Somehow it seems unlikely that this dude, who vows not to read Wonkette ever again, has read much of it in the past. MORE »

It’s almost like they had this campaign-money solicitation prepared even before Norm Coleman conceded!

The very best kind of reader mail comes from people who find some thing you wrote months ago and assume you will know exactly what has offended them so much when they write to complain. “How dare you say that thing about Hillary Clinton,” or “Here’s a tip — stick your head up a dead man’s arse.” Not helpful, people! We need context. So, two questions for the reader of the following email: was there a particular story that inflamed you so much? And was there anybody in particular you wanted to direct this complaint to? MORE »

Author and personal-appliance salesman John Hodgman did a very witty “nerd hit” on so-called American President Barack Obama on Friday, but was it accurate, as far as the various classes and career paths of Hobbits? Today’s Email of the Day from “Madison” may answer this important question! MORE »

We understand that for most of you it’s Late Lunch Hour Porn Cruising Time, but beware, the Iranians have set up a digital attack trap: “don’t know what’s up, but i went to persian bay (nee pirate bay), then to wonkette (at about 1:30 pm your time) and for a few long seconds it seemed that my computer (a mac running os x) had been seized from afar. i went to make a comment on one of your postings and my keyboard started typing an endless series of ‘i’s, then my selection bar in safari history started jumping all up and down on its own accord. i bailed out of safari and restarted and everything seems okay now, but spooky, my dear wonkette, spooky.” Is anyone else being oppressed in this way?

Hey, it’s been a while since we did one of these things, right? So. It turns out that, when you get a reader e-mail that begins with “Here’s a tip,” what follows is never an actual tip. It is just some (thankfully) brief rant from a person who spends their free time yelling at telemarketers and calling up CSPAN to complain about how the Obama administration treats veterans worse than homosexuals and pedophiles. MORE »

Did you know Barack Obama is an overzealous baby who obviously wanted to get into show business, but mistakenly became president? No? You don’t know that? Maybe you should turn off your “converter box government controlled t.v.s.” It’s even better than an Email of the Day — it’s the AOL comment of the day! MORE »

From: Cindy ___
To: tips@wonkette.com
Date: Wed, Apr 15, 2009 at 5:32 PM
Subject: Neither Democrat or Republican - they both suck!

I am almost old enough to vote and have a lot of questions about what’s going on with the government. Republican, Democrat, right, left, what does it all mean? What does each party stand for? When I came to this site I stopped to see what it was about. I found nothing but anger, hate and vulgarity. If this is liberal, NO THANKS! At least the people at the tea parties are trying to make a costructive statement. Lighten up.

In our first 2009 edition of “Email of the Day,” we bring you two (2) tragic examples of America’s Dumb People fighting a losing battle with words … and one of them also tries (and fails) to deploy the weapon of “sarcasm.” Also: What kind of terrible person refuses to show the Proper Respect to any endeavor loosely connected to some random former Marine? MORE »

Here’s something good about our new Great Depression: All Internet companies are going under, soon, along with the websites of newspapers and cable channels, and of course all the companies that provide the free blogging. What this means, we sincerely hope, is the end of Web Comments, forever. It was an “interesting” experiment, etc., and we’ll miss a few comments (the ones on Wonkette), but overall, it’s going to be wonderful to never ever again read some ignorant subliterate racist typing with one finger about the “n____r’s lovers” who are, of course, “biggot biased assholes.” MORE »

Only a dozen more days of crazy emails from the brave nuts warning us about Barack Obama’s sinister plans for the world, as revealed by a telephone psychic in the 16th Century! Ha, not really! Assuming Obama somehow wins the election, in this country, these wingnuts are going to make the Clinton era’s talk-radio New World Order paranoia look like a beautiful time of civilized discourse. Let’s read today’s email of the day! MORE »