By the Comics Curmudgeon
Generally speaking, most Americans can barely be bothered to vote during important elections — you know, the ones with years divisible by four! It’s even harder getting them off of their Dorito-stained couches to cast their ballots when it’s a year that’s an even number that isn’t divisible by four, and when we’re talking odd-numbered years, well, you can just totally forget about that. I realize that all this math is way, way beyond what most Americans can handle, and yet through some instinct, they can distinguish; my theory is that they can tell how important an election is by the volume of the shouting from the glowing picture-box in the living room. Anyway, despite widespread apathy, there were several elections yesterday, and so, by Journalism Law, a few unlucky cartoonists were forced to briefly stop drawing insightful Balloon Boy cartoons to deal with them. After the jump: the goriest political cartoon in human history. MORE »

• QUOTE OF THE DAY: “We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there. We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?” [Sky News]

America’s longwinded celebration of St. Patrick’s Day is really almost over. And here are your last opportunities to guzzle discounted chocolate stouts and see actual live elephants walk through town, for Ireland. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ha ha, another week gone, another week in which our economy and the posh lifestyle it has afforded us continues to circle the drain, leading us inevitably towards despair! This has of course led to much finger-pointing, recrimination, etc. Should Tim Geithner be in charge of the Treasury? Should the entire class of jackholes who ran the financial services industry for the last decade be purged? And if so, who should we replace them with? Oh, sure, you liberals will be all like “Trained government bureaucrats!” But is that really “outside the box” enough for our current predicament? What if instead we turned to the animal kingdom? They could do all the work, while we relaxed and lived like kings! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hey, how’s what’s-his-name doing, you know, the Muslim fellow? President Whosit? I guess there’s some sort of stimulus thingie he’s dealing with right now, and some tax-related dealies with the people he’s trying to hire? Whatever, what we really want to know is: is he sexing our nation’s capital up with all the sexy sexy sex? According to the media and its political cartoonists, the answer is a very sexy yes! MORE »

Little baby Trig must be so glad he wasn’t aborted for this, his first Halloween, because his parents dressed him up like a political party symbol to be carried around at snarling political events. Aww. Isn’t life just grand? [HuffPo]

Last night, your Wonkette editors visited the city of St. Paul, in Minnesota. What a glorious City Of Lights! Ha ha, not really, it was empty except for cops and military people protecting John McCain Arena. We thought this was offensive — why are the cops and military people still here when there’s a hurricane in New Orleans? Racists. Let’s check out a few more pictures from this famous twin Minnesota city that locals know as “The Boring One.” MORE »

Thank you to Wonkette pamphlet operative “Taylor” for sending us this fantastic brochure from the Minneapolis Saint Paul 2008 Host Committee about the exciting upcoming convention. How rad will it be? Well if this pamphlet is any indication, John McCain will enter the arena with his seven children and two wives on a War Elephant — decorated in gold, rubies and fine silks — carrying the Sword of Gryffindor in one hand and the dripping, severed head of Chuck Hagel in the other; he won’t even have to speak because everyone will just be cold goin’ nuts at the sight of this. MORE »

The Republican National Committee is offering you the greatest gift for your loved ones for Irish Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day! This is Paddy, “the newest member of the Republican National Committee’s family of elephants.” Paddy left the IRA after Hillary Clinton took its gun, and now he is “a wonderful plush toy and makes a perfect gift for St. Patrick’s Day.” The RNC urges you to “give Paddy to the ‘Green’ Republican in your life who is dedicated to improving the environment.” This describes John McCain and no one else. But there are other terrorist stuffed elephant friends of Paddy’s, and they’re Jews! MORE »

Wonkette operative Lauren Selsky just picked up her GOP debate gift bag in Boca Raton. What do you get for going to a Republican debate these days? Let’s find out! MORE »

If you haven’t heard, which most people haven’t, there’s a little situation in Kenya. It turns out that they just had “elections” and unsurprisingly their current dictator-esque guy, Mwai Kibaki, “won.” Protests originally led by the opposition, who were backing candidate Raila Odinga, have led to ethnic violence, charges of genocide, 100,000 people displaced and at least 300 deaths so far. But, you know, the media already did fucked up elections in a country filled with brown people last week, Darfur has given everyone Africa fatigue, no one’s killing the white people like Mugabe’s minions did in Zimbabwe so there’s no immediate, obvious hook except… the elephants! There are elephants in Kenya! If the violences gets really bad they might, um, like, lose habitat or something. So, save the elephants! Because then people might care enough to even pay attention! [Yahoo News]