably heard about this big drought in California, especially if you live there and you haven’t washed your car for months because of rationing and stuff (as opposed to those of us who just don’t wash our cars because we call road dust a “patina”). It’s a seriously bad thing, and if your state is pumping so much groundwater that the ground is literally sinking in some areas, then you might just be a bit concerned about the San Fransisco Chronicle’s investigation of oil companies pumping wastewater from drilling operations right down into Central Valley aquifers containing drinkable water. Legally, with permission from state regulators. Since 1983. Read more on Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  The Elephants Are Kindly But They're Dumb

Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’

Megan Fox and reptilian overlord
Fresh off her brilliant destruction of evolution at Chicago’s Field Museum — accomplished by calling science “stupid” and noting that nobody saw what happened 450 million years ago, so shut up — homeschooling mom and amateur conservative skeptic Megan Fox has trained her keen analytical eye on the Brookfield Zoo. She conducts an “audit” — it sounds so professional! — of the exhibits to expose “the Left’s propaganda, lies, and evidence of the cult of Scientism at work.” We hate to disappoint you, kids, but her very limited success as a YouTube phenomenon has already spoiled Megan Fox. After the brilliant science-bashing idiocy of her visit to the Field Museum, her exposé of the zoo is a classic case of sophomore slump. The crazy eyes and manic stupidity are still there, but the magic? The magic is gone. Read more on Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’…
  We must destroy science to save science

GOP So Mad Someone’s Doing Science On Crazy Internet Trolls

Rep. David Schweikert (R-Defender of
A group of meddling congressional Democrats is planning to stick up for science in the House chamber this afternoon — but don’t worry, their post-enlightenment nonsense won’t be tolerated. The action comes in response to the Secret Science Reform Act of 2014, sponsored by Arizona Rep. David Rep. Schweikert, which heads to the floor today. That bill is pretty much exactly as ridiculous as you would expect of a piece of Republican legislation with that name. You see, in right wing circles it is well known that most “peer-reviewed science” falls apart if exposed to the scrutiny of anonymous Internet trolls. Thus, this bill would prevent the Environmental Protection Agency from basing any action on review by these secret “scientists,” until all their data has been released publicly for the tin foil wearers to properly examine. Read more on GOP So Mad Someone’s Doing Science On Crazy Internet Trolls…
  Baby It's Warm Outside

Mean Jimmy Carter Calls Climate Deniers ‘Nutcases,’ Ruining Chances Of Amicable Compromise

If gloabal warming is real, why did he wear a sweater???
Former President and solar water heater aficionado Jimmy Carter went to Aspen, Colorado, this week to accept a lifetime achievement award at the “American Renewable Energy Day summit.” (If he flew there in an airplane, be sure to call him a hypocrite.) There he said people who deny global warming are “nutcases,” prompting howls of outrage on the Right, we figure — they’re always howling and outraged, after all. Oh, yes, just checked Twitchy, and all nine of the fulltime staff were indeed very, very sad at the unfortunate tone taken by the former President. Read more on Mean Jimmy Carter Calls Climate Deniers ‘Nutcases,’ Ruining Chances Of Amicable Compromise…
  the stupid it burns

Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently

It will not surprise any of you to learn that those of us behind the scenes here at yr Wonkette are not a particularly prayerful bunch. Prayer time interferes with our sexxxytime and getting high and it REALLY fucks up our general adherence to godless communism. But we are seriously considering taking up prayer to beat back the tide of these weird Dominionist types that just won’t be happy until they completely and literally ravage the Earth, secure in their knowledge that once they’ve used up all the fossil fuels and whatnot, God will just rapture them away or make more oil or whatever. Read more on Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border

But how did she end up with Twilight Sparkle's panties on her head?
Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we collect all the stupidest stories that we couldn’t find a spot for and dump them in a junk drawer for you to sort through. You may want to wash your brain afterward! Read more on Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Expect 20,000 Militia Heroes On The Border By Thursday

Our comments queue has been especially full of pure uncut dumb lately, and so it’s time to share some of the best of the worst with you, O ye Wonkers. First off, our weekend story about the reported failure of the Great Big Protect Our Border Militia Jamboree and Clambake being “organized” in Texas is almost certainly wrong, according to correspondent “unifiedmilitia1,” who wants to set us straight on a couple things: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Expect 20,000 Militia Heroes On The Border By Thursday…
  for whom the coal trolls

Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz

We told you a while back about the phenomenon of “rollin’ coal,” whereby Manly Men modify the fuel systems of their big diesel trucks to deliberately dump excess fuel into their engines, creating thick black smoke and proclaiming their freedom from clean air and other despicable liberal plots. It’s especially hilarious when they blow smoke on a Prius driver or a bicyclist, ideally one with asthma. You get the sense that if they could find an emphysema patient on oxygen to roll coal on, they might just ejaculate in their pants. It’s technological assholery as political statement, the closest these motorheads can get to actually taking a shit on the environmentalists (and the “environment,” which isn’t even a real thing) they hate so much. Oh, and incidentally, the Environmental Protection Agency clarified Monday that rollin’ coal is unquestionably illegal. But what would you expect from a bunch of wimpy poindexters who think the environment needs protecting? Read more on Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz…
  all-time champions

Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change

Let no one say that Kentucky’s lawmakers will not engage in the most heroic levels of dumb when it comes to climate change denialism. If there were an Olympics in derp, the Kentucky Lege would win gold in every possible event. They would be the Michael Phelps of dumb. Witness the recent meeting of their Natural Resources and Environment Committee, which featured criminal levels of dumb about dinosaurs, coal, and the temperature on Mars. Read more on Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change…
  no not that kind of emission

GOP Heroes Will Shut Down Government Before They Let EPA Communists Force You To Breathe Clean Air

Are you ready for some déjà vu? The Obama Administration is looking to implement a policy that will lead to healthier Americans. And once again, the GOP is frothing and foaming and throwing a temper-tantrum because they fucking HATE healthy (post-embryotic) Americans! And the kicker: they might just shut down the government, take their toys, and go home unless they get their way: President Obama’s new climate change rule could result in a partial government shutdown this fall if Republicans attempt to block the regulations through the appropriations process. Let’s sexsplore why Republicans are determined to ensure you live a short, unhealthy life.  Read more on GOP Heroes Will Shut Down Government Before They Let EPA Communists Force You To Breathe Clean Air…
  ddteed off

Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It

Google has really angered the Wingnuttospere this week. First off, on Monday, the search engine failed to put up a special doodle for Memorial Day, because Google Hates America — actually, the page did mark the day with an American flag and yellow ribbon icon, but they were too small and didn’t go up at midnight like they should have, but later in the day.* Then Tuesday, Google drew the wrath of all nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy by honoring Rachel Carson on what would have been her 107th birthday. This tribute to a known environmentalist sparked a Twitch-Fit, because of course by writing Silent Spring, a book that eventually led to the banning of DDT, Rachel Carson personally murdered millions: Read more on Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It…