Wonkette

In what world could the partnership of Orrin Hatch, Joe Lieberman, and Tom Davis becalled “bipartisan”? When Eleanor Holmes Norton is getting cozy with them, obv, so she can finally have a real-life “vote” in that crazy House of Representatives. As this is a deal with the devils, it means fucking Utah gets one more representative. Because poor and black people may only be allowed equal rights if white nutjobs in the hinterlands get a little something in return for their troubles. Oh, these four all “wrote” an op-ed today, that’s why we’re talking about it. Fun Facts we learned about DC voting rights, after the jump. MORE »

This week, Chris Matthews, Eleanor Holmes Norton, Cecilia Sarkozy, Nicole Richie, and Markos Moulitsas were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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* The day after sitting through his more boring State of the Union address yet, the Senate punished Bush by approving a nonbinding resolution claiming that the President’s planned troop increase is “against the national interest.” That’ll learn him. [WP]
* California, Florida, Illinois and New Jersey are going to fundamentally change/ruin the way we nominate presidential candidates by moving their primaries up to February ‘08. As usual, it’s worrying for Democracy, Kucinich supporters. [NYT]
* Libby trial: Ex-Associate Deputy Director of the CIA Robert Grenier claimed to have told Scooter Libby all about Joe Wilson and maybe his wife a month before Libby says he learned the wife’s name from Tim Russert. Meanwhile, Libby asserts that he’s a scapegoat, sacrificed by a White House looking to protect Karl Rove. [NYT, WP]
* Everyone in congress is very, very old. [Politico]
* Black democrats love Clinton, Edwards, wary of Barry Hussein Obama. [WP]
* GOOD NEWS DC: As of yesterday, D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton has the right to vote on amendments to bills on the House floor! A huge step forward, even though she already had this right a couple years ago until the Republicans took it away. [WP]
* On CNN’s The Situation Room, Dick Cheney shot rays of pure hatred from his cold, beady eyes. Rays were directed at Wolf Blitzer, Democrats. [WP]

We were going to write a scathing intro about the importance of Wonk’d and our deep sadness at the paltry sightings we’ve been getting lately, until someone sent a nice juicy George Bush tip this morning. So there’s that, plus a haggard Ken Mehlman, an indiscreet Harriet Miers, a myopic (in more ways than one) Tom Friedman, Mr. Mayor-for-Life, and your favorite “member” of Congress, below the fold.

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Here’s Washington DC’s Make Believe Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton getting tested for AIDS yesterday. A “mobile health bus” has parked itself behind Rayburn and is inviting all members to go in and get tested themselves. We’re pretty sure Congress already has a nurse’s office, by the way. It’s where Denny Hastert goes for his lie-downs when he gets winded from standing up too fast.

Washington people just never quit working. Bill Kristol rises early to have breakfast with congressmen, Michael Chertoff spends Friday nights securing the homeland’s movie theaters, and Valerie Plame reads political non-fiction on street corners cause she can’t get enough. And kindly father Alito (at right — ain’t he loveable?) spends his weekends carting his daughter’s luggage all over 37th street. This plus philandering soccer players, jaywalking TV gangsters, and mustachioed wrestlers, after the jump!

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Above, a search query (”how to find a chick to fuck if i am married”), from a US House of Representatives computer, that led to racy-ish group blog girlspoke. Congress is on recess, alas, which makes it either a staffer (unlikely: numerous trend pieces in print and on television suggest that they are constantly surrounded by scantily-clad interns) or, someone without a district to go home to. That’s right: Eleanor Holmes Norton. MORE »

• Brandishing his firm grip on obvious pointlessness, the Post’s Philip Rucker tries to out-do Laura Sessions Stepp - he scores well, but the use of interns for quotes lowers the difficulty rating a tenth of a point. [WaPo]

• Metrosexual envelope-pusher Peter McBride is the biggest douchebag in DC, which puts him high in the running for biggest douche world-wide. [Newsweek via Beauty and the Beltway]
• Vladimir Ilyich giggles in his mausoleum as the US government single handedly keeps Office Movers in business through soviet style moronic inefficiency. [Jaded In DC]
• Tucker Carlson wants you to know he is really light in his loafers. [Blah Blah Blog]
• The Chinatown bus is great for so many reasons, being able to get naked and piss yourself in front of the entire bus is just one on the long list. [Pop Pop Bang]
• Norton vs. Colbert II: The Booze Hounds - live on pay per view! [Winesmith]

• Heard on the Hill: Katherine Harris’ own car does not have a Harris for Senate bumper sticker. Possibly due to last month’s hilarious shoe-related car accident. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: House Majority Leader John Boehner needs a haircut. He is still quite tan. Senator Chuck Schumer pulled a hamstring. [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: D.C.’s congressional delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton insists she got the joke when she appeared on The Colbert Report. [WP]

• Non-voting congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton stubbornly refutes Stephen Colbert’s claim that DC is not in the United States. Even though his mind is made up, she continues trying to confuse him with facts.

• We suspected there might have been some photoshop foul play, but it turned out Katherine Harris just wasn’t in the front of the picture. First time for everything.
• Montana Senator Conrad Burns boldly ignores post-9/11 decorum and balls out a team of firefighters. Burns’s own performance review to be completed in November.
• No surprises here, the worst campaign in America, is run by exactly who you think it is.
• Ann Coulter (pot) calls Bill Clinton (kettle) gay (black).
• Eliot Spitzer loves the wacky-backy as much as you do.
• If any OMB fraud auditors mess with Elaine L. Chao, they’ll end up with a government contracting officer’s severed head beneath their sheets.
• Dana Milbank sets the chattering class a chattering with a mystery quote from a republican candidate. But, as we all know nothing in DC stays a secret very long.

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