NOW GO MAKE BEAUTIFUL SPACE BABIES: The two non-diapered members of the Astronaut Love Triangle have gotten engaged, while the nappied hypotenuse awaits her December trial. This is the most important news in the history of space exploration, aside from that time NASA filmed the fake moon landing at an abandoned Encino drive-in. Congratulations to the happy couple, Bill Oefelein and Colleen Shipman, who now live in Alaska. [Reliable Source]

Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP]

Hey look, that mumbly blonde from the Woody Allen movies was only engaged to Barack Obama for a few months before throwing him over for, uh, that guy from The Notebook. No wait that is Ryan Gosling. Anyhow, we hope this latest engagement may reach a merciful, swift conclusion so that Ms. Johansson can get back to the very important work of fucking Benicio Del Toro in elevators. [People]

Oh blessed occasion! Monica Goodling, the former Justice Department liaison to the White House and blonde temptress who brought you the DoJ attorney firing scandal, has found herself a man to marry. What lucky fellow will be her solemn and eternal co-husband, along with Alberto Gonzales and Jesus? His identity revealed, after the jump! MORE »

Guess who’s maybe getting engaged to Karl Rove’s former intern? The great Holocaust author Jenna Bush, that’s who! MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Hillary Clinton and her staffers felt “snubbed” when Clinton was kept out of the loop concerning a press conference about Democratic efforts to win an increase in the minimum wage. Clinton aide to spokesperson for Sen. Harry Reid: “You suck… How could you do this?” [Roll Call]

• Reliable Source: Valeisha Butterfield, daughter of Rep. G.K. Butterfield (D-N.C.), was briefly engaged to the rapper known as The Game…. Dick Cheney has a deer in his backyard. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Celebs turn out for the launch party for The Senator and the Socialite, Lawrence Otis Graham’s new book about Blanche Bruce, the first African-American elected to a full U.S. Senate term… Sen. Joe Biden can live without the presidency: “I’d rather be at home making love to my wife while my children are asleep.” [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: House Majority Leader John Boehner has had many crappy jobs over the years. [The Hill]

Another successful woman who is not as smart as Maureen Dowd! We hear that NBC anchorlady Campbell Brown is hanging up her goodtime-girl spurs and getting coalitional with one-time government spokeshunk Dan Senor, currently a Fox New contributor and Jeff Zeleny impersonator. We have been told, repeatedly, that Brown is a girl after our own liver and other body parts (though hers are prettier) so though we are very tempted to make a knocking boots joke, we’ll just advise her: Being married means always having someone to hold your hair back. — WONKETTE MORE »