Tag: election day

Your new homosexual overlords.

Houston Votes On Whether Gays Should Be Allowed To Live, Breathe

It's a big day in Houston! It's time to go to the polls (if you're a good person who loves ALL people) and vote YES on Proposition 1, which would enshrine the city's LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinance into law. It's...

Election Day Fun: Researchers Reveal Democrats And Republicans’ Most Favoritest TV Shows

It’s Election Day! Are you a Democrat? Great, go vote and then enjoy a nice episode of Modern Family or Community! Are you a Republican? Pshaw, your side already has this election in the bag, so just stay home and enjoy...
Drop Kick Me Jesus

Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights

On this Election Day, Michael Peroutka -- theocrat, neo-confederate, and Republican candidate for county council in Ann Arundel County in Maryland who has also flirted with the Constitution Party because CONSTITUTION -- would just like to remind you of...

Jon Stewart: Welcome To ‘Democalypse 2014: Come On Republicans, Just Go Ahead And Take Over Already’

On the eve of Election Day, The Daily Show previews what Tuesday will probably look like and then reviews the ever-so-rational arguments of the Republican Party: If you’re looking for rational argument about how best to govern, you have to turn...

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles's Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even...

Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs

We don't want to get into any ugly stereotyping, but one of our major-party candidates for president is working very hard today, voting this morning and then flying to other states, while the other one is just chilling on...

New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable

In a super-exclusive (read: he was the only person who would talk to them) interview with World Net Daily's Aaron Klein, New Black Panther Party head Malik Shabazz (real name: Paris Lewis) threatens to once again dominate the white...

Newfangled California ‘Top Two’ Balloting Will Let All Good Democrats Vote For Orly Taitz Today (UPDATED!)

Hello, California! The voters, in their infinite wisdom, have done another fun thing to your precious California ballot, and that is that you can now vote for your favorite two people in any primary election, starting today! Apparently Rolling...

Drop Off Your Ballot and Pick Up a Delicious American Anus Burger

There's no better salve for the empty feeling you get after casting your ballot than the gooey greasy salt-fat blob of a delicious anus burger sliding down your throat to rest in your gut alongside the "beef tallow" sodium...

Virginia Military Buildings Shot At, Again

For the fifth time since October, an innocent military facility in Virginia has been savagely shot by some armed weirdo. The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling. And this time,...

Nate Silver Says Democrats Might Not Lose 1,000 Seats

The Democrats will "win" today, because of cellphones: A lot of American adults (now about one-quarter of them) have ditched landlines and rely exclusively on mobile phones, and a lot of pollsters don’t call mobile phones. Cellphone-only voters tend to...

It’s Election Day! Never Forget

Hooray, it's Election Day! America finally gets to vote out the Democrats, even though voters have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than of Republicans. (Wait, what?) Erick Erickson is already gloating and offering to help you with your...

FLOTUS Devises Evil Plan to Save Election, Through Exercise

Today, most of America’s children are happily sedated from an all-night candy binge conditioning exercise. They are taking their giant pillowcases of winnings to school and bragging about who scored more free Snickers bars, because that is the meaning...

ELECTION DAY FEVER: Send Wonkette Your Polling Place Pix

Every election day since 2006, we've asked Wonkette Operatives across the nation to send sexy camera-phone pictures of Polling Place hijinx. But this year, we'll only ask those living in the "voting rights" dirty dozen states with elections today....

The Morning After, In Which We See The Winners And Losers By The Light Of Day

Yesterday happened! Recall its winners: Bloomberg, Owens, Christie, various Others. It was also yesterday in Virgina too, where Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds and is therefore the state's new governor. The state of Maine poured rock salt on gay...

Reporters Must Know How Two State Races Affect Obama’s Politics!

Here is a clip from today's White House press briefing, in which the hairiest man alive grills Robert Gibbs: what do you think your perception of the perception of the political perception of current political politics will be if...