elections
Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing [...]
Rick Santorum is going to ruin America tonight! No but listen: The nominating contests in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota tonight are non-binding, inconsequential in general because Mitt Romney will still win the nomination, and… dumb… we don’t know… but will possibly have the effect of crowning Rick Santorum as the main alternative to Mittens, which [...]
Sad news for American blastocysts, guys. Accidental zygotes are still not as sacred as you and I, now that the normals in Mississippi — whose existence was considered apocryphal until Tuesday’s election — have decided they’ve had just about enough of the pushy nuts behind up-and-coming fetus cargo cult Personhood USA. Final tally: a 59%-41% [...]
Here’s a talking head from the MSNBC cable entertainment channel trying to get some video interview content for his political show. The guy getting yelled at is apparently “Dylan Ratigan,” and his colleague is wearing a shirt from another MSNBC talk show, we guess? And this protester is going along with the interview until the [...]
America was founded upon dusty Old Testament scrolls handed down from the Heavens by Jesus and the cowboys. And then the Jews came, as prophesied, and turned Washington into their surrogate Promised Land, and they have ruled ever since. Luckily for poor, uneducated and underrepresented Christian Patriots, Jewish interests mesh exactly with those of the [...]
Great news for the Democrats: They are once again winning congressional seats in weird rural areas full of old men in overalls plucking banjos from the comfort of sofas placed on sagging wooden porches. Even better news for the Women’s Movement: The Democrat who just won a rural upstate New York State congressional seat is [...]
Because we are a dumb political joke blog, we spent all day writing about Sarah Palin’s “Lou Sarah” account on Facebook and other shoddy, paltry bits of American Public Life instead of the actual political news of the day. What is wrong with us? Oh, right, we are trapped in a dipshit business of chasing [...]
Sarah Palin fans on the Internet are pretty much spending all their free time these days doing one thing: making sure Bristol Palin stays on her dancing teevee show and is not fired or executed or given a poison tulip or whatever. These people are actual, middle-aged adults in the primes of their lives, and [...]
Known alphabet fetishist Pat Sajak has in the past occasionally pooped out his conservative beliefs on the Internets. But did you know that he is now a Certified Blogger for the National Review Online? It is true! Or it was true once, yesterday. Let us see what this helmet-haired genius talks about when he talks [...]
Alaska is full of morans who don’t know how to spell M-u-r-k-w-s-k-i. Eight letters, two vowels, very easy. This is why MS Paint Patriots are making clever .jpg pictures to help Alaskans remember Lisa’s last name, so that they can “write it in” on their electronic ballot during Joe Miller’s election day. But will Alaska [...]
“Back in May, Diane Wickberg, a grandmother from Flagstaff, Ariz., slipped into the same outfit she wears every Tuesday — a white T-shirt bearing photos of the American flag and the U.S. Constitution, along with the words: ‘Flagstaff Tea Party — Reclaiming Our Constitution.’” You mean she put on her patriot uniform, lamestream media. Sure, [...]
What’s the latest news from America’s favorite man-made disaster, Afghanistan? At least two dozen people were killed at the polls during the latest and almost certainly rigged parliamentary elections. Officials are already reporting “sales of fake voter cards printed in Pakistan, intimidation by local power barons and the absence of a national voter list.” Meanwhile, [...]
Internet municipal-election registration-document compendium TMZ has obtained Levi Johnston’s Alaska Public Offices Commission letter of intent to run for office in Wasilla. Apparently Levi is running for “City of Wasilla 2011.” Is it possible to be elected a city rather than just elected to an office of that city? IT’S UP TO THE VOTERS.
