Tag Archives: ed henry

  Irony Meter Explodes

Alabama ‘Pro-Lifers’ Want Abortion Clinic Closed To Protect Kids From Alabama ‘Pro-Lifers’

People who wouldn't let their kids see an R-rated movie take them to rallies to hold bloody fetus posters.
We’ll grant this much to the fetus fetishists of the “pro-life” crowd: they’re endlessly imaginative in coming up with new ways to make it harder for women to get access to a legal medical procedure. Take the fine folks in the Alabama Senate — please, take them! — who passed a bunch of restrictions and requirements for clinics that perform abortions (mandating the same structural standards as surgical facilities and hospital-width hallways, for instance). The Alabama Women’s Wellness Center (AWWC) in Huntsville opened a new office designed to comply with the restrictions, with the added benefit of having a full parking lot so patients wouldn’t have to walk past protesters offering them “counseling” by screaming “baby murderer” in their faces, from the sidewalk. But now, state senators are expected to pass a law that would prohibit abortion clinics from operating within 200 feet of a school — and the AWWC just happens to be across and down the street from a middle school that’s being refurbished and will be re-opening as a magnet school in the fall. How conVEENient! Read more on Alabama ‘Pro-Lifers’ Want Abortion Clinic Closed To Protect Kids From Alabama ‘Pro-Lifers’…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  And Now Benghazi Is No Longer An Issue

House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox

Still missing an H
Photo by Beth Ethier, from last year’s Obama Arrest Party In a classic Friday news dump — the favored method for releasing information when you hope the fewest people will notice — the House Intelligence Committee released the results of its Great Big Benghazi Inquiry yesterday afternoon, and boy oh boy does it have some devastating news for the Incompetent Tyrant Obama: He’s still a tyrant, because executive orders, but OK, maybe, um, there wasn’t actually anything fishy going on at the diplomatic compound in Libya. Let’s just go with the AP’s lede, which clarifies exactly why this is terrible news for wingnuts (or would be, were they not impermeable to facts): Read more on House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox…
  like moses said in egyptland

Charles Krauthammer To Bill O’Reilly: Let Obama Golf

Perhaps you were on the Internet lately while the White House Correspondents Association worked itself into a frenzied moan of TRANZPARENCEEEEEEEEY about the truly important issue of the day: that dastardly Nobumer wouldn’t let them take pictures of his golf round with Tiger Woods. Perhaps this made you as tired as it did us, and you turned off the puter and went to bed instead, where you watched 54 movies and five 30 Rock reruns you’d already seen seven times before, caught up with Girls and Enlightened, and howled with laughter as you watched Matthew Crawley DIE. (Spoiler alert.) Then you went back to your computer, and they were STILL FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT. Well Charles Krauthammer is sick of this nonsense. If Nobumer wants to play golf with Tiger Woods, dammit, then LET HIS PEOPLE GO! Read more on Charles Krauthammer To Bill O’Reilly: Let Obama Golf…
  maybe

Ed Henry Asks The Dumbest Question in American History

Fox News White House Correspondent Ed Henry has already written the worst article in American history, so why not throw the dumbest question in American history onto his resume as well? THE BACKGROUND: There has been all sorts of Hot Buzz (John McCain has been babbling during one of his Ambien trips) about whether Joe Biden will be dropped from the ticket after saying the words “chains.” So here’s what Ed Henry asked Jay Carney at Thursday’s White House press conference: “Let’s just settle it, once and for all, all of this speculation — this is the ticket, Obama/Biden?” Read more on Ed Henry Asks The Dumbest Question in American History…
  a nation's questions get answers

Reporters To Obama: War War War War War War Now War?

Reporters at today’s White House press conference opened their dialogue with the president on a familiar topic: War: When are we having it, and can we have it now. WAR. Also, why don’t you ever visit Israel you horrible anti-Semite? And what about war? Meanwhile, Fox News’ Ed Henry, who one time wrote the worst article in American history, wanted to know about war war war war war… perhaps you understand how the opening of this press conference went, yes? Well Obama simply “pivoted” to calling Mitt Romney a loser in response, so everything worked out. Read more on Reporters To Obama: War War War War War War Now War?…
  cannibalism

Media Reporting About Own Fights Over Photo of Obama Drinking Beer

The ever-shrinking Washington Post has a little piece of essential journalism about some inane “reporters versus a bunch of slobs” slapfight happening, where else, on Twitter, over a White House photo of President Obama drinking a beer with a young Marine who received the Medal of Honor. Here is your BREAKING NEWS timeline of this tragic story: several White House journalists tweeted the photo because that’s one of those “easy ones,” then a number of  Twitter lunatics spent actual moments of their brief, earthly lives criticizing the photo (THE MARINES ARE OWNED BY JESUS AND THE REPUBLICANS, OBAMA, NICE TRY), the reporters whined back about Twitter being full of obnoxious idiots, and then, this the only terrible part, the Washington Post declared this a newsworthy “debate” in a headline about this banal nonsense. Read more on Media Reporting About Own Fights Over Photo of Obama Drinking Beer…
  icky

Charlie Crist Admits He Is Confused About His Stance On Gay Marriage

Charlie Crist is having a lot of problems lately with this whole idea of “being forced to take positions on issues.” It is hard to do such things when you want to occupy an invisible center of the political spectrum that does not exist when everyone is dissolving into two camps that just throw poop at each other. And rightly so, as who wants to get hit with poop without anyone to root for? But when it comes to gay marriage, that is apparently very close to Charlie Crist’s heart, because even when he decides he has to be against it, he sounds very confused. Read more on Charlie Crist Admits He Is Confused About His Stance On Gay Marriage…
  journalistic negligence

White House Transcriptionists Beg For Trade Group Leadership Role

The race for who will rule the captured souls of the White House Correspondents’ Association has begun, and it is almost exactly like regular politics. Ballots aren’t due until July 15, but WHCA reporters are whispering these actual things to each other, at work, right now: “My expectation was that I would be running unopposed” and “The basic issue for me is access” and “I’m charming.” Read more on White House Transcriptionists Beg For Trade Group Leadership Role…
  america's greatest white house correspondents

CNN’s Ed Henry Feels So Friggin’ Awesome Right Now

OMG how cool are Ed Henry’s parents at CNN! They so signed his permission slip for the NYSE floor field trip, where all the money is! SO JEALOUS. He probably met so many awesome brokers and stuff and got their autographs. OMG HE MET JIM MAGUIRE! Seriously? Seriously? We have his rookie card, BUT ONLY TEN OF THEM! [Twitpic via Instaputz] Read more on CNN’s Ed Henry Feels So Friggin’ Awesome Right Now…
  jobs that get harder by the day

White House Press Briefings Now Just Show Whatever’s On The Teevee

CNN’s beloved Ed Henry shares this picture from today’s White House Press Briefing, where everyone is just watching teevee. Those lazy slugs! It’s a beautiful day outside, and everyone should go play on Sasha and Malia’s swing set. CORRECTION: It’s a beautiful day outside, and everyone should go play Xbox on Sasha and Malia’s swing set. (Is it actually a beautiful day? We just read about it on the Internet.) [TwitPic] Read more on White House Press Briefings Now Just Show Whatever’s On The Teevee…
  television shows

TIME TO IGNORE OUR IMPORTANT BANKRUPT NEWSPAPERS AGAIN: Symbolism: “The White House announced that President Obama will hold a primetime news conference at 8:00 pm ET on Wednesday — his 100th day as president.” Boy howdy, Ed Henry’ll have to pull a real firecracker out of his ass to top the last one. [First Read] Read more on …
  america's greatest journalist

Ed Henry ‘Makes News’ Again

It looks like CNN’s Ed Henry — who only eight days ago wrote The Worst Article In American History — is lining up some devastating “audibles” for his next opportunity to troll Barack Obama. “Oklahoma!” — does… DOES THE QUEEN EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS? [Twitter] Read more on Ed Henry ‘Makes News’ Again…
  embarrassments

CNN’s Ed Henry Writes Worst Article In American History

Earlier today we mentioned CNN White House correspondent Ed Henry’s performance at the press conference last night, and how he and his fellow busybodies were rapidly spinning and spinning and spinning to make it appear as though he didn’t look like a goober when Obama called him a twat. In the latest effort, Henry has written an exclusive article for CNN.com called, “What really happened with Obama.” It is approximately 5,000 words and includes sports metaphors, heavy doses of edge-of-your-seat drama, tricks o’ the trade, and maybe a little bit of SELF-SATISFACTION. To reiterate our headline, it is the worst article in American history, at least since yesterday when K-Lo wrote something funny about Notre Dame and abortions. Read more on CNN’s Ed Henry Writes Worst Article In American History…
 

Armed Redneck Lady Threatens Danish Journalist Outside Bush’s Ranch

President George W. Bush continued to waste his last year in office Saturday, as he hosted a reception for Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen at his Crawford ranch. As they were eating lunch and discussing the… tense?… relations between Denmark and the United States, some batshit redneck lady was threatening to shoot Danish journalists for trespassing across the street. Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen was not harmed in the incident. Read more on Armed Redneck Lady Threatens Danish Journalist Outside Bush’s Ranch…