Wonkette

Here’s a new thing from MoveOn.Org, which links vaguely troubled North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole to that bastard John McCain, who is leading in North Carolina. They give money to oil companies! And in case someone saying “in the pocket of Big Oil” is not stark enough of an image, this ad actually shows a man in a suit whose tie says “Big Oil” carrying photographs of each John McCain and Liddy Dole in his hanky pocket. The image would’ve been much stronger (and more adorable!) if it was an actual Fat Cat wearing the suit. [YouTube via The Plank]

Maybe Senator Elizabeth Dole teaches a community college English class on the side and wants to show her students a cartoonish, real-life example of “irony,” because that’s the only way to explain her current episode of retardation. She has introduced an amendment to the HIV/AIDS/etc. relief bill nearing completion in the Senate that would rename it after dead Senator Jesse Helms, the famous hero who once said, “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” This Senate bill, interestingly enough, will probably contain another amendment — this one from John Kerry and Gordon Smith — to remove the HIV travel and immigration ban for foreigners hoping to enter the United States. This ban, of course, began in 1987 and is called the “Helms Amendment.” So basically, Boo Elizabeth Dole! Elizabeth Dole has gonorrhea! [HuffPo]

This is boring news, but not if you are Creative about the Possibilities: MORE »

• Biologists can now harvest stem-cells without destroying an embryo; White House and members of Congress trying to think up new objections. [NYT, W$J]

• Bush no longer touting “unseen-progress” in Iraq; new slogan is “Hey, it could be worse.” [WP]
• Some Republicans angry over lack of CIA fear mongering regarding the Iranian threat. [NYT]
• George Allen calls to personally apologize for “macaca” remark, “from his heart.” [NYT, WP]
• Elizabeth Dole, however, sticking by Conrad Burns and his slurs. [AP]
• Alaska Gov. Frank Murkowski losses badly in republican primary, blames “anti-incumbent mood.” [NYT, WP]
• Freed of his Democratic cloak, Lieberman wants everyone to know how much he loves the Iraq war. [NYT]

Intern Nick is on vacation this week (along with the rest of DC), so your dedicated editors had to compile this edition of Washington’s favorite unverified stalking guide all by themselves. Pity us, and learn where Helen Thomas eats, and the places Robert Novak has been known to walk by. Also: did you know that C-Span anchors are celebrities? Brian Lamb sure didn’t! That was the week that was, after the jump.

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Six days before she turns the big 7-0, Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-N.C.) won a lovely ugly New York Times expose of the Lady in the Water-level disaster that is her tenure as the Republicans’ Senate campaign chairwoman. Dole took the momentum Karl Rove created with his “Social Security: 70 Years is Enough” and “Hurricane Katrina relief: What’s the Rush?” campaigns and somehow squandered it on a candidate team that could actually lose the Senate. And that’s not all: She even shanghaied one of the GOP’s precious few black candidates.

Mrs. Dole has actively pressed the candidacy of a white candidate [in Michigan], Michael Bouchard, who is in a primary against a black candidate, Keith Butler, to challenge Senator Debbie Stabenow… She said she applauded Mr. Mehlman’s overall effort to improve the party’s appeal to blacks, but argued that it was essential for Republicans to field the strongest possible challenger to Ms. Stabenow, and that Mr. Butler was simply a weaker candidate.

It’s tempting to believe that Dole hates blacks as much as she once hated teenagers. Alas, no. Here’s the campaign ad that Butler blasted across the Michigan airwaves. Watch the former Detroit citycouncilman use his Spider-Man-like powers of super-strength and precognition to defend the old ladies and UPS men of a hectic city street. Then ponder whether you’d funnel millions of dollars to his campaign. MORE »

Supporting federal recognition of an ostensibly anti-gambling Indian tribe is like lobbying for high-dose Viagra for a eunuch. But there’s the wife of the little blue pill’s best-known pitchman, Sen. Elizabeth “Liddy” Dole (R-N.C.), carrying water for the Lumbee Indians, who are recognized by the state of North Carolina but only “acknowledged” by the feds. Full federal recognition, which will bring between $77 million and $100 million into tribal coffers before the first pull of a slot machine. “This is about fairness” says Dole, and not the inevitable casino that will grow up on I-95 in the Tarheel State. MORE »

At a Christian Science Monitor breakfast this morning, NRSC Chair Elizabeth Dole had some warm words for our beloved Katherine Harris. The Hotline reports: MORE »

* Reliable Source: Federal judge accepts invasion-of-privacy lawsuit against Jessica Cutler; a former lover claims her blog caused “severe emotional distress, humiliation, embarassment and anguish”. . . Sen. Barbara Mikulski collects winnings from bet with Sen. Elizabeth Dole on women’s NCAA championship. . . Laurence Fishburne sighted at Cafe Milano. [WP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Alec Baldwin would rather sleep with Sen. Dianne Feinstein than Ann Coulter: “With Coulter, we’d have sex and I’d have to jump out the window. I wouldn’t even get dressed.” Replies Coulter, “That’s the only reason I can think of for wanting to have sex with Alec Baldwin.”. . . Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame plan to leave town, but not before Cheney, Rove, and Libby do. [NYDN]
* Page Six: Oddsmaker puts Hillary’s chances in ‘08 at 3:1 and McCain’s at 6:1. [NYP]

* Dubai firm delays port deal after Karl Rove floats the idea. Bush: “This wouldn’t be going forward if we were not certain that our ports would be secure.” [WP, NYT, W$J, LAT, WT]
* Chertoff only became aware of port deal after it was approved. [WT]
* Rove dismisses objections, saying lawmakers “are just picking up and reading something in the newspaper, hearing something on talk radio.” [WP]
* White House report on Katrina response avoids finger-pointing but recommends 11 key changes before the next hurricane season. [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Attorneys for Lewis Libby argue Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald lacks the legal authority to press charges. [WP, WT]
* Bush raises $1.6m for congressional candidates during visits to Indiana and Ohio. Bush: “I wish I wasn’t talking about war. No president ever says, ‘Gosh, I hope there’s war.’ For those of you who are young here, I want you to know what I’m leading to is how to keep the peace and do my job that you expect me to do, which is to prevent the enemy from attacking again.” [NYT, WT]
* Bob Dole’s involvement in port deal creates conflict for Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-N.C.). [WP]
* Vice president of the Service Employees International Union supports Bush’s guest worker plan. [NYT]