Wonkette

Here is delightful Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer cracking wise about John McCain’s eleventy billion back yards, and how they cannot make America energy independent. This guy was adorable, with his bolo tie and his “I am a used car salesman, but a used car salesman from 1950, when it was still wholesome” demeanor. Wasn’t there some talk about him being on Obama’s veep list early on? Ah yes. [YouTube]

The DNC has released a new web ad called “Exxon John” to support its “Exxon-McCain” gimmick. Maybe 50 or 100 political web junkies will recognize that this ad parodies the unintentionally hilarious Sen. John Cornyn video from a couple of months ago, “Big John.” Everyone else in the world, however, will watch this and wonder, “why did the Democrats make this retarded ad?” Also: now that the price of oil has dropped like $30 per barrel in the last few weeks, can these people stop talking about Energy so much? It’s painful to watch both candidates pretend there are any short-term solutions to offer. [YouTube]

GODDAMMIT. You get an email from the DNC saying “Hey check out our new video, it is called ‘Puppet Masters,’ and it is about –” and you don’t even read to the end because shit, it is an ad with puppets in it, you are already clicking the clicky. Then: misery and heartbreak. This ad starts with a shitty kind of animated John McCain gesturing robotically but NO ACTUAL PUPPETS in the classical sense of, you know, some sort of three-dimensional figure operated either via strings or a hand up the butt. Jim Henson is puking with disgust somewhere in Puppet Heaven. [YouTube]

A supersecret source sends us this important update on the sad abandoned Republican street urchin/chimbley sweep cabal that got stuck fighting for lower gas prices while the decadent world around them yawned and left for vacation. These oppressed legislators issued a special request via the emails! MORE »

Here’s a fantastic new John McCain ad, about Gas Prices. It shows a gas pump in a stream of water. Oh no the water is a mirage! (But why is the pump in a mirage, hmm?) And then the narrator asks, “Who can we thank for rising prices at the pump?” as a million retards scream “OBAMA! OBAMA!” behind Obama’s fat head. Obama put the high gas prices in the middle of the mirage! Finally the narrator tells us, “Don’t hope for more energy, vote for it.” Because a “vote for energy” is a vote for a 72-year-old geezer, see? [YouTube]

Everybody in California’s 26th congressional district got this crazy-ass ALL CAPS hand-written freakout from beloved conservative bachelor David Dreier today. You can read the second page of ALL CAPS “MUST DRILL 4 OIL AT SEA WORLD OR ISLAMO FASCISTS WILL KILL KILL KILL” in the comments of basically all blogs everywhere.

Here’s a snippet of President Bush’s fun press conference today, which Sara aptly described as “a portrait of a man slowly losing what’s left of his mind after eight years of exhaustion and failure.” MORE »

Barack Obama is on an economics campaign tour this week, traveling to various sad places to let people know there’s still hope, but not really. Today, for example, Obama visits Flint, Michigan — the ruined auto-factory town that primarily serves as a backdrop for sad economic speeches, ever since Michael Moore destroyed the once-prosperous city to make a point. But not all the Economy News is gloomy! Read our fun list and find out why! MORE »

Any powerful Ida-ho needs a strong “Lion” behind him. And doesn’t the senior senator from Idaho Mr. Larry Craig know this! In a statement yesterday entitled “Dreaming of a Clean (Energy) Christmas,” where he mostly brags about how he got to make out with George Bush at the White House the other day, Craig inserts a special love quote for his inspiration: William E. Borah, the “Lion of Idaho.” Oh Larry, we all know you-da-ho! MORE »

“Senate Republicans blocked a broad energy bill Thursday because it included billions of dollars in new taxes on the biggest oil companies.” In an ideal world, of course, the new taxes proposed in energy bills would be targeted about hobos and the other riff raff of society. [CNN]