email of the day
Teabaggers Still E-Mailing Us, Telling Us Not To Drink Anti-Baby ‘Flouride’
Your afternoon editor’s inbox has been an absolute delight after some Teabagger blog told its faithful to e-mail him their distaste at the “snatching” of “baby’s.” Out of the 15 or so e-mails he’s received from Teabaggers, only one was written in correct English with anything resembling an argument, so Teabaggers are certainly hard at [...]
A Children’s Treasury of Teabagger E-mails Against ‘Baby’s Snatching’
Oh no, this whole Brian Doherty thing is just getting sad. Almost immediately after your afternoon editor took him down yesterday, Doherty went back on his blog and attempted a rejoinder. The crux of his new argument is that, one, “I had no intention of saying [Wonkette] should spend their time proving their objectivity by [...]
Jesus Communicator Sends Us Poorly Written Cease-and-Desist Letter
As you learned in civics class, Jesus is the most important branch of the U.S. federal government. And so your afternoon editor wrote a couple of posts about That Dude yesterday and thought nothing of it. But according to a sternly written e-mail from Christ’s publicist, who writes in a tongue that is not correct [...]
Scooter Person Asks Us To Stop Being Racist Against Scooter People
If there’s one lesson we all must learn, it’s that people who ride around on scooters are people too. Granted, they have lost the basic human ability to walk, and would not have survived the world at any point in history except right about now, but genetically speaking, they are human. According to blog Jesus [...]
Wingnut’s Feelings Hurt By Photos of Slobs At GlennBeckPalooza
Every three years or so, “like clockwork,” your editor realizes he still works on the Internet because whatever Internet thing he edits must be forcefully updated to the Internet’s current technologies, which in three years’ time have usually gone so far beyond whatever publishing system of the past that there’s no longer anyone alive who [...]
‘Your Homosexual Reference Is Sick — SHAME!’
A daily puzzle here at Wonkette’s World News Headquarters is trying to figure out what the hell people are going on about, in their emails to your editors, because it’s a rare occurrence when an angry reader who stumbled across some random three-year-old Wonkette post bothers to identify whatever post was so upsetting. The link [...]
Illiterate Southern ‘Vampire’ Offers Racial Advice
Last week your Wonkette posted some news about racism in Tennessee, because it was so shocking and rare and etc. Racism, in the South?! Many days later, this post drained all the way to the Internet’s southern parts, where a proud local man discovered the item in question, maybe on his ex-wife’s cousin’s ‘puter. He [...]
George Washington Will Warblog, Correct Liberal History
The Coward-King of Virginia, Wingnut George Washington, has returned to his computer, for warfare. He is taking our attack seriously, at his own peril: Dear Jim Newell, As to your second comment, neither George Washington nor I murdered King George III. Please check your history.
If Evan Bayh Does Not Announce His Retirement Today, We Will Eat Our Hats!
Your Wonkette has it on very good authority (a random tip from a random tipster) that the guy who was maybe going to run for president before pussing out the last time around, the lamest of President Obama’s would-be vice presidential picks, Indiana’s Senator Evan Bayh, is going to announce his retirement today. Really!
Unpatriotic Wingnuts Put ‘My Country’ In Scare Quotes
Our favorite-ever letter-writer “Bob” is back, with an email once again expressing his displeasure with our “paper.” But maybe he is confused? Or maybe he just HATES OUR NATION. As we’ve seen with these shocking new surveys of Republican Opinion, “patriotism” these days just means “I hate America so much I want to secede to [...]
Reader Objects To Poor Quality Of Wonkette Newspaper
Poor frustrated reader “bob” has clearly driven himself insane, trying to print out this Internet thing.
Somebody Says ‘Boo’ To Wonkette’s Famous Journalism
Here’s a very special Email of the Night, starring somebody who must’ve come across a confusing link to your Wonkette on some wingnut message board. We’ve seen a handful of these “referencing nothing in particular” upset emails in the latter half of the week, but as usual there is no way to decipher what exactly [...]
Al Franken Wastes No Time, Already Begging For More Campaign Money
It’s almost like they had this campaign-money solicitation prepared even before Norm Coleman conceded!
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Deleted Comment Of The Day: ‘Your Face Is So Far Up Obama’s Ass…’
by Doktor Zoom
As you all know, Yr Wonkette does not allow comments, but if we did, we would certainly get a lot of interesting communications! For instance, we received this missive from “jsk” in response to Thursday’s story about the nonrevelations in the Benghazi hearings: What a poorly written article. How can anyone be taken seriously who [...]