Tag Archives: energy

  for fox sake

Fox Business Very Concerned About All This … Cheap Gasoline?

Here is Stuart Varney on Fox Business today, yapping his elegant lippy about something, do not care, did not watch. But what is that chyron beneath him (which is, unaccountably, all spelled correctly and without discernible factual errors)? It is “just asking” if cheap gas is bad for the Murican Economy, which Obama broke, with his Time Machine and probably jazz cigarettes. Read more on Fox Business Very Concerned About All This … Cheap Gasoline?…
  and by slightly we mean slightly

A Slightly More Sober Discussion Of President Obama’s State Of The Union Awesomeness

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out and sucker-punched the GOP right in the nards with like a million awesome words at the State of the Union! While we were busy snarkily drunkblogging the speech and the 43 GOP responses, we may have neglected to discuss with you, Glorious Reader, why President Obama’s speech was such a tour-de-force, so grab your favorite politilube, and be prepared to fap away to some motherfucking awesomeness.  Read more on A Slightly More Sober Discussion Of President Obama’s State Of The Union Awesomeness…
  money that's what i want

Nice Time (With An Asterisk): JP Morgan To Fork Over Some Actual Cash-ish For Enron-ing California

JP Morgan is going to have to pay $410 million dollars for manipulating energy markets in California and Michigan between 2010-2012, and if you’re thinking that this sounds an awful lot like what Enron was doing, well, you’re right! It was! Via CNN Money: The bank’s energy unit, JP Morgan Venture Energy Corporation, was accused of raising electricity rates in these markets between September 2010 and November 2012 through “manipulative bidding strategies,” according to the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. […] The bank neither admitted nor denied the violations, but said it would work with outside counsel to review its policies and practices in the power business. Read more on Nice Time (With An Asterisk): JP Morgan To Fork Over Some Actual Cash-ish For Enron-ing California…
  none shall pass

FAA Lets Exxon Decide Whether Aircraft Can Photograph Oil Spill, You Know, For Safety

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair for Oil Spills and Whatnot. Today in “just who in the hell is running this place?” Wonkette presents: Exxon. Ya know, usually our corporate overlords do a swell job with this Potemkin democracy illusion – the country’s farce in Washington with the “Senate” and “House” and “President” who supposedly constitute our “government.” But in the SAME WEEK Monsanto anonymously placed a provision into a spending bill to make sure all our seeds and farms and food are belong to them, Exxon is now controlling our airspace. Read more on FAA Lets Exxon Decide Whether Aircraft Can Photograph Oil Spill, You Know, For Safety…
  gas is too damn high

Americans No Longer Driving As They Cannot Afford Gasoline

Good news for the environment or whatever: Americans can no longer afford gasoline, because it costs about eighty dollars to fill up, so they’ve all quit driving cars! With the per-gallon price at $3.76 nationwide — and much higher on the West Coast, gah — some of the people are even sort of considering not living a pathetic sedentary life completely dependent on oil being extracted from Muslim countries on the other side of the planet and then shipped to the United States and then refined into gasoline and then carried in trucks (which themselves require refined petroleum fuel) and then poured into underground tanks at the Kwik-E-Mart. Some have even looked at commuter train schedules! And then they wandered away, confused, because what are all those little rows of numbers, anyway? The bible code? Read more on Americans No Longer Driving As They Cannot Afford Gasoline…
  winning the suture

Beloved Natural Gas Even Worse Than Coal

The Hill today has a detailed story on a Cornell University report that says natural-gas “fracking,” endorsed by Obama, among others, is pretty terrible for the environment. What? In The Hill? Oh, the coal lobby must have bought a bigger ad in their paper than the natural-gas lobby. Read more on Beloved Natural Gas Even Worse Than Coal…
  it's morning in america

Texas ‘Clean Coal’ Will Finally Bring Twentieth Century Energy To America!

A $2.2 billion “clean coal” plant in West Texas has received approval from the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality, which means Texas is one step closer to harnessing the awesome power of sulfurous pollution rocks like steampunk Zeppelin pilots used to power their phonographs, in 1880. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “CLEAN” COAL. It’s the same dirty coal that fills your lungs with soot; the same coal that is already powering half of America, and ruining everything. So hooray for Texas! It’s nice to see that someone paid attention to the multimillion dollar “alternative energy is of the Devil” disinformation campaign funded by Big Polluters. Meanwhile, probably in Germany, people are powering entire cities with lunar ray panels constructed out of recycled pizza boxes. C’mon, America. [McClatchy] Read more on Texas ‘Clean Coal’ Will Finally Bring Twentieth Century Energy To America!… Read more on Texas ‘Clean Coal’ Will Finally Bring Twentieth Century Energy To America!…
  dimmer faster

Joe Barton Is Going To Marry An Incandescent Lightbulb

What does being the only man in America to apologize to BP for this past summer’s oil spill get you? Why, the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, of course! Joe Barton is still somehow the ranking Republican member of that committee, so he will probably get that job, even though his party has lots of reasons not to give it to him. Barton is hoping to do a good job as the energy chairman — and that means making sure this country burns up as much energy resources as possible. That’s why he’s defending “traditional, incandescent light bulb” marriage against Americans who sinfully want to marry “the little, squiggly, pig-tailed ones.” Read more on Joe Barton Is Going To Marry An Incandescent Lightbulb…
  hegemony isn't free

China Surpasses United States In Most Important Indicator of Power

This morning you took a gasoline shower, ate a coal donut, and went off to work in your Hummer thinking your country was safely ranked #1 in the world. YOU THOUGHT WRONG. It turns out China is now tops when it comes to consuming the world’s energy, which is our most important job as Americans. How will we tell our children that the United States now burns less energy than Red China? Read more on China Surpasses United States In Most Important Indicator of Power…
  endless bummer

Obama’s Moon-War BP Energy Talk

Hey isn’t he supposed to be plugging the danged hole, America? Each year, at the beginning of shrimp season, Barack Obama blesses the fleet of oil-spill cleanup boats. Why isn’t BP honoring this tradition today? Where are all the windmills! What is he even talking about? At least this isn’t the “last crisis America will face.” Read more on Obama’s Moon-War BP Energy Talk…
  seriously bomb facebook from space

Millionaire Idiot Sarah Palin Blames BP Oil Spill On … Environmentalists

Comedy time again, as long as you can laugh at an oil-drenched seabird who can’t get back to its wetlands nesting site to feed its babies, stupid bird! Sarah Palin has a hilarious new Facebook message that will, probably, end up being BP’s actual legal defense, which the Supreme Court will eventually rule in favor of, 5-4, in 2021: “Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country’s energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It’s catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.” Yeah she’s kind of got a point there! Read more on Millionaire Idiot Sarah Palin Blames BP Oil Spill On … Environmentalists…
  liberals

And Now Obama Will Build Nuke Plants Everywhere

Liberal heartthrob Barack Obama had so much fun bombing Muslims over the weekend! There’s hardly anything that drives the libtards nuts like having the robot death planes bomb poor countries and then having somebody at a podium just barely suppressing their drunken laughter as they claim it was “Hitler’s Number Two” or whatever. Oh wait, there is actually another thing that drives the Left just as crazy: Putting nuclear plants all over America! So now Obama will do that, because why not. Read more on And Now Obama Will Build Nuke Plants Everywhere…
  oil is so tasty

Meh Cap-And-Trade Whatever

It’s Barack Obama in New Hampshire! Here he is politely acknowledging that the Senate will probably drop cap-and-trade this year. And sorry, “Starbucks coffee enthusiasts,” but that sounds like a pretty good idea right now. Read more on Meh Cap-And-Trade Whatever…
  gorilla defeats joe barton

NOW WE WILL ALL DRIVE TREES! Whoa hey they managed to do it, the Democrats did, passing the Waxman-Markey American Clean Energy and SECURITY Act, 219-212 — eight Republicans voting Yea, 44 Democrats voting Naw. This sure is a “big victory” for Barack Obama! Except that it has to go to the Senate now and requires 60 votes, for being big, meaning 99% of it will be stripped out an hour before voting just to get one of those Maine ladies on board, resulting in just enough funding to give 5-7 Americans surgical masks, for the End Times… Ha ha, the future of Earth could rest on comedian Al Franken’s ability to cast a U.S. Senate vote. [AP] Read more on …
  fightin' the gorillas

Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole

Opossum-eyed Jesus geologist Joe Barton, Republican Congressman from Texas, signaled his intent last month to stop the liberal Waxman-Markey energy bill — the one with cap-and-trade, which is about hamburgers — with traditional adult methods of opposition: “I’m going to be the sneaky little guy that pops up from behind the bush and fights the guerrilla. But guerrilla warfare does succeed sometimes.” (Fortunately for him this world has professional transcribers, because he definitely was saying he wanted to fight a gorilla.) And now he is popping up from behind the bush with a reasonable plan to block the legislation by proposing 450 comical amendments — four-hundred-and-fifty — that will simply be rejected, one by one, during an exhausting process that will embarrass the United States around the world and in Heaven. HAW HAW HAW. Read more on Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole…
  ise got mor smarts then u

Dumb Congressman Brags About ‘Stumping’ Nobel-Winning Energy Secretary With Stupid Question

Here is an official clip prepared by the office of Texas Rep. Joe Barton titled, “Where Does Oil Come From? Question leaves Energy Secretary puzzled.” This title alone should tell you enough about what really happened. Read more on Dumb Congressman Brags About ‘Stumping’ Nobel-Winning Energy Secretary With Stupid Question…
  citizen protests

RedStaters Kill The Environment By Doing Laundry, Baking

Remember that goofy “Earth Hour” that took place whenever, sometime last week, when a bunch of Australian hippies unplugged their GORP generators for an hour to save the earth? Apparently some intrepid conservatives/global warming deniers decided to use MOAR ELECTIRICETIES during that same hour, just to be dicks! Read more on RedStaters Kill The Environment By Doing Laundry, Baking…
  great big depression

Oh Look, the White House Got a YouTube Channel

Just another narcissist video-blogging from his home office, blah blah, job creation, energies, 3 million jobs, financial disaster. Only kidding, Barack! Don’t have us disappeared! If half of this stuff makes it to the Economic Heroics Legislation, which Obama says will be LAW within a month, this is going to be nuts. Let’s watch some video previews of what America can expect …. Read more on Oh Look, the White House Got a YouTube Channel…
  comic book superheroes

Waxman Will Run House Energy Committee, Dingell Will Run Nothing

Henry Wax Man, Man of Wax: as chairman of the House Oversight Committee, he has basically subpeonaed the entire Bush administration and asked them why they all suck so much. Henry Waxman rules! And now he will be taking his brand of California liberal ass-kickery to the Energy and Commerce Committee, where he just ousted the tragic Detroit toady John Dingell as chairman. Read more on Waxman Will Run House Energy Committee, Dingell Will Run Nothing…
  secret communists

SARAH THE MARXIST: She takes the oil companies’ hard-earned money and “redistributes” it to shiftless Alaskans! “[W]e’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs,” she told the elite socialist rag The New Yorker. That means every Alaskan gets $3,269 a year from the State, just for living and breathing on that lost and frigid tundra, and that is also why she is America’s most popular governor. Because she is a Communist. [The New Yorker] Read more on …
  make way for hillary

Joe Biden Screwing Up 900 Times An Hour

Here’s Joe Biden putting his mitts all over some hippie gal and telling her “we’re not supporting clean coal,” which is comically the opposite of what his campaign is officially supporting. Read more on Joe Biden Screwing Up 900 Times An Hour…
  schweitzer for veep!

Brian Schweitzer’s Funny Joke From Last Night

Here is delightful Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer cracking wise about John McCain’s eleventy billion back yards, and how they cannot make America energy independent. This guy was adorable, with his bolo tie and his “I am a used car salesman, but a used car salesman from 1950, when it was still wholesome” demeanor. Wasn’t there some talk about him being on Obama’s veep list early on? Ah yes. [YouTube] Read more on Brian Schweitzer’s Funny Joke From Last Night…