Tag Archives: environment

  Exploding Foamy Pig Doots II: Electric Poopaloo

Mean Enviros Won’t Let Tenn. State Rep. Throw Pig Carcasses All Over The Place, Except They Did

Have you seen the little piggies in their starched white shirts?
Let’s just call this story “Son Of Exploding Foamy Pig Doots,” shall we? Except there’s no exploding, and the foaming is mostly just a froth of pure pigshit coming from Tennessee state Rep. Andy Holt, who is quite certain that no sir his hog farm did NOT get any special treatment from regulators, even though he operated for years without a permit, left hog carcasses lying around unburied, and pumped half a million gallons of hogshit into a creek near his farm. Read more on Mean Enviros Won’t Let Tenn. State Rep. Throw Pig Carcasses All Over The Place, Except They Did…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You!

Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine

Here, try some iced fracking fluid.
This story supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil and Chemical Spills, Fracking, and Groundwater Enhancement You probably heard about this big drought in California, especially if you live there and you haven’t washed your car for months because of rationing and stuff (as opposed to those of us who just don’t wash our cars because we call road dust a “patina”). It’s a seriously bad thing, and if your state is pumping so much groundwater that the ground is literally sinking in some areas, then you might just be a bit concerned about the San Fransisco Chronicle’s investigation of oil companies pumping wastewater from drilling operations right down into Central Valley aquifers containing drinkable water. Legally, with permission from state regulators. Since 1983. Read more on Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine…
  Supreme Court set to rule on flying death robot marriage soon

Friendly Flying Death Robots And Mystery Bird-Killing Gunk: Your Life-Sucking Environment Roundup!

This week in environment news, California officials are baffled by some mysterious black gunk that kills waterfowl, while techbros in North Carolina and Mexico try to make sure that Skynet happens before we destroy the entire planet. Read more on Friendly Flying Death Robots And Mystery Bird-Killing Gunk: Your Life-Sucking Environment Roundup!…
  Looks Like A Job For The Toxic Avenger

Same Jerks Who Poisoned West Virginia Back With New Name, New Toxic Spills

Nothing to see here
Hey, remember “Freedom Industries,” the nice folks who spilled an assload of toxic coal-cleaning chemicals into the Elk River in West Virginia a year ago, poisoning the drinking water for roughly a third of the state? We all enjoyed the antics of their CEO, Gary Southern, who swigged bottled water while telling reporters he was far too tired to answer their boring questions about “safety” and “damage.” Then we were rather pleased when he was arrested and charged with being a big time crimer. Corporate malfeasance: ENDED! Read more on Same Jerks Who Poisoned West Virginia Back With New Name, New Toxic Spills…
  O true apothecary thy drugs are freakin' everywhere

Water Crisis: Filthy, Liquid Death In Montana, Washington, Kiev, Everywhere!

This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once From an oil spill of 50,000 gallons in the Yellowstone river to a federal ruling on an “imminent and substantial” health threat in East Washington from dairy manure, water contamination stories flooding the news are probably no big deal, and your drinking water is totally fine. Read more on Water Crisis: Filthy, Liquid Death In Montana, Washington, Kiev, Everywhere!…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  What The (Bleep!) Does Anyone Know?

2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’

Science: now officially optional!
We know that politicians actually started saying “I’m not a scientist” well before 2014 — Marco Rubio adopted it in 2012 when asked how old the earth was — but this was definitely the year it became Republicans’ go-to strategy for avoiding journalists’ questions about global warming and/or evolution. On matters of climate, it’s a fine supplement to the previous favorite dodge, “I believe the climate is always changing.” And what a fine year of not-science the Right has given us! Read more on 2014: The Year Of Terrible Science From People Saying ‘I’m Not A Scientist’…
  The Elephants Are Kindly But They're Dumb

Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’

Megan Fox and reptilian overlord
Fresh off her brilliant destruction of evolution at Chicago’s Field Museum — accomplished by calling science “stupid” and noting that nobody saw what happened 450 million years ago, so shut up — homeschooling mom and amateur conservative skeptic Megan Fox has trained her keen analytical eye on the Brookfield Zoo. She conducts an “audit” — it sounds so professional! — of the exhibits to expose “the Left’s propaganda, lies, and evidence of the cult of Scientism at work.” We hate to disappoint you, kids, but her very limited success as a YouTube phenomenon has already spoiled Megan Fox. After the brilliant science-bashing idiocy of her visit to the Field Museum, her exposé of the zoo is a classic case of sophomore slump. The crazy eyes and manic stupidity are still there, but the magic? The magic is gone. Read more on Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  everyone poops

Excellent News! Whale Poop Could Save Us All From Global Warming, Maybe

Everyone knows how prophetic the popular “The Star Track” television show was: Nowadays you got your “communicators” — cell phones — and your “PADDs” — tablet computers — and your “Ferengis” — the Koch Brothers. In yet another instance of Star Trek getting The Future absolutely right, it turns out that whales may actually save the Earth, which was the plot of Star Trek IV: The One Before Some Idiot Let Shatner Direct. Only it’s not because they can communicate with V’Ger, it’s because a restoration of whales to their former population levels would mean a whole lot of whale poop. And all that whale poop could help offset humanity’s successful efforts to crap on the entire planet. Read more on Excellent News! Whale Poop Could Save Us All From Global Warming, Maybe…
  for whom the coal trolls

Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz

We told you a while back about the phenomenon of “rollin’ coal,” whereby Manly Men modify the fuel systems of their big diesel trucks to deliberately dump excess fuel into their engines, creating thick black smoke and proclaiming their freedom from clean air and other despicable liberal plots. It’s especially hilarious when they blow smoke on a Prius driver or a bicyclist, ideally one with asthma. You get the sense that if they could find an emphysema patient on oxygen to roll coal on, they might just ejaculate in their pants. It’s technological assholery as political statement, the closest these motorheads can get to actually taking a shit on the environmentalists (and the “environment,” which isn’t even a real thing) they hate so much. Oh, and incidentally, the Environmental Protection Agency clarified Monday that rollin’ coal is unquestionably illegal. But what would you expect from a bunch of wimpy poindexters who think the environment needs protecting? Read more on Prius-Driving Wussies At EPA Say Rollin’ Coal Illegal; Jackbooted Thugs Coming For Yer TruckNutz…
  operation trolling thunder

Jerk Babies With Big Diesels Find Exciting Way To Annoy Liberals: ‘Rollin’ Coal’

We gentle liberal souls are a simple lot, foolishly thinking that everyone wants to be nice and get along and braid each other’s hair while singing Indigo Girls songs about empowerment and shit. But it turns out that peace, love, and understanding are, in fact, pretty goddamned funny, and so sometimes the Manly Men who know that Diesel is Life need to remind us of that fact by blowing black sooty smoke into our Prius-driving faces. Or onto random pedestrians. Or just for the hell of it. The practice is colloquially known as “rollin’ coal,”* and the effect is achieved on the cheap by applying the throttle in a too-low gear, or if you want to really make a scene, by spending a few thousand bucks to modify a truck’s fuel system to dump excessive fuel into the cylinders, resulting in a nice black plume of sooty exhaust. It’s fuckin’ HILARIOUS, and it leaves wimpy liberal greenies just gibbering with impotent rage about “the environment,” which is just a lot of empty land that would best be used by leaving deep ruts in it. It’s really a kind of genius way to turn technology into pure trolling, transportation into culture war, and air pollution into a political statement. Rollin’ coal gives environmentalists — and even better, the actual environment — a fossil-fuel wedgie. Read more on Jerk Babies With Big Diesels Find Exciting Way To Annoy Liberals: ‘Rollin’ Coal’…
  ddteed off

Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It

Google has really angered the Wingnuttospere this week. First off, on Monday, the search engine failed to put up a special doodle for Memorial Day, because Google Hates America — actually, the page did mark the day with an American flag and yellow ribbon icon, but they were too small and didn’t go up at midnight like they should have, but later in the day.* Then Tuesday, Google drew the wrath of all nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy by honoring Rachel Carson on what would have been her 107th birthday. This tribute to a known environmentalist sparked a Twitch-Fit, because of course by writing Silent Spring, a book that eventually led to the banning of DDT, Rachel Carson personally murdered millions: Read more on Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It…
  sponsored post

Track The Government’s Crimes Against The Environment In Real Time

This post was brought to you by our friends at Trackbill. You were ready to die in the North Atlantic, numb and blind in the black water, except it didn’t shake out that way. You’re not sure exactly how you were rescued — you recall being saved by a magic walrus who was wise in the ways of the sea, but you were probably in shock. The whaling boat that rammed you is still out there plying its murderous trade, but you’ve got a feeling your Gaia Force Commando days are over. Harassing whalers, chaining yourself to stuff, hanging awesome guerrilla banners on The Man’s corporate headquarters:  you are ready to leave that to the next generation. You’ve been a body yelling in front of the Captiol. Now you’re going to be the body behind the bodies, telling the bodies what to yell and where to yell it. It’s time for you to make your mark in leadership. You have all the cred you need — who can top near-drowning and possible walrus rescue? — but you need more. Read more on Track The Government’s Crimes Against The Environment In Real Time…
  war on coal

Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia

Whatever happened with that Freedom Industries water-poisoning incident? All fixed? No? That’s depressing and predictable. What else ya got for us, West Virginia? … Oh come on! “Patriot Coal” this time? Apparently Patriot Coal this time: About 108,000 gallons of slurry waste from washing coal spilled into Fields Creek from the Kanawha Eagle Prep Plant near Winifrede, West Virginia’s Department of Environmental Protection said yesterday in an e-mailed statement. Here is a picture of a 100,000 gallon tank, and a person: Now imagine that tank (update: actually, this much larger tank is more like it) is filled with “coal slurry,” which is a gunk made of ground up coal and rocks and water, and then imagine some deity — call her Deregula, goddess of the Free Market — breaking open that tank like a kid snapping a crayon and dumping all of its contents, plus 8,000 more gallons, into a pretty little creek. Then imagine a sexual encounter with your favorite celebrity (Joe Biden), because you earned it.  Read more on Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia…
  it's gettin warm in herre so take off all your regulations

House GOP, Unable To Help Itself, Chooses Climate Change Denier To Head Environment Subcommittee

In a House of Representatives where Michele Bachmann is on the House Intelligence Committee and Paul “Evolution is a Lie” Broun and climate change deniers Dana Rohrabacher and Lamar Smith are on the Science Committee, it only makes sense that another climate change denier on the committee, Arizona’s David Schweikert, would be named to head the Science Committee’s environmental subcommittee. It’s really just a matter of balance, after all — if virtually all climate scientists agree that climate change is real, then you want to have laws that give equal balance to the opinions of nonscientists who watch Fox News and the views of engineers and scientists employed by the oil and coal business. That may not be how science works, but it’s certainly how politics does. Read more on House GOP, Unable To Help Itself, Chooses Climate Change Denier To Head Environment Subcommittee…
  just scratching the tip of the rapidly melting iceberg

Wingnuts And The Crazy Things They Said About Science: Let Us Review 2013 And Weep For The Planet

The end of another year is upon us, worthly Wonkette scum. Another year in the books of us reading terrible things about terrible people and then writing about them in joke form for your entertainment, if one can call misanthropic snark about utter morons entertaining. You are all masochists, obviously, and leading you through the feverish and diseased minds of the wingnuts has been a joyless slog for us. So what better way to mark the end of 2013 than with a look back at some of the terribly dumb and inaccurate statements made about science and medicine that we remarked upon as we trampled through the saw grass and muck of the swamps on the American right? Come, let us reminisce together. Read more on Wingnuts And The Crazy Things They Said About Science: Let Us Review 2013 And Weep For The Planet…
  it's the ecology stupid

Screw Your Salmon And Your Virgin Wilderness, Alaska, America Hungers For Molybdenum

How is Congress wasting everyone’s time today, besides all of the usual ways? Oh, here’s a good one: “Congress pushes EPA on giant Pebble mine.” No, not giant pebbles, which are just normal-sided rocks, after all; they mean the proposed Pebble mine, in Alaska, which is going to be a fucking disaster! This is a particularly infuriating waste of time even by Congressional standards because 1) Congress doesn’t have the authority to force any particular decision on the EPA (thank Christmas), and 2) Congress (obviously) wants the mine to go ahead, because gold, and copper, and economy, and jerbs, even though VERY FEW PEOPLE who live around the proposed mine want it, the Indian tribes don’t want it, and if the fish and the curiously un-raped (sorry, non-non-consensually-sexed) ecosystem could talk we bet they would not want it either. But what does Rep. Paul “Science is a lie” Broun think of all this? Read more on Screw Your Salmon And Your Virgin Wilderness, Alaska, America Hungers For Molybdenum… Read more on Screw Your Salmon And Your Virgin Wilderness, Alaska, America Hungers For Molybdenum…
  planet schmanet

It’s Cool, The Entire World Is Already Ruined, Don’t Even Worry About It

Who is dying today, besides all of us? To name three, as writers do, it’s the bees, the ice, and Simpsons man Sam Simon! Have you heard about the bees? It’s no big deal, they’re just dying because all the poisons we use to make our food seem to be bad for bees, in that they get parasites and die because they’ve been poisoned. The ice, well you knew the ice was fucked, but now someone’s gone and figured out that the methane released by melting arctic ice is going to cost $60 trillion real dollars, because of how it’s going to cause even more fake global warming. And Sam Simon, so sad, he has the butt cancer, and he’s going to leave all his money to charity, except: Read more on It’s Cool, The Entire World Is Already Ruined, Don’t Even Worry About It… Read more on It’s Cool, The Entire World Is Already Ruined, Don’t Even Worry About It…
  rumors on the internets

Scientific Studies Show We’re Turning Into Insecure Jerks

Hi everyone, it is the time of the day when we welcome our new intern, Sulagna Misra! (“Soo-LOG-nuh”) She comes to us from NYU and USC and also New Jersey, and she will be writing linky posts and also the Tumblr. Did you know we had a Tumblr? No, neither did we, because we abandoned and forgot it because of Oldness. HELLO SULAGNA WELCOME TO YOUR WONKET. Here, she has made you a linky post. Be excellent unto her, please! — The Editrix Read more on Scientific Studies Show We’re Turning Into Insecure Jerks…
  what the

Eco-Terrorist Scamp Jailed For Punking Drilling Agency Put In ‘The Hole’ For Sending E-Mail

You do not meddle with the primal forces of nature — or punk the Bureau of Land Management! (Same thing.) Tim DeChristopher, an environmental activist currently serving a two-year sentence in California’s Herlong Federal Correction Facility for winning an auction on a gas and drilling auction on public land and then was all “HAHA KIDDING! PSYCH!”, has just spent the past 19 days in a “restricted cell” within the prison because…he sent his friend an e-mail. DeChristopher was apparently concerned about the ties of one of the donors to his legal fund. According to the group Peaceful Uprising, which DeChristopher helped found, the e-mail prompted an “unnamed congressman” to request that DeChristopher be moved from the minimum-security section of the prison to the Special Housing Unit, which beyond sounding patently terrifying and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nesty, could have prolonged DeChristopher’s time in prison. Thanks to very vocal support from the public, Peaceful Uprising just announced that DeChristopher was finally removed from the “hole” yesterday. But um…why is this guy in prison again? He didn’t even essplode any SUV’s! Read more on Eco-Terrorist Scamp Jailed For Punking Drilling Agency Put In ‘The Hole’ For Sending E-Mail…
  paving paradise

Tennessee House Fights 20-Year-Old UN ‘Sustainability’ Plan, Because ‘Forced Abortion’

The Republican swath of the Tennessee House appears to have gotten an email chain letter from far-right crazy uncle the John Birch Society (desperate times), and the Tennessee House has heeded its call! Seems the New World Order managed to pass a truly insidious United Nations plan called Agenda 21 (it just sounds communist, wouldn’t you say?), and the Tennessee House aims to stop it! The point of Agenda 21, according to the U.N., is to support sustainable development: to “alleviate poverty and curb global warming,” as the Tennessean puts it. Tennessee House GOP translation: THESE TREE-HUGGIN BABY-HATIN COMMIE FOCKERS! Read more on Tennessee House Fights 20-Year-Old UN ‘Sustainability’ Plan, Because ‘Forced Abortion’…