Meanwhile: MORE »

During an Iowa campaign stop, 9-year-old Emma Claire Edwards made her true feelings about the presidential race known. MORE »

John Edwards has apparently been going around saying he’s “not comfortable” around the gays, which is kind of funny coming from a guy who hangs out in $400 hair salons. But his wife Elizabeth wants everybody to know John only gets weirded out when the gays are really coming on strong to him, or threatening to sodomize him with reptiles or something. MORE »

* Brain study of liberal Democrats in captivity discovers advanced development of the “bleeding heart lobe.” [Warst]
* Alberto Gonzales “secret hiring order” printed in all caps, SO HE WOULDN’T FORGET. [TPM Muckracker]
* Elizabeth Edwards sooo regrets not punching Jay Carney in the face last night. [Swampland]
* Jon Voight says America has broken the honorary 28th amendment and “forgotten about 9/11.” [Newsbusters]
* Rupert Murdoch plans to use awesome power for forces of good? [Grist]
* Hamas’ “Death to America” Mouse has his show canceled. [JPost]
* Is “Lou Dobbs the next Don Imus?” In our fucking dreams. [Stop the ACLU]

* Luckily, Brian Ross already has “DC Madam’s” number in his prop phone. [The Blotter]
* Barry Hussein will be in New York stealing money from Hillary all week, enduring what David Letterman calls humor tonight. [NYP]
* Elizabeth Edwards is shocked to find that a “rabid Republican” lives near her barony in North Carolina. [AP]
* Southern states fly flags at half-mast on the death-day of the confederacy. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]
* Tom DeLay is back dropping Hitler-bombs. [A Tiny Revolution]
* Geezers think sound-byte culture destroys political discourse; whipper-snappers can’t pay attention to anything longer. [PrezVid]
* Ann Althouse gets The Bends. [Althouse]
* ’60s weren’t that different really — same military failures, same unsubtle obscenities. [Worldwide Standard]

* Heard on the Hill: Times Magazine runs a picture of Obama and David Axelrod together in Obama’s Senate office, in possible violation of election law… Capitol Police fail to rescue injured squirrels. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Some celebrities are taller than you’d expect, and vice versa. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Tom Tancredo is against sending some tv person to a Mexican prison… Get ready for the DC “Commission on Fashion Arts and Events,” to celebrate the worst-dressed town on the eastern seaboard! … Kerry loses to Bush in car chase… Hillary apparently only person in Washington not willing to make nice with unfunny old jackass Don Imus. [Examiner]
* Inside the Beltway: WALNUTS! needs to grow a goatee to complete his gradual transition into an evil totalitarian film villain. [WT]
* The Sleuth: Now you are allowed to sympathize with Elizabeth Edwards without giving her husband money. [WP]
* Washington Whispers: Newt Gingrich now a tree-hugging hippie… Chuck Hagel has a book coming out about how he’s maybe running for president maybe. [USN&WR]

* America gets “swift boated” by President Bush’s recess appointments. [NYT, LAT]
* Alberto Gonzales is in front of the mirror every night working on his “I am not a crook.” [WP]
* Limits of “Iowa nice” are tested by listening to Rudy Giuliani’s “I can get things done” speech. [WP]
* Americans have no problem writing checks or clicking “donate now,” for Barry Hussein, proving they don’t discriminate against people with big ears. [WP, NYT, LAT, WSJ, USAT]
* Elizabeth Edwards thinks WaPo staff writers are weak willed. And you, you pussy. [WP]
* Nancy Pelosi finds Syrians less goofy than Moroccans, less gay than Lebanese, more down to Earth than Egyptians. [NYT, LAT]

Inexplicably powerful Jesus freak leader James Dobson isn’t interested in teevee actor Fred Thompson’s unannounced campaign for the GOP nomination. Why? MORE »

The new kinder gentler really-concerned-about-politicians version of Wonkette hasn’t won over everybody:

Subject: tony snow cancer
From: joe searcy
MORE »

Anonymous Wonkette operatives and sources at the Politico are saying that John Edwards’ wife’s cancer has reoccurred and that he will be “suspending” his campaign. We will show an ounce of class for once and not make too much funny here, but if it’s true, and, as we hope, she’s OK in the long run, we could think of worse political situations in which to find yourself around December of 2007 than to be able to say, “Hey, I’ve just spent the last six months at the side of my sick wife! What have you other candidates been doing? Wow, insulting and screaming at each other? Sounds fun! Sorry I missed it!” MORE »

• First day of Sonic Circuits DC with Matterlink, Los Glissandinos, Koen Holtkamp, Queens, Scott Smallwood, Andy Hayleck, Ben Owen, Lum and Abner of Morocco, BLK w/ BEAR + VJ Poppins. At the Warehouse Next Door and Black Box Theatre. 8:30PM. [Warehouse Next Door]
• Be Your Own Pet, Black Lips and The Points at the Black Cat. $12 at 8:30PM. [Black Cat]
• Elizabeth Edwards (of Elizabeth and John Edwards) discusses her memoir Saving Graces at Olsson’s Penn Quarter. 7PM. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [Olsson's]