Tag Archives: edumacation

  teach your children nothing

Terrified Parents Will Protect Precious Children From Terrorism, ‘Common Core,’ By Keeping Them As Stupid As Possible

Today is “National Don’t Send Your Child To School Day,” a brilliant idea from a website that is terrified that the Common Core educational standards will lead to socialism, one-world government, tyranny, “Obama Math” and god knows what else, probably Sharia law too.* Among other worries, some parents fear that since Common Core seeks to normalize educational standards among the 45 participating states, this is somehow a “federal takeover” of education — in reality, the Department of Education supports the initiative, but has no power to mandate it… YET. Basically, opposition to Common Core runs from the serious (too much standardization) to the ridiculous (Obama’s gonna make our kids illiterate communists!), with what seems to be a lot of paranoid ranting driving a lot of it. Like “UN Agenda 21″ it’s becoming sort of a rightwing shibboleth, something that must be opposed because godfearing Americans must fight the grab-bag of threats it poses to everything we hold dear. So anyway, today is the day to tell the schools that you’re not going to go along with Common Core, by keeping your kids home and showing them 10th Amendment flashcards or something, until they get bored and wander off to play video games. Read more on Terrified Parents Will Protect Precious Children From Terrorism, ‘Common Core,’ By Keeping Them As Stupid As Possible…
  the donors were not there

Nice Time! Christian School That Gave Creationist Quiz Is Mercifully Euthanized

You might remember this little biology quiz that made the rounds of the interwebs earlier this year; we used it back in April with a Sundays With The Christianists post on a Christian biology textbook. As we mentioned at the time, the quiz is really real, and it originated from a private Christian school in South Carolina, Blue Ridge Christian Academy, which was using a DVD from creationist entrepreneur Ken Ham, the cheerful liar behind Kentucky’s “Creation Museum” and “Ark Encounter.” And now, here’s your Nice Time: Due to insufficient fundraising, Blue Ridge Christian Academy will not be opening for the current school year. The publicity surrounding the quiz helped them raise some money, but God did not inspire enough donors to raise the $200,000 they needed. Read more on Nice Time! Christian School That Gave Creationist Quiz Is Mercifully Euthanized…
  trumpthumping

Donald Trump’s ‘University’ Kind Of Scammy, Believe It Or Not

To the shock and surprise of absolutely nobody, Donald Trump’s “Trump University” has been sued by the New York State attorney general’s office for illegal business practices. The suit seeks $40 million in restitution and accuses Trump and his staff of running an unlicensed educational institution and making false claims about its course offerings. “Trump University” a fraud? The deuce you say! You will be perfectly astonished to learn that Trump responded with a petulant hissy fit, accusing Attorney General Eric Schneiderman of going after him because Trump had refused to give him a campaign contribution. We’re not quite sure what to make of Trump’s additional claim that Scheiderman had been trying to steal the strawberries from his icebox. Read more on Donald Trump’s ‘University’ Kind Of Scammy, Believe It Or Not…
  is our children learning?

Indiana Officials Help Republican Donor’s Charter School Get A++ In Grade Inflation

Those of you Wonketeers who work at or have attended a “poorly performing” public school surely know that one does not have to suffer the consequences of poor performance — consequences that include replacing the principal, laying off teachers, losing tax revenue, or closing the school entirely. No, one does not have to suffer the indignity of these consequences; one simply gets on the horn to the state official responsible for overseeing education and asks him to overhaul the entire grading system so that the school’s grade will be a positive one, and being a good sport, the state official will immediately agree, saving everyone a lot of time and trouble. Except ha ha, this is only true if you happen to work for or attend a poorly performing charter school that is run by a prominent political donor to the GOP. From the Miami Herald: Former Indiana and current Florida schools chief Tony Bennett built his national star by promising to hold “failing” schools accountable. But when it appeared an Indianapolis charter school run by a prominent Republican donor [Christel DeHaan] might receive a poor grade, Bennett’s education team frantically overhauled his signature “A-F” school grading system to improve the school’s mark. Read more on Indiana Officials Help Republican Donor’s Charter School Get A++ In Grade Inflation…
  Because Utah

Let’s Not Educate Our Kids Anymore, Suggests Genius Utah Senator

As we are sure you know, those laboratories of democracy have been very busy lately forcing women to have children against their will. But one Republican state senator from Utah is quite a multi-tasker! Because he has also found time to call for an end to mandatory education, looking to the Victorian era of Dickensian workhouses as a model for the state to pattern itself after: A Republican state senator in Utah is calling for the end of mandatory education in the state. State Sen. Aaron Osmond (R-South Jordan) wrote on the state Senate blogFriday that mandatory education in the state has forced teachers and schools to take on parenting responsibilities. Prior to the mandate taking effect in 1890, he wrote, education was “an opportunity” and parents were more engaged. Read more on Let’s Not Educate Our Kids Anymore, Suggests Genius Utah Senator…
  ebony and irony

Texas Teacher Explains She’s Far Too Racist To Have Molested That Black Seven Year Old

A former teacher at a Texas charter school is defending against charges that she fondled a seven year old girl by claiming that, as a diehard racist, she does not like touching negroidal persons, and so she couldn’t possibly have done the awful thing she’s accused of doing. As excuses go, it’s no “I forgot,” but at least it’s novel. Read more on Texas Teacher Explains She’s Far Too Racist To Have Molested That Black Seven Year Old…
  blessed are the dumb as fuck

Pat Robertson Celebrates The Beautiful Miracle Of Not Knowing Stuff

You may have wondered, as did a caller to Pat Robertson’s 700 Club teevee show yesterday, why God just doesn’t seem to fling miracles at people in U.S. America the way He did in biblical times, or even the way He reputedly does in the Third World today. Robertson explained, with that smile of his that makes any sane person hide their wallet, that God just doesn’t bless fancy-pants smart people with their fancy book-larnin’ and such. Read more on Pat Robertson Celebrates The Beautiful Miracle Of Not Knowing Stuff…
  Save the males

Glenn Reynolds Will Rescue The Lost Boys From The Tyranny Of MILF Island

Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, who splits his time between peddling survival equipment on his blog and stroking what can in no way be interpreted as a giant black phallus, is also a rather notable country lawyer with access to the USA Today. So what did Reynolds choose to publish this week in America’s preferred paper for cleaning up vomit in a hotel room? Was it another in-depth episode of “Glenn Reynolds: Body Language Detective?” No, instead, readers were treated to another episode in Glenn’s never ending series of “bitches be ruining everything” in the hopes that Glenn can finally avenge his loss to a girl in the 1969 election for class president of the 4th grade. Read more on Glenn Reynolds Will Rescue The Lost Boys From The Tyranny Of MILF Island…
  Dark Sarcasm In the Classroom

Hero Student Teacher Stops Racist Math Problems Dead

Oh, sure, we could be outraged and annoyed that any teacher of fourth-graders could be so clueless as to think it would be appropriate to distribute a “Slavery Word Problems Homework” worksheet to their students, because we would like to think that nobody would give nine-year-olds questions like “In a slave ship, there can be 3,799 slaves. One day, the slaves took over the ship. 1,897 are dead. How many slaves are alive?” Nine year olds, dude. But we are feeling positive and hopeful today, and so we will instead heap praise on Aziza Harding, the New York student teacher at P.S. 59 who, instead of copying and distributing the worksheet, “took it upon herself to copy a different assignment instead, writing the assigning teacher a note saying she wasn’t comfortable with the questions” and then spoke to her NYU professor, who broke the story to NY1. Because really, it’s the weekend, and isn’t it something of a relief that this story broke because Aziza Harding said something, and not because that worksheet actually went home with a bunch of kids? Read more on Hero Student Teacher Stops Racist Math Problems Dead…
  We The Livid

To Promote Freedom, Idaho Senator Wants To Require All Students To Read ‘Atlas Shrugged’

To make a point about government efficiency or something, an Idaho state senator has introduced a bill that he has no intention of actually passing. The proposal would require all Idaho high school students to read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and pass a test on it in order to graduate. The Spokane Spokesman-Review reports that state Sen. John Goedde, who chairs the Senate Education Committee, had a perfectly objective (ha-ha!) reason for wanting all high school students to read Rand: When Sen. Bob Nonini, R-Coeur d’Alene, asked Goedde why he chose that particular book, Goedde said to laughter, “That book made my son a Republican.” Read more on To Promote Freedom, Idaho Senator Wants To Require All Students To Read ‘Atlas Shrugged’…
  The Purple Prose of Texas

Wingnuts Furious: Texas Kids Design Imaginary Flags For Nonexistent Pretend Socialist Nation

Pity the poor children of Texas. Not only do they have to live in a state full of Texans, but many of them are at high risk of growing up to be Texans, too. Oh, and on top of that, they are constantly being bombarded by communist propaganda in their Texan-run schools, because apparently only communists get Texas teaching credentials. Thankfully, Texas Patriots have access to the Interwebs, and so they can expose the government schools for what they are: indoctrination factories brainwashing innocent children with the UN’s communist, pro-Muslim Agenda 21, with its FEMA Camps and bicycle paths. The latest dispatch from the culture war is a doozy, because it involves 6th graders being ordered — at Barack Obama’s behest, of course — to “design flags for a new socialist nation.” Clearly, this exercise in which children must think of a flag other than Old Glory can only be sinister. After all, this is the very same online curriculum that was previously investigated for signs of Muslim Bias! (And, OK, was found to actually be biased toward Christianity.) Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Texas Kids Design Imaginary Flags For Nonexistent Pretend Socialist Nation…
  The Beatings Will Continue

Tennessee To Poor Children: Failed Geometry? No Food for You!

A Tennessee state senator has figured out why children from poor homes aren’t doing well in school — it is because their families’ situation is not quite precarious enough! To motivate the lazy Poors to become better parents, Stacey Campfield (R-HardKnoxville) has introduced a bill that would cut Temporary Assistance to Needy Families benefits by up to 30% if children fail to make “satisfactory academic progress.” Sen. Campfield explains on his dumb blog that this will help “break the cycle of poverty.” Because as no study ever has proven, the main thing that holds parents back from providing strong academic support for their kids is that they simply haven’t faced losing a third of their already-low welfare benefits. It’s just common sense. Read more on Tennessee To Poor Children: Failed Geometry? No Food for You!…
  loyalty oafs

How Are Arizona Republicans Performing Patriot Fellatio Today? (SFW)

Hey! Want to get scared shitless today? That’s great, because Arizona still exists, and all we have to do is say, “What are they doing?” and boom things instantly get weird and awful. So… what are they doing? Well, there’s a Democrat who’s trying to make it a felony to intentionally give someone an STD, which is, well, not an insane thing to take umbrage with. How about the Republicans? Oh, they’re trying to mandate religious oaths about defending the Constitution be recited in order to graduate high school? Awesome. Nice job Arizona. We were almost not creeped out today. Read more on How Are Arizona Republicans Performing Patriot Fellatio Today? (SFW)…
  Derp In The Heart of Texas

Texas Schools Implement Carefully Crafted Law By Teaching Bible As 100% Fact

So, back in 2007, the Texas legislature passed a law mandating that all public schools in the state include instruction on “the Hebrew Scriptures” and the New Testament and their impact on literature and history. Don’t worry, supporters of the law said, we aren’t going to be teaching religious doctrine, this law is all about teaching the cultural importance of the Bible. And in fact the law was written to comply with court cases governing how the Bible can legally be taught in schools. The law states its purpose is to teach students knowledge of biblical content, characters, poetry, and narratives that are prerequisites to understanding contemporary society and culture, including literature, art, music, mores, oratory, and public policy See? All nice and secular-like! We just want kids to be able to understand the allusions in Shakespeare, supporters said. You want kids to understand Shakespeare, dontcha? Oh, and while the law included guidelines aimed at keeping the new Bible classes constitutional, the legislature didn’t allocate funds for curriculum development or for teacher training, leaving districts and teachers to make it up as they went along. Which may be why the Texas Freedom Network published a report last week finding that many Texas schools’ Bible classes are teaching that the Bible is literally true, that the Earth is 6000 years old, and that the Rapture is imminent. Oops. Read more on Texas Schools Implement Carefully Crafted Law By Teaching Bible As 100% Fact…
  We Can Beat Them Forever And Ever

Here’s A Surprise: School Vouchers Help Spread Creationism

Just in case anyone was worried that American schools were sinking into a morass of Creationism and Stupid (ah, but we repeat ourselves), the bad news is, well, they kind of are. But the good news is that there are some pretty awesome young people who refuse to sit back and let it happen, like hero Rhode Island teen Jessica Ahlquist, who successfully sued her Rhode Island high school to get a an official “school prayer” banner removed from the gym last year. Or how about today’s hero, 19 year old Zack Kopplin, a Louisiana student who has been fighting since 2008 to repeal the “Louisiana Science Education Act,” which did for science education what Dubya’s “Clear Skies Initiative” did for clear skies. The law allowed teachers to “bring in their own supplemental materials when discussing politically controversial topics like evolution or climate change.” Many teachers believed the law gave them free rein to throw out actual science textbooks and replace them with overtly creationist materials, but Kopplin, then just 17, helped rally opposition, and while the dumb law remained in place, Lousisana at least adopted science textbooks that taught actual science. Now, Kopplin is a student at Rice University and is raising hell against school voucher laws, which funnel public money to private schools that teach religious doctrine, including, of course creationism. Read more on Here’s A Surprise: School Vouchers Help Spread Creationism…
  leading from behind

GOP Needs To Focus On Education, Says Man Whose State Textbooks Say Loch Ness Monster Is Real

Lousiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave a speech yesterday outlining his version of what the GOP needs to do differently in order to be less like the GOP. Startlingly, there is a way to make fun of it. His prescription: Education! We need to fix education! Which sounds like a great idea, until you take into account that the guy saying it took a prolific, probably unconstitutional dump on his state’s education system, and that members of the party he is saying it to have come out vigorously against evolution, teachers’ bargaining rights, embryology, knowledge-based college admission guidelines, the age of the Earth, student loan programs, and the entire skill of critical thinking. It’s like proposing salad reform be embraced by velociraptors: It might help the raptors look better, but they just aren’t built for it. Read more on GOP Needs To Focus On Education, Says Man Whose State Textbooks Say Loch Ness Monster Is Real…
  We r Srs Schl District. This is Srs Science

Houston Schools Bravely Protect Students From Deliberately Fake Science Book

Ah, Texas, a place where the teaching of science is always just a state school board vote away from including the Book of Genesis, where the state’s textbook selection process sets the agenda for textbooks across the nation, and where the state GOP platform actually calls for schools to stop teaching “critical thinking skills” (risk of “undermining parental authority,” you know). So it shouldn’t be surprising to learn that the Houston Independent School District is worried that science teachers might do irreparable harm to the schools’ reputation by stooping to include (horrors!) funny comedy jokes in their classroom materials. In response to a teacher’s request to purchase Fake Science 101: A Less-Than-Factual Guide to Our Amazing World, a parody textbook spun off from Phil Edwards’ Fake Science website, HISD sent this mind-blowingly tone deaf memo: I received one such request for an alternative textbook “Fake Science 101.” I am aware how it would be used, but we are concerned it will reflect poorly on the district. A book like that may be intended humorously, but it is mocking the quality of education in our district. We cannot have our district ridiculed as a non-scientific one (see many Westinghouse/Intel awardees). This book is not permissable for you to distribute or your students to have. Our textbooks are not “fake” and no textbook should give that impression. It would negatively impact students. Read more on Houston Schools Bravely Protect Students From Deliberately Fake Science Book…
  what we have here is a failure to communicate

Suspended From School In Mississippi? That’s A Jailing

We at Wonkette have been pretty excited about Louisiana lately, what with revealing that they are one of the more awful states of the union in terms of infant mortality and life expectancy and whatnot, and also because they will teach about the Loch Ness monster in science class (so long as they don’t have to teach about it to MUSLIM children because that would just be going too far). Turns out we were so fascinated with Louisiana that we forgot about Mississippi, which is really doubling down on the fight against education these days, what with their “school-to-prison” pipeline that incarcerates students for minor infractions at school. You will be shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that African American students are over-represented in this disciplinary strategy. (The disciplinary strategy of sending children to jail when they get suspended from school!) Read more on Suspended From School In Mississippi? That’s A Jailing…
  None dare call it class warfare

What’s Good For The For-Profit Colleges Is Good For America

As Barbara Ehrenreich noted in Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, it can cost a hell of a lot to be poor. From residential motels that charge by the week (but don’t require a deposit) to rent-to-own furniture stores and predatory used-car loans, there is a thriving segment of the market dedicated to charging poor people a premium for stuff that would otherwise not be available at all. In a terrific Village Voice article, Chris Parker takes us on a tour of the double-markup inner-city bodegas of education, the for-profit college industry. Both business models are adept at converting their customers’ government aid — food stamps for the bodega, subsidized student loans and GI Bill benefits for the colleges — into tidy private profits. But where the bodega is typically owned by recent immigrants living in the neighborhood, for-profit schools are hugely profitable enterprises owned by investment firms with a well-organized lobbying arm. (Korean grocers beware: Goldman Sachs probably has you in their sights next.) Read more on What’s Good For The For-Profit Colleges Is Good For America…
  A Duncedom of Confederates

Texas GOP Will Literally And Non-Metaphorically Ban Critical Thinking In Schools

Hooray! The Texas GOP has published its 2012 platform! It’s a bonanza for list-makers, from Think Progress to Comedy Central, because it’s just THAT FULL of crazy. It’s a veritable Boffo’s Joke Emporium Grab-Bag of lunacy: we’ve got pledges to repeal the 1965 Voter [sic] Rights Act, to stop the womenfolk from doing ungodly things with their sinful ladyparts, and to keep the UN from tainting the water supply with homosexual Kenyan-born Day-After Pills. But the awesomest part of the platform is to be found in the section on Edumacation. No, it’s not the ringing endorsement of corporal punishment, nor is it the predictable support for promoting freedom by forcing children to pledge allegiance to both the US and Texas flags. Heck, it’s not even the subtle shift from an open “Cdesign proponentsist” agenda to a pseudo-neutral call for students to be able to answer “God Did It” on a biology test “without fear of retribution or discrimination,” or even the plan to base all US History lessons on the art of John McNaughton. Nope, the real zinger of the 2012 GOP platform is what appears to be a declaration of war on rational thought itself: We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority. Read more on Texas GOP Will Literally And Non-Metaphorically Ban Critical Thinking In Schools…
  darwin sucks

Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real

We’ve been bashing on Louisiana a lot lately — pointing out how they’re pretty much the awfulest state in the union, how their prison privatization plan is dumping more convicts into shopping centers prisons than any other state in the country, how their plan to send the state’s students to religious schools hit the predictable but still hilarious snag of Muslim schools wanting in on the program. We’ve been kinda rough on the ol’ Land of Louis. Now, those religious schools that we were so very critical of are teaching students that the Loch Ness Monster is real — which TOTALLY MAKES UP FOR ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, and has the added benefit of conforming to Official Wonkette Editorial Policy. (Also real: Bigfoot.) The state spent quite a while hanging out in the relatively crowded zone of Put God In Science Class — but they just hopped on their faith-powered motorcycles, paid the Idiot Toll, and blew through every red light on the way to the mythical land of Making Garbage Up Because Jesus. Read more on Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real…
  this is the song that never ends

Jonah Goldberg Still Babbling About Stupid Young People

Is Jonah Goldberg bellyaching about something today? Well, it is a “day,” so indeed he is! Currently he is incredibly upset that those hysterical Obama-lovers at Media Matters didn’t bother to ask him his opinion about young people, even though he already gave these opinions to the Daily Caller when he said that young people are “so frickin’ stupid” that we should consider raising the voting age. And to be fair to Jonah Goldberg, young people ARE so frickin’ stupid! Remember back in 2008, when all those 18-year-olds banded together to cause a global financial crisis? And don’t get us started on the legions of 18-year-olds that Moody’s put on notice in 2011 because they just up and refused to raise the debt ceiling. Kids these days! SO FRICKIN’ STUPID. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Still Babbling About Stupid Young People…