Tag Archives: election day

  criminal losers

JOE THE PLUMBER CRIME SPREE PROVEN TRUE: That thing we posted about pin-eyed skinhead Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher doing election and speeding crimes? The speeding part has been confirmed, by the Toledo Police [Toledo Blade] Read more on …
  sexy polling cakes

Obama Cultists Construct ‘Cake Shrine’

“We don’t have polling places in Oregon,” writes Wonkette operative Katie A., “So here’s our election day celebration cake.” Look at this cake, people. It was made by Katie and Chris H., in Oregon, where they are too poor to have polling places, so everyone mails in their ballots. And yet, even with such hard times, they’ve made this beautiful Obama sex cake. And now let’s see your polling pictures. Read more on Obama Cultists Construct ‘Cake Shrine’…
  joe the dumber

Joe the Plumber Tries Voting At Wrong Place

One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because he was a creepy looking mouth-breather who didn’t pay his own bills and would get a tax cut under Obama and whose wife had left him to a life of unlicensed work at some other guy’s plumbing business, the McCain campaign naturally decided — in the last weeks of a tightening race — to throw everything behind this unappealing character who represented nothing. And now Joe the Plumber’s trying to vote illegally, too! Read more on Joe the Plumber Tries Voting At Wrong Place…
  prophecy

Why the First Black President Must Stay In Shape

Here is motherfucking Eddie Murphy, live on stage in Washington a quarter century ago telling a crazy humor fiction NOT SAFE FOR WORK story about the First Black President. Thanks Coates! [YouTube] Read more on Why the First Black President Must Stay In Shape…
  illegal activity

Young Arlington Couple Caught Talking About Wonkette In Polling Place

Ha ha, our friend and Wonkette Operative “Sarah W.” went to vote in the important swing state of Virginia, where she lives, and there was a long line. So the people waiting around for an hour began conversing with one another, and a “very nice young couple” began talking about their favorite political website, Wonkette, and how everybody is addicted to this campaign. Hello, Arlington couple in your 20s who voted today like Good Americans! (Also dudes we need POLLING PLACE PIX send them with SEXY POLLING PIX as the subject line, but until then we will keep using Halloween Costume Pix you sent us, like this one, of Max Schwartz, who is obviously deep in the tank.) Read more on Young Arlington Couple Caught Talking About Wonkette In Polling Place…
  slow voters suck

Fancy Obamas ‘Take Their Time’ Voting

Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for being weird. Clearly elitist Michelle Obama doesn’t understand how real ‘merkins vote: pick the president who has the most signs everywhere and then write-in “DONKEY SEX” for the remaining contests. [YouTube, The Page] Read more on Fancy Obamas ‘Take Their Time’ Voting…
  what are you changin'?

Who Do You Think You’re Changing?

Do you still believe? Will you rise up, with fists? Let’s have a musical night of music posts, all chosen by your editor, for theme time election night hour. Read more on Who Do You Think You’re Changing?…
  it's on bitches

Two Years Later, Election Day Is Here!

It seems like just a million years ago when the 2006 midterm elections left the GOP crippled and destroyed. Ah, Cocktober and Blovember of yore, how we miss ye! Not really. But guess what? The campaign that began on November 8, 2006 is now over, pretty much! It is Election Day! Read more on Two Years Later, Election Day Is Here!…
  stay classy freepers

McCain-Palin Wingnuts Mourn Obama’s Granny

At least America’s fringe-right conservatives will show a bit of those family values we hear so much about when, say, the Democratic presidential nominee’s ailing grandmother dies, at age 87, right? Right? Oh, sorry, what were we thinking. Happy black president’s day eve, wingnuts. Read more on McCain-Palin Wingnuts Mourn Obama’s Granny…
  race war

PRELUDE TO THE APOCALYPSE: Ha ha, your editor told New York magazine how he would have a quiet vacation after the election, “far from any possible action” in Santa Barbara, and right now there’s a flag-waving fatigues-clad lunatic with a gun holding the entire 101 freeway hostage, in Santa Barbara. Jesus fucking christ. [KNX via Nurple] Read more on …
  o rly?

Does McCain Know Something We Don’t?

Here’s your favorite unstable old man right where he wants to be, atop a pile of headlines predicting a pretty solid 6%+ Obama win in the popular vote, plus an extra thousand electoral votes. [Politics Home] Read more on Does McCain Know Something We Don’t?…
  all tomorrow's parties

Wonkette Sexy Election Parties Coast 2 Coast & Around the World

Good lord, Wonkette should just preemptively schedule a “recovery day” for Nov. 5, as none of you people will be in any shape to read words or process numbers next Wednesday. We asked for your SEXY ELECTION PARTYTIME listings, and we have a couple dozen fine offerings from Washington D.C. to Washington State, Tokyo to Tacoma, Bridgeport to Boston, Dallas to Dublin, Ottawa to Quetzaltenango, Sarasota to Seattle, Memphis to, uh, Ho Chi Minh City … plus Vegas and San Francisco and Brooklyn and MORE, MORE. Read more on Wonkette Sexy Election Parties Coast 2 Coast & Around the World…
  impending race wars

JEREMIAH WRIGHT IS THE WORST: So we’re reading this nice New York magazine piece about Barack Obama and Race and Hope before sleepy and, right near the very end, UGH: “In October, Obama’s former pastor, Wright, will publish a new book and hit the road to promote it, an occasion that might well place the topic of Obama’s blackness (along with his patriotism and his candor about what he heard in the pews in all those years at Trinity Church) squarely at the center of the national debate.” SWEET. LOOKING FORWARD TO OCTOBER. [New York] Read more on …
 

Wonkette’s Week in Review: So, That Happened

* It was a whole week of amazing 2006 Midterm Election madness, starting with a “I’ll choke your wife if you choke mine” deal between Congressmen McChokey and McSmacky. * George Allen spent about 72 hours above the pop singer Madonna, in a ranking of influential American Jews. * Completely unsurprising election day clusterfucks. * Voters realize at the last second that terrorism is scary, but still care more about having their money stolen and the troops in Iraq. * GOP pollster makes predictions — half right, half wrong, but still loses job. * We spent election night at CNN’s blog slumber party. Exciting as that sounds, all we could do was keep asking ourselves the same question over and over. * Oh yeah, those fake predictions we made, were on the money. * Other highlights from our insane all-night election coverage, including a dispatch from Jim Webb’s never ending victory party. * Of course, the party did eventually end — for George Allen … Macacaship Down! * Not 12 hours after we collapsed on our desks, Rumsfeld was out, Robert Gates was in, and the 2008 Presidential race had started. * The goodbyes are the hardest part: Godspeed George and Conrad and Mehlman. Read more on Wonkette’s Week in Review: So, That Happened…
 

Kitty’s Revenge: Bill Nelson’s Son Arrested After Victory Party

We’re getting to this important news a whole 15 hours late, due to everything and everybody going insane. This was supposed to be National Hangover Day: sleeping till noon, a soothing Mexican breakfast around 3 o’clock, TV on mute, something like Mazzy Star or Thievery Corporation or Miles Davis on the stereo, quiet reading of the morning papers. Instead, it was like having to work the day after Mardi Gras. Read more on Kitty’s Revenge: Bill Nelson’s Son Arrested After Victory Party…
 

Vaya Con Dios, My Darlings

This almost made your editors weep. Cocktober, we won’t forget. Blovember? You’re always in our hearts. Luckily, D.C. will still be packed with politicians, lobbyists and staffers. God will provide.
 

Free Republic Gives Up & Dies

With the Burns/Tester and Macaca/Webb final results a few hours or months away, we thought it was time to take a look at our favorite conservative Message Board and gauge the response. We speak of Free Republic, of course. This particular editor has been a Freeper Fan for 10 years and even attended some of their marches at the U.S. Capitol — OK, I walked by a few of their protests, by accident. Let’s see how they’re taking the beating, after the jump. Read more on Free Republic Gives Up & Dies…
 

The Aftermath: Wonkette Editors Make Magic-Psychic Lies

At 4:21 p.m. Tuesday, we got sick of how nobody would send us leaked exit polls and made up our own. Let’s see how a make-believe “data set” stands up to the actual (?) results at 2:30 a.m. Wednesday. We said: Read more on The Aftermath: Wonkette Editors Make Magic-Psychic Lies…
 

Nevada: Land Of Scum

These Nevada results are almost astonishing, or they’re cooked. Even though the vast majority of the state’s population lives in urban Dem Las Vegas, Jim Gibbons and John Ensign seem to be holding solid leads. Read more on Nevada: Land Of Scum…