endorsements
Five Shockingly Living People Who Endorsed Mitt Romney
The Washington Free Beacon lists the five most amazingly Romney-endorsing “celebrities” of the 2012 cycle, and let me tell you, guys, these people are all somehow still alive, probably. 1. Lindsay Lohan The “Mean Girls” star and all-around party girl recently announced that she was voting for Romney. “I just think employment is really important [...]
Paultards Traumatized By Rand Paul’s Romney Endorsement
Well, tragedy has struck in Ron Paul’s kingdom. Rand Paul endorsed Mitt Romney Thursday night on Sean Hannity’s show, presumably because he has been promised some high-profile position in Mitt’s Barbie and Ken’s Dream House™ cabinet. While those pioneering philosophers over at the Washington Post seriously ponder “what” Rand Paul’s endorsement “means” (absolute f#*&-all), other, [...]
George W. Bush Finally Endorses Romney at Ornate Elevator Door-Shutting Ceremony
At last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports… Obama, again?… no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush’s heart. Gotta make’m earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right [...]
Santorum Endorses Romney In Sad, Rambling Late-Night Email
Oh, man, when you get a 16-paragraph email from someone at 11 pm you know that only good things are in it, right? Generally these things are some variation of “I DON’T NEED YOU, WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME, YOU NEVER LOVED ME.” But Rick Santorum is made of tougher stuff than that, in that [...]
Michele Bachmann’s Meanest Quotes About Her Beloved Endorsee, Mitt Romney
Cherished Tea Party “fixer” Michele Bachmann has lent her vast international credibility to the campaign of Mitt Romney, endorsing him at a Virginia event this afternoon. “On November 6th,” her announcement actually reads, “the only option is Mitt Romney for President.” How was she able to contain this salvo of devotion to her hero, Mitt [...]
Sad Johnny Boehner’s A Mitt Man
And there was John Boehner, all alone at the Capitol Hill Club at 8 a.m., loadin’ up at the bar for another day of his miserable life. “Who’s president… I should be… the pressydent,” he slurred, nine empty bottles of Sutter Home merlot on his either side. “Hey who’re you asshole,” he says to the [...]
Jeb Bush Gives Up, Endorses Mitt Romney
Grass-fed Florida alligator Jeb Bush, the man who supposedly can’t run for president because of his last name but whose endorsement and support the party appears to deem critical, has given up looking for a White Knight to endorse and will just pretend to like Mitt Romney instead. He has made his endorsement today, half-assedly, [...]
GOP Primary/America Over: Jeff Foxworthy Endorses Mitt Romney
How hard do you think executive human Mitt Romney will sweep the Deep South now that he has the solemnly tweeted endorsement of Jeff Foxworthy? Is there a better way to win over voters in the now crucially crucial Alabama and Mississippi than campaigning alongside Jeff Foxworthy, the King of the Deep South according to [...]
Today’s Love Fest: Sharron Angle For Santorum, Trump For Romney
O blessed day! Breathing desert mirage Sharron Angle has emerged from her candle-lit study, after a meticulous examination of the remaining combatants for head GOP clown, to anoint the weirdest available clown of them all, Rick Santorum! She shuffled her thoughts about, then stapled them together and literally read them aloud, right there on Fox [...]
Famous Floridian Jeb Bush Won’t Endorse *Any* GOP Candidate
Jeb Bush, currently one of the less loathed of the metastatic Bush dynasty, sure is one cool, cool customer! With the Florida GOP primary just around the corner, the former governor has revealed that he will “stay neutral,” despite the judicious application of prostrate groveling from Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, and Rick Santorum. We must [...]
Sarah Palin Would Vote for Gingrich … In South Carolina
Prattler extraordinaire Sarah Palin came the closest yet to endorsing someone as the Republican nominee when she told Fox News’s Sean Hannity on Tuesday that she’d vote for Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina primary. But you see, this is not an endorsement at all, so for confused Republicans still planning on voting Republican this [...]
Romney Robocalls SC Voters Using Santorum’s 2008 Endorsement
He’s not gone yet, but Rick Santorum will arguably be carried out of this campaign kicking and screaming by Mitt Romney, the tyrannical stepfather of the 2012 race, who’s just launched robocalls to South Carolina voters that feature audio of Santorum’s 2008 endorsement of Romney as the Republican candidate. On a scale of one to [...]
McCain to Be For Romney After Being Against Him
During Iowa’s caucus coverage Tuesday night, some time around thirteen o’clock, in between the 98th and 99th time Wolf Blitzer assured us that “we’re watching this vee-ee-ery closely,” a message flashed on the screen that Senator John McCain, former thingy, plans to endorse Mitt Romney as the GOP nominee. Turns out McCain has no respect [...]
blog advertising is good for you
