Wonkette

By the Comics Curmudgeon

Hey, everybody! Did you miss me? Of course you did! Your Cartoon Violence had to take a little vacation because the cartoons were hurting my brain, again and again, until I had lost the ability to think or feel joy. But now I’m tan, rested, and ready to take on the political cartooning establishment! Join me after the jump to find out how bad it’s gotten. MORE »

OK, so maybe the McCain campaign has done its private polling and thinks this stuff will work, but… couldn’t they try to be slightly more ridiculous? We speak of the memo that idiot campaign manager Rick Davis sent out today: “Only a celebrity of Barack Obama’s magnitude could attract 200,000 fans in Berlin who gathered for the mere opportunity to be in his presence. These are not supporters or even voters, but fans fawning over The One. Only celebrities like Barack Obama go to the gym three times a day, demand ‘MET-RX chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars and bottles of a hard-to-find organic brew — Black Forest Berry Honest Tea’ and worry about the price of arugula.” What is this saying, exactly? MORE »

John McCain is the graduate of a swank prep school, the scion of America’s most distinguished Naval dynasty, and the husband of a multimillionaire beer heiress. This is why he sells “divot tools” to raise money for his presidential campaign, because only an elitist would even know what a fucking divot tool is. Thanks to Working-Class Wonkette Operative “More Bitterer” for bringing this to our attention. [McCain Store]

Do you know about the New World Order? It is a secret shadowy cabal of Illuminati elites who secretly run all the banks and the governments and the big corporations — so, exactly like the real, known world, but more secret-y. And tomorrow, they’re all meeting in beautiful Chantilly, Virginia. Let’s learn about the dark mysteries of the non-bitter elitists, after the jump. MORE »

You know what was “great” about the wingnuts freaking out about the Dunkin’ Donuts ad freakout? Dunkin’ Donuts is actually a product these people use, daily, by eating bags of donuts. And then they start calling the AM talk radio shows, and next thing you know the angry white appliance repairman is wondering if he should really be eating at Dunkin’ Donuts five times a day … so maybe he takes his business to the local donut shop run by the nice Palestinian family. Much more common is the wingnut pretend-boycott of something they wouldn’t ever use, even if they knew about it. Such is the fury over HBO’s little-watched yet much-discussed Recount, a movie about the horrible 2000 election and Florida debacle. MORE »

Karl Rove knows how to win elections, and he would like to share some top-secret election-winning techniques with Barack Obama! Or is this some reverse double Axel bizarro technique coaching guaranteed to make Obama EPIC FAIL come November? Review Karl Rove’s 7 Steps to Electoral Success and decide for yourself! MORE »

ELITIST PRESIDENT OBAMA HATES MOVIES? The Oscar ® Movie Awards nominees are always announced on January 20, of every year. But the next president of the United States doesn’t seem to care about America’s love affair with the Silver Screen, because January 20 is also when the next prez will be sworn in. So now the movies won’t be announced until, uh, two days later. [LAT Top of the Ticket]