england

It’s official, long live Her Majesty’s Saucy New Rabbit-Goblin, good luck poor folk and chavs everywhere! Margaret Thatcher is literally dancing in her grave! [BBC/Guardian]

Self-loathing Labour monster Gordon Brown is literally in a fancy car right now on his way to the Queen’s Palace to tell the noble monarch Elizabeth Windsor that he would be honored to no longer have a job running Her Majesty’s Government, immediately, if she would be so gracious & comely as to accept his [...]

David Cameron is just like us! He dressed like a forest animal for a school play … along with Prince Edward. And that’s how Young Davey first met his royal highness and actual cousin, Queen Elizabeth II. (Posh Davey is the illegitimate-royal great-great-great-great-great grandchild of King William IV, while Cameron’s wife is the direct descendant [...]

Why do we care at all about the UK election taking place today? Aren’t the British to blame for our whole Tea Party problem? And didn’t those curry-spewing lobsterbacks burn down the White House that one time? Well, today we will let bygones be bygones, because the UK elections are really the only foreign politics [...]

Stupid citizens of the Gulf Coast of the United States. What were you doing leasing your ‘Merkin Rigs to the backstabbing limey lobsterback royalists? They lit us on fire in 1812, and before that, it was even worse: they taxed our luxury goods. We must reject the British East India Company’s tasteless mercantilist monopoly of [...]

It’s almost election time on Merry Olde Knifecrime Island. What’s going on over there, anyway? Nobody knows! Voldemort’s smoke plume covered the whole of Great Britain, but we can safely assume the natives continue their usual activities of binge drinking and binge stabbing while their bastard children perform webcam sex shows from derelict council flats. [...]

Good Friday-time, colonies! England, Land of Kings, would like to participate in what shallst now be titled, Thine Gloubal Tea Party Ninny Knickers Movement. The British Tea Party component shallst launch its first Proutestation this Saturday, and shallst be led by Sir Telegraph Writer Human Daniel Hannan, a “British fiscal conservative.” Actual tea shallst be [...]

Here is something pretty gross: Queen Elizabeth II — holy emperor of the Kingdom of the Picts, Scots, Irish, French and the Ancient Chinamen — has been the Monarch of this bog-land since Harry S. Truman was president. And she’s STILL alive, which is the only requirement for continuing one’s queening career.

The country England, which used to own America, has a terrible system of health care where people pay a bit more in taxes so that when they get sick, they can walk into a doctor’s office or a hospital to receive treatment. This is how Empires fall! But supposedly English people “like” their National Death [...]

QUOTE OF THE DAY  5:47 pm August 11, 2009

by Jim Newell

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, ‘IMPLIED,’ HAHA: Remember this thing from yesterday? It’s been FIX’D: “Editor’s Note: This version corrects the original editorial which implied that physicist Stephen Hawking, a professor at the University of Cambridge, did not live in the UK.” Indeed, quite so, yes, tut tut, some readers may have inferred that that is what the original [...]

You know where Stephen Hawking has lived for 67 years? England. Again: England. England. And this is why an editorial from the “Investors Business Daily” about Obama trying to kill Trig Palin for having Down Syndrome, one that was cited favorably in a Human Events press release today, has become the stuff from which humor-jokes [...]

An actual 21st-century human whose purpose in life is to slum around masturbating in the Royal Forest every day until his mother dies and he becomes “King of England,” after which his purpose in life will be to slum around masturbating in the Royal Forest every day, may never reacheth this apex of Masturbator-King of [...]

Barack Obama’s goofy, hated British squire Gordon Brown gave a speech earlier as host of the G20 conference, which is already basically over. Boo! He mentioned that since all countries are screwed, because they’re connected, because of globalization, they have all agreed to kick in a few bucks for loans and shit. But then he [...]

Oh this is a necessary post. You all do want to see the Obamas meeting our colonial Queen at her Buckingham Palace, don’t you? Because they do just that. Check out the Queen, still hangin’ in there. She could stand on top of both Malia and Sasha Obama and still be shorter than either of [...]

The YouTubes are flooded with protest videos from G20 where, in quieter quarters, Obama is giving the Queen an iPod filled with libidinous American “noise.” This offers a good Aerial Shot, though, of the protesters — whose parents are probably inside the conference, deciding interest rate policy — taunting the Bobbies, who simply have to [...]


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