Tag Archives: education

  Teach The Nontroversy

Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?

Some of teh volunteers at Antietam
The Great AP History Fight in Jefferson County, Colorado, continues into another week, and there have been a few new developments. For one thing, on Thursday night the conservative school board passed a compromise version of a proposal to review all curricular materials, with particular emphasis on Advanced Placement US History (APUSH). The original proposal would have screened instructional materials to ensure they promoted “positive aspects” of God’s Favorite Nation, like patriotism, respect for authority, individual rights, and the free enterprise system, while not encouraging “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.” The compromise that passed will “reorganize existing curriculum review groups in the district to involve more student, teacher and community voices,” according to the Denver Post. Read more on Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?…
  Tragical History Tour

Ben Carson Pretty Sure AP U.S. History Will Make Your Kid A Terrorist

Why so much negativity? There were probably slaves who were glad not to have the burden of children, too.
Ben Carson has given us yet another reason to hope that he’s going to run for president: this dopey video of his appearance Monday at the Center for Security Policy’s National Security Action Summit, in which he speaks very movingly about what he considers the many flaws of the revised Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) framework, about which he appears to have read an article somewhere. Read more on Ben Carson Pretty Sure AP U.S. History Will Make Your Kid A Terrorist…
  Math is haaaaaaaard (for ladies)

Sen. Kay Hagan’s Opponent Will Do All The Math For Her Dumb Little Lady Brain

See? He's doin' math!
Let’s say you are the North Carolina house speaker, and your name is Thom Tillis — hypothetically. You have big bold dreams of being a fancy-pants United States senator, so you decide to challenge sitting Sen. Kay Hagan. Let us also say, just hypothetically, that while polling shows you are only slightly behind Sen. Hagan overall, it also shows you are having a wee bit of a problem wooing the ladies — you are a Republican after all — and “Hagan’s lead [is] 52 percent-34 percent among women.” (For those of us who are bad at math, that’s kind of a big gender gap.) Read more on Sen. Kay Hagan’s Opponent Will Do All The Math For Her Dumb Little Lady Brain…
 

Pothead Has Solution For Border Crisis

Well, lookie there! We done stoled the Daily Caller’s headline! And in just a minute, we will steal the rest of their post, too, about how Willie Nelson, the country’s most-loved octogenarian, and one who unites rednecks and kicked-hippies in mutual tenderness, thinks we should be nice to the Border Children. Let’s take a peek! Read more on Pothead Has Solution For Border Crisis…
  facts are stupid things

RNC Pretty Sure New AP History Test Is Racist Against America

Why teach American history when you can worship it instead?
Get your helmets and flak jackets on, folks, because it’s Culture War time again. The Republican National Committee is very very concerned about the College Board’s newly revised framework for the Advanced Placement U.S. History exam, condemning it for being way too LIEberal and for its “consistently negative view of American history.” You can’t say the RNC doesn’t have its priorities in order! For instance, the exam framework doesn’t even say that America is the Bestest, Freest, Most Wonderfullest Republic that ever existed in the world, and it also completely fails to say that Jesus handed the Constitution to George Washington. Worse, according to a resolution passed at the RNC’s summer meeting last week, the new framework Read more on RNC Pretty Sure New AP History Test Is Racist Against America…
  even texas schools are better than no schools

Pro-Tip: ‘Expecting The Rapture’ No Excuse To Stop Teaching Homeschooled Kids. Even In Texas.

Things one learns working for a blog: almost any image search will be complicated when you find out your search term is a band name. For instance, 'rapture children'
Turns out that even in the Independent Republic of Texas, where virtually unregulated chemical plants don’t have to follow any dang ol’ fire code (since the state doesn’t have one), the heavy hand of Big Government is still ready to oppress people who are just minding their own business and not hurting anyone, except maybe their own children. Even in Texas, you apparently have to teach something to your homeschooled darlings, even it it’s that Stonewall Jackson was a good Christian who made sure his troops prayed. You see, Michael McIntyre and Laura McIntyre, some good Bible-believing Christians in Texas, were pretty sure that Jesus was just on the verge of coming back to Rapture them all to heaven, and so in 2004 they took their kids out of public school so they could homeschool them. Read more on Pro-Tip: ‘Expecting The Rapture’ No Excuse To Stop Teaching Homeschooled Kids. Even In Texas….
  all the education you can afford

Student Loan Debt Leads to Unexpected Immortality

S-M-R-T
Here is the good news about student loans: they can apparently lead to your eventual immortality. The bad news: they lead to your eventual immortality by haunting your loved ones even after your death. Read more on Student Loan Debt Leads to Unexpected Immortality…
  smells like teen spiritual decline

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence

Put on a plaid flannel shirt and break out your Nirvana CDs, kids, because our rightwing Christian textbooks are looking at the ’90s: Bill Clinton is the president, and America is in deep moral decline, because didn’t you just read the name of the president? Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence…
  the facepalmetto state

Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly

Sally Atwater, widow of the late Master of Electoral RatLovemaking Lee Atwater, is heading into a runoff primary for the Republican nomination for South Carolina’s State Superintendent of Education. Last week, she called in to this radio show hosted by Russ Cassell, who asked her some questions about teaching sex ed and creationism. While he’s a badgering dopey rightwing doofus, she actually manages to seem even worse, simply not answering fairly straightforward questions about whether and how sex ed should be taught, and punting altogether on evolution as well, neither saying she’s for it or agin’ it. It’s really a fairly impressive of volunteering nothing, which is remarkable in that she called the program to share her views. Which she apparently doesn’t have any of. But she did manage something pretty amazing — she made us share in a rightwing radio host’s annoyance at her non-answers, and we can pretty much agree with Cassell’s conclusion that Atwater is “an example of a person running for public office on name recognition only who is clueless.” Read more on Let’s Meet Lee Atwater’s Widow, Sally, Who Is Running For Something Somewhere, Badly…
  'box of dildos' would be a great band name

Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos

So here’s two minutes of Glenn Beck talking about the terrible horrible no good very bad thing that happened at a high school in Bellingham, Washington, Glenn’s home town. Basically, a teacher let her drama club students plan their own end-of-year awards ceremony. And high school students being high school students — actually, worse: high school drama club members being high school drama club members, it got raunchy. Rude jokes, rude awards, and casual awfulness. You know. High school stuff. Except that the teacher, Teri Grimes, “a veteran of three decades who is slated to retire after this year,” apparently didn’t step in and censor the kids’ presentation, because she Just Hates America. And also, maybe after nearly thirty years, she thought there was some merit in letting kids design and run their own awards show. Like they do in Communist Roosha. Read more on Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos…
  Q: Are We Not Men? A: We are DEVO

Academic Freedom To Teach Bible As Science Upheld In Lucky Louisiana

Nice try, but no cigar, lovers of science in the Pelican State. For the fourth time since the Doublespeaky “Louisiana Science Education Act” (LSEA) was passed in 2008, an attempt to repeal the law has been shot down, by a 3-1 vote in the Senate Education Committee. This means that teachers in the Great State of Jindalia can continue to teach “critical thinking” by supplementing the state’s official science curriculum with additional materials of their choice, which (nudge-nudge) may “help students understand, analyze, critique, and review scientific theories in an objective manner.” In other words, they can “teach the controversy” and drag in materials that say evolution and climate change are just crazy ideas that shouldn’t be taken seriously. What a nice victory for academic freedom, which should always include the freedom to not teach facts. Read more on Academic Freedom To Teach Bible As Science Upheld In Lucky Louisiana…
  what about the children?

Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!

Guten Morgen, meine Wonkadamen und Wonkaherren! Feeling cheerful about your sportsball brackets so far? Or even more cheerful because you do not follow sportsball? Well, we are here to stop that good feeling, and make you so broody that you crush out your vape pen into your half-finished, tepid mochaccino, because we are srs blog. Today’s wrist-slitting Big Story from the Associated Press tells us that our nation’s educators are starting the school-to-prison pipeline even earlier than we thought, as SIX PERCENT of pre-schools report suspending at least one pre-school child. Naturally, as the Education Department’s civil rights division will report today, black children are disproportionately suspended. African-American children make up 18 percent of preschool students, but about half of the suspensions. Wait, did we say “naturally?” No, not naturally, you stupid pre-school administrators, THAT IS NOT NATURAL AT ALL, STOP IT! Read more on Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!…
  they're tryin' to wash us away

Hey, New Orleans, You Probably Shouldn’t Have Fired Those 7000 Teachers After Katrina. #Payup

So it turns out that Louisiana’s attempt to “remake” public education after Katrina — which mostly consisted of opening up the state’s coffers to grifty charter schools and handing out vouchers for religious schools, regardless of their quality — has run into just a teensy bit of a problem: in their zeal to screw teachers’ unions, they also fired over 7000 teachers without due process, and a court in the teachers’ class-action suit has found that the teachers are entitled to damages. Not the full 5 years’ back pay and benefits the teachers sought, but 2-3 years’ pay, plus benefits for those who were enrolled in them before being fired: Read more on Hey, New Orleans, You Probably Shouldn’t Have Fired Those 7000 Teachers After Katrina. #Payup…
  evolution of dunce

Texans Can Have Any Kind Of Lieutenant Governor They Want, As Long As He’s Creationist

We are going to go out on a limb and predict that the next Lieutenant Governor of Texas will advocate the teaching of creationism in public schools. At a debate last Thursday, all four Republican candidates for Second Banana Of the Pecos said they think there needs to be a lot more religion in the public schools, because what U.S. Constitution? And three of the four advocated teaching Creationism, which says about as much about the educational attainments of Texas Thought Leaders as you need to know. And no, don’t go getting any hopes up for that fourth one, either. Read more on Texans Can Have Any Kind Of Lieutenant Governor They Want, As Long As He’s Creationist…
  that's all she rote

Awesome ‘Christian Education’ Quizzes About As Challenging As You’d Expect

In his first year of gradual school in English Education, Yr Doktor Zoom took a class on doing research in written composition. A troublemaker even then, we did a project where we attempted to compare the writing of kids attending public schools with the writing done by kids in a Christian school that used self-paced, workbook-based instruction from an outfit called “Accelerated Christian Education.” While our research design was crap (which was a valuable experience in itself), we really enjoyed looking through those workbooks, called “Packets of Accelerated Christian Education” (PACEs). The idea was that kids would “learn at their own pace” by moving through packet after packet, filling their brains with knowledge which is then tested at the end of each PACE. When we spent a couple of days visiting the school, the vast majority of class time was spent with kids sitting quietly at tables, filling in their PACEs, and then having a teacher check the answers when they finished. [Editrix note! This is also how your Editrix became valedictorian of her continuation school! By filling in packets real good and fast-like!] As British blogger Jonny Scaramanga* points out, however, the multiple choice/fill-in-the-blanks/true-false questions in the packets are insanely bad — freed from the tyranny of educational bureaucracy and gummint standards, they just throw in any old thing. For instance, for 4th grade, this vocabulary quizzy: wisdom The pastor spoke with great wisdom. Wisdom means (a) a test (b) Godly thinking (c) tasty milk We think we want some of that tasty milk the editors were sipping — laced with either vellocet or synthemesc. Read more on Awesome ‘Christian Education’ Quizzes About As Challenging As You’d Expect…
  is our children learning? no

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds all over the world, per The Hill, “U.S. students failed to reach the top 20 rankings in math, science or reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, which organizes the data.” We’re number 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1!!! Let’s sexplore what who is more smarter than us.  Read more on American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either…
  is our bloggers learning?

Stupidest Man On The Internet Can’t Accurately Read A 4th-Grade Library Book

We are unironically happy that Jim Hoft, the stupidest man on the internet, is back and healthy and blogging again, because he’s an excellent source of completely ridiculous stuff like this: “Outrageous!… Common Core Book Teaches Children White Voters Rejected Obama Because of Race” Ohmigosh, are we back to the little children being forced to sing the praises of Dear Leader again? Let’s see what horrible lies about White People are being spread in this book that innocent 4th-graders are having foisted upon them… Fourth graders in Dupo Illinois are reading a biography of Barack Obama by author Jane Sutcliffe. The book teaches children that white voters rejected Obama because of race. What absolute BS. Oh, does it? Let’s see, here: “But some people said Americans weren’t ready for that much change. Sure Barack was a nice fellow, they said. But white voters would never vote for a black president. Other angry voices were raised. Barack’s former pastor called the country a failure. God would damn the United States for mistreating its black citizens, he said.” Emphasis added by Hoft — Dok Zoom] Yep, that very clearly says that white people rejected Barack Obama because of race. You’d think that Sutcliffe’s use of past tense makes it clear: some people said, before he ran, that white people wouldn’t vote for Obama, because of race. This is not a post-election analysis saying that white people didn’t vote for Obama because of race. Verb tense is such a difficult thing. Once again, Gateway Pundit doesn’t seem to understand how the English language works. Is simple literacy really that hard, guys? Read more on Stupidest Man On The Internet Can’t Accurately Read A 4th-Grade Library Book…
  not well-adapted to his environment

Ohio Nice Time! Creationist Science Teacher Stays Fired, Will Have To Lie To Kids On Own Time

So here is some good news for a change: the Ohio Supreme Court upheld the firing of former eighth-grad science teacher John Freshwater, who has become just the latest victim of the Constitution’s dumb insistence that teachers can’t proselytize to their students, even if they call it “critical thinking about evolution.” Now, to be completely, boringly accurate, the court actually didn’t even consider the question of whether Freshwater had illegally dragged religion into his teaching; the Ohio Supremes — which sounds like two great soul bands — simply upheld a lower court’s decision that the school was justified in firing him for refusing to remove religious materials from his classroom: “We recognize that this case is driven by a far more powerful debate over the teaching of creationism and intelligent design alongside evolution,” the court noted in its decision. “(But) here, we need not decide whether Freshwater acted with a permissible or impermissible intent because we hold that he was insubordinate, and his termination can be justified on that basis alone.” What? Teachers have to remove non-educational materials from their classrooms when school administrators tell them to, and it’s “insubordination” when they decide that they’d rather keep their Bibles and posters of GW Bush praying and other religious materials on display? The deuce you say! And to think, the court didn’t even get a chance to consider whether it also would have been OK to fire Freshwater for using a Tesla coil to burn a cross into a 13-year-old boy’s arm. In any case, even though it looks like the school had multiple reasons to fire Freshwater, it’s quite clear that he is a victim of persecution for his religion. Read more on Ohio Nice Time! Creationist Science Teacher Stays Fired, Will Have To Lie To Kids On Own Time…
  Sadvertising

Shaquille O’Neal Says A Lie In This Chris Christie Campaign Ad, Fouls Out

Last night we were watching the baseball men from Boston do better baseball than some other baseball men to become Champions of the World of the Continental United States and Canada — congratulations, you brave, coarse millionaires! The best part was when they hit the ball and it went far. But the second best part was when Shaquille O’Neal, a man who is known for his proficiency in an entirely different sportsball game (and also for being a wizard), came on our teevees to tell us that we should vote for Chris Christie, even though we live in New York and can’t. “I don’t endorse many politicians,” says Shaq, “but Chris Christie is different.” We agree, but probably for different reasons, and come on, why wasn’t it “but when I do, I endorse Chris Christie”? Trademark tyranny, probably. Then Shaq says a lie about Chris Christie’s record on education! Read more on Shaquille O’Neal Says A Lie In This Chris Christie Campaign Ad, Fouls Out…
  peggy noonan is spinning in her grave

Income Inequality Called A ‘Problem’ In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly

Hidebound banking pamphlet The Wall Street Journal‘s entire reason for existing is to endorse the view that there is no such thing as a problem caused by rich people. So it was jarring to read this on their blog: The trouble is the nation’s affluent, who have isolated themselves over the past 40 years more than the poor, hold the lion’s share of its resources: As of 2010, America’s top 10% of families controlled nearly 50% of all income, the researchers note. Occupy Wall Street Journal! Read more on Income Inequality Called A ‘Problem’ In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly…
  not the philadelphia story we prefer

Government Cuts Won’t Hurt Anyone, Except Maybe When A 12-Year-Old Dies Because Her School Had No Nurse

Before you read this story, you may want to make sure you secure any heavy objects nearby, so that you won’t hurl them through your computer monitor. From the Philadelphia City Paper, just one more example of what happens when you make government small enough to drown in a bathtub: Children will die. Sixth-grader Laporshia Massey died from asthma complications, according to her father, who says he rushed her to the emergency room soon after she got home from school on the afternoon of Sept. 25. He says Laporshia had begun to feel ill earlier that day at Bryant Elementary School, where a nurse is on staff only two days a week. This day was not one of those days. Daniel Burch, Laporshia’s father, is angry and wants to know whether Philadelphia’s resource-starved school district failed to save his daughter’s life. The Pennsylvania state legislature has declared war on funding for Philadelphia’s schools, and Laporshia Massey is just part of the collateral damage. Read more on Government Cuts Won’t Hurt Anyone, Except Maybe When A 12-Year-Old Dies Because Her School Had No Nurse…
  We are so S-M-R-T

Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!

You know how America is No. 1 at everything because we say so? We have THE BEST health care (if you don’t count all the countries where it’s actually better) and THE BEST freedoms (if you don’t count the browns and poors and chicks and gays who don’t have as much freedom, but why would you count them?), and when it comes to invading countries and liberating people with bombs, we can’t be beat. (Okay that part is true.) But you know what we do not do so good? Oh, just some totally obsolete un-American skills like reading and math and stuff. Hooray, America! U-S-whatever that other letter is! Read more on Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!…