Tag: election night

Oh Jesus Christ… Liveblogging Obama’s Victory Speech

You did it, Liberals! Thanks to your help, your hard work, this country will officially be renamed "The American Caliphate" in January, 2009. Oy. Jesus damn. Forty years ago your associate editor's neighborhood in Southeast D.C. was on fire,...

Barack Obama Is President … of AMERICA

With the West Coast polls closed and Obama already holding 220, including Virginia ... well, you can count, even if you're very wasted right now. California has 55 electoral votes, Washington state has 11, Hawaii has 4, and Oregon...

Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?

Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see "no path to victory," considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who...

Here Is Your Election Night Electoral Map!

embedSWF(9, 0, 0, "presidential"); We'll keep this map live up top, all night long, until it's settled.

ONLINE GAMBLING ADDICTS PICK OBAMA: InTrade is the offshore gambling website favored by hard-core gamblers/stock traders, and here is the bulletin we just got from InTrade, which is generally right about everything because people back their opinions with precious...

Buh-Bye Liddy Dole, Hello Western States

Your Barack Obama is leading by either 103 or 174 electoral votes, depending on whether you're looking at our AP map or the CNN. Your kindly grandpa McCain has 49 electoral votes right now, says CNN, and McCain is...

PENNSYLVANIA CALLED FOR OBAMA: So sayeth MSNBC, and this means ....

Hey Everybody, Look At The Horrible Thing CNN Did

If you were watching CNN around 7:15 ET then you saw this frightening hologram beast named "Jessica Yellin" appear from the planet Saturn to talk about, uh, Obama and the elections. So... who the hell greenlit this? BILL BENNETT?...

Oh Holy Election Night, Here We Go!

Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy...

More Heartwarming Voting Tales From America

Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by...

Everybody With Spare Obama Tickets Is Getting So Laid

If you've got a spare ticket to Obama's Election Night Party in Chicago, you are going to get more ass than a toilet seat. Possibly attractive people are offering full access to all their various orifices to any creep...

Wonkette Sexy Election Parties Coast 2 Coast & Around the World Part II

Here is a very special TO-DO with all the bars in DC and New York (and Arizona and Bangkok) that will be hosting Big Election Night Parties. (More U.S. and Global parties are here!) Go sake o'bombing and see...

Wonkette Sexy Election Parties Coast 2 Coast & Around the World

Good lord, Wonkette should just preemptively schedule a "recovery day" for Nov. 5, as none of you people will be in any shape to read words or process numbers next Wednesday. We asked for your SEXY ELECTION PARTYTIME listings,...

SEXY PARTIES: Is your bar or club or bathhouse or even your actual house-house hosting an Election Night party open to the public, or at least to fancy Wonkette readers? Then send us the basic info (Address, time, entry...

McCain Won’t Address Supporters Nov. 4, Plans To Give Statement To ‘Small Group of Reporters’

John McCain won't speak at his "Victory Party" on Election Night, the AP just reported. Instead, he'll "deliver postelection remarks to a small group of reporters and guests on the hotel's lawn." Really? This is what your campaign announces...