Tag: election day

Donald Trump’s Family: Bad At Voting, Bad At America

Voting like an American who loves America is tough, y'all!

This Election Tried To Kill Us, But We Are Not Dead We Don’t Think

We are still standing, and Hillary is standing, and now it's time to WIN A DAMN ELECTION.

FBI STILL Can’t Find Hillary’s Evil Emails. Your Wonkagenda, Monday, November 7, 2016.

James Comey's nothing burgers, Trump's lost his cellphone, and a D.C. pizza bar has secret Satanic sex door. Your Morning News Brief!

Ted Cruz Finally Sells Out. Your Wonkagenda: November 4, 2016

Trump scares U.S. intel, Obama fixed the economy, and the Old Grey Lady will do anything for money. Your Morning News Brief!

The Humble Hannity? Your Wonkagenda, November 2, 2016

Donald Trump's pervy sex novel, Bernie Sanders burns big pharma, and a Texas A.G. learns all about Twitter. Your Morning News Brief!

Donald Trump Believes In Integrity Of American Elections Won By Donald Trump

Donald Trump will be happy to accept the outcome of the election, if he wins!
Best friends.

Donald Trump Says It’s Cool If You Die On November 9

He only means for old white Trump supporters, though. Others are free to die whenever they want.

America Might Not Have Embarrassing Clown Louie Gohmert To Kick Around Any More

Presidential candidates aren't the only thing Texas is going to play Hold 'Em with on Super Tuesday, as there is also GOHMERS! Texas Congresscritter Louis Bumblescrunch Gohmert IV (R-Some Shithole) is under attack in his own backyard! No, not from...
Even he thinks they suck

Ronald Reagan Hates That Canadian Bastard Ted Cruz

Pointing out that Canadian-born Canadian Ted Cruz is a Canadian, from Canada, is all the rage these days. You got Donald Trump warning that Democrats will probably have him deported; Carly Fiorina concern-trolling Cruz's relatively recent pledge of allegiance to...
Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay

True Americans Suing All Foreign Anchor Babies So They Don’t Steal The Presidency

It's happening! After a solid week of Donald Trump suggesting, with all the subtlety of a hydraulic jackhammer, that it sure would be a shame if someone (anyone, please!) were to sue Canadian-born Ted Cruz, some crazy old coot in...
Hi, I'm Wonkette Baby. I'm just hangin' out below the donations paragraph, LIKE I DO.

Griftin’ Duggars, Teabaggin’ A-Holes And Ted Cruz. Your Weekly Top Ten

Hey Wonkerinos, it's Sunday where we live! Is it Sunday were you live, or do you live in space or something? Don't care, if you are reading this, it's Sunday, which means it's time for us to sexxxily count...
SHE PISSED.

Lesbian Superhero Houston Mayor Wants Gay Rights Ordinance Back Right Now, Dammit

Tuesday night, Houston took one giant leap backward for humankind, as the Jenny Jerkoffs who showed up to vote decided to listen to lying religious right mofos instead of their own good sense, and effectively killed the Houston Equal...

Pissed Off God Levels Toledo For Failing To Elect Prophetess Opal Covey Mayor

Hey, Toledo, whatcha doin? Not smoking legal pot? WE HEARD. And we also heard you had "reasons" for not legalizing it. Whatever, you do you, with your "principles." But we aren't even having this conversation right now, Toledo, because...
Father Forgive them, for they are dumb as fuck like whoa.

Houston Votes Yucky Gay Homosexicans Off Island

Oh dear God, Houston voters, what fucking century did you meth-travel to before you voted Tuesday? Because if we are reading the results correctly (and we are, duh), you went to the polls and said, "Gays? Fuck 'em." You voted...
Thanks but no thanks

Ohio Squares Do Not Wish To Join Your Reefer Madness, America

Ohioans heeded the historically ineffective Just Say No advice of their Republican governor -- and, huh, one-time pot dealer to the Ronald Reagan campaign staff of '76, allegedly — John “Not Gonna Be President” Kasich, and voted against legalization...