• WOMAN, YOU ARE TOO RICH TO ACTUALLY EXIST: In case you haven’t heard about this yet, here’s what Cindy McCain said on CNN yesterday: “In Arizona, the only way to get around the state is by small private plane.” Uh, uh… and Michelle Obama drives a hybrid that doesn’t love its country! *RUNS TO PRIVATE PLANE* [Huffington Post]

• NEED… MORE… UNITY: “A day after Obama wrote a $4,600 check to Hillary Clinton, First Read has learned Bill and Hillary Clinton have returned the favor, donating the maximum to the Illinois senator’s campaign, a Clinton spokesperson says.” And Patti Solis Doyle has already spent all of this Unity Money on snow shovels for the upcoming Florida battle. [First Read]

Brilliant Republican strategist Karl Rove is not Arrogant, or an Elitist. He has helped his party help poor people and the underrepresented by flying young men and women to Iraq, which they may colonize for a brighter, more prosperous future. Rove knows what an Elitist is, and it is Elitist Barack Obama. This morning, Rove was speaking with a group of poor, Average Americans known as “Republican insiders at the Capitol Hill Club” to describe, in layman’s terms, Barack Obama: he is like “that guy” at the “country club” who, uh, won’t be sociable with the other members. And if Bitters know one thing, it’s the subtle internal politics of country club cocktail hours. MORE »

On-again, off-again douchebag New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman was pleasantly trenchant in his column on the “gas tax holiday” yesterday, in which he proved in eight or nine different ways why John McCain is a traitor for proposing this. A CNN anchor brought up Friedman’s column with McCain today, and McCain comically called Friedman a gay New York rich liberal pinko elitist. And then he felt bad and said he loves Thomas Friedman. What gives? We’re hearing that his campaign advisers forgot to give him his strawberry cream cheese-coated “Remembrall” this morning. MORE »

Karl Rove knows how to win elections, and he would like to share some top-secret election-winning techniques with Barack Obama! Or is this some reverse double Axel bizarro technique coaching guaranteed to make Obama EPIC FAIL come November? Review Karl Rove’s 7 Steps to Electoral Success and decide for yourself! MORE »

The elitism of Barack Obama has reached new depths. Famous Rock Star Bruce Springsteen, a gay French white wine-sipper, has endorsed Barry on his website, citing Obama’s potential “to lead that project and to lead us into the 21st Century with a renewed sense of moral purpose and of ourselves as Americans.” Blah blah blah, he likes how Hopey is a Communist and that’s all. After the jump, more about Bruce Springsteen’s elitist credentials. MORE »