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Posts Tagged ‘elections’

CARTOON VIOLENCE

History’s Most Important Election In An Odd-Numbered Year, In Cartoon Form

Friday, November 6th, 2009

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Generally speaking, most Americans can barely be bothered to vote during important elections — you know, the ones with years divisible by four! It’s even harder getting them off of their Dorito-stained couches to cast their ballots when it’s a year that’s an even number that isn’t divisible by four, and when we’re talking odd-numbered years, well, you can just totally forget about that. I realize that all this math is way, way beyond what most Americans can handle, and yet through some instinct, they can distinguish; my theory is that they can tell how important an election is by the volume of the shouting from the glowing picture-box in the living room. Anyway, despite widespread apathy, there were several elections yesterday, and so, by Journalism Law, a few unlucky cartoonists were forced to briefly stop drawing insightful Balloon Boy cartoons to deal with them. After the jump: the goriest political cartoon in human history. MORE »


A HISTORIC NIGHT FOR THE NATIONAL GOP

We Will Liveblog The Dickens Out Of These ‘2009 Elections’

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

It has been some time since we used to liveblog election results every single Tuesday for months at a time, so let’s do it tonight, on “Election Day 2009,” which has brought about as much excitement and suspense as the May 3, 2008 Democratic primary in Guam. The powers-that-be, like dicks, have constructed a system in which Virginia polls close at 7:00, New Jersey polls close at 8:00, and New York polls close at 9:00. We will start here at 6:45ish and just cold motherfuckin’ type all night long. CNN has definitely issued a release promising NINE MILLION ANALYSTS for its panel tonight, and you cannot miss any of them! Now go stock up on alcohol & guns and return for ridiculous insanity-typing that, we promise, will only be tangentially related to politics.


2009'S HOBBIT-SIZED ELECTION DAY

Mild Wackiness Breaking Out In NY-23

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Doug Hoffman's entire platformWe all know that the ACORN organization — which has nothing better to do — is actively trying to steal the NY-23 special election from God’s candidate, Doug Hoffman, and give it to a randomly selected black aborted fetus on welfare, so it should come as no surprise that certain “local Democratic officials” (ACORN thugs) are calling the cops on Hoffman supporters outside polling locations for all sorts of ginned-up charges, as part of its ACORN Fear Campaign. MORE »


NEPOTISM

Clinton Competing With Biden For Gaffiest Obama Official

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

OMG did you hear what Hillary Clinton said, in Nigeria? “You know we’ve had all kinds of problems in some of our past elections as you might remember. In 2000, our presidential election came down to one state where the brother of the man running for president was the governor of the state, so we have our problems, too.” Which is true, for sure, but sounds a little odd coming out of the mouth of the wife of a former president who wanted to be president herself but settled for secretary of state after serving as a senator of a state she barely lived in. [ABC News]


LETTER FROM TEHRAN

What I Learned From My Beef With These Iran Creeps

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Sex-positive Real Doll in a hijab, for Republicans!Wonkette recently deployed its own correspondent to Iran. What follows is her report. Names have been changed “because of the definition of anonymity.”  

Hi ya’ll! I’m so honored to be here with all the world-renowned Iranians. As a daughter, and as a Republican woman who is both a fiscal and social Democrat, I feel I am well prepared for my new anonymous position as Wonkette’s Anonymous Tehran Youth Correspondent Executive Bureau Chief. In case you haven’t been following the news through Twitter or Daily Candy, there was just an election here, in Iran, for President. Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things. Things that would make you say to me, “Listen, Mawiyah, you should be the first girl to cover a presidential election with a blog.” And you would be absolutely right to say that. I should be. And I was. But I don’t want to say too much.  MORE »


MEANWHILE ON TWITTER

CA Secretary Of State Cannot Find The Tacos, On Election Day

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

California Secretary of State Debra Bowen oversees state elections, which occur on most days in California. Today is one of them! So someone get this lady a damn Taco from a truck already, Jesus. California will bleed tonight. [Twitter]


WONKETTE'S VOTING GUIDE

Exciting Election Today In California About …. ?

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Vote early and often!It’s pretty exciting to vote, right? Remember how cool you felt in November, voting for the black dude? Remember how fun it was, voting against goddamned Sarah Palin and Walnuts? And just cold goin’ down the ballot and voting against anybody with an “R” after their name? Fun times. You can relive the excitement today in California, if you live there and do the voting thing — and if you read Wonkette, there’s a one-in-three chance you do live and vote in California. Who knew? MORE »


WONKETTE WORLD SERVICE

Election Special From India, World’s Largest Democracy! (By Population, Not Girth)

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

India!Did you know elections and vote-counting happen in places other than Minnesota? It’s true! Take, for example, India, where the monthlong (!) election just came to an end, and the results are coming in at this moment. Approximately a gigabyte of the country’s 700 million eligible voters went to the polls, which all used electronic voting machines, and the potential debacle seems to have gone off without any disasters, civil wars, coups, terrorism, piracy, PUMAs, or any discussion of gay marriage whatsoever. So, score one for Democracy! UPDATE: Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Sonia & Rahul Gandhi’s Congress Party win big! MORE »


THE LAST ELECTION

Actual Confederate Owner Of Slave Plantations Wins Georgia Runoff

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

Ha ha, Jim Martin lost like a little gay baby, and now we know why Obama never campaigned in the state for him: his two-time Senate election losingness in the same election. “With 90 percent of the state’s precincts reporting in Tuesday’s runoff election, Mr. Chambliss had 59 percent of the vote, and his Democratic challenger, Jim Martin, had 41 percent.” So this means that 2008 wasn’t just a good year for Republicans, but the best year. Now we will go back to never posting about dumb Saxby Chambliss, but if we have to, we’ll always have the perfect boob-grabbing photo. [NYT]


DEATH OF A NATION

‘The American People Take The Choice Of A New President Very Seriously’…

Thursday, September 11th, 2008

We are doomed.…which is why they are so obsessed with these matters of grave national importance. Thanks to Wonkette Operative Brian for bringing this to our attention.
[Washington Post/CNN]


ELECTORAL HIGH SCHOOL

Which State Will Host This Election’s Worst Voting Debacle?

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

FAILEvery four years, a mysterious combination of negligence, incompetence, fraud, and criminality conspire to make a single state responsible for getting some doofus into the White House. In 2000, Florida took the honor; in 2004, it was Ohio. And every four years, Hendrik Hertzberg writes angry editorials about how the whole electoral college should be bombed from space as a Republican takes office yet again. So which state will we be able to blame when Sarah Palin is hastily sworn in as America’s 45th president after John McCain expires from gout and agues in the spring of 2009? MORE »