Tag Archives: election night

  r-e-s-p-e-c-t

Obama Tried To Call Mitch McConnell And John Boehner On Election Night, But They Lied That They Were Sleeping

Why does that dastardly Nobumer keep refusing to work with Republicans, except for all those times he tried to pass Cap & Trade (a Republican idea) and Obamacare (a Republican idea) and all those other times too? Like, he doesn’t even call them up on ‘Lection Night to be like, yo, let us try to work together to solve America’s very serious problems, because he is such a dictator! After his speech, Mr. Obama tried to call both Mr. Boehner and the Senate Republican leader, Mitch McConnell, but was told they were asleep. Read more on Obama Tried To Call Mitch McConnell And John Boehner On Election Night, But They Lied That They Were Sleeping…
  We're Gonna Make Him Stay Up All Night

Livebloggenning the Election, Episode 4 More Years: Return Of The Jedi President

Say, did we mention that we really, REALLY like saying “Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren”? It’s an awfully good phrase, don’t you think? Here we are at the fourth installment of this marathon, and Virginia, Ohio, and Florida are all still in “godknowswhat” status. See our earlier rundowns: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. And for godssakes, if you’re in Los Angeles, get your butt to the Wonkette Party! 11:15 MSNBC CALLS OHIO AND THE ELECTION FOR OBAMA Read more on Livebloggenning the Election, Episode 4 More Years: Return Of The Jedi President…
  the polls never close

Your Wonkette Concedes Nothing, Never: Part 2 Of A Drunk And Getting Drunker Liveblog

After at least seven voter “outreaches” apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura Ingraham was just on-air so it shouldn’t be too much longer actually.) Shit’s getting real, y’all! Read more on Your Wonkette Concedes Nothing, Never: Part 2 Of A Drunk And Getting Drunker Liveblog…
  ObamaRomneyD√§mmerung!

Barack Obama’s Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)

Greetings, Wonkers! Welcome to your exciting Election Night Liveblog for Celebration and / or Weeping! We hope you have laid in a supply of the necessary ingredients: snack foods, kleenex, antidepressants, and The Good Stuff, whatever that may be. Should you feel like flexing your mixological muscle, Rebecca suggests you try an El Presidente — it’s topical and Tropical! Joining us from the Wonkette Chat Cave are Wonkette Special Correspondents Josh Fruhlinger, Rich Abdill, Kaia Mursi, Kris Benson, and HOLY CRAP SARA BENINCASA!!! Also, until she leaves for tonight’s LA Electoral Gala, we have Editrix Rebecca along with us. Kid Zoom is here for the first couple of hours, too! We also will be hoping for tweets / texts from Jesse Taylor, who is being herded onto an election party bus somewhere. We have also taken a solemn No Ponies vow, which we will only break if we feel like it. Read more on Barack Obama’s Huge Election: Your Throbbing Liveblog (Part 1)…
  important announcements

Oh Right We Have Just Now Decided To Have A Los Angeles Election Night Party

Since we will have a chat cave full of courrespondentes live-blooging tonight’s MADNESS for you, the feverishly page-refreshing Wonkadero, your Editrix has decided to take the night off and treat herself and her fellow Angelenos to Election Night beers and whatnot. THE DETAILS! Let us call it “seven p.m.,” until “11 or something,” at everyone’s favorite sports bar cum Art Deco ballroom, Busby’s East! (5364 Wilshire Blvd., (323) 525-2615.) We do not wish to hear your bitching about “parking” and “driving.” We know we live in Los Angeles. Sack the fuck up! Some beer is on us. (Also, we know there are no NBA playoffs tonight — OR ARE THERE? That is a picture from last time, dummies. GAH.) Read more on Oh Right We Have Just Now Decided To Have A Los Angeles Election Night Party…
  defiantly avoiding the sufjan stevens theme

Your Illinois ‘Lincoln Primary’ Open Thread

Did you hear that there’s a political primary in Illinois tonight, even though Mitt Romney has pretty much mathematically locked up the nomination? This is a thing you will want to type about! Illinois is a fascinating state: There’s a big city and then some wingnuts out in the countryside, just as there in every other goddamn state. Mitt Romney could win, or Rick Santorum could! Or Newt! (Newt Gingrich is a politician from the 80s and 90s who is now running for president.) Here is your open thread; please monitor it for communists or racists, like Robert De Niro. Polls close at 8:00 American time. Read more on Your Illinois ‘Lincoln Primary’ Open Thread…
  profiles in discourage

ABC Won’t Have Andrew Breitbart’s Expert Poop-Leech Analysis Tonight

ABC News released an e-mail they sent to human poop-leech Andrew Breitbart this afternoon telling him he now cannot take part in their election coverage tonight even though America will miss his expertise in accusing minorities of racism. They definitely wanted Breitbart to participate in their online coverage, they say, but they were sick of him pretending he would spend all night on the teevee. It is okay for a peddler of the basest insinuations to talk about elections on their branded box on George Stephanopoulos’ Facebook profile, but not so for broadcast television, on which only but the most banal platitudes can be bandied about, for fear of FCC fines. It only took ABC days to figure out that Breitbart is not a suitable human being to bring anywhere near rational discourse, and so he probably already has flown to Arizona on their dime and everything. How is Breitbart reacting to this mean e-mail he purportedly received? Read more on ABC Won’t Have Andrew Breitbart’s Expert Poop-Leech Analysis Tonight…
  like 'lost' + 'american idol' x 1 billion

Join Us For Liveblogging, Tonight, Coast To Coast!

From New Jersey to South Carolina, Maine to Arkansas, Northern California to Southern California, tonight will be the most explosive Primary Election of June 2010, and you can be there, live, by simply being wherever you are, and following the news while drinking! This is what we call Liveblogging In America, and we hope you’ll join us for hours of potential fun. The action starts whenever polls close in the Easternmost state holding an election — check Wikipedia for details! — and will only end once Orly Taitz claims her victory as Secretary of State of California! Okay, load up on the liquor and pills and “chronic” and health food and dangerous-yet-legal weapons, and we’ll see you back here at approximately 8 p.m. Eastern Time, 5 p.m. Pacific. Read more on Join Us For Liveblogging, Tonight, Coast To Coast!…
  crucial corrections

Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey

RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of so many reasons. [RedState] Read more on Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey…
  special projects

Look, An Election Night Time Capsule, On The Internet, For Aliens

Friendly blogger Aaron Cohen sent us a nifty thing he made, on the Internet: “I recently set out to create an election reactions reference that could be used in the future to help get an idea for what people were thinking in the week or so after November 4th.” He even included your Wonkette! (After your Wonkette cursed at him for not including us.) The section showing various peoples’ Obama victory posts is pretty great and will probably make you sad saps cry. [Unlikely Words] Read more on Look, An Election Night Time Capsule, On The Internet, For Aliens…
  shiny things

Michelle Obama Wears Expensive Jewelry, Just Like Republicans!

Michelle Obama is worse than Cindy McCain times Sarah Palin divided by Imelda Marcos times one million. Her election-night earrings cost a reported $11,000 — approximately twice what a healthy human kidney will fetch on the black market! This is a relevant metric because next year we will all be selling our kidneys to make rent, until we burn down our rental dwellings for firewood. Meanwhile, the Obamas will be sitting in the White House feasting on precious gems and fillets of endangered species. [New York Magazine/British Vogue] Read more on Michelle Obama Wears Expensive Jewelry, Just Like Republicans!…
  your new president

Barack Obama Wins … Indiana, Too!

Indiana. With 99% of the precincts reporting, Indiana has gone blue/black or whatever new thing we will call states. Indiana. It is 2:09 a.m., on Wednesday, and Indiana is in the tank. Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Nevada … it’s 349-159, at the moment. It is a massive win. Read more on Barack Obama Wins … Indiana, Too!…
  congratulations barry

Oh Jesus Christ… Liveblogging Obama’s Victory Speech

You did it, Liberals! Thanks to your help, your hard work, this country will officially be renamed “The American Caliphate” in January, 2009. Oy. Jesus damn. Forty years ago your associate editor’s neighborhood in Southeast D.C. was on fire, nightly. The MLK assassination did not “go over” very well here. But right now, there are two fireworks displays running strong and people honking their horns, for fun. People get so worked up about things, don’t they?… Well let’s stop rambling and see what the new President has to say. Read more on Oh Jesus Christ… Liveblogging Obama’s Victory Speech…
  wait what?

Barack Obama Is President … of AMERICA

With the West Coast polls closed and Obama already holding 220, including Virginia … well, you can count, even if you’re very wasted right now. California has 55 electoral votes, Washington state has 11, Hawaii has 4, and Oregon has 7. You can add that to 220 electoral votes CNN says he has right now. We have a new president. His name is Barack Obama. Read more on Barack Obama Is President … of AMERICA…
  half-muslin landslides

Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?

Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see “no path to victory,” considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in a bikini while he savagely beats her, like a pinata. This is the “Arizona Way,” after all. Read more on Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?…