Wonkette

Hey look, that mumbly blonde from the Woody Allen movies was only engaged to Barack Obama for a few months before throwing him over for, uh, that guy from The Notebook. No wait that is Ryan Gosling. Anyhow, we hope this latest engagement may reach a merciful, swift conclusion so that Ms. Johansson can get back to the very important work of fucking Benicio Del Toro in elevators. [People]

Oh blessed occasion! Monica Goodling, the former Justice Department liaison to the White House and blonde temptress who brought you the DoJ attorney firing scandal, has found herself a man to marry. What lucky fellow will be her solemn and eternal co-husband, along with Alberto Gonzales and Jesus? His identity revealed, after the jump! MORE »

Guess who’s maybe getting engaged to Karl Rove’s former intern? The great Holocaust author Jenna Bush, that’s who! MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Hillary Clinton and her staffers felt “snubbed” when Clinton was kept out of the loop concerning a press conference about Democratic efforts to win an increase in the minimum wage. Clinton aide to spokesperson for Sen. Harry Reid: “You suck… How could you do this?” [Roll Call]

• Reliable Source: Valeisha Butterfield, daughter of Rep. G.K. Butterfield (D-N.C.), was briefly engaged to the rapper known as The Game…. Dick Cheney has a deer in his backyard. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Celebs turn out for the launch party for The Senator and the Socialite, Lawrence Otis Graham’s new book about Blanche Bruce, the first African-American elected to a full U.S. Senate term… Sen. Joe Biden can live without the presidency: “I’d rather be at home making love to my wife while my children are asleep.” [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: House Majority Leader John Boehner has had many crappy jobs over the years. [The Hill]

Another successful woman who is not as smart as Maureen Dowd! We hear that NBC anchorlady Campbell Brown is hanging up her goodtime-girl spurs and getting coalitional with one-time government spokeshunk Dan Senor, currently a Fox New contributor and Jeff Zeleny impersonator. We have been told, repeatedly, that Brown is a girl after our own liver and other body parts (though hers are prettier) so though we are very tempted to make a knocking boots joke, we’ll just advise her: Being married means always having someone to hold your hair back. — WONKETTE MORE »