Tag: england

Muslim Restaurant Declares War On Christmas By Offering Free Meals To Homeless, Elderly. What Are They Up To????

A Muslim-owned restaurant in London is doing something nice for its neighbors on Christmas. Unfortunately, the story is on the internet.

British Lady Judge Calls Racist Tosser Bad Words, Must Now Be Probed For Bad-Word-Using

An English judge is under investigation for breaching judicial decorum after throwing a jerkface defendant's obscenities right back at him. We think she should get the Order of the British Empire.
You call that an Iron Lady? THIS is an Iron Lady.

On Scale Of One To Margaret Thatcher, How Mean Is England’s New Lady Prime Minister?

Another reboot from the '80s happened this week, as Great Britain's ruling Conservative Party leadership fight appears to have been won by a lady! That is expected to make Theresa May, the current home secretary, Britain's first female prime minister since...
Don't mention the war

UK’s Brexit Strategy Basically 1. Collect Underpants 2. ??? 3. Profit!

Click this and learn things about a WHOLE DIFFERENT COUNTRY.

Your New Hottest Exotic European Mayor Is Sexxxiest Guy Named ‘Carl’ Ever To Live

Say goodbye to Justin Trudeau and that man-king of Reykjavik, there's a new hotty mctotty lord mayor in town! Or we guess you could invite them all over, together, for a 'cuppa cuppa' burning love!

Stories of Restaurant Customers Who Were Basically Satan

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got the old standby: terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad restaurant customers. As always, these are real...
Will this fossil find be retconned into the Spider-Man mythos?

Scientists Aroused By 99-Million-Year-Old Spider Boner: Your Saturday Nerdout

Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes involve arachnids, but that was...
I got it off the toilet seat

Nerdy Teens Invent ‘Smart Condom’ To Detect STDs, Never Getting Laid Now

Science Nice Time, kind of! Three English teenagers have invented -- well, at least done the groundwork for -- a condom that changes color when it comes into contact with common sexually transmitted diseases. Cool! Also, Ick! But Cool! Students...
It's like a French TV version of Wonkette!

Fox News’ Statements No Longer Operative, Osama Bin Laden Not Holed Up In Buckingham Palace

Drudge Sirens! Fox News actually apologized for spreading a completely made-up story about supposed "no-go zones" in England and France -- areas where officials supposedly have agreed to let Muslims run things according to the dictates of Sharia, without...

Luxury London Apartment Ad Wants To Stab You, Play Around With Your Blood

Yr Wonkette  has been considering a move into high-end real estate as a way of diversifying our portfolio, which is currently a little heavy on dick joke manufacturing and political scandal futures. From the looks of this long-form commercial,...
By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes, wee laddie

Plucky Haggis-Eating Highlanders Decide ‘There Can Be Only One!’

Scottish voters turned down a referendum on independence from Britain yesterday, leading bloggers everywhere to brace for a slew of angry emails about how they didn't use "England" or "United Kingdom" or "Great Sceptered Lizard Queen Realm Of God's...
Freedom, sugar tits!

John Oliver Brings You The Scottish Independence Story You Didn’t Know You Were Dying To See (Video)

John Oliver and Last Week Tonight have a real treat for us this week: the funniest reporting on this week's Scottish vote on whether to leave the United Kingdom. Yes, Scotland -- which Americans know as "the birthplace of Shrek and...
This actually happened

Why Are We Hating Obama Today? (He Went To Stonehenge Instead Of Syria That’s Why)

Sometimes we hate President Obama because he is golfing or dictator-ing or bad-tan-suiting or presidenting while black. But today, kids, we get to hate him for sightseeing. Neat! See, the president is off in Merry Ol' Britainland, which is even...

British Politician Gives Hot Tip To Youngsters: Learn To Talk Like Hitler

We will totally admit that we do not know much about politics in Merry Olde Limeyland, mostly because the parliamentary system seems really fucking complicated. How do you British people keep track of them all? Do you just kind...

Breitbart Has A London Bureau So They Can Call British Rape Victims Sluts

Well how's this for brand expansion? At some point that we were blessedly unaware of, the Breitbart Empire got itself a London bureau, and yesterday it ran a thoughtful piece explaining that, for the sake of not harming any...

Michele Bachmann Will Teach These Oxford Dummies A Thing Or Two About How To Debate

Fresh off her vigorous defense of Free American Free Straight and Billionaire People from the bullying of the gays and the liberals who are shutting down freedom wherever they find it, Michele Bachmann is headed to Jolly Old Kidney...