NEW YORKER STAFFERS QUITE FAMILIAR WITH EXCLUSIVE NEIGHBORHOOD OF MARK SANFORD’S MISTRESS: Sparkin’ Sanford’s Buenos Aires’ pied-à-terre is in a rather lovely area where the better people congregate. “The well-kept doorman buildings feature underground parking garages and balconies. It’s winter now in Argentina, but in summer you can smell the animals in the zoo across the street from my grandfather’s balcony—and from Maria’s place as well, no doubt. Guido’s bar and restaurant at 2843 is probably the street’s most iconic feature, a quirky Italian place with no actual menu, where you are at the mercy of your waiter. The surrounding neighborhood, Palermo, is a fashionable residential neighborhood featuring a large namesake park, a major shopping district, bars and restaurants. We’ve yet to find out much about Sanford’s mistress, but the charms of her neighborhood are obvious.” [New Yorker]

Frank Bruni, food critic (for now??) at the New York Times and former George W. Bush 2000 campaign reporter, is very upset with the Obamas’ choice of fancy restaurant for their date in New York City over the weekend, where they saw a lite romantic comedy about the horrific aftermath of slavery. Bruni writes, “Well, of course the Obamas went to Blue Hill,” for the five or six humans on Earth, ever, who might understand what he means. Apparently this is what he WOULD do, because he’s too cool & safe or whatever? No one knows. MORE »

Regarding George Will’s anti-blue jeans column of today, the Wall Street Journal had a much funnier “denim sucks” column, by your editor’s actual relative-by-marriage Daniel Akst, three weeks ago. DO NOT CLAIM YOU DON’T READ THE WSJ, GEORGE. Dan’s column is also far less elitist than Bow-tie George’s thing, because instead of Will’s example of regular American activity — playing golf, natch — Akst’s “you don’t need dungarees for that” example is “people who spend most of their waking hours punching keys instead of cows.” And then he goes in for the kill with “It looks bad on almost everyone who isn’t thin, yet has somehow made itself the unofficial uniform of the fattest people in the world.” [Wall Street Journal]

President Obama gets to enjoy all sorts of goodies as the leader of the free world, such as a fat salary, a driver and a chef, and free transportation to just about anywhere. This elitist must do away with all these outrageous perks while the rest of America suffers so greatly! Responsibility era etc.! Barack Obama should just take the Metro, like a normal person, or better yet just hitchhike to his various global appointments. He should also quit getting his clothes dry cleaned all the time and just wander around in a hair shirt. Oh and what’s up with the FREE HOUSE he gets to live in, hmmm? Not even John Thain was bold enough to accept such lavish freebies. [ABC News]

Surprise, surprise: The soviet-muslin Barack Obama has chosen his fancy tuxedo for inauguration day, and it’s coming from the socialist union workers at Hart Schaffner Marx. It will supposedly be Obama’s first new tuxedo in fifteen years. What, you don’t have your own tailored formal wear that you modestly replace every fifteen years? The happy haberdashery is already showing off by offering to make even humble slobs like yourself look “presidential,” if you have a great deal of money, which you don’t, because of the Depression. [Women's Wear Daily]

Hey, bitters, Sarah Palin is just like you! Except for the $150,000 Saks and Neiman-Marcus shopping sprees, we mean, and the $4,000 haircut. McCain’s campaign spent this huge pile of cash — more than what all but the richest Americans earn in a whole year — immediately after choosing Palin’s name from a hat filled with all the names of people who were registered Republicans, in America. Who knew she only owned shabby Alaskan tanning-salon outfits! She needed to be properly dressed and accessorized, to create those “starbursts” from the nutsacks of wingnuts. MORE »

While the rest of us fight over cigarette butts in the gutter by the bus stop before the sun comes up, our nation’s powerful political and media elite are fond of elaborate “break-fast” rituals costing a normal American’s entire daily wages! Plus, all the conservative tough guys eat gay stuff like granola and yogurt. All the delicious details, after the jump. MORE »

OH GOOD GOLLY: Ben Smith sez:”The McCain campaign’s new urgency about the financial crisis didn’t entirely clear his schedule this morning. My colleague Amie Parnes reports that he made it to his scheduled morning meeting with Lady Lynn de Rothschild, a Clinton backer who recently came out in support of him. All while Obama was waiting by the phone for a returned call.” Well the Rothschilds Control Everything, so he can’t very well cancel on their Lady. Or Katie Couric. Also: FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, AMIE PARNES. [Ben Smith]

By the Comics Curmudgeon

Hey, everybody! Did you miss me? Of course you did! Your Cartoon Violence had to take a little vacation because the cartoons were hurting my brain, again and again, until I had lost the ability to think or feel joy. But now I’m tan, rested, and ready to take on the political cartooning establishment! Join me after the jump to find out how bad it’s gotten. MORE »

OK, so maybe the McCain campaign has done its private polling and thinks this stuff will work, but… couldn’t they try to be slightly more ridiculous? We speak of the memo that idiot campaign manager Rick Davis sent out today: “Only a celebrity of Barack Obama’s magnitude could attract 200,000 fans in Berlin who gathered for the mere opportunity to be in his presence. These are not supporters or even voters, but fans fawning over The One. Only celebrities like Barack Obama go to the gym three times a day, demand ‘MET-RX chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars and bottles of a hard-to-find organic brew — Black Forest Berry Honest Tea’ and worry about the price of arugula.” What is this saying, exactly? MORE »

Oh, here’s John McCain in his yard, in Arizona, where he is personally pumping six gallons of crude per day to end our Dangerous Dependence on Arabs and Venezuelans. But it’s hard work, out in the sun, which is why McCain also spent the day shilling for one of his other corporate interests, Big Dermatology. MORE »