Wonkette

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. MORE »

Whoa, hey, is that a blurry picture of the famous secret diplomat, Joe Wilson? It is! What’s he up to, these days? Well, if you believe our tipster “Sal,” Wilson can be found these days campaigning for Hillary in tiny little towns, so that his wife can remain undercover. Join us for a super special weeks-late Wonk’d with appearances by Jim Webb, Chuck Hagel, Wonder Woman, Wolf Blitzer, Donald and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld, Tom Ridge, Rob Lowe, Andrew Sullivan, Larry Craig and the always fetching Elizabeth Kucinich … after the jump!

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Democrat Dennis Kucinich recently abandoned his bid for the presidency in order to spend more time in hot threesomes with his nine-foot-tall English wife and a rotating coterie of Hollywood starlets. Understandably, the voters in his Cleveland congressional district are pissed. But will their jealous rage be enough to propel him out of office? MORE »

Yesterday, Elizabeth Kucinich accompanied her husband, a politician of some sort, to a speech about something. Elizabeth stood in the crowd and maybe text-messaged some friends on her cell phone. It’s not any major Elizabeth Kucinich news, but we thought you should know how Elizabeth spent her day yesterday.

*CAN ELIZABETH STILL RUN?:* Burdened hobbit Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the presidential race, presumably to spend more time with his elfin queen Elizabeth. We’ll miss you, Elizabeth! [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

NBC’s appeal to keep Dennis Kucinich out of tonight’s MSNBC debate in Vegas was set for a 4:30 ET hearing in Nevada’s Supreme Court (the majors!). Word should come out shortly whether our favorite hobbit makes the grade or not. Also, Liz “Polaroid” Glover did not go with Ken to Vegas. This is just a leftover from New Hampshire, and THEN THAT’S IT. [The Caucus]

Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich have been working really hard to promote his big bid for the Presidency — so hard, in fact, that Dennis has attracted 4 primary challengers for his Congressional reelection campaign. One of them, Joe Cimperman, is apparently after more than just Kucinich’s Congressional seat. On Tuesday night, Cimperman visited the Kuciniches’ home armed with cameras and a basket of sausages. He found only the lovely Elizabeth, who bid him a swift adieu. Silly boy! To think that the lovely maiden’s heart could be won with amateur porn and floppity phalli! The woman has refused to show off her tongue ring and obviously already has all the meat she can handle. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

SORRY THIS WAS BROKEN, EARLIER. NOW IT’S FIXED, HOORAY!
OK boys (plus women and curious gay men), here’s your Liz Kucinich video. Oh, and Dennis, talking about why he should win some poll. Let me just say that these two — and Dennis’ campaign team — have been infinitely more polite and available than any of the others. And not just because he’s losing his ass off — Duncan Hunter is IMPOSSIBLE to find! Although he might be dead in a ditch somewhere. Hahahaha, that would be too funny, if Duncan Hunter died.

Look at him. Of course he’s always smiling. He is a short old man surrounded by long luscious women — young women, too. When he loses elections, movie stars invite him to live in their mansions. Here’s Dennis Kucinich in a hot-lady sandwich as featured in Sunday’s New York Times Magazine. MORE »

Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a nationally televised Democrat debate a few months ago. MORE »