Tag Archives: election day

  daily briefing

Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All*! (*Re: Some)

Happy Election Day! Today Chris Christie could lose more than just weight, though really, he could lose some weight. [New York Times] Political capital, political capital Obama Corzine political politics-word capital. [AP] Read more on Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All*! (*Re: Some)…
  wonkette's voting guide

Exciting Election Today In California About …. ?

It’s pretty exciting to vote, right? Remember how cool you felt in November, voting for the black dude? Remember how fun it was, voting against goddamned Sarah Palin and Walnuts? And just cold goin’ down the ballot and voting against anybody with an “R” after their name? Fun times. You can relive the excitement today in California, if you live there and do the voting thing — and if you read Wonkette, there’s a one-in-three chance you do live and vote in California. Who knew? Read more on Exciting Election Today In California About …. ?…
  half-muslin landslides

Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?

Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see “no path to victory,” considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in a bikini while he savagely beats her, like a pinata. This is the “Arizona Way,” after all. Read more on Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?…
  night of long knives

Buh-Bye Liddy Dole, Hello Western States

Your Barack Obama is leading by either 103 or 174 electoral votes, depending on whether you’re looking at our AP map or the CNN. Your kindly grandpa McCain has 49 electoral votes right now, says CNN, and McCain is at 34. There are new Democratic senators all over the place — New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina — and this is turning into one weird night. Read more on Buh-Bye Liddy Dole, Hello Western States…
  liveblogging election night

Oh Holy Election Night, Here We Go!

Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy fartbag Mitch McConnell is losing a bit, right now, in Kentucky. Vermont has gone for what’s his name, the King of Man, the Socialist-Terrorist. Read more on Oh Holy Election Night, Here We Go!…
  always in motion is the future

More Heartwarming Voting Tales From America

Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. (ALSO: What is wrong with McCain’s website??!) Read more on More Heartwarming Voting Tales From America…
  criminal losers

JOE THE PLUMBER CRIME SPREE PROVEN TRUE: That thing we posted about pin-eyed skinhead Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher doing election and speeding crimes? The speeding part has been confirmed, by the Toledo Police [Toledo Blade] Read more on …
  sexy polling cakes

Obama Cultists Construct ‘Cake Shrine’

“We don’t have polling places in Oregon,” writes Wonkette operative Katie A., “So here’s our election day celebration cake.” Look at this cake, people. It was made by Katie and Chris H., in Oregon, where they are too poor to have polling places, so everyone mails in their ballots. And yet, even with such hard times, they’ve made this beautiful Obama sex cake. And now let’s see your polling pictures. Read more on Obama Cultists Construct ‘Cake Shrine’…
  joe the dumber

Joe the Plumber Tries Voting At Wrong Place

One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because he was a creepy looking mouth-breather who didn’t pay his own bills and would get a tax cut under Obama and whose wife had left him to a life of unlicensed work at some other guy’s plumbing business, the McCain campaign naturally decided — in the last weeks of a tightening race — to throw everything behind this unappealing character who represented nothing. And now Joe the Plumber’s trying to vote illegally, too! Read more on Joe the Plumber Tries Voting At Wrong Place…
  prophecy

Why the First Black President Must Stay In Shape

Here is motherfucking Eddie Murphy, live on stage in Washington a quarter century ago telling a crazy humor fiction NOT SAFE FOR WORK story about the First Black President. Thanks Coates! [YouTube] Read more on Why the First Black President Must Stay In Shape…
  illegal activity

Young Arlington Couple Caught Talking About Wonkette In Polling Place

Ha ha, our friend and Wonkette Operative “Sarah W.” went to vote in the important swing state of Virginia, where she lives, and there was a long line. So the people waiting around for an hour began conversing with one another, and a “very nice young couple” began talking about their favorite political website, Wonkette, and how everybody is addicted to this campaign. Hello, Arlington couple in your 20s who voted today like Good Americans! (Also dudes we need POLLING PLACE PIX send them with SEXY POLLING PIX as the subject line, but until then we will keep using Halloween Costume Pix you sent us, like this one, of Max Schwartz, who is obviously deep in the tank.) Read more on Young Arlington Couple Caught Talking About Wonkette In Polling Place…
  slow voters suck

Fancy Obamas ‘Take Their Time’ Voting

Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for being weird. Clearly elitist Michelle Obama doesn’t understand how real ‘merkins vote: pick the president who has the most signs everywhere and then write-in “DONKEY SEX” for the remaining contests. [YouTube, The Page] Read more on Fancy Obamas ‘Take Their Time’ Voting…
  what are you changin'?

Who Do You Think You’re Changing?

Do you still believe? Will you rise up, with fists? Let’s have a musical night of music posts, all chosen by your editor, for theme time election night hour. Read more on Who Do You Think You’re Changing?…
  it's on bitches

Two Years Later, Election Day Is Here!

It seems like just a million years ago when the 2006 midterm elections left the GOP crippled and destroyed. Ah, Cocktober and Blovember of yore, how we miss ye! Not really. But guess what? The campaign that began on November 8, 2006 is now over, pretty much! It is Election Day! Read more on Two Years Later, Election Day Is Here!…
  stay classy freepers

McCain-Palin Wingnuts Mourn Obama’s Granny

At least America’s fringe-right conservatives will show a bit of those family values we hear so much about when, say, the Democratic presidential nominee’s ailing grandmother dies, at age 87, right? Right? Oh, sorry, what were we thinking. Happy black president’s day eve, wingnuts. Read more on McCain-Palin Wingnuts Mourn Obama’s Granny…