Tag Archives: election law

  kids today

Uh-oh: Your Obama Vote Won’t Count If You Post It On Instagram Or Whatever

Hello, millennial children of the digital age! You probably think you’re pretty “cool” if you take a picture of yourself voting for Obama and then post it on your favorite social media networking time-wasting porn sites, so your friends can see that you’re a liberal chump like them. In this sense voting is like every other activity in your shallow, overshared life. But unlike the artfully filtered pictures of your homemade meals that you put on Instagram and all those nude selfies you stuck on MySpace in 2006 and then forgot about, those photos of your ballots are actually illegal in most states, and thus count in reverse, for Mitt Romney! Read more on Uh-oh: Your Obama Vote Won’t Count If You Post It On Instagram Or Whatever…
  austerity is for little people

Hot Houston City Councilwoman In The Running For America’s Next Top Grifter

Well, hellooooo Houston City Councilwoman Helena Brown! How have you and those big brown eyes come to Your Wonkette’s attention today? Oh, you are busy asking local Houston Korean businessmen to give you money for an $11,000 flight to Korea, even though it was already paid for on the public dime? That is kind of weird! Why are you doing that? Do you have to pay off an evil meth dealer? Do you have an unfortunate stripper habit?* What is the deal, Sweet Councilwoman Brown? Read more on Hot Houston City Councilwoman In The Running For America’s Next Top Grifter…
  oily tater tots strike again

Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved

Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows any random-ass yahoo to “challenge the qualifications of a candidate” on any ballot. It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix, BUT OH GAWD WE ARE SPOILING THE FUN ALREADY. Okay, okay. Let’s try to be calm about this and let our birther drag queen give her acceptance speech, right after the jump! Read more on Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved…
  seeing the other america

John Edwards About To Be Indicted, If Obama’s DOJ Will Pull Trigger

Famous 2008 presidential sex-haver John Edwards is probably going to be indicted very soon for violating campaign laws in how he covered it all up, NBC News is reporting. “Son of a mill worker!” Edwards cursed to himself upon hearing this news, taking his lord’s name in vain. “We do not believe there is evidence that John has violated any election laws,” his attorney, Wade Smith, said, obviously very forcibly. Hey, you know who else was named “Wade”? John Edwards’ son who died. You know who else in John Edwards’ family died? His wife, the one that everybody loved. Those are the two reasons John Edwards should get whatever he wants, from staying out of jail to bedding all the floozies he wants to the presidency. What do you say, Iowa caucus-goers? John Edwards 2012: Campaigning From Jail Just Like His Close Personal Friend Martin Luther King. Read more on John Edwards About To Be Indicted, If Obama’s DOJ Will Pull Trigger…
  just have roger ebert decide

Rahm Emanuel Still Running For Job He Can’t Have

And so, even as printing of the city’s ballots was set to begin immediately at the Chicago Board of Elections (early voting is to start next Monday), all eyes were turning to the Illinois Supreme Court. The court – made up of four Democrats and three Republicans – may consider Mr. Emanuel’s request for an expedited appeal to the ruling, or it can choose not to hear the case at all. Read more on Rahm Emanuel Still Running For Job He Can’t Have…
  easy decision points

Timely New Report: Bush White House Constantly Broke Election Law

American taxpayers (China) paid for Bush administration officials to conduct political campaign activities for the 2006 midterm elections, which violated federal law and is information that, perhaps, we could have used somewhat earlier than a half decade after the fact. This is not surprising, nor is it surprising Karl Rove directed this stuff. What’s really awful is the sheer incompetence of the federal officials using these taxpayer funds, seeing as the 2006 midterms were a total blowout for the GOP. If you’re going to spend our money on elections, at least win some of them. So, are any of these Bush people going to be prosecuted for breaking the law? LOL. Read more on Timely New Report: Bush White House Constantly Broke Election Law…
  on the next 'law and order: first lady unit'

DRUDGE SIRENS: Matt Drudge Thinks Michelle Obama Broke Election Law!

“First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law — when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!” Wha? Oh no! Exclamation point, for sure! After Michelle Obama finished turning in her early-voting ballot today (DRUDGE SIRENS! Update your residency, miss! You live in D.C.!), some voters asked if they could take a photo with her. She obliged but ended up telling one of them “how important it was to vote to keep her husband’s agenda going.” DRUDGE SIRENS! That shit’s illegal! Read more on DRUDGE SIRENS: Matt Drudge Thinks Michelle Obama Broke Election Law!…
  technicalities

Bob Barr Will Be President Of Texas!

The State of Texas says you must file to be on the presidential ballot 70 days before the election, and both Barack Obama and John McCain allegedly missed the deadline, so now whackadoodle Libertarian Bob Barr will be President of Texas while the rest of the nation has to make do with the geezer or the other guy. Read more on Bob Barr Will Be President Of Texas!…