election night

Why does that dastardly Nobumer keep refusing to work with Republicans, except for all those times he tried to pass Cap & Trade (a Republican idea) and Obamacare (a Republican idea) and all those other times too? Like, he doesn’t even call them up on ‘Lection Night to be like, yo, let us try to […]

Say, did we mention that we really, REALLY like saying “Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren”? It’s an awfully good phrase, don’t you think? Here we are at the fourth installment of this marathon, and Virginia, Ohio, and Florida are all still in “godknowswhat” status. See our earlier rundowns: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. And for […]

After at least seven voter “outreaches” apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura Ingraham was just on-air so it shouldn’t be too much longer actually.) Shit’s getting real, y’all!

Greetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try an El Presidente — […]

INTRO: THE WHO, “WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN” CHYRON: GOP ELECTION OFFICIALS BLOCKED FROM ENTERING POLLING SITES IN PA, JUDGE REINSTATES THEM [B-ROLL: The new New Black Panther, with foxy shades on]

Since we will have a chat cave full of courrespondentes live-blooging tonight’s MADNESS for you, the feverishly page-refreshing Wonkadero, your Editrix has decided to take the night off and treat herself and her fellow Angelenos to Election Night beers and whatnot. THE DETAILS! Let us call it “seven p.m.,” until “11 or something,” at everyone’s […]

Did you hear that there’s a political primary in Illinois tonight, even though Mitt Romney has pretty much mathematically locked up the nomination? This is a thing you will want to type about! Illinois is a fascinating state: There’s a big city and then some wingnuts out in the countryside, just as there in every […]

ABC News released an e-mail they sent to human poop-leech Andrew Breitbart this afternoon telling him he now cannot take part in their election coverage tonight even though America will miss his expertise in accusing minorities of racism. They definitely wanted Breitbart to participate in their online coverage, they say, but they were sick of […]

From New Jersey to South Carolina, Maine to Arkansas, Northern California to Southern California, tonight will be the most explosive Primary Election of June 2010, and you can be there, live, by simply being wherever you are, and following the news while drinking! This is what we call Liveblogging In America, and we hope you’ll […]

RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of […]

Friendly blogger Aaron Cohen sent us a nifty thing he made, on the Internet: “I recently set out to create an election reactions reference that could be used in the future to help get an idea for what people were thinking in the week or so after November 4th.” He even included your Wonkette! (After […]

Michelle Obama is worse than Cindy McCain times Sarah Palin divided by Imelda Marcos times one million. Her election-night earrings cost a reported $11,000 — approximately twice what a healthy human kidney will fetch on the black market! This is a relevant metric because next year we will all be selling our kidneys to make […]

Indiana. With 99% of the precincts reporting, Indiana has gone blue/black or whatever new thing we will call states. Indiana. It is 2:09 a.m., on Wednesday, and Indiana is in the tank. Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Nevada … it’s 349-159, at the moment. It is a massive win.

You did it, Liberals! Thanks to your help, your hard work, this country will officially be renamed “The American Caliphate” in January, 2009. Oy. Jesus damn. Forty years ago your associate editor’s neighborhood in Southeast D.C. was on fire, nightly. The MLK assassination did not “go over” very well here. But right now, there are […]

With the West Coast polls closed and Obama already holding 220, including Virginia … well, you can count, even if you’re very wasted right now. California has 55 electoral votes, Washington state has 11, Hawaii has 4, and Oregon has 7. You can add that to 220 electoral votes CNN says he has right now. […]