Tag: election 2012

Donald Trump built a fence around the other candidates, and it was luxurious.

Donald Trump Fires Macy’s For Letting Mexican Rapists Into America

Trumpendammerung 2015 continues today, as Macy's becomes the latest of the Great White Shart's branding associates to say "Adios, puto!" After Trump's assertion that Mexico is "sending" a whole bunch of rapists and murderers and, he assumes, "some good...

Roger Ailes Did Not Spend All That Money On A Glass Desk To Not Be Able To See Your Snatch

Roger Ailes, that jowly old leftover from the Cantina scene in Star Wars, turns out to be exactly the sort of high-minded gentleman that you might expect, assuming his mind is located a few inches south of his belt...

After Trump’s Top-Secret GOP Convention Video Surfaces On Breitbart, A Stunned Nation Demands Romney Take Office

So here is the "big surprise" that America missed because the first night of the 2012 Republican National Convention got hurricaned out. Of course, it ceased to be much of a "surprise" the second Trump announced he'd be doing something...

Your Smile-Time Schadenfreude Headline Of The Day: Michele Bachmann Is ‘Very Proud’ That She ‘Didn’t Get Anything Wrong’ in GOP Primary Debates

Yes, she really said that. As CityPages' Aaron Rupar reports, the woman who the AP gave up on fact-checking because she "was so full of shit, the AP would've needed round-the-clock staff to check all the claims she made"...

Romney Advisor Wants Free Gay Abortions For Everyone!

Oh, golly, this is exciting! Some guy named Dave Kochel, one of Mitt Romney's 2012 campaign advisors, said on an Iowa TV politics show, "frankly, the culture wars are kind of over and Republicans largely lost." Whoohoo! Performance art...

Michele Bachmann Campaign Aides Fighting Over Who Was Slimiest Slime Ever

Today we have another entry in that timeless political genre, the Disputed Insider Account of a Failed Presidential Campaign. This time around, the dish involves the implosion of Michele Bachmann's highly amusing 2011-2012 campaign (for PRESIDENT!), which one former...

2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian

We will confess it, Wonkers, Yr. Doktor Zoom is only doing this post in the hopes that he too may join the elect group of Wonkette writers who have managed to piss off diapered homunculus Donald Trump enough that...

Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective

It has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when...

Mitt Romney Didn’t Want To Be President Anyway, You Jerks

Whatever, being president is dumb. Who would want that anyway? I'm glad I didn't get to be president. I'm going home. And give me my basketball back! These are the thoughts of one Willard Romney, per his son of equally...

How Long Before Fox News Ambush Guy Who Donated To Obama Hits Unemployment Line?

Jesse Watters, the Fox News correspondent who made a name for himself as Bill O'Reilly's ambush interview guy, has some 'splaining to do. Politico's Dylan Byers reports that a Federal Elections Commission filing shows Watters donated $500 to the...

Jan Brewer Is Your New Mark Sanford Of Unexplained Weird (Sex?) Trips

Lady Governess Janice Brewer of Arizona has left her state on "official business." Well, let's be fair: Grand Dame Brewer has left her state for completely unexplained reasons, during which she failed to certify election results, and will be...

Bill O’Reilly Is Very Peeved That People Found His Racist Rant Racist

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com So, Mr. O'Reilly here is really cheesed at You People for calling him a racist. All he did was point out that Barack Obama was reelected by a bunch of poor nonwhite people who...

Allen West Insists It’s Not Over, While Singing Fat Lady Tramples All Over Him (With Votes)

At long last, we just might maybe have a possibly-final result for the race for Florida's 18th U.S. Congressional District. We think. As you may be aware, Florida does not have the most competent election system in the Union,...

Charlotte Allen’s Startling Insight: Lots Of Voters Are Idiots, So Sarah Palin 2016

Charlotte Allen, the Independent Women's Forum writer who's mostly known for a notorious 2008 column about how silly women just couldn't help voting for Barry Obama because women are just such dumbbunnies, has "a suggestion for cutting short...

Panty Prosecutor Wins, Evolution-Dumper Loses: Your Lesser Candidate Wrap-Up!

It occurred to us that we have not followed up on some very important electoral news: Namely, the fate of several candidates who nobody had ever heard of until they briefly shone in the "weird news" column, and then...

Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something

Check your betting slips, kids! Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for "first defeated douchecanoe to announce they're running again"? The deadbeat dad and shouty pantsload won the honor of leading off our...