elections
This just in: a catastrophic miscarriage of justice took place in the South Bronx when tens of thousands of votes went uncounted in the 2010 Senate and Governor’s election, but luckily South Bronx is full of Poors and also everyone knew who was going to win anyway. This came to light when the radio station [...]
Richard Lugar, he of the many-termèd Indiana senate run, lost to fop Richard Mourdock in the state’s Republican primary Tuesday night, because Lugar is AULDE and believes in a passé political system similar to the one that John McCain believed in before he became a born-again baby. In his concession speech, Lugar very clearly outlined [...]
Vladimir Putin is all set to steal the Russian presidential election this week, so who knows why he’s even bothering to make campaign ads, but here’s one in which a young Russian girl (a tween?) is told that Vladimir Putin is the right man to take her virginity. Her political virginity? Eh, either one probably [...]
Looks like there’s some big action today at the few-billionaires-only private dog track more commonly known as the American political system: Nutty Vegas casino warhawk crook Sheldon Adelson — not to be confused with the Santorum-backing “Why are we talking about these slutty sluts when there are Muslim terrorists in Latin America?” eccentric wingnut billionaire [...]
Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing [...]
Rick Santorum is going to ruin America tonight! No but listen: The nominating contests in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota tonight are non-binding, inconsequential in general because Mitt Romney will still win the nomination, and… dumb… we don’t know… but will possibly have the effect of crowning Rick Santorum as the main alternative to Mittens, which [...]
Sad news for American blastocysts, guys. Accidental zygotes are still not as sacred as you and I, now that the normals in Mississippi — whose existence was considered apocryphal until Tuesday’s election — have decided they’ve had just about enough of the pushy nuts behind up-and-coming fetus cargo cult Personhood USA. Final tally: a 59%-41% [...]
Here’s a talking head from the MSNBC cable entertainment channel trying to get some video interview content for his political show. The guy getting yelled at is apparently “Dylan Ratigan,” and his colleague is wearing a shirt from another MSNBC talk show, we guess? And this protester is going along with the interview until the [...]
America was founded upon dusty Old Testament scrolls handed down from the Heavens by Jesus and the cowboys. And then the Jews came, as prophesied, and turned Washington into their surrogate Promised Land, and they have ruled ever since. Luckily for poor, uneducated and underrepresented Christian Patriots, Jewish interests mesh exactly with those of the [...]
Great news for the Democrats: They are once again winning congressional seats in weird rural areas full of old men in overalls plucking banjos from the comfort of sofas placed on sagging wooden porches. Even better news for the Women’s Movement: The Democrat who just won a rural upstate New York State congressional seat is [...]
Because we are a dumb political joke blog, we spent all day writing about Sarah Palin’s “Lou Sarah” account on Facebook and other shoddy, paltry bits of American Public Life instead of the actual political news of the day. What is wrong with us? Oh, right, we are trapped in a dipshit business of chasing [...]
Sarah Palin fans on the Internet are pretty much spending all their free time these days doing one thing: making sure Bristol Palin stays on her dancing teevee show and is not fired or executed or given a poison tulip or whatever. These people are actual, middle-aged adults in the primes of their lives, and [...]
Known alphabet fetishist Pat Sajak has in the past occasionally pooped out his conservative beliefs on the Internets. But did you know that he is now a Certified Blogger for the National Review Online? It is true! Or it was true once, yesterday. Let us see what this helmet-haired genius talks about when he talks [...]
