There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or super-big toilets. [YouTube]

Remember how Barack Obama went on Ellen that one time, and then his wife went on, and then yesterday he went on again and proved through his dancing that he is indeed half white? Well, here is the new footage. Also: midway through we see a photograph of a young Obama in a pirate costume (for Halloween, a pagan holiday), an image which spontaneously impregnated thousands of American women with tiny pirate-babies. [YouTube]

Your pretend Jackie Kennedy girlfriend, Michelle Obama, appeared on daytime teevee today and did what all daytime teevee guests do: dance with that famous lesbian gal, Ellen. Barack Obama has been there, although he kept his muted dance moves within “the safe zone,” a politician’s best friend. BUT MICHELLE JUST GOES NUTS WITH HER DANCING, and even pulls out some “Vogue,” and then we stopped watching because what is this? [YouTube]

You will certainly want to watch all eight minutes of Jenna and Laura’s crazy time over on the lesbian teevee show! Let us know if anything good happens. For us, the highlight was about 35 seconds in when Jenna sits down and crosses her legs and flashes some panty. And then we quit watching, because who fucking cares what these people say, right? [Campaign Circus]

How much does Chris Matthews hate women? So much that he fondles the breasts of a lesbian superstar on her own television program. And then he hurls her into a chair. The man is a MONSTER.

B-list children’s author Jenna Bush squirmed her way onto “the Ellen show” today and had to call her parents, because Ellen was touching her private parts. Well, that’s sort of true. Ellen did pressure her into calling the White House to see how easily she could reach her parents, and after one quick redirection she’s suddenly talking to them, as if they were… hmm… waiting for it? This “coincidence” has only one possible explanation: an arbitrary Hillary plant.