Tag Archives: enrique pena nieto

  drilly bebe drill

Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto Wants Mexico To Get Fracked

There’s nothing spicier than our favorite allegedly gay, allegedly wife-murdering and allegedly elected Mexican president, Señior Enrique Peña Nieto. How has he fared in the first year of his stolen office? FABulously! drools Michael Barone, senior political prestidigitator at The Washington Examiner, resident goodfella at the American Enterprise Institute and, of course, Fox News gasbag. Peña Nieto is such an “efficient reformer” that there is no more drug violence! That whole idea of people being gunned down in the streets by narcotraficantes is “out of date.” He’s kinda, sorta rii…ght about this part. With decriminalization of pot in the US and neighboring Latin American countries, some cartels, like the nice boys of the Knights Templar cartel in Michoacan, are diversifying from drug violence to iron ore exporting and thuggery. That should make international investment coffers open wide for chunky. Read more on Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto Wants Mexico To Get Fracked…
  just like on weeds!

Gay? Murderer? The Telenovela Life of Mexican President-Elect Enrique Peña Nieto

The more we learn about Mexican president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto, the scarier things get. Behind the Pompadour and circumstance, there lurks a dark and nasty side to the pretty-boy president-to-be. First off, he’s a slut. Big deal. So was Bill Clinton (and John F. Kennedy, for that matter). But a slutty assassin and wife killer (MAYBE!) is a totally different story. First, let’s mira at his extramarital affairs. Read more on Gay? Murderer? The Telenovela Life of Mexican President-Elect Enrique Peña Nieto…
  the citizens united of mexico

Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny

In our second segment in the series Everything We Always Wanted To Know About Mexico But Now That We Know Can We Unknow It?, we bring you the latest fashions in election vote-fixing, brought to you by president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto’s party, the oddly-named Institutional Revolutionary Party or PRI. (How do you institutionalize revolution, anyway?) Some of the things the PRI did institutionalize over the 70 years they were in power was guaranteeing their own reelection and turning a blind eye to the drug cartels because “job creators.” However, the new handsome, youthful face of the party, Enrique Peña Nieto, PROMISED that his party had CHANGED and he would NEVER go back to the old ways. But he needed to win the election, ya know? So, just a few little cheaty things here and there wouldn’t be noticed, right? It was all for the greater good. On Monday and Tuesday, just after Sunday’s election, an embarrassing Popocatépetl-sized kerfuffle erupted. Thousands of Mexicans crowded into Soriana grocery stores to cash in gift cards that were given to them in exchange for voting for PRI candidates, including Peña Nieto. People who didn’t have gift cards (the stupid ones) couldn’t get into the stores to do their post-weekend shopping. And the people that did have cards were extremely unhappy. It seems that they were told that the gift cards were worth 500 Pesos ($37.50), but they discovered at the store that they were only worth 100 Pesos ($7.50). We know this because los indignados were all interviewed outside the stores by journalists from media outlets not affiliated with Peña Nieto (meaning, non-Mexican media outlets). Read more on Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny…
  idiotas

Mexico Elects Sarah Palin President

Assumed Mexican president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto is a snappy dresser. He’s 45 years old with a handsome baby face. He has a molded Pompadour. He poses for the cameras “like Brad Pitt and DiCaprio.” He’s been compared to John F. Kennedy. He’s a political movie star, married in a storybook top hats n’ tails wedding to a telenovela actress (who created her own reality show featuring her on the campaign trail, “thinking and feeling.”). And he has thousands of drooling, swarming, huaraches-in-the-air female followers “pressing against barricades, screaming “Enrique bonbon!” “Peña, you’re hot,” and “I want you on my mattress.” Well, based on preliminary election results (final count due today), it looks like they all voted for him too, which is as close as they will get to his perfect hair. It’s all about the fantasy. And the fantasy is about to come true. Except when he goes off script, goes rogue, shall we say. Then everything falls apart. Does any of this sound familiar? Read more on Mexico Elects Sarah Palin President…
  in the can

Youth Rise Up Against Big-Haired Mexican Presidential Candidate, Make Him Hide In Bathroom

This weekend was presidential election weekend in Mexico, which basically means there was no alcohol available… anywhere. So, Mexicans across the land, in preparation for the long, dry weekend, were seen exiting grocery stores on Friday, sombreros atilt, leading donkeys laden with beer, tequila and limes, on their way to get some Zzzzs under a cactus until voting started on Sunday. This is not at all a stereotype, nor a run-on sentence with too many commas. Es la verdad. The word on the street was that it was pretty pointless to vote because the two most powerful TV news stations, Televisa and TV Azteca, who together control almost all national broadcasting, have recently been exposed (by Wikileaks diplomatic cables and whistle blower documents obtained by The Guardian) as being the marketing arms for PRI candidate Enrique Peña Nieto, his “unmovable hairdo,” and his telenovela starlet wife, Angélica Rivera (fappable). Read more on Youth Rise Up Against Big-Haired Mexican Presidential Candidate, Make Him Hide In Bathroom…