Tag Archives: emails

  Right-wing humor is as good as it's always been

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.
If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton’s lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be police captain and police sergeant, respectively. Instead, it never occurred to them that “hey we send each other racist haw haw jokes all the time, maybe we should delete them, or maybe do this over Snapchat,” and they were relieved of their jobs in March. Well, now we actually get to see the emails! Were they talking about how much they wanted to lynch slaves or how Barack Obama should go back and live with the monkeys in Africa? Less of the former, more of the latter. Read more on Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line…
  Probably doesn't want to do flower arrangements for gay weddings

There Goes Michelle Obama, Murdering The White House Florist Again

Michelle Obama looks happy, but she is ANGRY ABOUT FLOWERS.
The Washington Post is a-buzzing, due to the fact that the White House Head Florist, Laura Dowling, has left, and nobody will say why: [T]he recent exit of head florist Laura Dowling, who’d been in the job since 2009, has been a much quieter affair. So hush hush, in fact, that most outside of 1600 Penn knew nothing about it. There’s still no official comment on why Dowling is no longer at the White House, but according to a source with close ties to current residence staffers, she was escorted from the building on Friday Feb. 13. When asked why she doesn’t come do nice flowers at the White House anymore, Dowling issued a statement THROUGH HER LAWYER: Read more on There Goes Michelle Obama, Murdering The White House Florist Again…
  Now look what you've done!

Bad Seed Aaron Schock Has Shamed His Daddy And Made Him Sad

Aaron's jazz hands ignore his father's pain
Now just look at what Aaron Schock’s shameful behavior and resignation have done — brought shame and media hounding on his poor daddy, Dr. Richard Schock. Mean local media cornered Dr. Schock for 13 minutes to get his opinion on his ethically challenged son, and he was on the verge of crying the entire time. This man is not a public figure, but because Aaron is too busy setting his Instagram to private and probably looking at himself in the mirror, this is what we get. THANKS AARON. Read more on Bad Seed Aaron Schock Has Shamed His Daddy And Made Him Sad…
  you got servered

Hillary Clinton Don’t Give A Sh*t

Hillary Clinton, she’s this lady, you might have heard of her. Former senator and secretary of state, might be prezzy maybe, puts off liberals by being all centrist, puts off conservatives by having a vagina and a mouth at the same time. Read more on Hillary Clinton Don’t Give A Sh*t…
  Clintongate Part Whatever

Hillary Clinton Did An Email Thing That May Or May Not Be Wrong, And The NYT Is ON IT

Here's your gender card right here
The New York Times reported an explosive breaking exclusive ZOMG! Clinton scandal on Monday night, so turn on the Drudge Siren and grab your splooge sock because CLINTON SCANDAL!!!! Hillary Rodham Clinton exclusively used a personal email account to conduct government business as secretary of state, State Department officials said, and may have violated federal requirements that officials’ correspondence be retained as part of the agency’s record. Read more on Hillary Clinton Did An Email Thing That May Or May Not Be Wrong, And The NYT Is ON IT…
  Romania is for lovers

Colin Powell Did Sexty Emails To Some Hot Romanian Chick, Was Bad At It

Another day, another dumbass married guy talking shit on teh computerz — yes, our favorite Bush shower-paintings email hacker “Guccifer” is still arduously selling his hackings, and after supposedly getting into the emails of Bush, Clinton, and Obama officials, as well as Candace Bushnell and Carl Bernstein — what? — the latest release is in the form of one Colin Powell and “a friendship that electronically became very personal and then back to normal.” In this latest installment of Old-Dude-Sexxxy-Time, we learn the Anthrax General had a flirty back and forth with a lady named Corina Cretu — whom he met in Romania some 10 years ago, when she was 35! And she is now a Socialist Democratic Senator! And English is not really her ‘thing’ — but these crazy kids gave it a go anyway and now their semi-hot longings are all over the internets. Read more on Colin Powell Did Sexty Emails To Some Hot Romanian Chick, Was Bad At It…
  Lies Damn Lies And Benghazi

Republicans Fabricated Smoking Gun Emails They Maybe Illegally Leaked; Forgot To Add Smoking Gun

First, a disclaimer: We, like you, are so. Fucking. Tired! of Benghazi. If Republicans had just taken our advice, they would not be suffering in the polls because they are wasting everyone’s time, and we would not be weeping into our latte because we have to keep struggling to wring a few drops of funny out of this fucking nothingburger of a non-anything story. But this was too good to pass up: Not only were the “smoking gun” Benghazi emails that leaked this week actually devoid of anything that could be called a “smoking gun,” we now know that a) they were mostly just made up, and b) they came directly from unnamed Republican sources. Read more on Republicans Fabricated Smoking Gun Emails They Maybe Illegally Leaked; Forgot To Add Smoking Gun…
  important forwarded email news

Tennessee State Rep. Knows Precisely How Obama Will Steal This Election

Good news, people of Tennessee: we get to discuss your state legislature again this morning! Oh, put away your groans. This guy you’ve got, state Rep. Kelly Keisling, had such a smart insight into the future of American politics that he took the liberty of emailing it to his constituents. How’s the rest of 2012 gonna play, O holy Byrdstown prophet? “A Republican member of the Tennessee state legislature emailed constituents Tuesday morning with a rumor circulating in conservative circles that President Barack Obama is planning to stage a fake assassination attempt in an effort to stop the 2012 election from happening.” What’s that, reader? You don’t take this seriously? Well what if we told you that the rumor came from a “Florida-based conservative blogger”? Mmhmm, yep. It’s all happening. Read more on Tennessee State Rep. Knows Precisely How Obama Will Steal This Election…
  america's greatest wingnut mayors

Comical California Mayor Gives This Chinese Autograph Seeker a Piece of His Mind

Santee, California Mayor Randy Voepel, according to the local Patch, recently received an email from a Chinese fellow who collects autographs asking for a contribution from Voepel. The email sort of resemnbles “spam email,” but we’re only saying that because we’re racist. But instead of deleting the email or not responding or, well, sending him the autograph he requested, Voepel decided to write back to the commie calling him a dirty commie, and more generally instructing him to fuck off. Read more on Comical California Mayor Gives This Chinese Autograph Seeker a Piece of His Mind…
  so hard for it honey

Cocky Elizabeth Warren Just Spiking Football, Forwarding Scott Brown’s Fundraising Emails Verbatim

Following a first-quarter fundraising haul in which she doubled sexy human bear rug Scott Brown’s take, everyone’s favorite plainspoken Minnesota Girl Scout troop leader Harvard professor/US Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren is just cold clicking “forward” on Brown’s latest sad fundraising email and sending it on to all her supporters, while doubled over laughing. Penalty! Penalty! Excessive celebrating! Um, 15 yards or something? Here, let us brighten our morning by excessively celebrating too! Read more on Cocky Elizabeth Warren Just Spiking Football, Forwarding Scott Brown’s Fundraising Emails Verbatim…
  snowbilly divorce ethics

Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce

Way back in 2007, when Wonkette was literally the only national media actually covering Sarah Palin and her ridiculous role as John McCain’s vice-presidential candidate was still just a stain in Bill Kristol’s underroos, the Wasilla grifter was already planning her divorce from amiable extremist dolt Todd Palin. Emails finally released on Thursday show Sarah was scheming even then, and wondering if her divorce from Todd — a laborer on the North Slope oil fields — would somehow lead to charges of conflict of interest because of Governor Sarah’s “drill baby drill” policies. None of this makes any sense, because Sarah Palin is a lifelong idiot. But she is consistently phony and amoral, when it comes to “family values,” at least! Read more on Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce…
  farmville for dummies

Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here

The Guardian, America’s greatest paper that is actually a socialist paper from somewhere in England, has this fun gimmick where you can see an unseen Sarah Palin Secret Email just by clicking a button. It is like Farmville, but actually dumber than that. The very first random unseen email we saw was a blank page that said “State of Alaska” at the top. Somehow not scandalous! But the very next one has a scandal involving BP and a brother-in-law and the usual paranoid Palin bullshit. So, we figure exactly half of these emails — roughly 12,000 — are proof of Palin’s criminal snowbilly behavior. Put her in Gitmo before she emails again! Read more on Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here…
  fun things that happened over the weekend

Latest Obama Monkey Email Sent In Spirit Of Fun And Friendship

Hey, so, slow news month! Nothing much happening except the normal earthquakes and Iraqi elections and, of course, your usual totally innocent racist email about the Obamas which was thoughtlessly forwarded by some douche who just thought he was having some lighthearted fun, talking about monkeys and black people. This one comes from the CEO of the Tennessee Hospitality Association, who made the mistake of forwarding this hilarious email to a few reporters. Read more on Latest Obama Monkey Email Sent In Spirit Of Fun And Friendship…
  from the mailbag

“WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN SAVE THIS DECLINING COUNTRY??? WELL??? IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!”

Look at this shouty email your Wonkette editor received today! It is about Ron Paul—and not just in the sense that everything written in all-caps is automatically, in some way, technically “about” Ron Paul. This letter is a Reasonable One though, as its author merely requests that everyone “JUST LAY OFF UNTIL HE WINS IN 2012 PLEASE!!!!” After 2012—uhh if Ron Paul allows there to be a 2012!!—you can all just do what you want. Read more on “WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN SAVE THIS DECLINING COUNTRY??? WELL??? IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!”…
  meddlers

Emails Suggest Rove Was Totally Up In This Attorney-Firing Business

The research goblins over at TPM and the New York Times are busy at work devouring thousands of pages of newly released documents regarding the US attorney firing scandal. At an undetermined point in the future, these specially evolved goblins will excrete a powdery white substance and several pages of “analysis,” or at least a few juicy quotes from Karl Rove about how he is guilty of unspeakable crimes against David Iglesias, the US attorney in New Mexico who was fired “for poor performance” (meaning, because he did not aggressively pursue Republican allegations of voter fraud). Read more on Emails Suggest Rove Was Totally Up In This Attorney-Firing Business…
  republicans in the news

Yet Again, Email + Republican Elected Officials = Repulsive Racism

Hey, we’ve gone all week without some fuckface old Republican getting caught sending hateful racist email about the Obamas. Maybe racism really is on the wane, in America. Maybe old white GOP officials have finally realized it’s not super funny to send hilarious jokes about the coloreds, to everybody, about the president. Ha, right. The latest batch of foul, blatant racism comes from “City Councilman Gary Frago,” in some place near Merced, California. And he’s not sorry, either! “I’m not the only one that does it,” Frago told the Merced Sun-Star. Yeah, we’ve noticed. Read more on Yet Again, Email + Republican Elected Officials = Repulsive Racism…