Tag Archives: education

  America saw him first

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

And that's how America was made!
Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can’t quite remember. (Muskets were involved.) Did you know that, according to 53% of Americans, our country has a “special relationship” with God? Take THAT, 195 other countries in the world, you all are just acquaintances with God, whereas He is taking US to the prom, and is going to ask us to gay marry Him any day now, WE JUST KNOW IT: Read more on Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best…
  Republican math

Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?

Giggling about what an asshole he is.
You know that thing about how Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is the worst governor in the entire galaxy, and how he bankrupted Kansas with his fucked up tax cuts for the wealthy, but then Kansas voters reelected him because they’re idiots? And lately, he’s been doing everything he can to fuck the poors of his state right good (even though it costs the state millions), by making sure they don’t have equal access to education, and that they can only take $25 in EBT moneys from the ATM per day, paying an ATM fee each and every time? Well he’s been in quite a pickle because Kansas Ain’t Got No Money, and you can only suck off the teats of welfare queens so long, ’cause they ain’t got no money either, so he had to raise taxes, but not on the wealthy, oh no! The very thought of that makes him emotional. Read more on Gov. Sam Brownback Only Raised Taxes On Poors, So It Doesn’t Count, Right?…
  Hell Is For Children

Sundays With The Christianists: Here’s A Delightful Children’s Book About Hell

Just imagine 30 pages of this!
Hey, there, all you sinners, apostates, reprobates, fornicators, sodomites, adulterers, whoremongers, and occasional jaywalkers! Time for another visit to Fundamentalist Land, with an enchanting little book for kids called The Cage: A Young Children’s Guide to the Biblical Teaching on Hell, by one C. Matthew McMahon, Ph.D., Th.D. It’s published by an outfit called “Puritan Publications” out of Tennessee, and is aimed at helping your lovely little child understand that they are headed straight to the Eternal Fires of Hell, and will burn forever unless they are saved by the blood of Christ. We were initially intrigued to see a kid’s book titled The Cage, but extremely disappointed when it turned out to have nothing to do with the pilot episode of Star Trek. It might be the worst kids’ book we’ve ever seen, though it’s got some stiff competition. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Here’s A Delightful Children’s Book About Hell…
  The Dunning-Kruger Effect In Action

Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science

she's as enthusiastic as ever!
We’re sad to report that her very modest YouTube success may have spoiled Megan Fox — not the pouty, please-rescue-me gal from the Transformers movies, but the loopy Christianist homeschool mom whose bizarre “audit” of Chicago’s Field Museum became a viral must-see last fall. She did a follow-up visit to a zoo, where she explained that hunters have saved the wild animals of “Zambibia,” but while her eyes are just as crazy as ever, her schtick was already growing old. Now she’s back with a new multi-part exploration of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, and — would you believe this? — where she was awfully skeptical of all the “science” in the Field Museum, she finds the Creation Museum “pretty convincing.” Read more on Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science…
  Don't Know Much About A Science Book

Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Poor ol’ Rick Santorum is already having a hard time keeping up with the Conservaherd in the Great 2016 Republican Coronation Scramble. Just look at his lame, thoroughly derivative attempt to ignore climate science during a Thursday event in Des Moines, Iowa: Read more on Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good…
  Purity Baller

Tuesday With The Christianists: Sex Education To Keep You Purer Than Those Slutty Duggar Children

This image has not been altered in any way. Ick.
As a supplement to Yr Editrix’s Sunday column on the “counseling” recommended by the Duggar family’s homeschooling guru, we thought we’d take a look back at some other homeschooling wisdom regarding sex education for good little Christian children. Throughout all of it runs this weird notion of “purity”: sex is dirty and nasty and sinful except when it’s done by a man and a woman joined together by God, in which case it is a wonderful blessed thing that results in lots of Christian babies. No wonder fundamentalists are all obsessed with who’s putting their naughtybits where. And so we get creepy stuff like “purity balls,” where teen girls go to a prom with their dads and promise to stay virgins until they’re married, and they get all dressed up like Purity Tarts, and there is nothing creepy about it at all. Read more on Tuesday With The Christianists: Sex Education To Keep You Purer Than Those Slutty Duggar Children…
  nice time!

Nice Time: Stephen Colbert Saves South Carolina Schools From Jerks Who Run South Carolina

Thumbs up for education!
Is our South Carolina children learning? Stephen Colbert, South Carolina native, decided to do his part to make sure that “YES THEY IS,” by announcing that he, along with some of his buddy-pals from this big money foundation, would be chipping in $800,000 in order to fund every single grant requested by South Carolina teachers on the DonorsChoose.org website, which acts as a sort of Kickstarter for teachers all over the country, so that they can afford to give their kids the best book learnin’ they know how: Read more on Nice Time: Stephen Colbert Saves South Carolina Schools From Jerks Who Run South Carolina…
  Nice Time. OR IS IT?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?

It's a book. For kids. Shut up.
Look what the Tyrant Obama is up to now! He’s got some half-cocked idea that poor kids should be able to read books, FOR FREE, instead of paying their fair share. So he’s announcing a program Thursday to give poor kids access to 10,000 e-books, which they can read on their Obamaphones, or other appropriate computers or tablets. The Obama administration seems to think it’s somehow a good thing to encourage disadvantaged kids to become better readers and do well in school: Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?…
  Sounds like somebody got her school nurse certificate online

Elementary School Nurse Will Determine If Students Are Patriotic Enough For Her Services

You pledge allegiance to Flag Cat right now!
It is a well-established fact that any American, for any reason, can refuse to say the Pledge Of Allegiance, as an exercise of their First Amendment rights. Perhaps they find it creepy, or aren’t too keen on the religious part of it (which, contrary to popular conservative myth, was only added in 1954, and not by Jesus himself). Perhaps they HATE AMERICA, but probably not. This was established by the Supreme Court in 1943, in a case called West Virginia Board Of Education v. Barnette, so it’s not exactly breaking news. But some people seem to have been playing hooky from reading their 1943 SCOTUS decisions, because a school nurse at Wilson Middle School in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, decided to unleash on, and then refuse to treat, an eighth grade student who chose to exercise right to remain seated when the daily Pledge Time happened. Read more on Elementary School Nurse Will Determine If Students Are Patriotic Enough For Her Services…
  Such a big disappointment to Daddy

Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day

Libertarians don't fuck up, they FREEDOM up.
Today was supposed to be Rand Paul’s Big Day, the one where he was able to say “look at me, DAD, I’m a big kid now, gonna be the president you never got to be!” Instead, he ended up just being Ron Paul’s pud-pulling fuck-up kid again. Let us count the ways Rand Paul is already a failure at running for president. Read more on Rand Paul’s Terrible Horrible Totally F*cked Up Day…
  Common Core? Why Not An Exceptional American Core?

Ted Cruz Will ‘Repeal’ Common Core ‘Law’ When He Is ‘President’

Ted Cruz will do a faith-healing of America
In his amazing Liberty University speech where he announced that he’s running for President of Jesus, Ted Cruz promised to repeal every single word of an onerous federal law that oppresses America and is designed to promote socialism. Twice. First, he promised to repeal every single word of Obamacare on his “first day in office.” (Never mind that Sen. Cruz will actually spend January 20, 2017 watching someone else take the oath of office.) And then a little later in the speech, he also urged the well-scrubbed young people at Liberty University, Read more on Ted Cruz Will ‘Repeal’ Common Core ‘Law’ When He Is ‘President’…
  A Pair O' Pathetic Peripatetics

Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids

Seriously, we're polytheists who hold slaves and like buggery. A Republican is going to hold us up as examples?
We’re not sure we’d go so far as to say that we miss Eric Cantor. But we sure are impressed with the intellectual firepower of Dave Brat, the Tea Party twit that replaced him. In a meeting of the House Education and Workforce Committee Wednesday, Brat explained why we shouldn’t get too het up about education policy and federal funding for public schools, and that is because the best will always just naturally rise to the top like they always have in history: Read more on Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids…
  boys have a penis and you have the right to remain silent

Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now

it's like you've been with everyone he has ever taught...
Kudos to Kansas for pulling quite the sleight of hand. Instead of another story about its slashed and burned debacle of a state government, the state’s new PR strategy is to distract onlookers with a law prosecuting teachers who present materials about S-E-[redacted]. Read more on Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now…
  Where's Gen. Sherman When We Need Him?

Georgia Senate Demands A.P. History Only Teach About Shiny, Happy America

George Washington crossing the Red River
The Georgia Senate is considering a resolution condemning changes to the Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) test, because they’re worried the new framework doesn’t adequately teach high schoolers how wonderful America is. Georgia is only the latest of several states to have itself a nice freakout over the College Board’s new APUSH framework since the Republican National Committee complained last August that it presented a “consistently negative view of American history.” Read more on Georgia Senate Demands A.P. History Only Teach About Shiny, Happy America…
  Tomorrow Belongs To Him

Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America

Lots of good jobs for women, too!
Remember the anecdote about what Gandhi supposedly said when asked what he thought of Western Civilization? “I think it would be a good idea.” Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson has a slightly different answer — he’d say “I think it’s been corrupted by Satan from the very beginning.” This is why people like the Gandhi quote, even if it’s probably apocryphal. But here we are, finally, at the end of Swanson’s e-tirade, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which lays out his case that most of what we think of as Western Culture is in fact a grand plot by the Father of Lies to turn Europe and America away from Biblical truth and clean Christian living. In his final chapter, “Gardens in the Ashes,” Swanson presents his vision for how American Christians can begin to rebuild a truly Christian society after the inevitable collapse of secularism. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America…
  let them eat bootstraps

Illinois Gov. Rauner Halts ‘Non-Essential’ Spending Except For His Wife

He's just a regular super rich guy who's a total dick
Pretend Populist and Actual Uber-Wealthy Bully Bruce Rauner is your new governor, Illinois. So all you working stiffs better take notice because your days of making reasonable compensation in consideration for your labor might be numbered. After all, the state is facing a gigantic unfunded pension liability in the neighborhood of 80 to 120 $Rauners. Read more on Illinois Gov. Rauner Halts ‘Non-Essential’ Spending Except For His Wife…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Let's All Civics Each Other!

AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That

could you pass this?
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (R) signed into law yesterday a bill requiring Arizona high school students to correctly answer 60 of the 100 questions in the civics section of the Immigration and Naturalization test for US citizenship in order to graduate or receive a GED. Although we are always suspicious when Republicans require citizen-related tests, all of the writers at yr Wonkette love civics very much, and it is our hobby that consumes all of our waking hours. And we love it when high school students do civics on each other, so that is probably a good thing to require of them! Really, the more civics the better, and if learning about civics creates voters who are informed about important things, like how democracy should work, and how it actually works, and how important it is to vote, then we think everyone should spend much more time learning civics by reading Wonkette, and also possibly by reading many other publications as well, plus also Wonkette. Read more on AZ Mandates High School Civics Test, We Do Not Even Have A Problem With That…
  boys have a penis girls shouldn't go to college

Phyllis Schlafly Finds Way To Finally Give Men A Fair Shake

When Mother was a girl, men didn't need saving.
The last time yer Wonket visited noted feminist icon and gay-son-having mother of the year Phyllis Schlafly, her noxious Eagle Forum organization was arguing it IS TOO okay for companies to deny paychecks to women who have the utter gall to be both pregnant and employed. Before that, she was explaining that women could avoid a whole lot of that rape and violence stuff if they’d just go ahead and get married, because as Phyllis has explained time and time again (why do you not listen?), it’s not rape if you’ve said “I do” at least once in your life. Then of course, there was that whole incident in the olden times when she pretty much started a riot. Read more on Phyllis Schlafly Finds Way To Finally Give Men A Fair Shake…
  nice time!

Kick-Ass Teenager Wins Nobel Peace Prize. What Have You Done With Your Life?

Ok, people, time to turn the snark off for just a little bit. We have some GOOD news to report. The Nobel Peace Prize winners were announced. We’re guessing that recent events took the Palin family out of consideration, so the Nobel Committee decided to honor the most amazingist 17-year-old on the planet, Malala Yousafzai: Read more on Kick-Ass Teenager Wins Nobel Peace Prize. What Have You Done With Your Life?…