election day
There’s no better salve for the empty feeling you get after casting your ballot than the gooey greasy salt-fat blob of a delicious anus burger sliding down your throat to rest in your gut alongside the “beef tallow” sodium stick fries and 72 ounces of corn syrup you just consumed as an appetizer. You might [...]
For the fifth time since October, an innocent military facility in Virginia has been savagely shot by some armed weirdo. The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling. And this time, the victim was a Coast Guard recruiting office in Woodbridge, Va. The same gunman probably shot [...]
The Democrats will “win” today, because of cellphones: A lot of American adults (now about one-quarter of them) have ditched landlines and rely exclusively on mobile phones, and a lot of pollsters don’t call mobile phones. Cellphone-only voters tend to be younger, more urban, and less white — all Democratic demographics — and a study [...]
Hooray, it’s Election Day! America finally gets to vote out the Democrats, even though voters have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than of Republicans. (Wait, what?) Erick Erickson is already gloating and offering to help you with your resume, because tomorrow John Boehner is going to fire everyone. (Unless you roll cigarettes/work at the [...]
Today, most of America’s children are happily sedated from an all-night candy binge conditioning exercise. They are taking their giant pillowcases of winnings to school and bragging about who scored more free Snickers bars, because that is the meaning of Freedom. But this is not the case for the children who were subjected to a [...]
Every election day since 2006, we’ve asked Wonkette Operatives across the nation to send sexy camera-phone pictures of Polling Place hijinx. But this year, we’ll only ask those living in the “voting rights” dirty dozen states with elections today. The question for 2010 is this: Will Nevada’s cruel anti-choice ban on Chicken Costumes at the [...]
Yesterday happened! Recall its winners: Bloomberg, Owens, Christie, various Others. [New York Times] It was also yesterday in Virgina too, where Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds and is therefore the state’s new governor. [Washington Post] The state of Maine poured rock salt on gay marriage and voted to up the medical marijuana usage. [WSJ] Today [...]
Michael Steele has something to ask all of you in “the Internet Land” (the bathroom): let’s get our win on, baby? “Donate your face… to the campaigns,” he adds, as Bob McDonnell and his evil children plot to destroy him from behind. [Rumproast]
Happy Election Day! Today Chris Christie could lose more than just weight, though really, he could lose some weight. [New York Times] Political capital, political capital Obama Corzine political politics-word capital. [AP] The North Korean Army has taken control of the economy, the country’s food supply, their natural resources, etc. [Washington Post] President of Irony [...]
It’s pretty exciting to vote, right? Remember how cool you felt in November, voting for the black dude? Remember how fun it was, voting against goddamned Sarah Palin and Walnuts? And just cold goin’ down the ballot and voting against anybody with an “R” after their name? Fun times. You can relive the excitement today [...]
Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy fartbag Mitch McConnell is losing a bit, right now, in Kentucky. Vermont has gone for what’s [...]
Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. [...]
