Tag Archives: england

  religion in the news

Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican churches allow women to serve as bishops, and in general the decentralized Anglican faith is not really so much known for raping children constantly, the way the ordained Catholic officials rape children constantly, and then spend decades/centuries trying to hide it and discrediting the victims. Anyway, good try, Ratzi, we guess? Read more on Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics…
 

Pope Admits Maybe the Church Has Been Just a Bit Rapey

Pope Benedict’s trip to England started on a sort of racist, not-helpful note. But the Big XVI has recovered, and he even told the Limey newspaper men that you know, isn’t it a pity the Church was able to suppress allegations of child abuse for so long? Read more on Pope Admits Maybe the Church Has Been Just a Bit Rapey…
  Anarchy in the UK

Tea Partiers Journey To England For Free-Market Love Fest

At this moment, Tea Par-tay reps are roaming around England — where all of America’s ancestors came from! — to share with their British brethren the joys of lowering taxes, destroying government, and refudiating Black Privilege. They are also probably engaging in some of the local customs, like drinking tea at tea time! So authentic and real. Read more on Tea Partiers Journey To England For Free-Market Love Fest…
  it's morning in america

Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?

Legendary White House Crone Helen Thomas got herself pushed into retirement finally, at age 89, over a bizarre outburst into a rabbi’s video camera about how the Israeli Jews need to go “back [to] Poland, Germany,” etc. Was it the White House press corps’ fault for letting the increasingly shrill lady keep yelling her Democratic Underground sermons at whatever WH spokesperson? Maybe! Read more on Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?… Read more on Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?…
  thine royal elecktion

Gordon Brown Going To Queen’s House To Resign, David Cameron To Take Over In Tit-Bit?

Self-loathing Labour monster Gordon Brown is literally in a fancy car right now on his way to the Queen’s Palace to tell the noble monarch Elizabeth Windsor that he would be honored to no longer have a job running Her Majesty’s Government, immediately, if she would be so gracious & comely as to accept his failure. She will then utter a faint “quite quite” and honorably chop off his head with her longest, most jewel-encrusted Knife and feed it to her pet lions, Bubby and Munnie, of Dover. Read more on Gordon Brown Going To Queen’s House To Resign, David Cameron To Take Over In Tit-Bit?…
  also gordon brown and nick clegg making a deal?

Posh-Ponce David Cameron Performed For Queen As Rabbit-Goblin

David Cameron is just like us! He dressed like a forest animal for a school play … along with Prince Edward. And that’s how Young Davey first met his royal highness and actual cousin, Queen Elizabeth II. (Posh Davey is the illegitimate-royal great-great-great-great-great grandchild of King William IV, while Cameron’s wife is the direct descendant of one of Charles II’s royal whores, Nell Gwyn. England is funny.) Read more on Posh-Ponce David Cameron Performed For Queen As Rabbit-Goblin…
  britain's got talent

Sullen British Staggering To Voting Pubs Right Now

Why do we care at all about the UK election taking place today? Aren’t the British to blame for our whole Tea Party problem? And didn’t those curry-spewing lobsterbacks burn down the White House that one time? Well, today we will let bygones be bygones, because the UK elections are really the only foreign politics we can cover without running everything through Google Translate. Plus, as a result of the US/UK “special relationship,” more than 90% of journalists in Washington and New York are British people. They “set the agenda,” which is the “posh spice” way of saying “Win the Morning.” Read more on Sullen British Staggering To Voting Pubs Right Now…
  oh dear god

Sarah Palin Finally Hits Her Stride In Gulf Response

Stupid citizens of the Gulf Coast of the United States. What were you doing leasing your ‘Merkin Rigs to the backstabbing limey lobsterback royalists? They lit us on fire in 1812, and before that, it was even worse: they taxed our luxury goods. We must reject the British East India Company’s tasteless mercantilist monopoly of Oile and nuke Knifecrime Island five times tomorrow, while they are busy electing their next Protestant Queen. [Twitter via Jason Linkins/HuffPo] Read more on Sarah Palin Finally Hits Her Stride In Gulf Response…
  goblet of shite

J.K. Rowling: Conservatives Mean To Ladies, Children & Marvelous Boy Wizards

It’s almost election time on Merry Olde Knifecrime Island. What’s going on over there, anyway? Nobody knows! Voldemort’s smoke plume covered the whole of Great Britain, but we can safely assume the natives continue their usual activities of binge drinking and binge stabbing while their bastard children perform webcam sex shows from derelict council flats. And J.K. Rowling, known as “England’s Entire Economy,” has something to say about the evil Tories trying to sell themselves as newly cuddly and nice to people other than landed lords. Read more on J.K. Rowling: Conservatives Mean To Ladies, Children & Marvelous Boy Wizards…
  is this the peggy noonan write-up?

British Tea Party To Launch With Protestations, Crumpets, Wickets, Crickets And Figs!

Good Friday-time, colonies! England, Land of Kings, would like to participate in what shallst now be titled, Thine Gloubal Tea Party Ninny Knickers Movement. The British Tea Party component shallst launch its first Proutestation this Saturday, and shallst be led by Sir Telegraph Writer Human Daniel Hannan, a “British fiscal conservative.” Actual tea shallst be there, unless certain Bostonian riff-raffs, wooled in uncouth Savage Knickers, destroy their tea again. Read more on British Tea Party To Launch With Protestations, Crumpets, Wickets, Crickets And Figs!…
  she is the lizard queen she can do anything

500-Year-Old Monarch Has Reigned Through a Dozen U.S. Presidents!

Here is something pretty gross: Queen Elizabeth II — holy emperor of the Kingdom of the Picts, Scots, Irish, French and the Ancient Chinamen — has been the Monarch of this bog-land since Harry S. Truman was president. And she’s STILL alive, which is the only requirement for continuing one’s queening career. Read more on 500-Year-Old Monarch Has Reigned Through a Dozen U.S. Presidents!…
  please take us back

England Prepares To ‘Go 1812′ On U.S. For Bashing Its Health Care

The country England, which used to own America, has a terrible system of health care where people pay a bit more in taxes so that when they get sick, they can walk into a doctor’s office or a hospital to receive treatment. This is how Empires fall! But supposedly English people “like” their National Death Laboratory (NHS) and simply do not care for these American Republican politicians lambasting it on the telly. Will the lobsterbacks invade America again? Yes. No. No, it’s not worth much anymore. Read more on England Prepares To ‘Go 1812′ On U.S. For Bashing Its Health Care…
  quote of the day

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, ‘IMPLIED,’ HAHA: Remember this thing from yesterday? It’s been FIX’D: “Editor’s Note: This version corrects the original editorial which implied that physicist Stephen Hawking, a professor at the University of Cambridge, did not live in the UK.” Indeed, quite so, yes, tut tut, some readers may have inferred that that is what the original editorial was implying when it said that Stephen Hawking would be dead if he had lived in the UK. ONWARD WITH TODAY’S BUSINESS INVESTMENT INSIGHTS. [IBD] Read more on …
  so long science boy!

Important Editorial: If Stephen Hawking Lived In The U.K., He Would Be Dead

You know where Stephen Hawking has lived for 67 years? England. Again: England. England. And this is why an editorial from the “Investors Business Daily” about Obama trying to kill Trig Palin for having Down Syndrome, one that was cited favorably in a Human Events press release today, has become the stuff from which humor-jokes are made on the Internet: “People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.” [IBD, Atlanta J-C, Ezra Klein] Read more on Important Editorial: If Stephen Hawking Lived In The U.K., He Would Be Dead…
  today in math sciences

Wacky Gay Prince Prophecies End Of Earth, To The Month

An actual 21st-century human whose purpose in life is to slum around masturbating in the Royal Forest every day until his mother dies and he becomes “King of England,” after which his purpose in life will be to slum around masturbating in the Royal Forest every day, may never reacheth this apex of Masturbator-King of England — by his own divinations! Britannia’s beloved nut-child recently tooketh out his Golden TI-86 Calculator, entered Functions, and anatomized the percolations of his Arithmetick, only to ascertain — as orated by Royal Edict last e’en — “that we have just 96 months left to save the world.” Ball’s in your court, Gore. [Independent] Read more on Wacky Gay Prince Prophecies End Of Earth, To The Month…
  buy up ameros

Gordon Brown Says ‘New World Order,’ Internet To Explode

Barack Obama’s goofy, hated British squire Gordon Brown gave a speech earlier as host of the G20 conference, which is already basically over. Boo! He mentioned that since all countries are screwed, because they’re connected, because of globalization, they have all agreed to kick in a few bucks for loans and shit. But then he said, “a New World Order is emerging.” OH NOES. There are already 10 million versions of this clip on YouTube. “we are freaking screwed,” writes YouTube user “spydat3k.” [YouTube] Read more on Gordon Brown Says ‘New World Order,’ Internet To Explode…
  first dates

Obama Meets Queen, CNN Yells

Oh this is a necessary post. You all do want to see the Obamas meeting our colonial Queen at her Buckingham Palace, don’t you? Because they do just that. Check out the Queen, still hangin’ in there. She could stand on top of both Malia and Sasha Obama and still be shorter than either of their parents. CNN did a great job covering this event, too. Its daytime anchor shouts for a while, and then a drunk limey comes on to shout some more. [YouTube] Read more on Obama Meets Queen, CNN Yells…
  'we want obama money'

King’s Army, Cromwellians Parry At G20

The YouTubes are flooded with protest videos from G20 where, in quieter quarters, Obama is giving the Queen an iPod filled with libidinous American “noise.” This offers a good Aerial Shot, though, of the protesters — whose parents are probably inside the conference, deciding interest rate policy — taunting the Bobbies, who simply have to take one step forward to scare them all away for a few seconds. [YouTube] Read more on King’s Army, Cromwellians Parry At G20…
  half-blood prince

Michelle Obama To Dine With Wizards In Castle

While Barack Obama is doing Man’s Work at the fancy 10 Downing St. dinner tonight, with Angela Merkel, stay-at-home mom Michelle Obama will be segregated with the other G20 spouses and forced to sup with the beloved author of devil-fiction directed at children. Michelle will sit next to J.K. Rowling, famous gazillionaire and creator of the Harry Potter witchcraft craze. The Obamas are big fans of the 38 Harry Potter bibles, from which they taught their daughters how to cast magical spells to kill villains. [The SUN/LA Times/Telegraph] Read more on Michelle Obama To Dine With Wizards In Castle…
  just fyi

Obama Lands In Mystical English Forest

Barack Obama’s Air Force One has successfully landed in England for the G-20 conference, where leaders from China, Russia, France, etc., are expected to be annoying. A tribe of local knickered hobbits swarmed the country airport and captured this disturbing footage. [YouTube] Read more on Obama Lands In Mystical English Forest…