Tag: elena kagan

Supreme Court Saves America From Transgender Teens Making Bathroom Everywhere

This kid really needs to pee, and SCOTUS won't let him.
Glad they have this in a sleeveless undershirt, aka a...

Supreme Court So Mean, Won’t Even Let Reckless Domestic Abusers Keep Guns

The Supreme Court decided Monday that people convicted of 'reckless' domestic violence can't own firearms. So long, Freedom!

Supreme Court Rules Prosecutors Must Hide Racism More Effectively In Death Penalty Cases

The U.S. Supreme Court decided Monday that the Constitution only allows racial bias in jury selection when it's a lot more subtle than that practiced by a Georgia prosecutor's office 29 years ago. The court overturned the conviction and...
What 'hate groups'? Do you have a list?

Trump’s Aryan Supermen Terrified By Obama’s Jewish Supreme Court Nominee

David Duke, the nice former Grand Wazoo of the KKK who Donald Trump eventually decided to disavow, abjure, and wink at seductively, is all kinds of upset by secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama's nomination of Hebrew Silver Fox Merrick...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...

Maybe Antonin Scalia’s Secret Society Hunting Pals Murdered Him With Obama’s Pillow

Just when we thought the Saga of Dead Scalia couldn't get any weirder, news has broken that the Supreme Court justice and aspiring Nazgul died while on a hunting excursion with pals from a secret society. But what exactly...
Filing jointly now, we guess.

Homosexican Couples Officially Allowed To Pay Taxes Together, Thanks Obama!

Good news, homosexual married couples and all you bros out there just sucking cock for green cards: All the gay-marrieds in America get to pay all their tax moneys at the same time now, like normal boring hetero marrieds! Now you...
Yep, conspiracy to commit murder is right in there!

Jesus Said No Jews On The Supreme Court

FACT: The Supreme Court only has authority to issue decisions conservatives like. Creating a brand-new-out-of-thin-air law that one can simply say the magic words "sincerely held religious beliefs" to deny healthcare to employees, for example. That's kosher. Gutting the...
Nope, that is not what martyrs look like. Martyrs have swords or something, we think.

Loser Kentucky Clerk’s 15 Minutes Of Martyrdom Just About Up

At the end of the day Monday, the Supreme Court signed execution papers issued a zero-sentence ruling, denying Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis's emergency appeal to PLEASE, don't make her do marriage licenses for gays. Justice Elena Kagan could...
hooray

Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays

Thank goodness brave Texas bigots haven't been shuttled off to the rainbow FEMA camps, so they can save the Republic from the santorum-drenched sodomite hordes. Molly Criner, county clerk for Irion County, issued a DECLARATION OF OBEDIENCE TO LAW AND...
Idea hat.

Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now

Well, America, it's been a nice run, but it's all done now, you realize, because the Supreme Court did Gay 9/11 all over us today. And who knows that better than Texas Congress-ballbearing Louie Gohmert, who had dire warnings...
Just another reason to love the best justice on the court

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Smears Constitution All Over Everyone At Gay Wedding

The baddest boozing broad on the bench, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, presided over yet another same-sex wedding this weekend (or "wedding" as normal people call it), because all the haters can SUCK IT: Wearing her black robe with her signature...
Good advice bro!

You All Sure Do Love Pat Robertson’s Gay Blowjob Advice! Your Weekly Top Ten.

It's Sunday Funday, Wonkers! How is everybody doing? We are fine, thank you for asking! Let's take a moment to reminisce about the week's most hilarious stories, for us to laugh at together. But first, remember that your Wonkette loves you,...
Surely this man is not crazy.

Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!

Poor Alan Keyes. He just cannot get over things. He knows his arch-nemesis Barack Obama (who probably would be hard-pressed to remember Keyes' name) is out there, making sweet love to our enemies in Iran, so that they may...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that's...
Oh now that's just tacky.

Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful

As you are reading this, oral arguments are underway in Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court case which will very likely give Americans full, nationwide marriage equality right in their hetero throats. Reportedly, all nine justices decided to come to...