Wonkette recently deployed its own correspondent to Iran. What follows is her report. Names have been changed “because of the definition of anonymity.”  

Hi ya’ll! I’m so honored to be here with all the world-renowned Iranians. As a daughter, and as a Republican woman who is both a fiscal and social Democrat, I feel I am well prepared for my new anonymous position as Wonkette’s Anonymous Tehran Youth Correspondent Executive Bureau Chief. In case you haven’t been following the news through Twitter or Daily Candy, there was just an election here, in Iran, for President. Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things. Things that would make you say to me, “Listen, Mawiyah, you should be the first girl to cover a presidential election with a blog.” And you would be absolutely right to say that. I should be. And I was. But I don’t want to say too much.  MORE »

California Secretary of State Debra Bowen oversees state elections, which occur on most days in California. Today is one of them! So someone get this lady a damn Taco from a truck already, Jesus. California will bleed tonight. [Twitter]

It’s pretty exciting to vote, right? Remember how cool you felt in November, voting for the black dude? Remember how fun it was, voting against goddamned Sarah Palin and Walnuts? And just cold goin’ down the ballot and voting against anybody with an “R” after their name? Fun times. You can relive the excitement today in California, if you live there and do the voting thing — and if you read Wonkette, there’s a one-in-three chance you do live and vote in California. Who knew? MORE »

Did you know elections and vote-counting happen in places other than Minnesota? It’s true! Take, for example, India, where the monthlong (!) election just came to an end, and the results are coming in at this moment. Approximately a gigabyte of the country’s 700 million eligible voters went to the polls, which all used electronic voting machines, and the potential debacle seems to have gone off without any disasters, civil wars, coups, terrorism, piracy, PUMAs, or any discussion of gay marriage whatsoever. So, score one for Democracy! UPDATE: Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Sonia & Rahul Gandhi’s Congress Party win big! MORE »

Ha ha, Jim Martin lost like a little gay baby, and now we know why Obama never campaigned in the state for him: his two-time Senate election losingness in the same election. “With 90 percent of the state’s precincts reporting in Tuesday’s runoff election, Mr. Chambliss had 59 percent of the vote, and his Democratic challenger, Jim Martin, had 41 percent.” So this means that 2008 wasn’t just a good year for Republicans, but the best year. Now we will go back to never posting about dumb Saxby Chambliss, but if we have to, we’ll always have the perfect boob-grabbing photo. [NYT]

…which is why they are so obsessed with these matters of grave national importance. Thanks to Wonkette Operative Brian for bringing this to our attention.
[Washington Post/CNN]

Every four years, a mysterious combination of negligence, incompetence, fraud, and criminality conspire to make a single state responsible for getting some doofus into the White House. In 2000, Florida took the honor; in 2004, it was Ohio. And every four years, Hendrik Hertzberg writes angry editorials about how the whole electoral college should be bombed from space as a Republican takes office yet again. So which state will we be able to blame when Sarah Palin is hastily sworn in as America’s 45th president after John McCain expires from gout and agues in the spring of 2009? MORE »

Michael McAuliffe is a 45-year-old candidate for Palm Beach State Attorney with a marvelous plan to “reinvigorate” the staff at the State Attorney’s Office by covering their workspaces in a quarter-inch-thick felt made of human pubes, or something. Thanks to Wonkette operative JimmyJohn2 for the tip. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

Beth Allen, the wife of homosexual former Florida state Rep. “Twenty Dollar” Bob Allen, will not be deterred from Achieving! She is running for Brevard County Elections Supervisor, because someone’s gotta make a damn living in that household. Surely that county will have voting problems in the upcoming presidential election, and it will be gay Bob Allen’s family that has to decide the president. Barack can’t lose! [Orlando Sentinel]

Beloved pretend congresslady Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs lost her hundredth straight election the other day — losing a GOP primary runoff to some nobody — and now her dreams and even this sign are in the garbage, forever, along with an empty bottle of $2.99 “Barefoot Chardonnay” and some type of (Nazi?) lager bottle and enough coat hangers for a hundred Texas abortions. Farewell, sweet rodeo princess of our heart! Photo courtesy of Wonkette Operative “John.”

FINALLY SOMEONE LISTENS: From the distant burg of Winton, Australia: “The cattle farming town famous as the birthplace of Australia’s unofficial anthem ‘Waltzing Matilda’ chose its new mayor late Wednesday by drawing a name from a trash can after local elections ended in a draw.” If you also would like to forward this to Howard Dean and the DNC, you may do so here. [AP/CBS]