Tag Archives: elena kagan

  Yay Alan Keyes found something to do

Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!

Surely this man is not crazy.
Poor Alan Keyes. He just cannot get over things. He knows his arch-nemesis Barack Obama (who probably would be hard-pressed to remember Keyes’ name) is out there, making sweet love to our enemies in Iran, so that they may bomb America, together. That keeps him awake at night. And he can’t stop thinking about that time, during the GOP primary debate when he was “running for president,” that he derp-barfed the word “RACIST!” when the moderator asked him about his biggest regret. But sometimes life’s earlier pains and struggles must be put aside, because a new war must be declared. Yes, the new enemies are the gays and their Supreme Court-enablers. If Alan Keyes does not stand up and heed this call to arms, our America will cease to exist! Read more on Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
  hail mary

Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful

Oh now that's just tacky.
As you are reading this, oral arguments are underway in Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court case which will very likely give Americans full, nationwide marriage equality right in their hetero throats. Reportedly, all nine justices decided to come to work today, which has got to be chapping the wingnut pooterhole of one Scott Lively, who really thinks that Justices Ginsburg and Kagan owe it to the American people, to baby Jesus, and to Lively himself, to recuse themselves from the case. Why? Because they’ve done gay marriages to actual people, which means that they are big libtard homo-sympathizers and therefore have no business ruling on this case: Read more on Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful…
  Here have some news n stuff

Americans Still Hate Hillary Clinton Less Than Every GOP Candidate Alive

Basically the winner already
Remember how Hillary Clinton was finally vanquished and destroyed forever because of the latest whatevergate? Yeah, about that. CNN has a new poll with some bad news — for Republicans: Hillary Clinton continues to be a dominant force heading into the 2016 presidential election, according to a new CNN/ORC poll. The former secretary of state maintains a broad lead over the field of potential Democratic challengers she could face in a nomination contest and sizable advantages over the leading contenders from the Republican side in general election match-ups. Read more on Americans Still Hate Hillary Clinton Less Than Every GOP Candidate Alive…
  Notorious RBG Meets Noxious WTF

Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball

Dangerous radicals
The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with? Read more on Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball…
  lawsplaining

Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Ted Nugent and Wayne LaPierre’s and zombie Charlton Heston’s heads, all exploding in glorious concert, because the Supremes ruled against a Gun Thing yesterday, which is weird because we totally figured that the Fab Five conservatives on the Court loved them some rolling back gun regulations as much as they loved rolling back regulations on every other goddamn thing in the world. However, at least in this case, Anthony Kennedy trod?? treaded?? all over freedom and the Bill of Rights by joining the Court’s somewhat liberal wing to uphold the straw purchaser law, which prohibits you from saying you’re buying the gun for yourself when you’re really buying it for someone else. What is this? Soviet Russia??? Read more on Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?…
  misty watercolor memories

Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective

Did you know that when Yr Wonket counts its blessings, we count Larry Klayman first and always? You probably did not know this, but it is god’s own truth, because if there were no Larry Klayman, there would be so much less Wonket. For real, we wrote about Larry Klayman like a dozen times this year, and that only includes the times that Larry Klayman was the subject of the post rather than a bit of derp in passing. He’s a one-man litigation tornado whirlwind hurricane force of nature, and he has the great good fortune to behave remarkably stupidly even when he is not lawyering. Let’s take a fond look back at the year in Larry, shall we? Read more on Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective…
  ladies first

New Portrait Of All Four Female Supreme Court Justices Kicking It Dutch Masters Style Is Super Sassy Nice Time

It is only the very first day of your long slog until the weekend and your inevitable decline and death, so that means it is high time for some nice time, yes? YES. And what could be nicer and more adorable than this handsome old-timey portrait of all the lady justices? Nothing, that’s what. Read more on New Portrait Of All Four Female Supreme Court Justices Kicking It Dutch Masters Style Is Super Sassy Nice Time…
  justices should be seen and not heard

Female SCOTUS Justices Gettin’ Mighty Uppity With Their ‘Questions’ And Such

In 1978, future Associate Justice of the Supreme Court and most awesome woman in the entire galaxy Ruth Bader Ginsburg was giving a presentation to that same esteemed body for a case dealing with how gender should be treated by the equal protection clause (an issue which has always been kind of been a bugaboo for RGB). The last question from the bench came from preeminent fascist pill head William H. Rehnquist, who took the opportunity to ask his future colleague a “joke” by saying “You won’t settle for putting Susan B. Anthony on the new dollar..?”. Bader Ginsburg said nothing, because she knew her damn place. Sadly, it seems that this important lesson on how best to be a lady lawyer is lost on this new generation of female justices, who are daring to speak their mind and are totally fucking up the vibe of what was once Washington’s best robed-themed drinking club with all their talk about “equality” and “jurisprudence.” To make matters worse, the awful Goddess Coven of Bader-Ginsburg, Kagan, and (especially) Sotomayor are feminizing and “personalizing” the law, which is making it really difficult for adorable megalomaniacs like Anton Scalia to reassert the court’s traditional role of quashing hope and destroying progress for anyone other than white men and corporations. Luckily Sandy Rios of American Family Radio is addressing this important issue in the law before bitches ruin everything. Read more on Female SCOTUS Justices Gettin’ Mighty Uppity With Their ‘Questions’ And Such…
  snark-free

In Unfamiliar Role, Wonkette Scours Internet for Good News

Yr Wonkette, just like everybody else, still stuck in one of the first four stages of the five stages of grief. (“Acceptance” is not on the table. Not now, not ever). In order to get through the day, we’ve been searching the internets for things that are not awful. We have also been drinking but that is nothing new now is it. Presented without comment is Wonkette’s tribute to Buzzfeed listicles: 6 Good Things that Happened on the Internet: Read more on In Unfamiliar Role, Wonkette Scours Internet for Good News…
  wingnut rules

Scalia & Thomas Have Anti-Obamacare Dinner (Kagan Should Recuse)

Notorious fringe-right “originalist” boobs Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were so happy with the announcement that the Supreme Court will be hearing a challenge to the health care reform law that they celebrated immediately afterward by boozing it up with the legal team that will be arguing against the law. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Scalia/Thomas duo hit a Federalist Society dinner to pretend to listen to what other people think about the Obamacare law before they eventually and inevitably knock it down. Read more on Scalia & Thomas Have Anti-Obamacare Dinner (Kagan Should Recuse)…
  eharmony matches

New Pals Scalia and Kagan Hang Out At Gun Range

Antonin Scalia was spotted giving Elena Kagan “a lesson” about shootin’ crap at a shooting “club” last week, according to The Daily Caller, which has set up a tin-can telephone at the bottom of Tucker Carlson’s treehouse to receive such tips. Clarence Thomas is gonna be so pissed when he finds out his blood brother was hanging out with that new girl without him! According to eyewitnesses who had their rifle scopes trained on the liberal intruder woman, Scalia was “bending down in order to teach Kagan how to hold the shotgun,” and “the pair were shooting skeet.” Sexy! For their second date, Scalia will do Kagan’s favorite activity, recreationally aborting a fetus and then gay-marrying it to another aborted fetus. Read more on New Pals Scalia and Kagan Hang Out At Gun Range…
  porkshot

NRA Declines To Endorse Harry Reid Despite $61 Million Monument To Gun Crimes He Built Them

Remember when RedState put up a Drudge Siren about how the NRA was going to endorse Harry Reid? Yeah, not happening. They say they won’t support him because he voted for Justices Sotomayor and Kagan. So why did taxpayers fund a $61 million earmark for a gun range in the middle of the Nevada desert? Read more on NRA Declines To Endorse Harry Reid Despite $61 Million Monument To Gun Crimes He Built Them…
  moving target

Mitch McConnell Doesn’t Find Al Franken’s Senate Comedy Sketch Very Funny

“When Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell laid out his opposition to Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination, someone in the chamber appeared to be moving around in his chair, gasping and rolling his eyes.” Oh no! Who would do such a thing?! Turns out it was Sen. Al Franken, who was presiding over the Senate and was elected in 2008 by Minnesota felons to make comedy sketches for America in its legislature. Mitch McConnell’s eyes turned red, cartoon steam shot out his ears, and he confronted Franken. “This isn’t Saturday Night Live,” he said, which is the best comeback of the century. Read more on Mitch McConnell Doesn’t Find Al Franken’s Senate Comedy Sketch Very Funny…
  breaking news we've known for months

America Swoons As Elena Kagan Is Voted By Senate Onto Supreme Court

There she is, Miss Supreme Court. There she is, your ideal. At long last, Elena Kagan has gone from the cocoon of Senate confirmation hearings and emerged a beautiful judicial butterfly. In what is now a great American tradition, Kagan made sure not to answer a single question during the entire marathon, and now the Senate has voted to confirm her, and now she is your new John Paul Stevens. The vote was 63-37. Lindsey Graham yelped and lept in the air in excitement when the final votes were tallied. “Ham biscuits!” he squealed, probably, but we aren’t completely sure because we wrote this post in May. Read more on America Swoons As Elena Kagan Is Voted By Senate Onto Supreme Court…
  it's morning in america

The Kagan Confirmation Process: Still Happening, We Guess

You probably just assumed that Elana Kagan has been on the Supreme Court for months, stone cold legislating from the bench and making everyone have gay abortions without their guns or whatever, but in fact she still has to be confirmed by the full Senate. Is this a thing that will happen? Probably! The New York Times has a convenient chart of Senators, and what they think of our future Judge-Dictator. Read more on The Kagan Confirmation Process: Still Happening, We Guess… Read more on The Kagan Confirmation Process: Still Happening, We Guess…
  you made it moesha

Elena Kagan Confirmed, Surprising Everyone

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination to the full Senate today. The score was 13 to 6, entirely along party lines except for Lindsey Graham, who voted “YOU GO, GIRL.” Graham said Kagan was “not someone he would have chosen,” according to the Times, as she is not his type, but he weirdly voted based on her being qualified to hold the position, not based on the party of the man who nominated her. Ha, he is going to lose his next primary now. Read more on Elena Kagan Confirmed, Surprising Everyone…
  it's morning in america

Hillbillies To Rescue America’s Unemployed

With handsome devil Carte Goodwin scheduled to be sworn in as Robert Byrd’s seat-warming replacement sometime today, Democrats (plus the reliable communist ladies from Maine) should be able to break the Republican filibuster and get that lucrative government money flowing to the unemployed again, huzzah! Plus they plan to spend the whole midterm campaigning telling the millions of jobless that John Boehner personally kept their checks in his office so that they couldn’t be mailed out. Read more on Hillbillies To Rescue America’s Unemployed… Read more on Hillbillies To Rescue America’s Unemployed…
  good night sweet prince

Arlen Specter In News Headline For Last Time Before He Dies

Arlen Specter has an editorial in USA Today today (today) telling the world that he will vote to confirm Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. The world, of course, does not care. Arlen Specter holds no power over Supreme Court nominations anymore, but even if he did, the news media has finally stopped covering Supreme Court hearings as they are nothing more than a boring marathon of trying to not say anything that means anything for days on end. But that doesn’t stop Arlen from trying to wow us with the amazing suspense of whether he will support his new party’s Supreme Court nominee or not. Read more on Arlen Specter In News Headline For Last Time Before He Dies…
  america's greatest columnist

John McCain Won’t Be Asking Elena Kagan To Prom

America’s third-favorite McCain is an Op-Ed columnist at America’s first-favorite McPaper!  And man oh boy, is he hoppin’ mad at that wily Mexican-Hebrew Elena Kagan. But why? Because of War, of course! Read more on John McCain Won’t Be Asking Elena Kagan To Prom…