Tag Archives: ed markey

  send him to the house or keep him in your pocket

Massachusetts Congressional Candidate Carl Sciortino’s Campaign Ad May Increase Diabetes Risk

Carl Sciortino Jr. is this impossibly cute baby candidate in the special election to fill the House seat previously held by Ed Markey, who replaced John Kerry in the Senate. We like this kid, and we’d vote to send him to the House of Representatives, if only to get him off our lawn. His dad, a self-described tea partier, is pretty adorable, too, in his Archie Bunker chair. And the ad is nice and huggable and a pleasant change from the scary-voiceover norm, even though it lacks a weird man in his skivvies emerging from a lake. We kept expecting Opie Taylor to pop up. Read more on Massachusetts Congressional Candidate Carl Sciortino’s Campaign Ad May Increase Diabetes Risk…
  bring them your tired poor huddled masses

Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again

Oh. My. God. Libruls are TEH WORST! Damn hippies always seeking to create policy that benefits ‘the poors,’ when we all know that John Calvin, Wordy Shipmates, Shining City on a Hill, America, fuck yeah. Who are the heretics today who seek to desecrate the foundational principles of Jesus’s Capitalist Emporium for Jesus? None other than Senators Elizabeth Warren (D-Heart Flutters) and Ed Markey (D-New Guy). Per Daily Kos: Since Congress isn’t going to pass sane policy like an increased minimum wage and sick leave anytime soon, it’s up to the blue states and cities to do it. Next up, we hope: Massachusetts, where a coalition has formed to get these measures on the 2014 ballot. The lead petitioners’ names will be familiar: Sen. Elizabeth Warren for the minimum wage, and Sen. Ed Markey for earned sick time. While this might make New Pope happy, it will certainly anger the True Flock, who know that wealth is a sign that God loves you, which is why Jesus had a net worth of old sandals, some pieces of lumber, and some gently used nails.  Read more on Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again…
  President Nader Begs To Differ

Old Handsome Joe Biden Controversially Casts Doubt On True Outcome Of 2000 Election

That wacky Joe Biden has said another crazy thing! At a Washington DC fundraiser for Massachusetts Senate candidate Ed Markey on Wednesday, Vice President Joe Biden acknowledged former Veep Al Gore, also among the speakers, saying, according to a pool report, “This man was elected president of the United States of America…No, no, no. He was elected president of the United States of America. But for the good of the nation, when the bad decision, in my view, was made, he did the right thing for the nation.” But this cannot be! shouted a number of wingnut bloggers, because everyone knows that all questions about the 2000 election are completely settled, and could we please get back to debating something that’s actually in dispute, like how big a fraud global warming is? Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Controversially Casts Doubt On True Outcome Of 2000 Election…
  today's news four years ago

Wonkette Told You About iPhone/AT&T Spying On You, Back In 2007

Here’s a crazy thing, as opposed to all the other crazy things: We read those reports about the iPhone tracking your every move and then saving the entire geographic/time details of your daily activities, and we thought Hmm that sounds familiar guess it’s old news and then the editor of Metro Jacksonville wrote and reminded us that we had written about this, on Wonkette, four years ago. But we didn’t actually know for sure, it was just kind of an edumacated guess, based on AT&T’s long record of clandestine surveillance of its customers, so that it can give the government info on you, to put you in FEMA moon camps forever. Read more on Wonkette Told You About iPhone/AT&T Spying On You, Back In 2007…
  we're saved!

House GOP Ends Climate-Change Committee Because It’s Not Real

Because Republicans won a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, climate change no longer exists. Hooray! Jim Sensenbrenner announced that Republicans will be getting rid of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming when they take over, so it held its last hearing today so everyone could sign each other’s climate-change committee yearbooks or whatever. So why does this very important issue no longer need special congressional attention? It turns out global warming never existed! Whoops! Why didn’t those silly Democrats listen to the Republicans? Here they are holding hearings about the future of the Earth itself, and the whole time our goofy planet wasn’t warming up at all! What a hilarious blooper! Read more on House GOP Ends Climate-Change Committee Because It’s Not Real…
  Polite send-offs

Gettin’ Snarky With Ed Markey, America’s Ice-Chunk Comedian

Wheatgrassachusetts Congressman Ed Markey (no relation to Biz Markie) took to his MarkeyMemo to make a little joke about the big piece of ice that broke off the Petermann Glacier in northern Greenland, and what his global warmth-denying frenemies can do, thank you very much. Read more on Gettin’ Snarky With Ed Markey, America’s Ice-Chunk Comedian…
 

Dorkwad Congressman Holds Hearing In Second Life

Citizens of Massachusetts’ 7th District, did you know what jackassery your elected representative Ed Markey is up to? Several days ago he held a Congressional hearing in Second Life, a specially designed “virtual world” for sociopaths, furries, and flying penis “avatars.” To commemorate this special event, Congressman Markey even crafted his own personal avatar: a virtual Congressman Markey who is cross-eyed with gayness. Read more on Dorkwad Congressman Holds Hearing In Second Life…