England - Wonkette

robber barons

John McCain Funded By The Freaking ROTHSCHILDS

For somebody who's always accusing his opponents of being "out of touch" with the Working Man, John McCain sure does hang out with a lot of fat-cat plutocrats who don't even have the decency to be American. On a recent visit to the tony U.K. — a nation populated entirely by decadent, incestuous polo players with "smart" accents and harelips — McCain attended a fundraising luncheon hosted by Lord Rothschild and Nathaniel Rothschild. The problem is, American candidates aren't allowed to take campaign contributions from such fancy foreign nationals as the Rothschilds! But does "hosting" an event constitute a "contribution"? More »

2:40 PM on Tue Apr 29 2008
By saraksmith
2,119 views, 42 comments

Latest by mahoganyq78: You comments re John McCain are fair and true, but why ruin your credibility with ignorant sweeping statements denigrating the British people, "a nation populated entirely by decadent, incestuous polo players with "smart" accents and harelips - What in hell is that more »

mayor of sex

London's Mayor Announces He Has Five Children

The mayor of London, Ken Livingstone (Labour Party, which is like "Democrats"), is in a tight re-election battle with Tory candidate Boris Johnson, and now there are new revelations that could damage his career: he has five children with three different women! The lazy British press only just figured this out, too. How will Ken Livingstone ever survive the fact that he has children? More »

2:41 PM on Thu Apr 3 2008
By Newell
2,011 views, 30 comments

dept. of suspicious bulges

Is Carla Bruni Knocked Up Again?

Here is a photo of France's new First Lady arriving in England with her midget husband. Her outfit speaks diplomatic volumes: flats, so as not to tower over M. Sarkozy; modest tweed, so as to remind Camilla of her youth back in the Depression. (In turn, Camilla wears a trashy befeathered nightmare hat because she is a tart.) But the real question is, why would a rail-thin former model be sporting a little belly pooch? We smell shotgun wedding. [The Sun]

3:10 PM on Wed Mar 26 2008
By saraksmith
7,231 views, 57 comments

Latest by 102415: @TGY: It doesn't matter what dirty dead things Camilla puts on her head because she'll never be you know who.@lovelyivy:Another influx of asswipe tools and trolls has arrived. As a person who's randomly had my head bashed in by a more »

bargains

Old People Without Internet Access Pay $3,000 For Naked Picture Of Carla Bruni

French "first lady" Carla Bruni made her living by being photographed partially or completely naked for 20 years, so nude photographs of the supermodel/singer are extremely rare. There are only 32,800 such images currently available for free on the Internets, which is why lonely old Englishmen are expected to bid up to £2,000 ($1 billion U.S.) for this old picture of Naked Carla Bruni, which also appears in the Telegraph article about the auction. Christie's will next auction an exclusive image of "LOLcats" for £100 Zillion. [Telegraph]

2:25 PM on Tue Mar 25 2008
By Ken Layne
2,251 views, 19 comments

Latest by HelloSunshine: I notice the file name of the picture on the Telegraph site is "nsarko625.jpg". Assuming the N stands for "nude", does this mean the paper has 624 other, similar images on file? more »

emperor's club vip

Is This Wealthy British Tory Also an Emperor's Club Client?

According to the British tabloid News of the World, the Duke of Westminster also patronizes the Emperor's Club VIP. He is Britain's third richest man and "heads his country's Territorial Army," who fight the terrorists. Since these incredible things were not quite enough for his paid sex worker to have sex with him, here's what he told her to seal the deal: "Osama bin Laden was alive and hiding in Pakistan." More »

3:56 PM on Wed Mar 12 2008
By Newell
17,075 views, 58 comments

satellite of love

Toxic Hell Satellite To Poison Small English Hamlet?

We are not safe, anywhere, anytime, from the poisonous cancer death shrapnel remains of the “destroyed” Satellite of Love & Death. Some of us, however, are more safe than others. Mysterious operatives from deep within the British Royal Government have alerted Wonkette to the imminent doom that faces one of England’s most treasured towns: Cromer, the “world capital of wicket goblins,” in Norfolk shire. We urge the frumpy Tories of Cromer to stay within their quaint, thatched-roof cottages today, to avoid satellite death. More »

12:33 PM on Fri Feb 22 2008
By Newell
1,583 views, 31 comments

Latest by Joey_Ratz: @lascauxcaveman: Score! Awesome. more »

condi roundup

The Art of Condi

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week, our plucky favorite asked for just over a thousand new secretaries, skipped off to London and then hooked up with dreamy David Miliband for an OMG SURPRISE trip to Afghanistan, but I had trouble paying attention because I kept getting distracted by touching artistic tributes to Madame Secretary scattered all over the web. Learn more about Condi’s week and the Condicentric art world after the jump! More »

5:20 PM on Mon Feb 11 2008
By phuestis
2,977 views, 19 comments

Latest by grad69: @ManchuCandidate: Sometimes the unconscious impulses are the most meaningful. What ever could have brought that to mind, it was as fitting as a new pair of knee-high leathers on Condi. more »

dept. of tearful apologies

Desperate Americans Beg Queen 'Please Take Us Back!'

Throughout the colony of Virginia, thousands of sad “Americans” have gathered to beg Queen Elizabeth II for forgiveness and a chance to rejoin the British Empire. More »

2:24 PM on Thu May 3 2007
By KLayne
960 views, 20 comments

world war ii

America Not Going to Have to Break UK's Thumbs

Expect Britain to quit being so nice to us all the time — ‘cause they’re finally paid up. More »

1:57 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Pareene
95 views, 13 comments

tony blankley

BREAKING: TONY BLANKLEY NOT DESTROYING AMERICAN HERITAGE, NOMINATES WONKETTE FOR PULITZER

Tony Blankley supports the Danes, hopes they stay in Denmark. More »

remainders

Remainders: Real Men Have Filthy Mouths

British Deputy PM calls Bush administration, “crap.” Dick Cheney’s heart warmed by the innocence. [The Independent]
Sneaky Canadians confuse American governors with their sneaky Canadian jokes. [Boing Boing]
Willie Nelson makes a non-smokable donation to Cindy Sheehan’s “ranch.” [KCEN-TV]
Orrin Hatch admits Democrats will take control of Congress, just like their terrorist masters want. [The Carpetbagger Report]
TSA now targeting people who “looked pissed off,” everyone in the security line at Dulles to be arrested. [NYT]

7:28 PM on Thu Aug 17 2006
By Pareene
115 views, Comment

terror

We Only Pray He Doesn't Get to the Bit About Divine Right of Kings

Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales on Monday ordered a side-by-side review of American and British counterterrorism laws as a first step toward determining whether further changes in American law are warranted.

More »

4:41 PM on Tue Aug 15 2006
By Pareene
80 views, 5 comments

rumors on the internets

Rumors on the Internets: From the Dark Corners of The Smear Machine

WashPo regurgitates quotes, true or not: “The numbing repetition of uncorrected falsehoods creates a phony atmosphere of uncertainty around key questions which in fact have already been resolved. Eventually voters throw up their hands and accept the fact that they’ll never know for sure what the truth is, and confusion ensues.” [The Horse’s Mouth]
British Knife Amnesty collects 17,715 knives so far. Commenter: “Leave it to the Brits - collecting the blades while missing the point.” [LGF]
In defense of the knock-and-announce rule. [Lawyers , Guns and Money]
Bill O’Reilly pities/endorses Lieberman, calls internet “smear machine.” [Crooks and Liars]
Ladies Loving Ladies: Michelle Malkin video salutes Ann Coulter. Jack Burkman ups offer to $10k. [Hot Air]

7:02 PM on Fri Jun 16 2006
By Pareene
132 views, Comment

condoleezza rice

A Little Rice Music

“Hey now baby, get into my big black car, I wanna just show you what my politics are…” More »

3:41 PM on Tue May 16 2006
By Pareene
2,277 views, 1 comment

england

British Crypto-Fascists Gayer, Funnier Than Ours

We’re lucky when we hear vague tales of hookers behind closed doors around here. Across the pond, their neo-Fascists star in Marxist gay porn. More »

12:12 PM on Thu May 11 2006
By Pareene
349 views, 6 comments