Tag: eliot spitzer

Go nuts

Here Are Your Missing 28 Pages Of The 9/11 Report, Truthers, You’re Welcome To Them

Are you a person who can do the critical thinking? Do you prefer evidence to supposition when forming conclusions? Well, then, congratulations to you, smarty-pants, YOU do not have to read the 28 pages held back from the 9/11...
Gahhh! But not forgotten.

Everybody Hates Ted Cruz, Even New York City School Children

I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way ... Ted Cruz came to New York Wednesday talking about education, but he’s the one who got schooled. Show them all the beauty they possess...
He feels right bad about that. Can't we all be friends, especially with genocidal war-crimers?

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

Missouri House Speaker John Diehl -- Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because "tradition" and "the children" -- is very, very sorry y'all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Dusky-Hued Takers Will Sweep Wendy Davis Into Office

Our first submission in the pending comment queue, that purgatory where first-time comments wait to be approved or flushed, came in reply to the story about how Wendy Davis told filthy lies about being a "single mother" when she...

Sadly, Eliot Spitzer Less Of A Horndog Than Recent Media Reports Indicate

Media, media, why hast thou forsaken us? It’s like you can’t pick up a trashy New York tabloid with wildly unfunny headlines and believe a thing they say anymore! It appears that the salacious NY Post story about Eliot...

Eliot Spitzer Does Toe-Sucking To Topless Lady In Hot Tub; New York Post Is *On It*

We are not sure what is ickier: Eliot Spitzer and his girlfriend Lis Smith doing sexxytime in a hot tub in Jamaica, or the New York Post's description of same: Sleazy Eliot Spitzer turned a resort hot tub into a...

Eliot Spitzer’s Hooker Forgot Their Safeword

The New York Post sure does have a hard-on for Eliot Spitzer lately, which is funny because he does not actually hold any elected position, but that is not stopping them from calling for New York Mayor-elect Bill de...

The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order

Steve Lonegan (R). Known mostly for having an aide with very forward-thinking, sex-positive thoughts on ladies what got hot knockers, Lonegan is just some poor sad schmuck. And this is how he treats his wife when she tries to...

Eliot Spitzer’s Comptroller Race Just Got A Lot More Frottage

The last time we saw Thomas Lopez-Pierre, he was writing a pretty awesome letter about Jews. He loved boning Jewesses! He once saved some Hasidic kids by going after other black kids with a broken bottle! He remembers that...

Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible

Sanctimonious screeching creep Keith Olbermann, whose ego isn't the size of Jupiter but certainly is that of Jupiter's largest moon, has been fired from his 757th job on television, for being horrible. Current TeeVee owner and other relatively liberal...

CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death

Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show "In the Arena" have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America...

Wonkette’s Exclusive Interview With ‘Client 9’ Director Alex Gibney!

The fabulous Liz Glover and your very own "meh" Riley Waggaman sat down with Alex Gibney to discuss his new documentary, Client 9, which chronicles the rise and fall of Eliot Spitzer. Were you aware that Eliot Spitzer was...

Parker-Spitzer Ratings Tank, Proving Existence Of Loving God

CNN this year has posed a bold question: Is America ready for a TV news/chat/whatever show co-hosted by an ex-governor disgraced for patronizing prostitutes and a Pulitzer-prize winning columnist who hates both half-breeds and snowbillies? America has taken its...

Russia-Wonkette Must-See TeeVee

Inexplicably, the international 24/7 English-language Russia Today TV channel has taken a liking to your Wonkette. One reason may be that we are not afraid to girlishly post sexxxy pics of Putin atop his noble steed or on a...

Check Out Eliot Spitzer’s Amazing New On-Air Chemistry!

This thing is debuting October 4 and will be called Parker Spitzer, which is what all good trailer-park Americans are naming their children these days, because they saw some celebrity name their child that. Will we get to witness...

Eliot Spitzer, Kathleen Parker To Be Quarantined On Terrible CNN Show

Do you worry every time you leave your house about encountering Eliot Spitzer, who will attempt to pay you for sex, or Kathleen Parker, who will attempt to determine if you are a "full-blooded American," and then bludgeon you...