“We don’t have polling places in Oregon,” writes Wonkette operative Katie A., “So here’s our election day celebration cake.” Look at this cake, people. It was made by Katie and Chris H., in Oregon, where they are too poor to have polling places, so everyone mails in their ballots. And yet, even with such hard times, they’ve made this beautiful Obama sex cake. And now let’s see your polling pictures. MORE »

One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because he was a creepy looking mouth-breather who didn’t pay his own bills and would get a tax cut under Obama and whose wife had left him to a life of unlicensed work at some other guy’s plumbing business, the McCain campaign naturally decided — in the last weeks of a tightening race — to throw everything behind this unappealing character who represented nothing. And now Joe the Plumber’s trying to vote illegally, too! MORE »

Here is motherfucking Eddie Murphy, live on stage in Washington a quarter century ago telling a crazy humor fiction NOT SAFE FOR WORK story about the First Black President. Thanks Coates! [YouTube]

Ha ha, our friend and Wonkette Operative “Sarah W.” went to vote in the important swing state of Virginia, where she lives, and there was a long line. So the people waiting around for an hour began conversing with one another, and a “very nice young couple” began talking about their favorite political website, Wonkette, and how everybody is addicted to this campaign. Hello, Arlington couple in your 20s who voted today like Good Americans! (Also dudes we need POLLING PLACE PIX send them with SEXY POLLING PIX as the subject line, but until then we will keep using Halloween Costume Pix you sent us, like this one, of Max Schwartz, who is obviously deep in the tank.)

Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for being weird. Clearly elitist Michelle Obama doesn’t understand how real ‘merkins vote: pick the president who has the most signs everywhere and then write-in “DONKEY SEX” for the remaining contests. [YouTube, The Page]

Do you still believe? Will you rise up, with fists? Let’s have a musical night of music posts, all chosen by your editor, for theme time election night hour. MORE »

It seems like just a million years ago when the 2006 midterm elections left the GOP crippled and destroyed. Ah, Cocktober and Blovember of yore, how we miss ye! Not really. But guess what? The campaign that began on November 8, 2006 is now over, pretty much! It is Election Day! MORE »

At least America’s fringe-right conservatives will show a bit of those family values we hear so much about when, say, the Democratic presidential nominee’s ailing grandmother dies, at age 87, right? Right? Oh, sorry, what were we thinking. Happy black president’s day eve, wingnuts. MORE »

PRELUDE TO THE APOCALYPSE: Ha ha, your editor told New York magazine how he would have a quiet vacation after the election, “far from any possible action” in Santa Barbara, and right now there’s a flag-waving fatigues-clad lunatic with a gun holding the entire 101 freeway hostage, in Santa Barbara. Jesus fucking christ. [KNX via Nurple]

Here’s your favorite unstable old man right where he wants to be, atop a pile of headlines predicting a pretty solid 6%+ Obama win in the popular vote, plus an extra thousand electoral votes. [Politics Home]

Good lord, Wonkette should just preemptively schedule a “recovery day” for Nov. 5, as none of you people will be in any shape to read words or process numbers next Wednesday. We asked for your SEXY ELECTION PARTYTIME listings, and we have a couple dozen fine offerings from Washington D.C. to Washington State, Tokyo to Tacoma, Bridgeport to Boston, Dallas to Dublin, Ottawa to Quetzaltenango, Sarasota to Seattle, Memphis to, uh, Ho Chi Minh City … plus Vegas and San Francisco and Brooklyn and MORE, MORE. MORE »