Tag: education

Fa la la la la, la la la SHART

‘Fox & Friends’ Jizz Their Stockings In Yuletide Rage

Two of the unique strains of brain syphilis that sit on the "Fox & Friends" couch every morning have finded a real War On Christmas! Oh so exciting! You see, there is this school in Brooklyn, P.S. 169, and...
The fuck is the man in front of me saying?

Michigan Republican Sad He Can’t Fix The Blacks, Stop Calling Him Racist

Here is a nice state senator Wonket has never met before! His name is Marty Knollenberg (R-Surprise!), he's a Virgo, he likes long walks on Lake Michigan (probably), and he's real sad about how he can't unblack The Blacks. Here...
PEW! PEW! PEW!

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Deep In The Heart Of Stupid

Greetings, pardners, and welcome once again to the Snake Oil Bulletin. We've got us a rootin', tootin', hole-in-head-shootin' round of stories on the agenda this week, all taking place in that great throbbing, barbecue-thrombosed heart of America, Texas! Yeehaw!...
You see, when I was undercover in the Falklands...

Bill O’Reilly: If Mexicans Don’t Like Stereotypes, Get That Mariachi Band Away From Me

Bill O'Reilly and Charles Krauthammer had a fine Old White Guys discussion of rampant Political Correctness on college campuses the other day, concluding with O'Reilly's astute analysis of why Mexispanican people have no cause to complain about being portrayed...
The faculty of the Philosophy Department at the University of Woolamaloo were sorely disappointed by the debate

Republicans Will Save America By Outlawing Liberal Philosophers

Marco Rubio got one of the strangest applause lines of Tuesday's GOP debate when he explained that our institutions of higher learning are wasting too much time teaching frou-frou topics like philosophy that Real Americans simply don't care about....
Check THIS out, kids!

Cure Your Crotch Weasels The Christian Way: Put A Ring On It!

There comes a time in every Christian youngster's life when he or she has a burning case of the crotch weasels and doesn't know what to do. Go to the doctor? Meh, that's for liberals. Go to church? Now you're...
Thanks General Washington! Now we can mention your slaves again!

Colorado Voters Murder Founding Fathers, For The Kids

A small victory for reality-based education in Colorado Tuesday, yay! Voters in the state's second-largest school district recalled three conservative school board members who last year tried to require Advanced Placement U.S. History classes to teach students how to...
See? Grammar not a problem.

Texas Couple Fights To Keep Kids Good And Stupid, The Way Jesus Likes ‘Em

There are no times tables at the Second Coming, that's what yr Wonkette always says. And apparently Michael and Laura McIntyre of El Paso agree with us, as they are suing the state of Texas for their God-given right...
Don't all teens talk like this? Especially on the sidelines of a f'ball game?

Sundays With The Christianists: Let’s Read Some Terrible Pro-Abstinence Comics!

Thanks to the extremely slow delivery process of an online fundagelical ministry, we have finally received a crackerjack prize we ordered back in August: a copy of the fabulous "Truth For Youth Bible," which is full of lies right...
You can see why someone might think that's a beaver

Sundays With The Christianists: A Mutilated Squirrel Teaches Your Kids Why Welfare Is Bad

Good Sunday to you, Sinners! As we promised, or threatened, earlier in the week when we wrote about the Tennessee homeschooling mom who is Very Concerned about all the Islamic Indoctrination that she's sure is happening in the school...
Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?

King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining

Ohio Gov. Tim Pawlenty took a little time Wednesday to remind the GOP primary electorate that, for all that "moderate" stuff they may have heard about him, he's just as able to sound like a rightwing turd-mongler as any...
Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Should Try Calling Donald Trump An Asshole If He Wants Any Attention

Nobody is paying any attention to Rick Santorum, who is also a Republican presidential candidate, you know. Sure, an unpopular second-tier one, but still! He is running for president again, look at him, look at him, LOOK AT HIM...

Lawsuit Against Trump’s Scammy ‘University’ May Reveal What The Bastard’s Really Worth

Here's a little bit of trivia that you might want to stash away in the same corner of your brain that remembers how Al Capone was finally busted not for being a mobster, but for tax evasion: It's starting...
And that's how America was made!

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can't quite remember. (Muskets were involved.)...
Giggling about what an asshole he is.

Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?

You know that thing about how Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is the worst governor in the entire galaxy, and how he bankrupted Kansas with his fucked up tax cuts for the wealthy, but then Kansas voters reelected him because...
Just imagine 30 pages of this!

Sundays With The Christianists: Here’s A Delightful Children’s Book About Hell

Hey, there, all you sinners, apostates, reprobates, fornicators, sodomites, adulterers, whoremongers, and occasional jaywalkers! Time for another visit to Fundamentalist Land, with an enchanting little book for kids called The Cage: A Young Children’s Guide to the Biblical Teaching...