Tag Archives: elizabeth warren

  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  You Didn't Bill-O That

Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly was in fine form Tuesday night, addressing the horrors that might result if Elizabeth Warren somehow became President of the United States. You see, if the mildly progressive centrist Barack Obama is a flaming socialist, which he is, then Elizabeth Warren is obviously some kind of super-extra-socialist, so much farther to the left than Karl Marx himself that she may actually exist only in the infra-red portion of the spectrum. O’Reilly laid out the problem with Warren for the Real American People, or as he explained, the threat of Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks…
  I Think We're All Bozos On This Cromnibus

Lindsey Graham Yells At Elizabeth Warren In Preview Of Alternate Universe Presidential Debate

We'd pay good American money to watch this debate
So over the weekend, the Senate miraculously avoided shutting down the entire government by passing that “Cromnibus” budget bill, hooray! The bill included all kinds of special favors to special interests, including a very special little gift for giant banks that had been written by lobbyists for Citibank and inserted into the must-pass bill at the last minute. Read more on Lindsey Graham Yells At Elizabeth Warren In Preview Of Alternate Universe Presidential Debate…
  Everybody Off The Cromnibus

Elizabeth Warren Hell-Raising On Senate Floor: ‘Who Do You Work For?’ (Citigroup, Duh)

Please pay your corporate fines in full. You have 20 seconds to comply.
Elizabeth Warren did a bit of outreach to Republicans today, urging them to remove from the omnibus budget bill that rollback of part of the Dodd-Frank financial reform law that we covered earlier today. If you really oppose government bailouts, she said, then why on earth would you vote for this measure that would allow FDIC insurance to bail out banks that lose money on derivatives trades — those risky little gambles that crashed the world economy back in 2008? She notes that, on this one at least, she’s in agreement with such radical commies as David Vitter and even Redstate, where a front page post today admitted, Read more on Elizabeth Warren Hell-Raising On Senate Floor: ‘Who Do You Work For?’ (Citigroup, Duh)…
  conservachristmas

Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life

Greetings, godless liberals! Since you don’t celebrate Christmas in your heathen belief system, you might not realize that the more upright members of society are using one of their “holy days” as a reason to spend the next two weeks exchanging bobbles and trinkets to signal fellowship and lord their financial prosperity over each other. Read more on Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Elizabeth Warren Splainers The Budget Bill For Dummies (Video)

two of our favorite people
It’s not especially surprising that in any must-pass bill, some pretty iffy stuff gets shoved in, and in the Spirit of Bipartisanship (also last-minute panic), it even gets passed. The Great Big Keep The Lights On Omnibus Bill currently slouching through Congress has one provision that Wonkette Hero Elizabeth Warren insists will not stand: a provision — which she says was literally written by Citigroup lobbyists — to strip out a “no bailouts” rule in the Dodd-Frank financial reform law. If it passes, banks will once again have some of their most risky investment gambles insured by the FDIC. That is, a return to the same old principle of private gain and socialized risk that got us into such a mess in 2008. Warren is against it, Nancy Pelosi is against it, and it could threaten Democratic support for the budget measure. Watch this interview, take a look at Warren’s blog post on the provision, and do your part to keep America free by buying a Wonkette Elizabeth Warren coffee mug. Read more on Morning Maddow: Elizabeth Warren Splainers The Budget Bill For Dummies (Video)…
  Bernie Sanders For Everything

Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich

Bernie Sanders, our favorite socialist senator and only socialist senator but still our favorite anyway, has a terrific new economic plan to save America, and it’s so crazy it just might work! Except, of course, that it will never work, because sadly, our Senate is filled with a whole bunch of senators who are not Bernie Sanders, and do not ask the kinds of questions he asks, such as, for example: Read more on Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich…
  Hell YEAH

Let’s Enjoy Watching Elizabeth Warren Kick Some More GOP Ass, For America

On Wednesday, Sen. Elizabeth Warren spoke at the Center for American Progress where, as we’ve come to expect from her, she used her big ol’ professorial brain to little-wordsplain at us how America used to be, how it should be, how Republicans effed it all the heck up, and how we can make it better. Read more on Let’s Enjoy Watching Elizabeth Warren Kick Some More GOP Ass, For America…
  We’re just not that into her

Carly Fiorina Begs America To Beg Her To Run For President

The view from inside Carly's head
Photo by Beth Ethier Lady Republican Carly Fiorina — whose name is pretty much synonymous with “EPIC FAIL” and “Demon Sheep” and “LOL!!!” — is pretty sure there is a groundswell of grassroots support for her to run for president. At least if she can convince the grassroots to start swelling. Read more on Carly Fiorina Begs America To Beg Her To Run For President…
  nice time!

Senate Dems Throw Elizabeth Warren-Shaped Bone To Annoying Liberal Base

Liz Warren, easy riding over the banks
The Huffington Post reports that popular populist Sen. Elizabeth Warren will assume a new leadership role in the rump Democratic caucus. She will be “crafting the party’s messaging and policy” in a “new position created specifically for her,” which is a notable departure from what happened the last time a position was created specifically for her and Richard Cordray filled it instead, how rude! Read more on Senate Dems Throw Elizabeth Warren-Shaped Bone To Annoying Liberal Base…
  New plan

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here, Dems, is your new business model
Photo by Tim Pierce Here’s an idea that’s so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running “Democratic” candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is not the best way to appeal to the Democratic Party. Crazy, huh? With candidates refusing to support Obamacare, refusing to support Democratic policies, refusing to even say “Hell, yes, I voted for Barack Obama because I am a Democrat, DUH,” the new minority is thinking maybe it’s time to get back to being Democrats. Read more on Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats…
  playing dress-up

Poor James O’Keefe Can’t Even Trick Dumb Dems Into Committing Voter Fraud

Image via YouTube James O’Keefe’s fault — if he has a fault — is that his flair for the dramatic can sometimes get in the way of his top-secret undercover investigations. Subtlety is not something that comes naturally to the wunderkind who rose to conservative fame on the strength of his downmarket Huggy Bear impression. During his most recent operation in Colorado, however, things took a turn for the intellectual. O’Keefe’s new approach to expose all those left-wing ballot bandits: pass himself off as a liberal academic with the help of a young sidekick, grownup facial hair and, presumably, some leather elbow patches. Read more on Poor James O’Keefe Can’t Even Trick Dumb Dems Into Committing Voter Fraud…
  Here have some news n stuff

Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day

Elizabeth Warren for everything
By Twp [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons We sure do love us some Sen. Elizabeth Warren because ALL the reasons. She is always yelling at the too-big-to-fail banks and the sleazy credit card industry and the sleazier Republican Industrial Complex and the greedy bastards who think They Built That. And here she is again, telling it like it is again, which is why we love her all over again some more forever: Read more on Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day…
  Scott Brown will party SO hard for you New Hampshire

Scott Brown’s New Frat-Bro Dude Friends Have Such Nice Things To Say About Congressgirls!

Republican Scott Brown, the former senator from some dumb state that doesn’t matter because he’s always been a “phony from New Hampshire,” is a Very Serious Candidate. He only wants to talk about Very Serious Things. No matter how many times Democratic incumbent Sen. Jeanne “She’s So Mean” Shaheen tries to talk about issues that don’t matter — like Brown’s voting record and dumb chick stuff, which no one cares about, DUH — he is trying to focus on the things he is trying to focus on. When he was reminded again (so annoying!) that Shaheen has accused him of not actually being pro-choice because he is actually not pro-choice, despite his attempts to pretend that he is, Brown gave this Very Serious Response: Read more on Scott Brown’s New Frat-Bro Dude Friends Have Such Nice Things To Say About Congressgirls!…
  Primarily Boring

Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!

The nominee and his nipples
The last primaries of 2014 took place last night, and there’s a fun upset-not-upset in the mix! Up in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (God Save It! © Charles P. Pierce), lantern-jawed newcomer Seth Moulton became the first Democrat in 22 years to unseat a sitting congressman in a primary, beating scandal-plagued John Tierney by eight whole points. Get us up to speed here, Boston Globe, because not all of us are hardy lobstermen living on Boston’s North Shore. Read more on Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!…
  He is not the jobs creator of you!

No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
Once upon a time, there was a centerfold named Scott Brown. And he had a truck. And he loved his truck very much. And he also loved his home state of Massachusetts, where he was from and had always been from, almost as much — so almost as much, he wanted to be a senator from his home state of Massachusetts and go to Washington D.C. and give that evil President Obama what-for and save the Republican Party, hooray! And how was he going to do that, exactly? By, according to Scott Brown, “working each and every day to create jobs in Massachusetts.” Read more on No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh…
  Honey bring me another bag of Taco Bell I'll be in my room

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Learns Elizabeth Warren A Thing Or Two

A man gave us money to buy a subscription to the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. This week, on the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented to You by Fartknocker, Sarah Palin travels back in time to a month ago, when Elizabeth Warren gave a big LIEBERAL word-word-word to Netroots Nation. The gays and commies at Netroots, they liked it! Sarah Palin, she did not like it so much. Let’s listen! Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Learns Elizabeth Warren A Thing Or Two…
  'hoft' doesn't sound like an american name

There Goes Elizabeth Warren Being Hitler Again

Hitler was also a Harvard professor!
Having successfully fucked over a Texas charity last week, Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft decided to try some new formats over the weekend, and attempted a Buzzfeed-style listicle. For instance, based on a tip from a reader, he noticed some ideas in Elizabeth Warren’s ‘Eleven Commandments for Progressives” that were “EERILY SIMILAR” to the “25 points of the Nazi Party” as promulgated by Hitler in 1920. We looked at the two lists, and we have to agree: they are both lists! Read more on There Goes Elizabeth Warren Being Hitler Again…
  sweet carolina

Joe Biden Melts Hearts And Panties In South Carolina

Is our favorite vice president of all time, Old Handsome Joe Biden, guzzling some of those five-hour energy drinks we see advertised everywhere? Because word is he went to a Democratic Party fundraiser in South Carolina on Friday night and tore shit up, son. Probably going to be a mini-Democratic baby boom down in that area in about nine months. Not that OHJB has eyes for anyone except Dr. Jill. It’s just that his raw animal magnetism is such that he can make a lady pregnant with his eyes. He’s that awesome. OHJB was actually in Columbia to deliver the commencement speech at the University of South Carolina but took the time to head to the fundraiser and rally the troops. While there, he gave a speech that attendees described to CNN as “populist” and “Elizabeth Warren-like,” hitting on themes of how the middle class is still struggling economically while corporations are more beholden to their stockholders than their employees. OHJB channeling Liz Warren? Are your panties a total loss yet? Read more on Joe Biden Melts Hearts And Panties In South Carolina…
  warren tramps and thieves

Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To

The Stupidest Man on the Internet has some interesting news judgment. While the rest of us are plying you with post after hilarious post about the right-wing’s considered opinion that Donald Sterling Is Not Racist, plus some recaps, he is still on Elizabeth Warren being a fake Indian, probably, we don’t know, we didn’t bother to read it, because we are busy FAPPING TO SEXY INDIAN LADY ELIZABETH WARREN! We will use this picture from now on, forever, because it is le sex. Read more on Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Has Feelings About Lady Politicians And Their Hysterical Emotions (Video)

Jon Stewart gets at the very important issue of sexism in politics with “breaking news from the inside of another human being” — that is, Chelsea Clinton’s Politically Meaningful Baby, the grandchild that could make all the difference for Hillary Clinton’s possible campaign, or be completely meaningless — except to Darrell Issa, who “has already subpoenaed the baby to testify about Benghazi.” Read more on Jon Stewart Has Feelings About Lady Politicians And Their Hysterical Emotions (Video)…
  fapfic

Elizabeth Warren Writes A Book, Which Means She Is Running For President

America’s favorite fake Indian, Senator Perfesser Lizbeth Warren, has written a new booky wook, squeeeeeeee, aaaaaah, ARE YOU GOING TO BUY IT, I KNOW ME TOO!! The book is called A Fighting Chance (buy it here, we get money), and the Boston Globe and The New Yorker already have reviews up if you want to read them. But will the Globe and the New Yorker join you in freaking out about this, oh my god it’s going to be so good? They will not, so we will now blockquote at you: On her first day on the job, [former Treasury Secretary Tim] Geithner — who Warren often disagreed with — took her out to lunch. When she showed up at his office, he presented her with a present: a cop’s hat. Then they got into the back seat of an SUV that was driven by a security detail. Warren put her seat belt on; Geithner didn’t. “Like a bossy third-grade teacher, I looked at him and said, ‘Put on your seat belt, Mr. Secretary,’ ” Warren writes. “Like a naughty kid, he looked back and said, ‘I don’t have to.’ ” SASS FACTOR OF TEN, MADAM SENIOR SENATOR OF MASSACHUSETTS. We look forward to reading the slash fic in which Geithner and Lizzy Dubs just totally do it, right there in the SUV, with the Secret Service watching and everything. (We are not good at writing slash fic.) But also, Geithner “presented her with a present”? Unacceptable, especially when there’s a perfectly good thesaurus available to all Microsoft Encarta users. That’s enough copyediting snark for today. Do you want more ambiguously sexual dialogue to snicker at? “You’re jamming me, Elizabeth,” Obama said. YEAH YOU ARE, SENATOR SEXYTIMES. “He urged me not to overplay my hand,’’ she writes. “Got it.’’ Let it build…let it build… Read more on Elizabeth Warren Writes A Book, Which Means She Is Running For President…