Tag Archives: epa

  lawsplaining

Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama

Well as long as he says it's ok
We all know what a success it was for Senate Republicans to sign Tom Cotton’s love letter to Iran’s leadership explaining how, according to the U.S. Constitution, the president does not have any real authority. Everyone took them seriously, especially Iran, and no one called them traitors or suggested that openly declaring the president has no power is maybe not very America Fuck Yeah! of them. Read more on Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama…
  luntzing it up

Republicans Will Save Hero Polluters From EPA’s Mad Scientists

REAL science helps the jerb creators
You’ve got to at least respect the cunning of the oil industry buddies in Congress who are pushing a pair of bills aimed at restricting the EPA: They’ve given their bills names that Frank Luntz would just love — the “Secret Science Reform Act” and the “Science Advisory Board Reform Act.” Those sound nice! After all, science shouldn’t be secret, it should be open and transparent! And we definitely want to make sure that Congress gets good advice on using science, don’t we? Oklahoma Rep. Frank Lucas and Texas Rep. Lamar Smith just care about the people having input on government, as long as the people you’re talking about have names like Exxon/Mobil and Shell. Read more on Republicans Will Save Hero Polluters From EPA’s Mad Scientists…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You!

Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine

Here, try some iced fracking fluid.
This story supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil and Chemical Spills, Fracking, and Groundwater Enhancement You probably heard about this big drought in California, especially if you live there and you haven’t washed your car for months because of rationing and stuff (as opposed to those of us who just don’t wash our cars because we call road dust a “patina”). It’s a seriously bad thing, and if your state is pumping so much groundwater that the ground is literally sinking in some areas, then you might just be a bit concerned about the San Fransisco Chronicle’s investigation of oil companies pumping wastewater from drilling operations right down into Central Valley aquifers containing drinkable water. Legally, with permission from state regulators. Since 1983. Read more on Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  The Elephants Are Kindly But They're Dumb

Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’

Megan Fox and reptilian overlord
Fresh off her brilliant destruction of evolution at Chicago’s Field Museum — accomplished by calling science “stupid” and noting that nobody saw what happened 450 million years ago, so shut up — homeschooling mom and amateur conservative skeptic Megan Fox has trained her keen analytical eye on the Brookfield Zoo. She conducts an “audit” — it sounds so professional! — of the exhibits to expose “the Left’s propaganda, lies, and evidence of the cult of Scientism at work.” We hate to disappoint you, kids, but her very limited success as a YouTube phenomenon has already spoiled Megan Fox. After the brilliant science-bashing idiocy of her visit to the Field Museum, her exposé of the zoo is a classic case of sophomore slump. The crazy eyes and manic stupidity are still there, but the magic? The magic is gone. Read more on Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’…
  We must destroy science to save science

GOP So Mad Someone’s Doing Science On Crazy Internet Trolls

Rep. David Schweikert (R-Defender of
A group of meddling congressional Democrats is planning to stick up for science in the House chamber this afternoon — but don’t worry, their post-enlightenment nonsense won’t be tolerated. The action comes in response to the Secret Science Reform Act of 2014, sponsored by Arizona Rep. David Rep. Schweikert, which heads to the floor today. That bill is pretty much exactly as ridiculous as you would expect of a piece of Republican legislation with that name. You see, in right wing circles it is well known that most “peer-reviewed science” falls apart if exposed to the scrutiny of anonymous Internet trolls. Thus, this bill would prevent the Environmental Protection Agency from basing any action on review by these secret “scientists,” until all their data has been released publicly for the tin foil wearers to properly examine. Read more on GOP So Mad Someone’s Doing Science On Crazy Internet Trolls…
  Baby It's Warm Outside

Mean Jimmy Carter Calls Climate Deniers ‘Nutcases,’ Ruining Chances Of Amicable Compromise

If gloabal warming is real, why did he wear a sweater???
Former President and solar water heater aficionado Jimmy Carter went to Aspen, Colorado, this week to accept a lifetime achievement award at the “American Renewable Energy Day summit.” (If he flew there in an airplane, be sure to call him a hypocrite.) There he said people who deny global warming are “nutcases,” prompting howls of outrage on the Right, we figure — they’re always howling and outraged, after all. Oh, yes, just checked Twitchy, and all nine of the fulltime staff were indeed very, very sad at the unfortunate tone taken by the former President. Read more on Mean Jimmy Carter Calls Climate Deniers ‘Nutcases,’ Ruining Chances Of Amicable Compromise…
  the stupid it burns

Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently

It will not surprise any of you to learn that those of us behind the scenes here at yr Wonkette are not a particularly prayerful bunch. Prayer time interferes with our sexxxytime and getting high and it REALLY fucks up our general adherence to godless communism. But we are seriously considering taking up prayer to beat back the tide of these weird Dominionist types that just won’t be happy until they completely and literally ravage the Earth, secure in their knowledge that once they’ve used up all the fossil fuels and whatnot, God will just rapture them away or make more oil or whatever. Read more on Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border

But how did she end up with Twilight Sparkle's panties on her head?
Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we collect all the stupidest stories that we couldn’t find a spot for and dump them in a junk drawer for you to sort through. You may want to wash your brain afterward! Read more on Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Expect 20,000 Militia Heroes On The Border By Thursday

Our comments queue has been especially full of pure uncut dumb lately, and so it’s time to share some of the best of the worst with you, O ye Wonkers. First off, our weekend story about the reported failure of the Great Big Protect Our Border Militia Jamboree and Clambake being “organized” in Texas is almost certainly wrong, according to correspondent “unifiedmilitia1,” who wants to set us straight on a couple things: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Expect 20,000 Militia Heroes On The Border By Thursday…
  for whom the coal trolls

Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz

We told you a while back about the phenomenon of “rollin’ coal,” whereby Manly Men modify the fuel systems of their big diesel trucks to deliberately dump excess fuel into their engines, creating thick black smoke and proclaiming their freedom from clean air and other despicable liberal plots. It’s especially hilarious when they blow smoke on a Prius driver or a bicyclist, ideally one with asthma. You get the sense that if they could find an emphysema patient on oxygen to roll coal on, they might just ejaculate in their pants. It’s technological assholery as political statement, the closest these motorheads can get to actually taking a shit on the environmentalists (and the “environment,” which isn’t even a real thing) they hate so much. Oh, and incidentally, the Environmental Protection Agency clarified Monday that rollin’ coal is unquestionably illegal. But what would you expect from a bunch of wimpy poindexters who think the environment needs protecting? Read more on Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz…
  all-time champions

Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change

Let no one say that Kentucky’s lawmakers will not engage in the most heroic levels of dumb when it comes to climate change denialism. If there were an Olympics in derp, the Kentucky Lege would win gold in every possible event. They would be the Michael Phelps of dumb. Witness the recent meeting of their Natural Resources and Environment Committee, which featured criminal levels of dumb about dinosaurs, coal, and the temperature on Mars. Read more on Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change…
  no not that kind of emission

GOP Heroes Will Shut Down Government Before They Let EPA Communists Force You To Breathe Clean Air

Are you ready for some déjà vu? The Obama Administration is looking to implement a policy that will lead to healthier Americans. And once again, the GOP is frothing and foaming and throwing a temper-tantrum because they fucking HATE healthy (post-embryotic) Americans! And the kicker: they might just shut down the government, take their toys, and go home unless they get their way: President Obama’s new climate change rule could result in a partial government shutdown this fall if Republicans attempt to block the regulations through the appropriations process. Let’s sexsplore why Republicans are determined to ensure you live a short, unhealthy life.  Read more on GOP Heroes Will Shut Down Government Before They Let EPA Communists Force You To Breathe Clean Air…
  ddteed off

Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It

Google has really angered the Wingnuttospere this week. First off, on Monday, the search engine failed to put up a special doodle for Memorial Day, because Google Hates America — actually, the page did mark the day with an American flag and yellow ribbon icon, but they were too small and didn’t go up at midnight like they should have, but later in the day.* Then Tuesday, Google drew the wrath of all nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy by honoring Rachel Carson on what would have been her 107th birthday. This tribute to a known environmentalist sparked a Twitch-Fit, because of course by writing Silent Spring, a book that eventually led to the banning of DDT, Rachel Carson personally murdered millions: Read more on Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It…
  environmental porn agency

EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash

Does your job blow? Do you ever fantasize about just kicking back and watching porn all day, but wish you could still pull down a nice six-figure salary? Yeah, us too, so click on those goddam ads swirling around, ok? (Note: do not actually click on those ads unless they are things in which you are interested, or that is “click fraud.” DO NOT go to click-fraud jail!) Our other option would be to work for the Environmental Protection Agency, per HuffPo: An employee at the Environmental Protection Agency allegedly downloaded over 7,000 files of pornography on a government computer and watched them two to six hours per day, the agency’s investigative unit revealed Wednesday. First off, holy shit that is a lot of porn-watching! But could it have been work-related porn? Is the EPA seeking to give grants to environmentally friendly porn producers? Maybe there were lessons at the end of them, like “Tell corporate polluters to stop treating the world’s oceans like a woman’s face. No ejaculating onto the world’s oceans!” We’d support our tax dollars going to that. Let’s sexsplore.  Read more on EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash…
  blown' in the wind

Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism

Hey there Supreme Court, whatcha doing today? Not sucking? Sure, because the sun rose in the east this…wait, what? We’re so used to the Roberts Courts inventing new ways to prove that a bare majority of them are such fucking assholes they would sell out their own mothers for an invite to a Federalist Society dinner that we’re absolutely gobsmacked to find six – SIX – of the judges issuing a ruling we like. Not that SCOTUS needs the approval of this humble little mommyblog, but we’re still grateful for them telling some major polluters to slurp coal ash and die. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism…
  much ado about moosing

EPA Head Apologizes For Insulting Alaska’s Precious Heritage Of Rancid Moose Meat

In further evidence that The Obama Administration is full of elitists and Marie Antoinettes of the very worst sort, EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy brutally hurt the tender feelings of all Alaskans recently by saying in a Wall Street Journal article that a “little girl’s” (who wasn’t a little girl) heartfelt gift of a jar of moose meat “could gag a maggot.” After proud Alaska Republicans decried the slur, her office offered an apology on Friday, but Moose Meat Maggot Gagghazi could still prove to be the undoing of the arrogant criminals in the Obama regime, maybe, if anyone outside can stop giggling about it long enough to pretend to be Deeply Offended. Read more on EPA Head Apologizes For Insulting Alaska’s Precious Heritage Of Rancid Moose Meat…
  they shall overcome

Idaho House Is Pretty Certain They Can Just Wish The Pesky EPA Away

People of Idaho (looking at you, Dok Zoom), we’re going to need to ask you to come collect your state legislators because they seem to have lost all sense of how laws actually work, and that’s going to pose a problem for everyone really soon. Lawsplain at us about the problem, Think Progress lawyer guy. Federal law is completely optional and Idaho can opt out of any laws it doesn’t like. Or, at least, that’s what several members of the Idaho state legislature appears to believe. On Thursday, the Idaho House Resources Committee approved a bill purporting to declare all Environmental Protection Agency regulations “null and void”. The bill, which claims that “the regulation authority of the United States environmental protection agency is not authorized by the Constitution of the United States and violates its true meaning and intent as given by the founders and ratifiers,” is doubly unconstitutional. States do not have the unilateral authority to declare a law unconstitutional[.] Man, you fancy east coast elites always trying to keep Idaho down with your rules and regulations about how there has to be an EPA and you can’t destroy the environment and you can’t just pick and choose what laws you follow. Everybody knows that the only things the Constitution addresses is your right to have guns anyhow anyplace anywhere and your right to require everyone to love Jesus because he founded these here United States and your god-given right to be super-butthurt if anyone tells you you’re a bigot. That’s it. Just those three things. Read more on Idaho House Is Pretty Certain They Can Just Wish The Pesky EPA Away…
  war on coal

Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia

Whatever happened with that Freedom Industries water-poisoning incident? All fixed? No? That’s depressing and predictable. What else ya got for us, West Virginia? … Oh come on! “Patriot Coal” this time? Apparently Patriot Coal this time: About 108,000 gallons of slurry waste from washing coal spilled into Fields Creek from the Kanawha Eagle Prep Plant near Winifrede, West Virginia’s Department of Environmental Protection said yesterday in an e-mailed statement. Here is a picture of a 100,000 gallon tank, and a person: Now imagine that tank (update: actually, this much larger tank is more like it) is filled with “coal slurry,” which is a gunk made of ground up coal and rocks and water, and then imagine some deity — call her Deregula, goddess of the Free Market — breaking open that tank like a kid snapping a crayon and dumping all of its contents, plus 8,000 more gallons, into a pretty little creek. Then imagine a sexual encounter with your favorite celebrity (Joe Biden), because you earned it.  Read more on Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia…
  better lying through chemistry

Freedom Industries Would Love To Tell You About The Other Chemical They Spilled, But Sorry, ‘Trade Secret’

Two weeks after dumping enough toxic crap into the Elk River to make water unusable in much of West Virginia, Freedom Industries told state environmental officials that in addition to the original toxic crap — “Crude MCHM”* — that everyone knew about, there was a second chemical in the leaky tank as well. Oh, also, the company said, they can’t really say much about what exactly the mystery substance, “PPH,” is, or what it will do to people, because its exact identity is “proprietary.” We are betting that it is probably not the mysterious “Chemical X” that was key to the creation of the Powerpuff Girls. Read more on Freedom Industries Would Love To Tell You About The Other Chemical They Spilled, But Sorry, ‘Trade Secret’…
  mo money mo problems

Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow

Hold on to your hats, gentlemen, and clutch your pearls, ladies, because House and Senate negotiators have come up with a … wait for it… COMPROMISE! After you pick you jaws up from the floor, we shall dig through all the nooks and crannies of this funding agreement, forged deep in the depths of Mt. Doom the Capitol Basement. There are tons of goodies in there, including a massive increase to embassy security spending because BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI. It was an increase of… let’s see… carry the 4… multiply by the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow… NEGATIVE $224 MILLION. Yep, sure am glad that 8,634 Congressional hearings into embassy security resulted in LESS funding for embassy security. Let’s wonksplore other nuggets found in the bill.  Read more on Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow…