Christmas seasons starts earlier every year, they say! At malls and stuff! They start selling Christmas things earlier every year! Ha ha ha it is the funniest trend. But what of its corollary, the War on Christmas, the wingnuts’ seasonal proxy war to defend its precious nativism from the clutches of terrorists and House Democrats? It starts earlier every year, too, and is starting ultra-early this year, as we all know that this new “president” will try to pass legislation to abolish Christmas, its conifers, its temporary retail shacks, and the Christians themselves. Do you have any white grandmothers, and do they have AOL accounts? Because those inboxes are likely to have at least six or seven “FW: KENYNA COMMIE BAAMA 2 MURDER JEEBUS’ PRESENTS DAY” sitting near the top of the tray, right now. MORE »

Buried somewhere in the middle of the thick “Republicans + E-mail = Racist Anti-Obama Stuff” file is the July case of Dr. David McKalip, the Florida neurosurgeon caught circulating this objectively racist witch doctor image of Barack Obama. McKalip was a major “Tea Party E-mail List Guy” and an active player in the American Medical Association, but after being so racist he announced he would keep a lower profile in the anti-reform movement — even though “the image has nothing to do with my feelings or thoughts on any race or culture.” How’s that working out for him? Oh, he’s just traveling the country to speak at rallies and meet with Republican congressmen. MORE »

It’s almost like they had this campaign-money solicitation prepared even before Norm Coleman conceded!

It’s a week of the year in America, so that means it’s time for another wingnut local official to get busted for sending the hilarious racist emails to everybody. Meet Robert J. Weller, president of the Lewiston-Porter School Board somewhere in the sticks about 40 miles northeast of Albany somewhere north of Buffalo but it does not appear on any maps as it is not on Earth. Weller, who ran for the board in 2007 and came in fifth place and somehow got appointed to the the board anyway, because who even cares, apparently spends all his free time at home forwarding the funnies about the coloreds to “friends and fellow board members.” And, as usual, some worry wart P.C. libtards don’t get the joke. MORE »

Hmm, any Republicans forward some Email lately? Oh yes, sure, here we go: “Diann Jones, a vice chairman of the Collin County Republican Party, has apologized for an e-mail that some local judges denounced as racist.” Hooray! As is usual in such cases, this GOP leader from this Dallas exurb is denying any racist intent in sending this email bitching about the “black house” where Obama is plotting against Americans, an email she sent to all the Republicans in “local Republican clubs,” because the REAL crime is that one of the recipients, a local Republican judge, is kind of tired of his party being a bunch of idiot racists, so he sent it to a bunch of other judges, who will HMMMM pass judgment on Diann Jones, in some Texas form of justice, such as a mild rebuke? MORE »

What caused the brief and pretty boring evacuation of the Capitol Visitor Center at 11:25 a.m.? Did the vanilla-chai teabags reach a Singularity? No it was a fire alarm everybody calm the fuck down. A mysterious staffer, “Em-bot,” sent us the entire drama, as represented in Capitol Police emails. It is exciting, if you are excited by, say, Twitter. MORE »

Quite possibly the only job worse than mopping the floors in a rendering plant is working in constituent services. So many gross citizens calling angrily all the time, and writing dumb emails, demanding this thing or that thing and generally wasting the time of staffers who could actually be doing something productive if they didn’t have to keep answering the phone and nodding thoughtfully. Naturally, tolerating citizen complaints can eventually send you over the edge into MADNESS, as evidenced by the complete and total breakdown of a legislative aide in St. Paul. MORE »

As the first president to use email in the White House, just a dozen years after email became the civilized world’s primary form of communication, Barack Obama is the world’s greatest technological revolutionary, because of his new Blackberry featuring encryption. But who gets to forward stupid jokes and YouTubes to our Commander in Chief? Hardly anybody at all, that’s who: Gibbs, Axelrod, probably Michelle, and chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, who regularly updates Obama with all the fucking ways he’s going to motherfucking destroy that fuck John Boehner, who is fucking dead to him. [NYT/Gizmodo]

Sorry dudes all the resumes you sent to the White House this morning were not received, because George Bush broke the emails before he left office. Jesus, nothing in the White House works, nothing! They have to send communications to each other through pneumatic tubes, as was popular in the 50s, and Barack Obama talks on a giant phone when he is not trying to master the mimeograph machine. [YouTube]

As eternal punishment for sending him $50 one night last summer, when you were drunk, Barack Obama sends a new email every day, demanding more money, for god knows what. Sometimes he makes Michelle send it, or David Plouffe, or Al Gore, or Joe Biden, or even Bill Clinton. As long as the email goes out with a famous political name in the From: spot, that’s good enough for Mr. Online Marketing. MORE »

Several weeks ago, a brave Computer Hacker proved to an anxious nation that at least one citizen still has an operating brain and can use it to crack difficult computer codes like “Where did you meet your spouse?” Authorities believe they have found the terrible miscreant who broke into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo account, and today he was indicted by a federal grand jury. Sounds fancy! MORE »