ellen degeneres

We’ve got a cornucopia of Happy links for you today. Mia Wasikowska is our new indie film darling, and she should be yours too! We imagined a day in the life of Pat Sajak. It wasn’t pretty. A Catholic school principal committed the unforgivable sin of putting Ellen DeGeneres — A KNOWN HOMOSEXXICAN — on […]

Was your high school principal always trying to be down with the kids, but then did something embarrassing like putting pix of Kid’n’Play on a flier – in 2004? Pity the poor Catholic school principal who tried to be cool by using Ellen Degeneres’s Oscar photo to flog a dance, forgetting that Ellen is a […]

Last month, Honey Maid graham crackers, which you buy once per year for s’mores and then leave at the back of the cupboard until the mice get them or they turn to dust, aired an ad that said everybody can buy crackers and make s’mores once a year, even the gays and the interracially married. […]

Your president of these here United States Barack Obama visited the Ellen show today via remote, which meant that his picture weirdly floated above Ellen, twice her size, which he probably demanded because of how he is such a megalomaniac even though he is also too a weakling. Anyway, Bamz just came on Ellen to […]

We had a feeling that just one collection of Halloween idiocy would not be sufficient to hold all the Derp that the holiday generates, and we were right. So here we go with Derpin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. How about we just get the ugliest story out of the way right up front? In Norfolk, Virginia, […]

Newark Mayor Cory Booker, the caped-crusading, embattled-cat recovering, amateur fireman, Mr Plow come to life, twitter-master and media darling, won the Democratic primary for New Jersey’s open Senate seat yesterday despite a big ol’ Hate-On from liberal writers everywhere, including our own erstwhile wonkets. But why all the hate, haters?

It has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when the revolution comes it will damn sure start with ‘mos taking over executive agencies. We watched […]

Good day to you, FLOTUS fans! How have you been lately? Have you been obeying your morning arm-workout regimen or have you been binge eating in your bathroom? Michelle is always watching, you know! Your FLOTUS correspondent has been busy these past few weeks, considering a run for Jesse Jackson, Jr.’s congressional seat. (This is […]

If you’re anything like us, and we know you are (yeah, we tried to make that sound better too, but there’s no help for it thanks to the royal “we”), you’ve been wondering how you can best hoard your hard-earned dollars to ensure that companies are punished for liking, or even just tolerating, teh ghey. […]

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture […]

Having already been totally slaughtered, the Warriors for Tolerance, Empathy and Good Taste known as “One Million Moms” (seven moms) have declared victory against Ellen Degeneres (Saddam Hussein) in their fight against her Manchurian Candidate stealth mission to educate Americans to the benefits of the Jaclyn Smith Kardashian Kollection Olsen Twins fashion line. And that’s […]

Poisonous creature of the deep Bill O’Reilly did a segment on his show Tuesday about One Million Moms’ boycott of Ellen DeGeneres’ spokesperson deal with JC Penney. Strangely, the segment was, for the most optimistic among us, some evidence that world peace will happen before the world ends (which is this year). Ellen recently signed […]

For a brief moment, our First Lady Michelle Obama’s appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show was all fun and games. Our FLOTUS danced her way onto the stage in her usual style and then sat down with Ellen to discuss (what else?) Barack Obama’s socks. The gossip is that Barack Obama does not pick up […]

Rumors about former RNC chair Ken Mehlman’s Complete Gayness have been swirling around for years and years. ┬áMike Rogers outed him several years back, as part of his campaign to rid the political world of homosexuals who cynically use the rest of the gay community as bait in order to convince rubes, yahoos, bumpkins and […]

There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or […]