Wonkette

Last night, your Wonkette editors visited the city of St. Paul, in Minnesota. What a glorious City Of Lights! Ha ha, not really, it was empty except for cops and military people protecting John McCain Arena. We thought this was offensive — why are the cops and military people still here when there’s a hurricane in New Orleans? Racists. Let’s check out a few more pictures from this famous twin Minnesota city that locals know as “The Boring One.” MORE »

Thank you to Wonkette pamphlet operative “Taylor” for sending us this fantastic brochure from the Minneapolis Saint Paul 2008 Host Committee about the exciting upcoming convention. How rad will it be? Well if this pamphlet is any indication, John McCain will enter the arena with his seven children and two wives on a War Elephant — decorated in gold, rubies and fine silks — carrying the Sword of Gryffindor in one hand and the dripping, severed head of Chuck Hagel in the other; he won’t even have to speak because everyone will just be cold goin’ nuts at the sight of this. MORE »

The Republican National Committee is offering you the greatest gift for your loved ones for Irish Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day! This is Paddy, “the newest member of the Republican National Committee’s family of elephants.” Paddy left the IRA after Hillary Clinton took its gun, and now he is “a wonderful plush toy and makes a perfect gift for St. Patrick’s Day.” The RNC urges you to “give Paddy to the ‘Green’ Republican in your life who is dedicated to improving the environment.” This describes John McCain and no one else. But there are other terrorist stuffed elephant friends of Paddy’s, and they’re Jews! MORE »

Wonkette operative Lauren Selsky just picked up her GOP debate gift bag in Boca Raton. What do you get for going to a Republican debate these days? Let’s find out! MORE »

If you haven’t heard, which most people haven’t, there’s a little situation in Kenya. It turns out that they just had “elections” and unsurprisingly their current dictator-esque guy, Mwai Kibaki, “won.” Protests originally led by the opposition, who were backing candidate Raila Odinga, have led to ethnic violence, charges of genocide, 100,000 people displaced and at least 300 deaths so far. But, you know, the media already did fucked up elections in a country filled with brown people last week, Darfur has given everyone Africa fatigue, no one’s killing the white people like Mugabe’s minions did in Zimbabwe so there’s no immediate, obvious hook except… the elephants! There are elephants in Kenya! If the violences gets really bad they might, um, like, lose habitat or something. So, save the elephants! Because then people might care enough to even pay attention! [Yahoo News]

And it’s a sort of zonked-out rampaging blue elephant — about to crush 2008 itself beneath its gigantic front legs and staring in starry-eyed horror at its bland sans-serif cage. Also as this guy points out, it looks like old Philly A’s logo (on acid.) MORE »

In this clip, cross-dressing Manhattan dandy Rudy Giuliani explains his love of “elephant ties,” and the importance of picking “elephant ties” with “trunks pointing up.” Enjoy!

As reported earlier, some jackass who got thrown off the Donald Trump show is running for Congress in Pennsylvania. Obviously, this requires that he go to the Rio Grande and harass Mexicans while his retarded friend tries to operate a home-video camera. MORE »

While the idea of a failed reality show contestant running for office offends and repulses us, we simply cannot deny a good gimmick. And this one, well, if you could fit sex into it, it might work as a grand statement on the 2006 midterm elections as a whole. MORE »