March 8, 2014
Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see “no path to victory,” considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in […]
Your Barack Obama is leading by either 103 or 174 electoral votes, depending on whether you’re looking at our AP map or the CNN. Your kindly grandpa McCain has 49 electoral votes right now, says CNN, and McCain is at 34. There are new Democratic senators all over the place — New Hampshire, New Mexico, […]
Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy fartbag Mitch McConnell is losing a bit, right now, in Kentucky. Vermont has gone for what’s […]
Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. […]
JOE THE PLUMBER CRIME SPREE PROVEN TRUE: That thing we posted about pin-eyed skinhead Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher doing election and speeding crimes? The speeding part has been confirmed, by the Toledo Police [Toledo Blade]
“We don’t have polling places in Oregon,” writes Wonkette operative Katie A., “So here’s our election day celebration cake.” Look at this cake, people. It was made by Katie and Chris H., in Oregon, where they are too poor to have polling places, so everyone mails in their ballots. And yet, even with such hard […]
One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because […]
Here is motherfucking Eddie Murphy, live on stage in Washington a quarter century ago telling a crazy humor fiction NOT SAFE FOR WORK story about the First Black President. Thanks Coates! [YouTube]
Ha ha, our friend and Wonkette Operative “Sarah W.” went to vote in the important swing state of Virginia, where she lives, and there was a long line. So the people waiting around for an hour began conversing with one another, and a “very nice young couple” began talking about their favorite political website, Wonkette, […]
Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for […]
Do you still believe? Will you rise up, with fists? Let’s have a musical night of music posts, all chosen by your editor, for theme time election night hour.
It seems like just a million years ago when the 2006 midterm elections left the GOP crippled and destroyed. Ah, Cocktober and Blovember of yore, how we miss ye! Not really. But guess what? The campaign that began on November 8, 2006 is now over, pretty much! It is Election Day!
At least America’s fringe-right conservatives will show a bit of those family values we hear so much about when, say, the Democratic presidential nominee’s ailing grandmother dies, at age 87, right? Right? Oh, sorry, what were we thinking. Happy black president’s day eve, wingnuts.
PRELUDE TO THE APOCALYPSE: Ha ha, your editor told New York magazine how he would have a quiet vacation after the election, “far from any possible action” in Santa Barbara, and right now there’s a flag-waving fatigues-clad lunatic with a gun holding the entire 101 freeway hostage, in Santa Barbara. Jesus fucking christ. [KNX via […]