Tag Archives: election day

  Whatcha watchin'?

Election Day Fun: Researchers Reveal Democrats And Republicans’ Most Favoritest TV Shows

It’s Election Day! Are you a Democrat? Great, go vote and then enjoy a nice episode of Modern Family or Community! Are you a Republican? Pshaw, your side already has this election in the bag, so just stay home and enjoy a nice NCIS or Blue Bloods marathon. Read more on Election Day Fun: Researchers Reveal Democrats And Republicans’ Most Favoritest TV Shows…
  Jesus Built My Interstate Commerce Clause

Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights

I think this painting is about a high school football player who's just died of head injuries
On this Election Day, Michael Peroutka — theocrat, neo-confederate, and Republican candidate for county council in Ann Arundel County in Maryland who has also flirted with the Constitution Party because CONSTITUTION — would just like to remind you of the Reason for Election Season: It’s Jesus! Read more on Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights…
  Election Day clipbait

Jon Stewart: Welcome To ‘Democalypse 2014: Come On Republicans, Just Go Ahead And Take Over Already’

On the eve of Election Day, The Daily Show previews what Tuesday will probably look like and then reviews the ever-so-rational arguments of the Republican Party: If you’re looking for rational argument about how best to govern, you have to turn to the Republicans. Our nation’s true statesmen. Read more on Jon Stewart: Welcome To ‘Democalypse 2014: Come On Republicans, Just Go Ahead And Take Over Already’…
  and you go downtown

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles’s Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even coming to? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal…
  messed around and got a triple double

Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs

We don’t want to get into any ugly stereotyping, but one of our major-party candidates for president is working very hard today, voting this morning and then flying to other states, while the other one is just chilling on the South Side of Chicago and playing some hoops with his so-called “home boys.” Do we really need four more years of a president who’s cool and collected? Or do we want someone who votes at the last minute when he could’ve done it weeks ago and then dashes off to states he can’t win just to look like he’s not wasting his donors’ money? Read more on Obama’s Hip-Hop Election Day Basketball Game Fails To Create Jobs…
  it takes a nation of millions to completely ignore this

New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable

In a super-exclusive (read: he was the only person who would talk to them) interview with World Net Daily’s Aaron Klein, New Black Panther Party head Malik Shabazz (real name: Paris Lewis) threatens to once again dominate the white man at up to one polling place in November. During an interview on WABC Radio’s “Aaron Klein Investigative Radio,” Shabaz was asked whether his group is planning to go to U.S. polling stations in the upcoming presidential election. Shabazz replied: “I will say that as this election comes up in November, we will consider our options. And we will consider the fact whether we will legally and lawfully go to the polls again to make sure there is no intimidation against our people, which was our intent in 2008.” Mr. Shabazz, it is time for us to have a talk, because you are goddamn delusional. Read more on New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable…
  taitz or gtfo

Newfangled California ‘Top Two’ Balloting Will Let All Good Democrats Vote For Orly Taitz Today (UPDATED!)

Hello, California! The voters, in their infinite wisdom, have done another fun thing to your precious California ballot, and that is that you can now vote for your favorite two people in any primary election, starting today! Apparently Rolling Stone thinks this means that Dems will vote for moderate Republicans instead of the rabid folk who currently win Republican primaries, and that this will break the black-helicopter folks’ iron grip on their nominations. This is because Rolling Stone is HILARIOUS. No, what it really means is that sly, sneaky California Democrats can ensure that the GOP’s standardbearer for US Senate will be everyone’s favorite dentist/real estate agent/lawyer/Martian one Ms. Orly Taitz! You have your orders. Now go ACORN that shit! UPDATE! Your editrix has no idea how this fucking thing works! Read more on Newfangled California ‘Top Two’ Balloting Will Let All Good Democrats Vote For Orly Taitz Today (UPDATED!)…
  vote early and eat often

Drop Off Your Ballot and Pick Up a Delicious American Anus Burger

There’s no better salve for the empty feeling you get after casting your ballot than the gooey greasy salt-fat blob of a delicious anus burger sliding down your throat to rest in your gut alongside the “beef tallow” sodium stick fries and 72 ounces of corn syrup you just consumed as an appetizer. You might not be able to “change Washington” or whatever, but you can spend your change at the McDonaldland! Thanks to “David F.J.” for the terrible map screenshot. Read more on Drop Off Your Ballot and Pick Up a Delicious American Anus Burger…
  nation of guns

Virginia Military Buildings Shot At, Again

For the fifth time since October, an innocent military facility in Virginia has been savagely shot by some armed weirdo. The shooter is probably a former Marine and current nutcase, according to FBI agent Clarice Starling. And this time, the victim was a Coast Guard recruiting office in Woodbridge, Va. The same gunman probably shot at the Pentagon’s exterior walls and some Marines museum and a couple of other military buildings in Northern Virginia. But is the American Military really the target? Read more on Virginia Military Buildings Shot At, Again…
  there's always hope!

Nate Silver Says Democrats Might Not Lose 1,000 Seats

The Democrats will “win” today, because of cellphones: A lot of American adults (now about one-quarter of them) have ditched landlines and rely exclusively on mobile phones, and a lot of pollsters don’t call mobile phones. Cellphone-only voters tend to be younger, more urban, and less white — all Democratic demographics — and a study by Pew Research suggests that the failure to include them might bias the polls by about 4 points against Democrats, even after demographic weighting is applied. Read more on Nate Silver Says Democrats Might Not Lose 1,000 Seats…
  it's morning in america

It’s Election Day! Never Forget

Hooray, it’s Election Day! America finally gets to vote out the Democrats, even though voters have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than of Republicans. (Wait, what?) Erick Erickson is already gloating and offering to help you with your resume, because tomorrow John Boehner is going to fire everyone. (Unless you roll cigarettes/work at the orange spray paint factory. Your job is safe and sound. Actually, you get a raise.) Meanwhile, Tea Baggers all over America are already moshing hard, so if you can you should go party/wave Made in China flags with them. Anyway, you should also probably go vote? Share your traumatic voter fraud stories in the comments and/or send hawt polling station pix to tips at wonkette dot com! [NYT/WaPo/Go Vote] Read more on It’s Election Day! Never Forget… Read more on It’s Election Day! Never Forget…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Devises Evil Plan to Save Election, Through Exercise

Today, most of America’s children are happily sedated from an all-night candy binge conditioning exercise. They are taking their giant pillowcases of winnings to school and bragging about who scored more free Snickers bars, because that is the meaning of Freedom. But this is not the case for the children who were subjected to a fruity Halloween at the world’s most terrifying haunted house — a big, white mansion inhabited by a socialist Kenyan, his power-hungry wife, and their vicious zombie watchdog, Bo Obama. The Halloween catastrophe gave Michelle a brilliant idea, and now our FLOTUS is spending the next 24 hours weeding out the nation’s fatties, so they can’t make it to the polls. Read more on FLOTUS Devises Evil Plan to Save Election, Through Exercise…
  vote early and often

ELECTION DAY FEVER: Send Wonkette Your Polling Place Pix

Every election day since 2006, we’ve asked Wonkette Operatives across the nation to send sexy camera-phone pictures of Polling Place hijinx. But this year, we’ll only ask those living in the “voting rights” dirty dozen states with elections today. The question for 2010 is this: Will Nevada’s cruel anti-choice ban on Chicken Costumes at the polls reduce all comedy potential for funny pictures? Find out! Snap some pictures of weirdness and send ’em to tips at wonkette. And please, for America’s sake, only send pictures with some possible comedy value. We love the “Here’s the empty school cafeteria where I vote” photos for the heartwarming evidence they provide that people actually vote, but there’s not much fun for the Wonkette Reader, if we posted such things. THANK YOU, The Management. Read more on ELECTION DAY FEVER: Send Wonkette Your Polling Place Pix…
  real men care about 'political capital'

Reporters Must Know How Two State Races Affect Obama’s Politics!

Here is a clip from today’s White House press briefing, in which the hairiest man alive grills Robert Gibbs: what do you think your perception of the perception of the political perception of current political politics will be if political things happen for Democrats or Republicans in the political governors’ races in Virginia and New Jersey? Will Obama ultimately win or lose today in the politicals of political off-year politics but then something something 2010 win lose draw? Is Obama’s a failed presidency because of stuff? [YouTube] Read more on Reporters Must Know How Two State Races Affect Obama’s Politics!…
  moo moo baby

It’s Michael Steele’s GOTV Video Hooray

Michael Steele has something to ask all of you in “the Internet Land” (the bathroom): let’s get our win on, baby? “Donate your face… to the campaigns,” he adds, as Bob McDonnell and his evil children plot to destroy him from behind. [Rumproast] Read more on It’s Michael Steele’s GOTV Video Hooray…
  daily briefing

Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All*! (*Re: Some)

Happy Election Day! Today Chris Christie could lose more than just weight, though really, he could lose some weight. [New York Times] Political capital, political capital Obama Corzine political politics-word capital. [AP] Read more on Election Day For Some Means No-Work-Day For All*! (*Re: Some)…
  wonkette's voting guide

Exciting Election Today In California About …. ?

It’s pretty exciting to vote, right? Remember how cool you felt in November, voting for the black dude? Remember how fun it was, voting against goddamned Sarah Palin and Walnuts? And just cold goin’ down the ballot and voting against anybody with an “R” after their name? Fun times. You can relive the excitement today in California, if you live there and do the voting thing — and if you read Wonkette, there’s a one-in-three chance you do live and vote in California. Who knew? Read more on Exciting Election Today In California About …. ?…
  half-muslin landslides

Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?

Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see “no path to victory,” considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in a bikini while he savagely beats her, like a pinata. This is the “Arizona Way,” after all. Read more on Oh Hey, Is It Cool If We Liveblog HISTORY?…
  night of long knives

Buh-Bye Liddy Dole, Hello Western States

Your Barack Obama is leading by either 103 or 174 electoral votes, depending on whether you’re looking at our AP map or the CNN. Your kindly grandpa McCain has 49 electoral votes right now, says CNN, and McCain is at 34. There are new Democratic senators all over the place — New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina — and this is turning into one weird night. Read more on Buh-Bye Liddy Dole, Hello Western States…
  liveblogging election night

Oh Holy Election Night, Here We Go!

Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy fartbag Mitch McConnell is losing a bit, right now, in Kentucky. Vermont has gone for what’s his name, the King of Man, the Socialist-Terrorist. Read more on Oh Holy Election Night, Here We Go!…
  always in motion is the future

More Heartwarming Voting Tales From America

Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. (ALSO: What is wrong with McCain’s website??!) Read more on More Heartwarming Voting Tales From America…