england
Wacky British Floppybums Clearly Unprepared for Olympics, Murder Bells Flying Everywhere
Drat, the bell! Did no one think of securing the bells? Hells bells, drat drat drat bollocks, splat. Here is Tiddlywinks McNinnypants, the UK’s “Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport,” trying to ring a bell, like all British people are required to do during their lunch breaks, and whoops, there goes the [...]
How Else Has Mitt Romney Insulted Jolly Olde Englande?
Mitt Romney is trying to prove his foreign policy chops are so much better than stupid hapless old Obama’s, and so he and his advisors are barnstorming across London, whinging about the threat from the Soviet Union. But His Lord High Hairgel has not had the easiest of receptions, as every person in that small [...]
Mitt Romney Does England, Day 1: Meeting The Dandies
The trip of the century has begun! Mitt Romney is in Londontowne, visiting the enemy Empire against whom we literally revolted because of tea taxes. How many lobsterbacks has he killed yet? None; he got a graduate school deferment from fighting in the Revolutionary War. Let’s check in our next, greatest Republican president, as he [...]
Mitt Romney Considers First Ever Global War Tour!
Whatta we got in the local clip ‘n’ save today? “Mitt Romney’s campaign is considering a major foreign policy offensive at the end of the month that would take him to five countries over three continents…” HMMMMM. You have to wait until you *win* the presidential election to launch world war, dingus. And then it’s [...]
British Tabloids Uncover Michelle Obama’s Fancy Underwear
The Europeans just cannot get enough of our First Lady Michelle Obama. She is all they have right now, with their money spinning down the toilet and Heidi Klum experiencing a divorce tragedy, etc. Last week, the French shared their opinions about Michelle Obama and her brave decision to not dress like MC Hammer. Now, [...]
Wedding of the Century: Meet Your New Prince & Princess!
Have you heard about America’s new king and queen of hearts, Bill and Kate plus Eight? They are getting married very soon! And until the divorce in a few years and the tragic aftermath when Kate runs off with an Arab playboy and Bill falls in love with a tampon, this may very well be [...]
British Sharia Protestors Giving American Bigots Run For Their Money
Muslim, muslamic law, from Iraq, you know. Muslamic ray-guns? We’re not quite sure what this bloke is saying (something about the metric system and putting blood in their pudding cups?), but we know these guys are better than our bigots. When’s the last time you saw a mosk protest in the United States? Back in [...]
Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics
Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican [...]
EXCLUSIVE: Does the Pope Wear Tartan ‘Knickers’?
NO! He does not. But the lady who leads the Scottish Conservatives might. Or at least that is what The Duke of Edinburgh implied, during a reception for Mr. Pope Benedict: According to Ms Goldie, the Duke made the remark after meeting Iain Gray, the Scottish Labour leader, who was wearing a tartan tie. He [...]
Pope Admits Maybe the Church Has Been Just a Bit Rapey
Pope Benedict’s trip to England started on a sort of racist, not-helpful note. But the Big XVI has recovered, and he even told the Limey newspaper men that you know, isn’t it a pity the Church was able to suppress allegations of child abuse for so long? Pope Benedict XVI, beginning a controversial state visit [...]
Tea Partiers Journey To England For Free-Market Love Fest
At this moment, Tea Par-tay reps are roaming around England — where all of America’s ancestors came from! — to share with their British brethren the joys of lowering taxes, destroying government, and refudiating Black Privilege. They are also probably engaging in some of the local customs, like drinking tea at tea time! So authentic [...]
Did the Media Fail Helen Thomas By Letting Her Be In the Media?
Legendary White House Crone Helen Thomas got herself pushed into retirement finally, at age 89, over a bizarre outburst into a rabbi’s video camera about how the Israeli Jews need to go “back [to] Poland, Germany,” etc. Was it the White House press corps’ fault for letting the increasingly shrill lady keep yelling her Democratic [...]
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