Wonkette

“WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation’s first female president.”

But! MORE »

Katie Couric, having delivered the losingest ratings ever for two proud years at CBS Evening News, may leave after President McCain’s inauguration early next year. This would be far ahead of her scheduled departure date in 2011, but not a moment too soon for many aggrieved Bob Schieffer fans. [WSJ]

A newly released New York Times/CBS News poll suggests the nation’s males are no longer totally hot for Barack Obama. Their support has turtled back into a flaccid husk following revelations that the heartthrob candidate sucks at bowling and has an angry black pastor. MORE »

Today the wizened paratrooper and former president George H.W. Bush endorsed John McCain, the Grandfather of Modern Vietnam, in his bid to be President and Grandfather of All America. Poppy Bush stood in a hangar at the glamorous Houston Hobby Airport this morning and croaked out a few words of support for the man whom his son brought to memorably humiliating defeat in the 2000 contest for the Republican presidential nomination. MORE »

The McCain campaign’s two biggest priorities right now are finding a running mate and fundraising. According to reports, one issue “is being treated with considerably more urgency.” If you guessed that priority #1 was finding a successor to a candidate who, on Inauguration Day, will be just three years shy of average life expectancy, guess again! McCain is more worried about money, duh. [CNN]

He might talk about “labor rights” and “protecting the weakest among us,” but at the end of the day, presidential hopeful Barack Obama is just another double-talking fat cat. His ambition is so monstrous that now he’s turned out The Children to craft charming tee shirts in support of his cause. For shame, Mr. Obama. For shame. [Cafe Press: Kids Love Obama]

Last night, America elected its first co-presidents of Washington DC, Maryland, and Virginia: a charismatic young senator, and some sort of midget goblin. [Washington Post]

The only thing more painful than Andrea Mitchell’s joke about “white men can jump” is the guy in the background helpfully explaining, “Woody Harrelson reference there.”

Poor Michelle Obama. Not only does she have to put up with stadiums full of women moaning ecstatically every time her husband opens his mouth, now she also has to worry about Chris Matthews and the “feeling he gets up his legs.” Brian Williams points this out, probably out of jealousy because he has no feelings.

Here is some awesome footage of Suzanne Malveaux telling viewers that the Clinton campaign was already congratulating Obama on his big win in the Potomac Primaries … two minutes before the first polls closed in Virginia and two and half hours before polls closed in Maryland. Hillary probably could’ve won the whole thing if Malveaux had just KEPT HER MOUTH SHUT.

Even though she lost every primary, caucus, and bake-off in the continental United States (and the Virgin Islands!) this weekend, Hillary Clinton has this whole Presidential nomination thing in the bag. Her secret weapon: brave political leader and sometime animated cat dancer Paula Abdul, who effectively gives Clinton the nod in the LA Times. MORE »

History tells us the careful selection of a vice president has always been a make-or-break element of presidential campaigns. Who can forget George H.W. Bush tapping an illiterate youngster to be a heartbeat away from the presidency, Bill Clinton’s daring twinsies routine with fellow Southerner Al Gore, or William Howard Taft’s bold partnership with a stuffed ferret in the historic election of 1908? Now, as the nation stands poised to elect its first 110-year-old president, who will be John McCain’s running mate? (Belated thanks to reader Sanduo for the picture.) MORE »

George W. Bush is still president? I thought we had six presidents, mostly in Florida now, who will slowly whittle down to one: the most Changing candidate. Is Bush still doing things, laws and lies and such, and we don’t know because we’ve been watching the 2008 crowd? Did he mention a War on Syria in that speech, a surprise war, that’s somehow three, four weeks old, and we have no shred of a clue? I didn’t watch the State of the Union, but I bet it was… that.

Here’s the governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius, giving the Democrat response. MORE »