eliot spitzer
Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible
Sanctimonious screeching creep Keith Olbermann, whose ego isn’t the size of Jupiter but certainly is that of Jupiter’s largest moon, has been fired from his 757th job on television, for being horrible. Current TeeVee owner and other relatively liberal person Al Gore was the one who did the firing, in an explosive memo which arrived [...]
CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death
Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never [...]
Wonkette’s Exclusive Interview With ‘Client 9′ Director Alex Gibney!
The fabulous Liz Glover and your very own “meh” Riley Waggaman sat down with Alex Gibney to discuss his new documentary, Client 9, which chronicles the rise and fall of Eliot Spitzer. Were you aware that Eliot Spitzer was once a powerful politician who used to regularly kick the shit out of evil investment banks? [...]
Parker-Spitzer Ratings Tank, Proving Existence Of Loving God
CNN this year has posed a bold question: Is America ready for a TV news/chat/whatever show co-hosted by an ex-governor disgraced for patronizing prostitutes and a Pulitzer-prize winning columnist who hates both half-breeds and snowbillies? America has taken its time getting back to us on this, but we finally heard from them, and they said [...]
Russia-Wonkette Must-See TeeVee
Inexplicably, the international 24/7 English-language Russia Today TV channel has taken a liking to your Wonkette. One reason may be that we are not afraid to girlishly post sexxxy pics of Putin atop his noble steed or on a topless fishing excursion. Another reason may be that Rasputin is Wonkette’s “spirit animal.” Anyway, in this [...]
Check Out Eliot Spitzer’s Amazing New On-Air Chemistry!
This thing is debuting October 4 and will be called Parker Spitzer, which is what all good trailer-park Americans are naming their children these days, because they saw some celebrity name their child that. Will we get to witness these amazing Spitzer sports comedy stylings we see a glimpse of at the :45 mark EVERY [...]
Eliot Spitzer, Kathleen Parker To Be Quarantined On Terrible CNN Show
Do you worry every time you leave your house about encountering Eliot Spitzer, who will attempt to pay you for sex, or Kathleen Parker, who will attempt to determine if you are a “full-blooded American,” and then bludgeon you with her Pulitzer Prize if you aren’t? Well, now at least the period from 8 to [...]
GO BACK TO YOUR WHORES: Oh look, Eliot Spitzer is apparently still writing his awful column for Slate: “After reading the Gettysburg Address, does the idea of a carbon tax to finally move us away from an oil and old-energy dependence that is fouling not only the Gulf of Mexico but our entire climate, foreign [...]
Stop Hassling Eliot Spitzer — No Means No
Yes, yes, racial profiling is not necessarily “good,” but what if a police officer notices a scary brown (probably half-muslin) person walking around? What then? Should the brown person just be allowed to walk around? [Think Progress] Matt Yglesias was coughing up globs of disappointment after he saw Robin Hood, but hooray, then he read [...]
Elliot Spitzer: I Did Not Pay Elena Kagan For Sex
As the nomination of a single, softball-playing lady with short hair to the Supreme Court heads for the Senate, an all-important question grips the entire nation. How will her judicial philosophy inform … ha ha, just kidding. No, what people actually want to know is: Does she like gettin’ it on with dudes, or chicks? [...]
One Of Eliot Spitzer’s Whores-By-Proxy, The Kristin One, Would Like To Be Governor Of New York Now Please
Oh lookee here: Eliot Spitzer’s whore thing Kristin Davis, his “Manhattan Madam,” has announced at some Libertarian convention (?) that she will be running for governor of New York. But woah, Albany insider gossip: this was Spitzer’s exact job in politics, running New York! It is nothing more than a classic tale of “switchsies”: the [...]
Paterson Had Lunch With Some Lady, So Obviously They Are Boning
New York Governor David Paterson was spotted over the weekend having lunch at a New Jersey restaurant with some non-wife woman, which is, if not downright illegal, then certainly in poor taste! Where does this man get off, having lunches in New Jersey all the time?
Spitzer’s Secret Ladyfriend Now Writing ‘NY Post’ Advice Column
Everybody thought Eliot Spitzer triumphed over Scandal when he quit the New York governorship to write an occasional column for Slate, but his victory was nothing compared to that of his onetime paramour, “Kristen” Ashley Dupre. The former New Jersey hooker and MySpace songstress now writes an advice column for the New York Post, which [...]
Look, It’s Ironical, Because Eliot Spitzer Is Crazy-Lacking In Ethics!
Oh ho ho, gotcha! Yes, thats’ right, gotcha, Eliot Spitzer, but nice try! See it’s funny, because he is speaking at an ethics center, and he has no ethics whatsoever, hahahahah, it is the funniest joke of all time.
Dick Cheney Goes Soft, And Eliot Spitzer Wants To Get Hard
Heavens! The DEBT COLLECTORS are in hot pursuit of America’s prized orator, JOE WILSON! Apparently Joe purchased 30,000 “I’m With Myself” tee shirts with his credit card, because he forgot to buy his wife something nice for 9/11. But guess what? BANK OF AMERICA does not accept SCREAMING as a form of payment! (It used [...]
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